Well here we go, a full fledged report on the film by a British citizen on THE AVENGERS. Ya see, up until now we've had a few Americans chiming in on this film. Well I hold that your typical American hates the old Avengers, if they even know of it. Notice I said typical. I know when I was a kid, I would look in the local paper, see that The Avengers was coming on and then get quite excited. Of course I thought I'd be seeing Scarlet Witch, The Vision, Hawkeye, Captain America, Thor, etc... But instead I watched this strange show... a strange show that crept up and caught me. I haven't seen an episode in about 6 years now, but I'm anxious... This person seems to despise Uma Thurman's performance with every fibre of his being. I seem to remember feeling that way about her in Batman & Robin, but hey.. that was just me... right? Well here's his report...
Alright then, I just thought you'd like a review from someone who has not only seen it, but also seen it in London at the Cast & Crew screening in London.
Call me The Cybernaut.
The screening was at the Odeon West End in the heart of Leicester Square here in Londinium, as the Romans used to call it when they ruled us. Before the film started, the producer Jerry Weintraub went up and made a speech at the beginning, thanking the British crew members for the great job they've done, and that he was here in Blighty to do interviews with the British Press. (Damage control, perhaps? Since the British Press has been hovering over the film like vultures, spreading rumours that the film's crap, since Warners aren't holding press screenings.)
Onto the film: it's not as bad as the rumours make it out to be, but it's not that great either. You know the plot alright, so I won't bother with that. The film has definitely been cut and recut loads of times -- must've been between 10-20 minutes of scenes and bits removed... parts of the missing scenes are in the trailers that have been playing in the US.
I'll start with The good bits: Ralph Fiennes was fine, he at least understood what the role of Steed meant and did what was required of him. The British actors playing the supporting roles were all good: Jim Broadbent was wonderfully dotty as Mother, watch for the flakes of dandruff always on his shoulders. Eileen Atkins steals the show as the nice old lady agent with the machine gun. Our favourite comedian Eddie Izzard is strangely cast as the Head Thug... I say "strangely" because THEY DIDN'T GIVE HIM ANY LINES!! That's either really radical or really perverse, but anyway, everytime he was onscreen the audience instantly took to him and fought the urge the laugh, waiting for him to do or say something funny. He didn't, but still communicated a presence. All the best things about the movie are in the first half, which at least got across what's best about British pop culture: throwaway, surreal humour, and full-on weirdness that comes out of nowhere and makes not a lot of sense. I suspect that's why a lot of the preview audiences in the US hated it. They must've thought "What the flying fuck is this??!!" We in England, on the other hand, like this sort of malarky.
Now the bad parts: the biggest problem is UMA THURMAN!! I just want to say, "Miss Thurman, I know Mrs. Peel, and you are definitely not Mrs. Peel.." Christ, Uma just DIDN'T GET IT! She kept trying to act, when she should've just been totally cool. That's the Emma Peel that Diana Rigg did that we all grew up on and loved. They should've cast someone Brit, since Uma Thurman doesn't open a movie. The only people who will see one just 'cos she's in it are her friends and family, and she would've invited them the premiere already! Sean Connery pretty much faxed in his performance, playing a ranting Scotsman and setting back the cause of Scottish nationalist by probably 50 years as a result.
Overall, the film is best described as a missed opportunity -- the first half is quite diverting, with some pleasing bits of bizarre, whimsical surrealism (I loved the Teddy Bears scene filmed in the NatWest Bank building in the heart of the City, and the Attack of the Robot Bees scene, and the homage to the old black & white TV episode "The House that Jack Built"), before the second half just collapsed into rather run-of-the-mill American Blockbuster- style explosion, though seeing Big Ben blown to bits, Lambeth Bridge trashed by a tidal wave and Trafalgar Square snowed under was great fun. Also, the first half had Steed and Mrs. Peel exchanging fun, cool repartee, but the second half had almost no good dialogue at all. It was either all cut out or they just went for exposition as the heroes had to rush around trying to save the world. Because of earlier scenes that have been cut out, there are some scenes that now make no sense, like the part when Steed kisses Mrs. Peel and the dialogue that follows. Or the phonebooth password bit: you wonder how the fuck Mrs. Peel knew the password. And the final scene was obviously reshot, and didn't feature any decent lines, thus going down like a lead ballon. Sod it, they're publishing the original screenplay over here, I might as well buy and read it imagining Diana Rigg as Mrs. Peel.
Bottom line: I say The Avengers is worth a look, especially if you're British. There's a kind of cultural obligation to seeing this film. However, I can't help but see it as a metaphor for what's happening to England right now -- financed by the Americans, starting out trying to show the interesting, eccentric sides that make British stuff great, then chickening out and deciding to become homogenised and conventional, to the disappointment of all.
Last of all, repeat after me from the hilltops and rooftops: UMA THURMAN IS CRAP!!!
Cheers, Harry.
