Out of the past comes a spy named James Whale with a report on Neil Simon's OUT-OF-TOWNERS remake starring Goldie "I'm Radiant" Hawn and Steve "The Jerk" Martin. Whale is an intelligent and cultured man of fine taste, so his report is of the most discerning judgement. Anyone that see's THE OPPOSITE OF SEX and ARMAGEDDON in the same week is A-OK in my book...
Okay, Harry, I'll give this a shot. Sorry my first inside info is about a film that no one's looking forward to...the remake of Neil Simon's THE OUT-OF- TOWNERS starring Goldie Hawn and Steve Martin.
I saw a very early screening--at which we were informed we were the "very first audience to see this film ever, anywhere"--on June 30 in a teensy screening room at the Viacom bldg. (same place that houses MTV, etc.) at 1515 Broadway.
It was cutthroat. Got the free passes (was given a choice of this or H20, but chose this since H20 was coming out sooner and I was more likely to pay to see H20) in front of a Cineplex Odeon and was grilled extensively about not working in the entertainment field. I've encountered this before (when seeing way, way early version of the horrible IN & OUT and the even worse THE HOUSE OF YES), but this time they meant it--really went after my claims to work in "real estate."
So then we showed up for the screening and were grilled twice more about ages, kinds of movies we liked, and occupation. There was a lot of waiting around and it felt more expectant than the usual sneak-sneak preview, like there was the possibility someone would disappear that night and never be seen again.
We made the cut and had great, cushy seats in the--as always--pleasing screening room. Sat next to Two Tons of Fun, a married couple who bragged that they practically get free passes for a living and who looked completely at odds with the others, who looked like movie snobs. Two Tons of Fun were like THE OUT-OF-TOWNERS themselves.
The movie was lame. Even within the posh confines, it just didn't work. You might wonder: Why remake such a grating script? Isn't it totally dated, the idea of New York as this foreign, uncharted territory? Yes, Virginia, it is outdated. The script has been altered to make the wife much more assertive (she has a feminist awakening in the pic), but it only helps marginally. The problem is that you never for a second believe Goldie Hawn and Steve Martin aren't hipsters playing nerds, and the New York they try to show as being '90s hasn't existed for 30 years.
The whole movie is like doing one-liners--stale ones. You feel the wind up and the pitch coming from miles away.
Good things: Goldie Hawn displays her usual comic timing (to no avail). For a working print, it looked pretty good.
Especially bad things: Goldie looks horrible (yes, I'm gay) with severe & high-on-the-forehead bangs. The guy who plays their son is camera-friendly but can barely read his lines.
Of course, the audience dug it. It seems like all the previews I've ever seen have been met with enthusiasm by the charmed audiences ("They picked *me* to see this movie! So I *loved* it!"). But I predict two big thumbs down for this one.
Let's hope Goldie goes through with CHICAGO--that film *has* to be good.
James Whale
