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Dr. Hfuhruhurr On The LIBERTY FILM FESTIVAL In LA And Being A Republican In Hollywood!!

Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...

I love this article. I love this article as much as I love any article I’ve ever published on AICN. To me, this is the whole point of running a website. Publishing reactions from film fans that aren’t the same as my own, and giving someone a chance to make their case. Dr. Hfuhruhurr is one of my favorite guys in LA, and this article took guts to write. I’m pleased to present it, and I hope the Republicans who always claim to feel so unwelcome here at AICN enjoy this one, just as much as I hope the Democrats who read the site are able to read it with open minds. Check this out:

Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr, reporting for duty.

There’s something I have to get off my chest. Something I have known about myself since I was a very young boy and that only a few very close friends know about me now. It’s time for the lies and the secrets to come to an end. I am tired of my disguise, I’m tired of being too intimidated to expose my true self, and I’m tired of going to parties and doing that little “is he or isn’t he?” dance hoping that maybe, just maybe, I’ve found a kindred spirit.

So let me step out of the closet and shout it from the rooftop of my cranial lab:

I’m a Hollywood Republican, goddamit!

And it turns out that I’m not the only one. This weekend, at the first annual LIBERTY FILM FESTIVAL in Los Angeles, I discovered a sold-out theater full or non-liberal film geeks, studio execs, actors, writers, directors, agents, and cute Bushies. It was three full days of anti-Michael Moore, pro-American Dream cinema. For a while it felt like I was in...America. But alas, when it was all over, I realized I was still in Los Angeles.

Before I review the festival and you all start shouting “Nazi!” let me set the record straight and dispel the stereotypes. Yes, it’s true, I love Reagan, Schwarzenegger, tax cuts, George W., Bill O’Reilly, the 2nd Amendment and taking the ass-kicking boot to anyone who even smells like they might try to hurt or kill any of our fellow Americans someday.


(1) I am not a wacky right-wing Christian fundamentalist. I’m not even a Christian. I’m more of a Hindu/Taoist/Jedi. (Yes, the right-wing religious nuts have set up their tent in our camp. Just as Barbara Streisand, the French and the neo anti-Semitics have pitched their tents in the Democrat’s camp. We all have shit on our bathroom floors that needs to be mopped up.)

In fact, if you read to the end of this column, you’ll find a guaranteed way to drive any right-wing Fundamentalist Christian absolutely batty with regards to the Ten Commandments.

(2) I also don’t have a problem with abortion. In fact, when it comes to Michael Moore, I believe in abortion up to the 236th trimester.

(3) I have a deep, deep distrust of and a distaste for big corporations. I am especially displeased with the consolidation that is taking place in the entertainment industry. I say bring on the anti-trust suits asap.

So now that you know where I’m coming from and all my potential biases let’s check out the festival.

Why the LIBERTY FILM FESTIVAL? Here’s a nice liberal word for you: diversity.

Remember: No matter what your politics, 50% of the country disagrees with you (unless you support Ralph Nader, then pretty much everyone thinks you’re a loon). There is always room for, a need for, and a demand for the other side of the story.

The polarization in our country is not a bad thing. It keeps us all honest and on our toes. The bad thing is that the level of debate and discourse between the two sides has been reduced to name-calling, insults and lies. There seems to be a genuine intolerance for opposing points of view and, dare I say, especially for conservative points of view in Hollywood.

So there. Now tolerate this you pinko commie, French-loving, naïve, peacenik, terrorist-enabling, out-sourced Heinz Ketchup chugging, cowardly liberal, American-hating fucks!

Hehehehehehehehe. (No talkbacks on that please, I’m just playing with y’all.)


The festival began with tongue firmly planted in cheek with this short film about Hollywood’s true minority: the Republican Jew. The only guy I know who is any lonelier that Wolfe is my friend who’s a gay Jewish Republican. Man, talk about askin’ for a beatin’. Wolfe also poked some fun at the diversity outreach programs at studios and networks. In order to comply with new standards of diversity, network executives are seen picking up Mexicans on street corners to become staff writers on sitcoms. Yet, strangely enough, there were no diversity outreach programs for poor Greg and his kind.


