Hello @$$holes, Village Idiot here.
Hey, look at me! Using the big font! Now Village Idiot's the popular one! In your face, Quint!
On second thought, that font is just too freaking big. It's like trying to read something written in crayon. Don't worry folks, I won't put you through that.
So, the column. What do we have this week?
- Cormorant dives deep into SEAGUY, and comes up for air long enough to tell us that it went swimmingly! Please kill me.
- Our man in Philadelphia (by way of Canada) Jon Quixote, files his report on WIZARD WORLD EAST PHILADELPHIA 2004!
- Bug keeps us abreast of all thing X! (X-Men that is. If you want his views on porn, you'll have to e-mail him.)
- What did Comedian think of Robert Morales' last issue of CAPTAIN AMERICA? Who cares! The real question is what did Micheal Moore and Ann Coulter think of it, and you'll find out in Comedian's hallucinatory review of CAPTAIN AMERICA #26!
- And as always, we have more!
So there you go. But before we get started, let me show you my Harry Knowles impression:
Hey everybody, Harry here. Noone, and I do mean noone, can understand my uncomfortably personal feelings for this movie. Noone. Now brace yourselves while I tell you all about it...
Heh, heh. And you see, I can do that because Harry never reads this column. Heh.
(Click title to go directly to the review)
SEAGUY #1
ROBIN #126
X-Men Reloaded: X-MEN, NEW X-MEN: ACADEMY X, and EXCALIBUR
REMAINS #1
Buzz Maverik's Book Club: MORE THAN HUMAN
INVINCIBLE #12
CAPTAIN AMERICA #26
Cheap Shots!
WIZARD WORLD EAST in PHILADELPHIA Report!
SEAGUY #1 (of 3)
Writer: Grant Morrison
Artist: Cameron Stewart
Publisher: DC Comics/Vertigo
Reviewed by Cormorant
What to make of SEAGUY, Grant Morrison's new five-issue mini in the tradition of his psychedelic DOOM PATROL run? In the words of Seaguy's floating, cigar-smoking, anthropomorphic fish sidekick, Chubby:
"DA FUG!"
Yep, this is once again Grant Morrison unchained. Strange voodoo, man. Those who only know Morrison for his straight-up superhero stuff - JLA and NEW X-MEN - should brace for a far more psychedelic venture. But still lighthearted; this isn't THE INVISIBLES or THE FILTH. In fact, in interviews Morrison has made it clear that the Technicolor, Willy Wonka world of SEAGUY is his deliberate counter-response to the prevailing trend of realism in superhero comics. Cool by me.
And don't fret. There's still some bite beneath the Hanna Barbera veneer.
Seaguy himself is a would-be superhero wearing a wetsuit and a 1960's-style round scuba mask. If he has any powers, they've yet to be revealed, but he's a likeable goof living a life of breezy adventure. His ocean-side home appears to be a literalization of the name "Venice Beach," sporting a surreal blend of palm trees, boardwalks, and amusement parks mixed with actual Venetian canals and gondolas. It's a giddily fun setting for artist Cameron Stewart to draw. He works the Alex Toth style that won me over on CATWOMAN and will have readers believing in Grant's world of freaky dockside restaurants ("The Educated Man's Chicken"), giant animated balloon animals, and truly unusual passers-by (one guy sports a pinstriped blazer, shorts, cowboy boots, medieval gauntlets, and one of those spike-topped World War I German helmets).
If it all sounds a little self-indulgently weird, well, maybe it is, but hasn't that always been something of Morrison's charm? During one action sequence, meteorites rain down on amusement park-goers who rebuff Seaguy's efforts to protect them, explaining, "We don't need your help. These ridiculous iron umbrellas will protect us from the meteor showers." And indeed, in that panel alone, they're actually whipping out iron umbrellas as if it's the most normal thing in the world. Call it self-indulgent if you will, but I'll call it inspired lunacy.
Our hero, Seaguy, ping-pongs between a loopy enthusiasm for adventure and moments of listless depression. In his world, all the great deeds have been done and all the superheroes have faded away. Seaguy's our four-color Don Quixote, but he seems to spend less time searching for adventure than he does placating himself with mind-numbing TV, soft drinks with inane tag lines ("It's Xoo! It's new!"), and trips to the amusement park. Gee, y'think there might be a little satire going on here?
