Copernicus reviews HALLOWEEN H20 and SNAKE EYES

Here's Copernicus with his wizened, universe searching knowledge. The study of light continues for him, even here in Austin on a local silver screen. And today he weighs Halloween H20 (note, Copernicus has never seen a Halloween film before) and Snake Eyes which he had no prejudices going into. So here's his report...

I'm back! After many attempts to keep me off the site, I have returned with a vengeance! Of course I did have to spend the last few weeks with a Voodoo priestess trying to remove the hex from my soul. Those things are so hard to get out! She told me I need some aura dry cleaning and sentenced me 500 consecutive viewings of Armageddon to "cleanse the palate" as it were. Aaaaaaaaagh! <-- the sound of Copernicus gouging out his own eyes. Anyway, now I'm fully recovered from the whammy Harry put on me for trashing Armageddon (but I can confirm that he has indeed been totally brainwashed by Bay and Bruckheimer - ever since he got back from Florida he has had this blank stare and keeps repeating, "I loved it. It was much better than Cats. I'm going to see it again and again.")

Ok onto the movies at hand: Last night we saw Halloween: H20. Now I must confess that I haven't seen any of the Halloween series. Gasp! gasp! horror! you say. I know, but horror movies just aren't my thing. That is why I'm writing this thing - it is for all of you Halloween virgins out there debating whether or not to see it. I'd say don't waste your time. Harry, Quint, and Father Geek seemed to apologetically enjoy it (you know what I mean, "Well I *liked* it."), but I think we all agreed that most of that was due to the homage it paid to the original (and Psycho). If you miss out on all of the in-jokes, the movie is not all that great. The first 2/3 of the movie is just set up for a climax that, while good, wasn't enough to bring the rest of the movie up to the "go see it" level. Don't get me wrong, there are some great scenes - I especially liked the ones that make you squirm in your seat and then what you *just know* is going to happen doesn't happen. A good ol helping of tease always makes for a better climax *ahem*.

The biggest problem is that this thing has zero originality. It is soooo by the numbers. They just pulled out the tired ol horror formula and plugged in Jamie Lee Curtis and a couple of up-and-coming teen stars. You know the formula - add 1 part "the lights are out for some mysterious reason" to ten parts "here comes a normal person, but they are going to sneak up on you and grab you, with a huge sound effect, but oh no that's not the killer" to three parts "somehow the killer keeps walking and I find myself running and can't escape him" to two parts "I'm going to run inside because escaping would be too easy" to three parts "don't go in there you crazy bitch!" Ok so I'm a tense changing bastard but you get my point. And here is another thing I'm pissed about - I picture a bunch of movie execs sitting around a room scratching their heads, saying, "What day should release this Halloween movie? What was the title again? Ah, never mind, how about August 5!" My point is that this movie would have played a lot better with the atmosphere of the holiday. It was decent - I really liked the last 30 minutes or so but they just weren't enough to save it. It is like a stock car race - just watch the last half hour and you won't miss anything.

Now onto a much better movie - SNAKE EYES. This is one schizophrenic movie. It is brilliance mixed with mediocrity. Maybe one reason I'm giving this one the "go-see" is that I had pretty low expectations going in, given the negative advance screening buzz and the reported ending change. But you know, this is one case that I think the test audiences may have saved a movie. The ending is was still pretty weak in my book, but it wasn't lame enough to ruin the movie for me. And I know I would have laughed out loud if the tidal wave ending were still there - sometimes DePalma just doesn't know when enough is enough. Anyway overall the movie is pretty good. I felt myself getting really caught up in the action. The camerawork alone is worth the price of admission. There is some great use of the first person as we see events unfold from various people's perspectives. (And how the hell did they do that shot right into the mirror?) There were plenty of those nice little touches that made this movie more than just your run of the mill suspense thriller. The trailers don't give away as much as you think. Most of that stuff happens in the first 20 minutes or so.

This movie is good and well worth watching but it comes just short of being great by falling into some of the classic pitfalls. Here is a real pet peeve of mine: characters repeating a catch-phrase over and over to each other. In this one it was, you guessed it, "Snake eyes!" followed by one character gloating to another that his luck had just run out. Ooooo, that's original. There is more of that, but I'll spare you. Another problem this movie faces, though is that the events rely so much on coincidence. I can't explain more without spoiling it, but you'll know what I'm talking about. But I think the biggest problem is that there is no real climax. There is a big buildup but then everything is over before you know it. I could have used another twist or a tidal wave or something (so I'm inconsistent).

I have one major hurdle I want movies to pass before I endorse them - I want to come out thinking that I couldn't have done any better if I was directing it. SNAKE EYES passes, but sorry HALLOWEEN, you're out of luck.