If any of the films shown at this festival are going to breakout and become huge mainstream hits, it’s either going to be MICHAEL MOORE HATES AMERICA or this one. Directed by new, sharp-witted, gonzo-journalist Evan Maloney, 101 is an unbiased look at censorship and P.C. run amuck on college campuses. This will piss off and frighten conservatives, liberals, and everyone in between.

This is one of the most horrifying and hysterical documentaries I have ever seen. Basically, Maloney’s point is that university campuses have become mini-Totalitarian states where students do not have free speech, the right to due process, or the right to express opinions that dissent from those held by university administrators.

For example, Maloney shows the various “speech codes” in place at universities. At one campus you are not allowed to use the gender specific phrases “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” and must use “lover or partner.” At another university you are not allowed to use any words or speech that may “hurt someone’s self-esteem.” Another campus has banned “inappropriate laughter.” And finally, one speech code is so insanely broad that it simply states that any speech that may offend anyone is prohibited.

What if you’re offended by speech codes?

But the most egregious trampling of student rights comes in the realm of political speech and ideas. And it just so happens that the students who are most often being silenced on these campuses are the conservatives and Republicans. But ironically, it’s a far left liberal organization that comes to these students’ defense.

A couple of examples. At the University of Tennessee in Jackson, Tennessee, five white students dressed up like the Jackson 5 for Halloween. The students were suspended and their fraternity shut down. At the SAME UNIVERSITY, a Sikh student received death threats after writing an op-ed piece in the school paper. An e-mail from an unhappy reader circulated around the campus saying that someone should “shoot the raghead in the fucking face.” What did the university do? Nothing. Why? Because the Sikh student happened to be a conservative who had written about what he thought were lefitist Totalitarian policies on the campus. The official university response was that the person making the “death threat” was just blowing off steam.

Just so we have this straight: at the University of Tennessee it’s okay to threaten to kill someone and to call them a raghead, but you can’t dress up like the Jackson 5 on Halloween if you’re a white dude.

Another example from Cal Poly. The College Republicans had recruited black conservative activist Clarence Mason Weaver to speak about his latest book It’s OK to Leave the Plantation: the New Underground Railroad. The white male college Republican who had helped recruit Weaver was constantly having to replace flyers around the campus after “people of tolerance” kept ripping them down (not because the speaker was black but because he was conservative). One day while he was hanging up flyers a student told him to take it down because she was offended. She said the word “plantation” was racist and made her uncomfortable. He explained the book title in context to her and also pointed out that the author was black. But she insisted that he take it down. When he refused, she called the police.

The student was then subjected to a seven hour hearing in front of the University board, was not allowed to have his attorney present and was told that he would have to write a public letter of apology and then take a class on “sensitivity.” In other words, it would be on his permanent record that he was racially insensitive. He refused, so they began the process of kicking him out of school. Enter FIRE , the Foundation for Individual Right in Education, a LIBERAL ORGANIZATION, to defend the young Republican! After a lengthy battle, the University lost (of course they lost!) and had to reimburse the kid for his $40,000 of legal expense (your tax dollars hard at work).

To say that there is a double standard on campuses is soft-peddling it. It is nothing short of political repression.

But Maloney doesn’t make this a partisan issue. He interviews plenty of pissed off college democrats as well. This is a free speech issue and it is getting dangerously out of control.


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing” – Edmund Burke.

In other words, act like Reagan, not like Jimmy Carter or Richard Nixon or Gerald Ford who all tried to appease “the Beast” (a metaphor used throughout this documentary). Reagan did something and Communism fell. I love how revisionists try to act as if he had nothing to do with it. And I also love how it’s now somewhat trendy (MOTOR CYCLE DIARIES anyone?) to embrace Communism. Um…120 million people butchered. Nuff said, pinko.

This is a brand new documentary (just opened in 5 theaters nationally) about Reagan’s forty year struggle against communism and b-movies. No matter what your politics, I think you’ll find this to be an engaging history lesson on the 20th Century, tracing the rise of Communism from Lenin and Stalin to the Cold War nuclear arms race to the fall of the Berlin Wall.