I hesitate to try to interpret every little symbol in SEAGUY, but at the very least there are broad jabs at mindless consumerism, massive corporations (the "Mickey Eye" TV show and theme park obviously suggest Disney, maybe Viacom too), and quite possibly, complacency within the comic book industry itself. It's a "usual suspects" line-up of targets for the modern satirist, which is a touch disappointing at first glance, but the story's buoyant tone propels the reader along just the same. I'm more interested in the general directionlessness of the naive Seaguy than the anti-corporate stuff. Is Seaguy's half-hearted search for adventure in the wake of all the great battles having been fought a metaphor for the American search for definition in the wake of the 20th century's great wars? Is it a metaphor for the comic industry's complacency, wanting something new but uncomfortably content with the same-old, same-old?
Whatever the case, there's definitely something disturbing beneath the series' whimsy. For all Seaguy's craving for heroism, he barely acknowledges the moon rock that splatters open the head of the horse pulling his carriage ("Ouch. Guess we'd better hoof it."). And when his pal, Chubby, spots kids being kidnapped by theme park mascots in the sewers, his seven-second fish memory has him forgetting about before he can explain it.
Not too hard to read between the lines there, but what the bare-bones satire analysis doesn't convey is that this book is also funny as hell. Morrison's comic timing is dead-on. His absurdist conversations are laugh-out-loud, especially anything that comes from the mouth of the hilariously-named Chubby ("...I'm just some weird-lookin' thing dat shouldn't even exist."). And the visuals are half the fun, from a fuming specter of Death dressed as a Venetian boatman to a statue of a superhero ostrich to the unnerved expressions on literally every single person enjoying the Mickey Eye theme park. Cameron Stewart makes the bizarre go down easy, and his friendly, clean-line cartooning tempts the reader to forget the more disturbing elements of the story.
Ah, now maybe that's the point.
Recommended reading.
ROBIN #126
Written by Bill Willingham
Pencils and Inks by Damion Scott
Published by DC Comics
Reviewed by Village Idiot
10 Reasons Why You Should Read ROBIN #126
1. It's a key issue, the debut of Robin IV. Sure, we're all way too cool to collect comics, but still, it probably wouldn't hurt to own it. It's history!
2. Again, it's a debut, and if you decide to keep on with the story, you get the satisfying feeling that comes with knowing you got in on the ground floor.
3. I like this new Robin better than the old Robin. Taking over for Robin III, aka Tim Drake, is Tim's girlfriend, Stephanie Brown. Stephanie is the daughter of Cluemaster, and a former hero in her own right named Spoiler. Whereas so much of my exposure to Tim has been marked by his ambiguity about being a hero, not to mention an arguable pattern of untrustworthyness and disloyalty, Stephanie actually shows up to play. She's eager and spunky, and it's so rare to see that kind of noble enthusiasm these days, it seems refreshingly heroic.
4. Of course Tim isn't totally out of the picture. He was forced to give up being Robin by his father after Jack Drake found out about his son's identity. So if you have any sort of affection for Tim, he's still around.
5. Also around is a new villain named Scarab, who's kind of scary. Scarab is a woman in a weird, high-tech bodysuit, swinging around Gotham. Apparently she's been hired to kill Robin. She's done research on who Robin could be based on all known factors, including the part of his face that you can see below the mask. The list has been narrowed down to thirteen possibles; her strategy is to systematically kill them all, and anyone else who happens to be around, just to be on the safe side. You have to admire that kind of thoroughness and job committment, rarely seen outside The Terminator (Arnold, not Deathstroke).
6. Batman takes on Stephanie as his new protege, and puts her through the paces. Who doesn't love an 80s movie training montage?
7. Damion Scott not only did the pencils, he did the inks too. That's economy, brother.
8. And Scott's pencils and inks worked pretty well. Scott's style reminded me a bit of former ACTION COMICS penciller Duncan Rouleau, but with perhaps a bit more restraint. It's not my usual cup of tea, but I liked it anyway.
9. And also, no weird orange lightning bolts popping up between characters yelling at each other like in ROBIN #124 and 125. I know it's some kind of manga thing, but I just wasn't digging it. Save it for TEEN TITANS GO!
10. ROBIN #126 was fun. It's not going to redefine the comic genre as you know it, but you're liable to be entertained, and meet some new characters that you might want to spend more time with in the future.
