Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...
Well, all the notifications have gone out now, so the contest winners already know who they are. We just wanted to share the winning entries with the rest of you now. I have to say... I think the entries to the INCREDIBLES autographed poster contest were outstanding. There are a lot of very talented readers out there. I wish I could run all entries I enjoyed, but that wouldn’t really be fair to the winners. This is about showcasing the five people whose work was picked as the best by a group of judges over the past week. We judged them based on humor, overall design, and how well the description played off the artwork. There were some drawings that came in that were jaw-droppingly beautiful, but they just didn’t make the final cut because of the overall package. So check these out...
Sure, the question was “If you were a super hero who would you be?” but I can already tell you I AM a super hero, and my power is simply having the incredible ability of putting up with immense amounts Of Bullshit every day. That’s right! By day I am a movie junkie slacker who lives in a pit of an apartment watching movies and napping away the afternoon. But at night... well generally I watch crappy shows or movies until I fall asleep at early dusk. BUT, when the money starts getting low and it is time to get some beer money for the weekend, Our Mild Mannered slacker Becomes TEMP LAD!... That’s right, wherever there is a horrible job to be done and no one in an office would lower themselves to do it, there is one man (or helper monkey as I am sometimes referred) who can will step up and take that bullet. Fear not all you bottom rung employees, No longer need you cower in the mailroom. Being Subservient is my gift… it is my curse… I am Temp Lad.
Yeah this may be brief, and I didn’t have the time to grammar check it…. You see in 4 hours I have to be at work with coffee and doughnuts and then rewind video tapes all day. I must only use this power for good.
Woo.
Ellery VanDooyeweert.
I love that he didn’t just do a design, but also a cover layout and a sample comic strip. This next guy made every single judge laugh:
When trying to figure out what type of superhero I would be, I had to think about the reasons why one becomes a superhero. What drives them to do what they do? I found the answer was very clear. TO GET LAID! The only reason someone becomes a superhero is to impress the ladies. The first step to impressing the ladies is having an impressive cod piece on the costume. We all know that is the first thing they look at when you are wearing tights. But I can't just walk around with a massive buldge! That would be too obvious. It needs to be more subtle then that. I need to have a cause that is worthy in the eyes of women. And what do women love? Animals and the environment! A man with a massive buldge AND has a heart warming love for the environment? I am totally in! To get some action, I will become THE COD! I will protect the animals of the sea from the dangerous fishermen who over fish them! I will fight for Cod Peace!
Beau
There were a lot of Mignola tributes sent in, including a gorgeous piece of art from a guy calling himself “HellTom,” but I think this is the one that pulled it all together the best:
I am Fanboy! I can make biting, sarcastic remarks that can cut down the strongest of foes... but I'd rather use that power for film reviews. Speaking of films, I can find the smallest fault with any film, even a certain epic fantasy trilogy, whose special effects, by the way, were sub-par at best! I can suspend my belief to accept that aliens and predators will be fighting it out with each other this summer, but in the arctic!? There's NO WAY predators would be in the arctic, I just can't suspend my belief that much! Spiderman films won't be seeing any of my money, organic web shooters... BAH! My secret hideout (aka my mom's basement) houses hundreds of movie and comic based action figures which remain in their original packaging, awaiting the day I will unleash them.
I also have super speed which I use to be first on AICN talk-backs, just so I can write "FIRST!".
But I do have my weaknesses: most physical activity, social situations, girls, and sunlight.
So the next time you watch a film that you love, a film with great characters, a thought provoking story that enhances your life, Fanboy will be there to say " That SUCKED!"
This one seemed to entertain all the judges, and it’s a nice piece of art with a couple of very funny cameo appearances...
If I was a Super Hero, I’d be : THE PUPPETTEER.
Having the power to animate and control every action figure, teddy bare, puppet teleklnetc... telekin... telepa... whit my mind :) , I’d send my plastic army to fight crime.
Why? Because being a geek, I LOVE action figure and what they represent... beside, I’d be plain ridiculous in tight!
Peace
"L'artiste ne vit qu'au travers du regard du public"
I wish this last one had one all the way to inks and colors, but overall, I just love the design, and the succinct explanation of things:
I’m kinda lazy… so I’d have “THE SUIT” do all the work!
If you think my chances would be better if it was inked and Colored up… lemme know.