It’s fascinating to see how history is repeating itself. Replace Communist Russia with Islamic Extremist, Ronald Reagan with George W., and John Kerry with Jimmy Carter, Ted Kennedy and “No Nukes” John Kerry circa 1980, and it’s the same story.

Evil (Communism, Fascism, Islamic Extremism) does not respond to pacifism or negotiations or waffling. History teaches us that these nutbag aggressors respond to only one thing: force.

Sure, peace would be swell. It would be nice if we could all hold hands and sing “Imagine.” It’d kill to live in a world like that.

Let me repeat myself: I’d KILL to live in a world like that.

You know what History teaches us brings peace? War.

War ended slavery, fascism, communism and it’s going to end terrorism. Peace and appeasement, the Jimmy Carter plan, only invites violence. Ironic, isn’t it? But don’t take my word for it. Take the word of Osama Bin Laden himself. When the United States failed to take any decisive action after terrorists made their first attempt to blow up the World Trade Center, after they bombed the African embassies, after they bombed the Cole, and after we pulled out of Mogadishu (BLACKHAWK DOWN to those of you who only get their history from movies), he declared that America was a paper tiger that could not stand the sight of its own blood. That was our weakness and that would be are undoing. It inspired him to plan 9/11.

There’s a great quote about war and peace from mythologist Joseph Campbell (THE HERO WITH A THOUSAND FACES):

“Life lives on life, eats life, and would otherwise not exist. To some this terrible necessity is fundamentally unacceptable, and such people have, at times, brought forth mythologies of a way of perpetual peace. However, those have not been the people generally who have struggled in what Darwin termed the universal struggle for existence. Rather, it has been those who have been reconciled to the nature of life on this earth. Plainly and simply: it has been the nations, tribes, and people bred to mythologies of war that have survived to communicate their life-supporting mythic lore to descendants.” (from MYTHS TO LIVE BY, p. 174).

Translations: Pacifism leads to extinction. End of lecture.


We’ve all seen Michael Moore’s FAHRENHEIT 9/11 by now and unless we live under a rock we’ve heard about all the inaccuracies and clever manipulations in the film. And a lot of movies are now being made to set the record straight, like this one.

“CELSIUS” deals with the broader issue of the roots of the “Anyone But Bush” mentality and covers everything from the Florida election to WMDs. I still find all of these “Bush Lied” people to be amusing entertainment and my favorite part of the film is a montage of folks such as Bill Clinton, Hilary Clinton, Tom Daschle, John Edwards and John Kerry all stating emphatically that Saddam had Weapons of Mass Destruction and that he must be dealt with before he used them on us.

"In the four years since the inspectors left, intelligence reports show that Saddam Hussein has worked to rebuild his chemical and biological weapon stock, his missile delivery capability, and his nuclear program. He has also given aid, comfort, and sanctuary to terrorists, including al Qaeda members. It is clear, however, that if left unchecked Saddam Hussein will continue to increase his capacity to wage biological and chemical warfare, and will keep trying to develop nuclear weapons."

- Sen. Hillary Clinton (D, NY), Oct 10, 2002

”Without question, we need to disarm Saddam Hussein. He is a brutal, murderous dictator, leading an oppressive regime ... He presents a particularly grievous threat because he is so consistently prone to miscalculation. And now he is miscalculating America's response to his continued deceit and his consistent grasp for weapons of mass destruction... So the threat of Saddam Hussein with weapons of mass destruction is real."

- Sen. John F. Kerry (D, MA), Jan. 23. 2003

Yet somehow, when George W. says it, he’s a liar. Hmmmmm?

Here’s something we should all be asking ourselves. If Michael Moore really had a case to make against President Bush, why would he have to lie and cheat and fudge and distort and manipulate to prove his point?

Wake up, people. Don’t be sheep.

I’ve never seen so much goose-stepping as I have in the shadow of Moore’s fat ass.

Okay. I’ll play nice now.


A non-partisan documentary about supersexy, right-wing diva, pundit, and author Ann Coulter. Is she candid or crazy? An icon or an idiot? Filmmakers Elinor Burkett and Patrick Wright follow her around for a few days to find out.