X-MEN RELOADED, Week 3
Ambush Bug's look at the X-MEN revamp
Let's face it. We're freaks! Comic book readers by nature are outcasts. Is it any surprise why the X-MEN and all of their related titles and merchandise have been so popular? The very concept of the X-Men appeals to those of us (and you know who you are) who are a bit skewed from the norm. Who hasn't felt like an outsider; apart from the status quo, looking from the outside in to a world that doesn't really accept something different or strange? Is it any wonder why, as a shy young twelve year old, I picked up an X-MEN comic and found a world that finally understood me? Like many of you, a comic book fanatic was born that day, and I found a home and a family among these freaks who didn't fit in except amongst themselves.
Hi, I'm Ambush Bug and I'm freaky-deeky-all-the-damn-weeky. Uh-huh, that's right. I have focused my comic book reviewing powers on this month's X-MEN RELOAD event. This month, new creators try to write the adventures of the Children of the Atom, while old creators return home to the X-Mansion. At the end of Morrison's run, I was at the brink of doing something I never thought I'd do: dropping the X-Men titles for good and walking away from the entire line. Morrison's high concept/ low character run and Austen's melodramatic smear left me wondering if the modern tales of the X-Men were for me. I decided to use this month's RELOAD event as my litmus test; my gauge to see whether or not X was my favorite letter of the alphabet anymore. So I decided that for every week of the month of May, I would give a fair and impartial review to these new X-relaunches. At the end of the month, I will decide whether or not the line has improved towards the better or worse and choose to continue following these mutants who I've read since a wee lad or make tracks.
Last week, I gave slightly positive reviews to Chris Claremont's refreshing yet nostalgic UNCANNY X-MEN and a comic whose concept is much more interesting that its execution, DISTRICT X. This week, I focus on three X-books: Chuck Austen's X-MEN, and two new series; NEW X-MEN: ACADEMY X (formerly known as NEW MUTANTS) and Chris Claremont returns with an EXCALIBUR relaunch.
In the intros in this week's and last week's columns, I said I was going to do a fair and impartial review of the new X-books and I added the tagline: Yup, even Austen's book. Before I read X-MEN #157, I thought Chuck Austen had no business writing comics. He hasn't proven himself worthy of writing Marvel's top tier characters. Hell, I wouldn't even give him Rocket Raccoon to write. And then I read X-MEN #157 and I have to say that my opinions have not changed. Chuck Austen needs to stop writing now for his own sake and the sake of comic book-kind.
The thing about Austen is that he has done his homework. He's read what is popular today. He fills his stories with conversational moments and tries to hip up the dialog for the kiddies. He's been to the Ultimate school of writing, taught by such talented writers as Mark Millar and Brian Michael Bendis. He knows what to do. The problem is that he lacks the writing skills to do what these phenomenal writers do. These writers have flair in their conversations, making the words dance and pique interest. Austen moves from one scene to the next, clumsily throws out one emotional conflict after another that would make even the worst of daytime soap opera writer blush in embarrassment, and makes dynamic characters stand around and do the most undynamic things.
Melodrama is the sinker for this issue and Austen's writing in general. We start out with an overwritten scene between Havoc and his new wife, Annie the school nurse, arguing about trust. Then without as much as one sweat bead broken, we move to another dull dialog as one of the Guthrie brood argues with his mom about enrolling into the School for Gifted Youngsters. The story then turns into your typical "give the new kid a tour of the school" story, where that annoying Fish Kid (I can't believe someone hasn't flushed this lame character already) and the Guthrie kid walk around as Iceman and Havoc (you guessed it) have an argument about trust and team spirit. Are you excited yet? Does this sound like a bold, new direction for our X-Men with edge of your seat excitement? Does anyone remember when the X-Men used to do things like run and fly and use their powers? Well, under Austen's watch, those are all things of the past.
And whatever happened to Salvador Larrocca? I remember as far back as GHOST RIDER and later X-TREME X-MEN, looking at his pencils and thinking, "Man, this is the guy to watch!" Now his lines are anemic and his characters are goofy looking. I don't know if he's rushing now or if he's teamed up with the wrong inker or colorist, but the Sal I used to love ain't here no more. This new light line drawings he's been doing are not good.