Tom
Congrats to all our winners, and again... thank you to each and every one of you who entered. Alex Thomas, Neil Cook, Vince Stone, Mike Groves... you guys are the reason we ran this contest. All of you did exemplary work, and I look forward to running another art contest soon just to have an excuse to showcase even more of you.
This Tuesday, I’ll be joining ten of you lucky readers at a still-undisclosed location to be turned into a zombie by KNB’s Greg Nicotero, and to qualify, they had to get all ten questions in the zombie quiz right, and then answer the essay question. Since all the winners got the first ten questions right, I thought we’d just run the essay answers here.
I’m surprised how many of you offered the same few answers. Harry Knowles. Oprah Winfrey. Star Jones. Yes, I get it. Fat folks would be wearing bulls-eyes when the zombies came to town. Here’s a few of the answers we didn’t see over and over.
I would eat another zombie. Ive always wondered why zombies never eat each other, they just munch up until the moment of reanimation most of the time. Do they taste bad? Is it some sort of zombie code? Is it just like anchovie pizza??? No one has ever tried anchovy pizza but it has this bad rap so no one ever will... is that what its like to eat a zombie? You just wake up with this story in your rotting head that this one time, this one guy bit a zombie and it tasted like ass? Well i have news for you, zombies eat ass. So whats the deal? I for one plan to find out.
~Nicole Froemming
Thanks, Nicole. I’m glad we’ll have some zombie femmes with us on Tuesday. That’ll be fun. This next guy was one of the biggest DEAD freaks to respond overall. Every single answer was in essay form because of how much he loves Romero’s films.
If the year were 1968, the choice of a victim would be simple: the nearest living being. However, in the last 35 years, zombies have undergone such a dramatic evolution, the very question of who would be suitable to consume and why becomes quite complicated. The first qeustion that I would have to ask myself would be 'How did I come to be a zombie?' Was I bitten by the classic Romero zombie? Was I exposed to chemicals like 2-4-5 Trioxin or a mysterious virus? Was I engineered by an evil corporation or a government agency? Or did I simply rise from the grave, resurected by supernatural forces? Each genesis of a zombie seems to have its own specifics, each zombie reacts differently to people, and desires different things, be it brains, flesh and organs, or simply to kill. Some incarnations of zombies are less appealing then others, I for one would prefer to keep a portion of my personality and sense of humor rather then become a completely mindless pile of walking carrion. But in all fairness, if given the choice, the person whos brain I would most like to eat would be that of writer/director/producer/living legend George Romero. I couldnt imagine a more fitting end to the man whos name is synonymous with 'zombie', who has done more in his life to bring the undead to the forefront of popular culture. Mr. Romeros' work in both directing and writing are among the most influential in the world of horror and suspense, inspiring filmmakers around the world. Few men have made such an impact in Hollywood and on independent films, and I believe that it would be both an honor and a priveledge to eat his brain before anyone elses.
Dave 'From the Grave' Ducoff
It should be great fun meeting you and seeing you become the living dead, Dave. Who’s next?
Finally, an essay question. If you were a zombie, who would you eat first, and why? If I were zombie, which I am not, (not that there's anything wrong with that!) I would eat all-time Jeopardy champion, Ken Jennings, because the guy must have a brain the size of a watermelon...
Mmmmmm.....watermelon-sized brain.....so hungry now.....
Indeed. Brain quantity was a big factor for many of you...
If i were a zombie, i think i'd like to eat Stephen Hawking first. He's got a big, real big, juicy brain, PLUS he ain't getting away too fast, assuming i could knock him out of his super, jet-powered rocket chair. or, upon, further thought, hell, maybe i'd eat jesus. you know, just to say i ate jesus. mmmmmm, sacrilicious......
Phil DeSanti
Sometimes, it’s not about brain quantity, but about brain quality...
10. I’d eat Gary Busey because of the wicked buzz that I’d get from all the drugs in his system. Robert Downey Junior was under consideration, but was finally rejected because he is too fine an actor.
Second choice: the Pope. I’d do it as he gave me communion- he’d say receive the body of Christ, and I’d take the body of John Paul the second instead. Think of the comedy! Oh, the irony.
Obviously I’m a sick man, but that much was apparent when I answered this quiz. Somebody help me. Or I’ll eat you.
Third choice: Natalie Portman, for reasons too disturbing to list…
Robin Hankin
I’m sure Miss Portman appreciates your discretion, Robin. Next up, a choice that has become very popular, especially since many fans got a look at that “PG-13” rating on the ALIEN VS PREDATOR ads...