Love her or hate her, I think everyone will agree with Bill Maher: she is sexy and hysterically funny. Watching her deal with hecklers while speaking at a University is priceless. This woman cannot be ruffled or intimidated. Because she loves to be hated. She lives for hate mail. She finds it amusing.

My favorite jab: “Ted Kennedy says that our policy in Iraq is adrift. Hmmm. Maybe like a car adrift in the water after its has gone over a bridge?”

Maher, a close friend of Ann’s, talks about his friendship with her and makes a point that we need to all heed. He says his liberal friends constantly ask him how he can be such good friends with such a right-winger as Ann Coulter. His response is that you don’t need to have the same political views to be friends with someone. But he was disturbed that it was his liberal friends – those who claim to be the champions of tolerance – who were the ones always asking him this.


Actually, this film is called “CONFRONTING IRAQ.” Just wanted to get your attention. Because I find it oh so curious that many of the STAR WARS fans who are outraged by “Greedo shoots first” are politically opposed to George W.’s policy of preemption. For what was “Han Solo shoots first” if not a preemptive strike? Han had no proof that Greedo was holding a weapon. Even if he saw the gun holstered at Greedo’s hip, he had no proof that it was loaded. So he worked with the evidence he had, and knowing Greedo’s character, he shot the green bastard first.

This is Roger Aronoff’s documentary on why we shot first. And, I’d like to ask you all to take the “Dr. Hfuhruhurr’s Two Brain Challenge”. We’ve all seen FAHRENHEIT 9/11. That’s one side of the story. So, in the spirit of open-minded debate, and seeing both side of the story, I would encourage everyone to see this film as a companion piece to Moore’s. You may completely disagree with all of it, some of it or none of it. But you may learn some things you never knew.

Then again, if you have no tolerance for opinions other than your own...


“Terminal Island” is a low, low-budget ($10,000) black and white film noir/stalker/black comedy about a Bounty Hunter after terrorists in Los Angeles Harbor. The film was made by the festivals co-directors: Govindini Murty and Jason Apuzza.

It stars mostly unknowns, but...IRWIN KERSHNER is in this film! I shit you not. Apparently he is friends and/or neighbors of the filmmakers and offered them advice about filmmaking and donated himself for a small role. Even though he’s a die-hard liberal, he is their mentor. (See a theme here? Can’t we all get along?)

So why would a film noir/stalker/black comedy about terrorist be part of a conservative film festival? Because, for some strange reason, in post 9/11 Hollywood, Islamic terrorists seem to be a taboo subject. Why is that?

During the Cold War, movies were filled with Russian bad guys. From RED DAWN to ROCKY IV, you couldn’t go to the movies with out seeing an evil Ruskie.

Yet post 9/11 there are no evil Islamic terrorist movies. I don’t think it’s a coincidence. I think it is politically correct, touchy feely censorship bullshit. Remember THE SUM OF ALL FEARS, that Ben Affleck bastardization of the Jack Ryan franchise that came out in 2002 and got shit-kicked by THE BOURNE IDENTITY? In Clancy’s novel the bad guys were Islamic terrorists. In the movie they were South African neo-Nazis.

I don’t know about you, but I did not buy a gas mask because I’m afraid of being attacked by South African Neo-Nazis.

And that, in a nutshell, is why festivals like this are springing up all over the country: to tell Hollywood to get its head out of its collective ass! Islamic terrorists are trying to kill us in the real world! Hello!? How can we not be making movies about this? Are we that sensitive? (rhetorical question, yes we are).

I for one am getting bored with the “evil corporation” bad guy. I mean forget the asinine hypocrisy of that considering that “evil corporations” are releasing this crap. It’s just boring as hell. Enough. Bring on some real threats.


I feel like I’m back in the eighties listening to early rap music when artists would always release “answer songs” in response to another artist’s song. Michael Moore has created an entire cottage industry of “answer films” thanks to his reckless disregard for facts. I mean, surely even the most liberal of you have to agree that Moore deserves to rot in hell for the way he misrepresented and harassed Charlton Heston in BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE.

“Michael & Me” is black libertarian talk show host Larry “The Sage from South Central” Elder’s answer song to BOWLING. Larry’s alternative title: “The Passion of the 2nd Amendment.” Did I mention that he’s black? So if you disagree with anything in the film, you’re a racist! (A little left-wing trick hurled right back atcha!)