I see no reason why Austen was given this title. The only reason sales were strong with UNCANNY under Austen was because of the core following and Austen was even able to offend them with his healer Angel, demon Nightcrawler, and Guthrie Family Feud storylines. This issue shows no indication that Austen has been able to tone back the melodrama or amp up the action. Over-explanation and lectures are abound in this book, but if you are looking for entertainment, look elsewhere. I can't wait until Austen is gone and off writing bad daytime soaps where he belongs. I really don't even want to spend a lot of time reviewing this book. This is basically NEW MUTANTS 2004, but it lacks the style, characterization, and sheer coolness of Chris Claremont's original team. Using the same formula as Austen did in this month's X-MEN, this story follows a group of students as headmistress Emma Frost takes them on a tour of the school. That's right, that keen-eyed editorial staff at Marvel allowed two stories following the same old formula to occur in the same month, in the very same line of comics, during the exact same RELOAD event. Hell, they even released these books in the same week. Way to go, editorial. Take a bow. You truly are worthless.
After a tour that makes Austen's tour seem downright exciting (see last review), the issue is structured around new school headmaster, Cyclops, as he goes over the new kids' files. Each name and power is listed and then we get a scene starring that kid. David has the power to mimic abilities. Sofia manipulates small gusts of wind. Laurie gives off pheromones. Josh is a healer. And this book has the power to put me into a deep state of catatonia. Were they trying to make these characters as lame as possible? Well, they succeeded. This is the most bland cast of characters I have ever seen. Keeping it real simple: Characterization is nil. Dialog is lame. Story is bad. Even the art is uninspired. I'm sick of writing about this comic. Just avoid it. At least Austen's crap stars characters we know. This turd doesn't even have that going for it. Don't buy this book. Moving on. What can I say? I saved the best for last. Chris Claremont is showing me with last week's UNCANNY and this week's EXCALIBUR, that he's still has what it takes to tell the tales of the X. This book features Charles Xavier, moments after his teammates have left him next to Magneto's casket, in the decimated wasteland that once was the thriving mutant city of Genosha. Charles has returned to this island nation to help it through the turmoil that was caused by a massive Sentinel attack. The city is in ruins. Most of the mutants are either dead, wounded, or severely pissed off. It is the perfect place for Charles to focus his efforts and start anew his dream of mutants and humans co-existing peacefully together.
The issue is mostly internal monologue. I just ripped Austen a new one for his talking head issue, but since Chucky X's powers are mentally based, it makes sense that a comic devoted to him would have a lot of thought captions. Plus Claremont is a far superior writer than Austen. He's able to make this story about something without making it preachy or boring. Claremont really turned me off of his writing lately because he filled his panels with dialog more so than not. But in this issue, the words and actions even out. There are nice little moments throughout dedicated to mere actions. Charles' labored trek across Genosha dragging the casket of Magneto is an extremely well done bit of drama; one that exemplifies the character and dedication of Xavier.
This issue is not all wine and roses, Claremont of course introduces us to a new crop of mutants who I could take or leave. They are more interesting than the new characters in ACADEMY X (see last review), but nothing special. There are a million other established mutants wandering around in comic book limbo that I'd have rather seen.
Aaron Lopresti's art is pretty good; reminiscent of old school X-book art from the time of Silvestri and Lee. It's a bit scratchy and the consistency from one panel to the next needs a bit of work, but this issue looks good nonetheless. Greg Adams' inks help make this art shine.
But by and large, this was the best X-book out there this week. It is a truly original premise compared to the other X-books. I don't think there has been a book focusing on Charles Xavier and Claremont certainly seems like the guy to do it.
So at the end of Week Three the score is 3 good books (UNCANNY, DISTRICT X, and EXCALIBUR) and 2 books that I wouldn't let my dog scoot on (NEW X-MEN: ACADEMY X and X-MEN). Close one. Next week is the biggie: Joss Whedon's ASTONISHING X-MEN. See you then for the final score.
Well the zombie craze that kicked off last year with 28 DAYS LATER that has blasted off into the stratosphere thanks to the new Dawn, the brilliance of Shaun (Fuck-a-Doodle-Doo! to all you Brits reading this) is in full swing now and it’s extended to comics. The DAWN OF THE DEAD book on the shelves right now is a weak useless retread if you’ve seen the Romero film already. Even if you’re a hardcore fan of it the art is completely cartoony and uninspired. The leads are purposely drawn to look nothing like Gaylen Ross or Ken Foree and the alternative is weak in comparison. Plus, they took out the Krishna scene and the classic line of the TV scientist “It gets up and kills. THE PEOPLE IT KILLS GET UP AND KILL!” Thankful, Niles and Dwyer redeem that books flaws with this superior original zombie tale that could easily be titled "Sin City of The Dead."