Let’s see. This is a toughy. Frankly, being a zombie is too cool for words, though I think that is heavily influenced by the likes of Romero and Fulci. At any rate, I think that in an ideal world, I’d like to start chomping away at Paul W.S. Anderson. For punishment. For atrocities like “Mortal Kombat” and “Soldier.” But more importantly, for ruining the opportunity to make a great zombie film out of “Resident Evil” and totally copping out and turning it into a CG-shitfest. And so, since he messed that up, it would be great to have a zombie (me) teach him how it’s done in the real world. The joy. The sweet, sweet revenge. Even though I mildly enjoyed “Event Horizon” and “AVP” does look somewhat promising in a campy, cheese-dungeon way, this P.W.S. Anderson needs to die. Also, since the other, vastly superior Paul Anderson roams Hollywood now, there’s really no need for the confusion. Too many Andersons anyway. But I’d like to add that next on my list for zombie-munching is Harry Knowles because I know he’d enjoy it. And I’m sure I’ll enjoy having what he had for lunch. I think…
Peace in the Middle East,
David Chien.
This next entry couldn’t stop answering the question. Shannon sounds like she’s huuuuuuuunnnnnngry...
*I'd love to say something profound and impressive in response to this question but you'll have to understand my thought process.
If I were to be a zombie (which would be very difficult for a peudo-vegetarian, like myself) I'd want to eat someone who deserves it like GW Bush but I can't say that because 1) he has no brain, 2) I would be hunted down by Homeland Security and/ or the Secret Service for making "terrorist threats against the 'President'", 3) I'm in Los Angeles and I'd probably get hungry and eat some hobo on my way to Washington DC, and 4) he's already a monster so no need! Then, I'd like to say that dick, Cheney because he's got the brains but likewise on numbers 2 though 4 above! Now, you might think I'm going to say something about Osama bin Ladin or Saddam Hussein but, I'm not interested. I'd rather eat someone cool. I guess the same goes for this horrible bitch at my job, but I digress.
So, now I realize that, logistically, I'd probably eat my boyfriend, Billy first because I only bite the ones I love and I already know he's tasty (that's not a joke -- I really do bite) but he's a horror fan, too, so he'd know how to fight me off. So I'd have to go with any of my very close friends since they're all intelligent (mmmm...brains...) and they don't really exercise so their meat won't be stringy...especially the ones who don't eat much meat. Nothing compares to corn-fed!
On the other hand, knowing what I know about voodoo and REAL zombies, the undead don't eat anyone unless ordered by s/he who captured their soul so the real question is: Who would YOU have me eat, Moriarty?
Much undead love,
Shannon Mansion
PS Because little e-groveling never hurts: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!
Let it never be said that e-groveling is a bad thing. This next guy has excellent taste. Tim Burton’s ex, the architectural marvel known as Lisa Marie, would be on my own personal short list...
WHO to eat first? Tough one as there are so many TASTY looking tidbits walking around out here in Hollywood. Always liked Lisa Marie but think she'd probably take a bite outta me first. In spite of things as they are, Mary-Kate Olsen does make the mouth water, so- She'd be dinner. Not too much sustenance there though, so I'd have to eat Ashley too. THE OLSEN TWINS.
Many thanks!
Grrrr,
Andrew Jones
There’s no commentary needed for this next one:
Really, this is a trick question. If I were a zombie, I would not have the required cognitive skills to make a discriminate decision about a victim. But if we want to suspend the otherwise sound logic of Zombie World and I assume that, if notified in advance (pre-zombification) and given time to think about it, I could come up with a victim and remember their name, I suppose I would eat David Lynch. This is assuming that I’m primarily interested in the brain. I bet eating David Lynch brain would get you Fucked Up. I would expect to hallucinate midgets and titties set to melodramatic music.
And finally, another revenge eating:
Well first of all it would have to be someone I didn't really care for, otherwise I'd bite them and tell then to join me. So I guess, it would have to be a person I have no feelings towards and whom I could stomach.
Ooh I got it Uwe Boll(House of the Dead), a guy worthless enough to become Zombie turd. I poop on his sorry excuse for a Zombie Flick.
Thas all.
Joy Shulman
I’ll be sending out the details about where to be and when to all the zombie winners later today. Thanks to everyone for entering both contests, and we hope to be able to run some more great contests like this in the months ahead for you guys. It’s always a blast.
"Moriarty" out.