There’s a lot of interesting info in this film. For example, who knew that in the 36 states where you are allowed to carry a concealed handgun, crime has gone down? Or that crime in England has skyrocketed since they outlawed guns? Or that over 80,000 people a year defend themselves with guns? Or that only 50 children a year die from gunshots, but 115 die in bath tubs? Where are the anti-bathtub activists?

The film also contains several anecdotes of Justice Gone Wild, when innocent people who defended themselves with guns are sent to jail while the criminals who tried to rape them or rob them go free.

I think the gun control debate is summed up quite nicely in an exchange between two neighbors. One neighbors wants guns banned. The other neighbor owns several guns. The anti-gun neighbor is always telling the pro-gun neighbor how evil guns are and how they need to be outlawed. So the pro-gun neighbor puts a sign on his own door that says: “Owner is armed and not afraid to shoot. However, my neighbor is an unarmed and afraid of guns.” The anti-gun neighbor finally got the point.


Ronald Reagan and Errol Flynn battling Nazis in WWII. On the big screen! And a near perfect print! This is my favorite Ronald Reagan film and it’s a nice reminder that all of his films weren’t Bonzo crappers.

This film was part of a tribute to Ronald Reagan, but it was also a tribute to Hollywood’s past. Hold on to your seats: Hollywood was built by...Republicans! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! The horror, the horror!

Let we quote from the film festival program:

“Every major Hollywood studio was founded by Republicans and cultural conservatives – and under Republican leadership, Hollywood enjoyed a Golden Age of unparalleled creativity and prosperity. Conservative filmmakers such as CECIL B. DEMILLE, JOHN FORD, ALFRED HITCHCOCK, RAOUL WALSH (director of DARK VICTORY), and HOWARD HAWKS defined the high cinematic style that modern film descend from…”


This is the one we’ve all been hearing about. Everywhere it plays it gets 10-minute standing ovations. But it’s not what you might be expecting. Despite the provocative title, this is far from a hate-filled slugfest or diatribe. In fact, it’s a gloriously optimistic documentary about the American Dream. Apparently there really are two Americas: (1) Michael Moore’s bleak, cynical and hopeless land where everyone is kept down by the Man and (2) Michael Wilson’s land of opportunity where hard work, faith and a refusal to play the “victim card” leads to a paradise of your own design.

All that and it really is a damn good film.

On his journey to interview Michael Moore, Wilson has a chance to visit with people who Moore used, tricked and manipulated in ROGER & ME, BOWLING and FAHRENHEIT as well as people from Moore’s “alleged” hometown of Flint, Michigan who has started their own businesses, bet on their own spirit, and made a difference in their community. You’ll also see that Flint is very much alive and well, not the bombed out war-zone portrayed in ROGER. You’ll also see the Canada is not the paradise that Moore would like us to believe it is (as if I needed anyone to tell me that). And you’ll also see that Michael Moore can dish it out but cannot take it.

The film also explores the art of documentary filmmaking. When and how should one inject themselves and their opinions into the process? Should you deceive people in order to get to the “truth” that you want?

Three of the more interesting stops Wilson makes:

-- The employees of the bank where Michael Moore claimed he walked in, made a deposit, and walked out with a gun. Um…not quite.

-- a man who analyzes Moore as having classic Narcisistic Personality Disorder.

-- Legendary documentary filmmaker Albert Maysles (WHEN WE WERE KINGS, GIMME SHELTER, MONTEREY POP). Maysles is also a liberal activist who happens to agree with Moore’s politics. But he thinks Moore is a disgrace to the documentary art form and, indeed, a liar and a manipulator. And yes, after pondering the question, he does think that Michael Moore hates America.

- The soldier who lost both arms in the Iraq war who unknowingly found himself in FAHRENHEIT 9/11. He was outraged that Michael Moore was using his tragedy to suit his own anti-war propaganda. The solder wanted to set the record straight, but none of the major media would listen to him. But Michael Wilson did. Forget the fact that this soldier believes in the justness of the war and has no regrets about the loss he suffered - this small segment is one hell of an inspiring story in and off itself! The man loses his arms, but finds himself. He does not live in a world of pity and blame (Michael Moore’s world) but lives in a world of hope and optimism. He downright insists that what happened in Iraq has made him a better human being.

People ask me if I hate Michael Moore. The answer is definitely no.

In fact, I used to love him. I really did. I even saw THE BIG ONE in theaters. Opening night. ROGER & ME was one of my favorite films OF ALL TIME. I made everyone I knew go see it. Then I found years later that even that film was contrived horseshit.


This is a documentary about the influence of Mel’s little Jesus movie. Remember all the hysteria before the movie came out from people like Frank Rich and Sharon Waxman at the New York Times? Before even seeing the movie they called it vile, anti-Semitic and predicted that Christians would rise up and start stoning Jews in the streets. Remember all that? Never happened did it? Not one example of anti-Semitism as a result of this film.

Yet there is at least one studio president who still refuses to ever work with Mel Gibson again because he made this film. Even after it set box office records. Even after Mel was recently named the biggest movie star in the world.

And I ask? Do the shareholders know this? Is this corporate responsibility?

One last thought. Do you remember when the fundamentalist Christians protested THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST without seeing it? All the uproar about right-wing censorship?

Well, as proven with the PASSION outrage (and in BRAINWASHING 101), the LEFT seems to be the new RIGHT. Think about it.

Okay. Nuff said on that. Now let’s go make fun of Christians!


The last film of the festival. And I was downright gleeful. I have never been able to see this on the big screen until now. And it was glorious. Another near perfect print (save for the first reel). This movie defines the phrase “they don’t make ‘em like they used to.” We’ve all seen it before, so there’s no need to discuss it.

However, as promised at the beginning of this review, I’m now going to show you how to drive Fundamentalist Christians absolutely crazy when talking about the biblical Ten Commandments. Because 99.9% of the Christians have it all wrong. When they are defending the Ten Commandments from being taken out of public buildings, they are actually defended the wrong Ten Commandments.

Moses destroyed the original tablets. We see that moment in the film. But later, God made a new set for Moses. This is the set that went into the Ark and endured. But what people don’t realize is that GOD CHANGED THE COMMANDMENTS this time. He had obviously had a change in mind before retooling the tablets, because the new draft, the draft that survived, was different!

Here are the original ten commandments (that Moses destroyed but that we all know and love from Exodus 20):

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

4. Remember the Sabbath day.

5. Honor thy father and thy mother

6. Thou shalt not kill.

7. Thos shalt not commit adultery.

8. Thou shalt not steal.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, wife slave, ox, etc.

But here are the revised Ten Commandments, the ones that God obviously wanted to endure and to be hung on courthouse walls (from Exodus 34):

1. Thou shalt worship no other god.

2. Thou shalt make thee no molten gods.

3. The feast of unleavened bread shalt thou keep.

4. Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest.

5. Thou shalt observe the feast of weeks.

6. Thrice in the year shall all your menchildren appear before the Lord.

7. Thou shalt not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leaven.

8. Neither shall the sacrifice of the fest of the Passover be left until the morning.

9. The first of the firstfruits of thy land thou shalt bring unto the house of the Lord thy God.

10. Thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother’s milk.

Holy Moses! And on that note --

Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr, Hollywood Republican, signing out.

“May God have mercy on my enemies, because I won’t.”

– Gen. George S. Patton.

I can’t wait till Harry wakes up, reads this, and writes one of those angry e-mails to me and the good Doctor that looks just like the ones he gets every day from the people who hate his liberal leanings. I’m positively giddy, I am, I am. First cigar’s on me tonight, Dr. Hfuhruhurr. Nicely done.

Mori - remember - I'm the guy that posted the interview with the Producer of MICHAEL MOORE HAS AMERICA - and loves all of Charlton Heston's movies. Heh. As for Dr Hfuhruhurr - I know him too, call him friend and he gets 2 tickets every year to BNAT with his Life Partner. But he also believes we never landed on the moon. He's a wild and crazy guy with talent. And smart writing is always welcomed here - even if it is from the unhinged minds of Dr Hfuhruhurr. heh... ---Harry

"Moriarty" out.

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