Remains begin with the obligatory scene explaining how the world was thrust into post-apocalyptic zombie infested Armageddon. The original twist here is that an experimental nuke diffusing process is sabotaged by a mouth-breathing imbecile. The result is a nuclear explosion that turns most of the world’s population into burned flesh eating zombies. Apparently the only two survivors are Tom and Tori, two low-class profoundly flawed Vegas Casino employees. Tori’s a cocktail waitress who moonlights as a stripper and Tom is a balding mensch of a black jack dealer. We find out in flashback that the reason they survived is because Tom talked Tori into going into the casino vault and letting him screw her in exchange for coke and weed.
I guess Niles is trying to draw an interesting story of these two low lives being forced into a character-evolving situation. I’ll buy it but it could get really one trick down the line. Kieron Dwyer scratchy style for the zombie shots is more abstract than frightening. He keeps Tom and Tori normal though. Part of me misses the old style of the Kieron Dwyer of 16 years ago who drew my favorite run on CAPTAIN AMERICA. But I respect the fact that artist styles change. Overall this book feels like a rejected Vertigo pitch. Which may be a good thing since books like FABLES and Y-THE LAST MAN have maintained their faithful fan bases for over two years now. Dwyer’s art alone gives this book the makings of such a hit. However, if it turns out to be nothing but derivative zombie clichés like the zombies flocking to the casino the same way they flock to the mall in Dawn I don’t think it’ll last past the initial fad.
A group of young people, all born with strange powers, banded together and seeking their place in an uncomprehending world.
Now there's an idea! That'd make for some good movies. Why, I'll bet you could even launch a comic book with that premise. Or a whole line of comics.
Stan Lee and Jack Kirby did just that in 1963. The question is, had either of them read Theodore Sturgeon's 1953 novel MORE THAN HUMAN? Because the young characters in Sturgeon's novel, while dubbing themselves homo gestalt rather than homo superior , find themselves faced with the choice of conquering humanity or caring for it. They are the original children of the atom, although the reasons for their mutations are not mentioned, and you won't find the word "mutant" anywhere in the book.
Janie is telekinetic. Bonnie and Beanie are teleporters, although their clothes don't travel with them. Lone can control the minds of others and Gerry can twist their thoughts and memories. Baby, a dwarf born with Down's Syndrome, is the ultimate savant. They aren't superheroes by any means. In '53, Sturgeon created mutants with a darkness and an edge that today's soap opera comic book writers can't even approach. Homo gestalt are X-Men and Brotherhood rolled into one. They are true Outsiders, all born around World War II. The fact that Sturgeon does not actually define his characters makes them more interesting. We're as in the dark as anybody would be if they came together as a group of preteens and toddlers with amazing powers. These characters have an Otherness and a mystery that monthly, four-color comics can't match and would be foolish to try.
You won't find a Professor Xavier or a Magneto in MORE THAN HUMAN. The children must arrive at their own morality ("Morality" being the title of Part Three). They cross back and forth between darkness and light during the course of the book. Like the best science fiction, MORE THAN HUMAN is about ideas. When we near the final confrontation between Janie and Gerry, it's not some blazing battle on Asteroid M or in an out-of-control Danger Room. It's an exchange of ideas, viewpoints. It is about persuasion. Would I want to see this in a comic book? Hell no, but given today's action free comics, that's probably exactly what I would see. It just wouldn't be as good as Sturgeon.
Did Lee or Kirby read MORE THAN HUMAN? Knowing that both of them were voracious readers and science fiction fans, I'd say it is likely. Did this book influence the X-MEN? Probably. AICN is a movie site, so let's end with a movie analogy. MORE THAN HUMAN is the film adaptation of TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD. X-MEN is the film adaptation of FOREST GUMP.
In last week's TalkBack I noticed someone griping about Marvel and DC's seemingly retrograde motions of late, with the X-Men going back to costumes and Hal Jordan returning from the dead to take on the role of Green Lantern again. These were cited as good reasons to've bailed on comics...
WHICH DRIVES ME FUCKING NUTS.
First off, Marvel and DC do not define the goddamn industry, my friends. They may dominate and shape it, but they're sure as hell not the arbiters of what can be allowed. Don't like what they're doing? Move on to other comics and don't throw out the baby with the bathwater. I understand the disappointment, of course – been there myself – but when there are so many strong creator-owned book out there you've got a host of options for comics with superior artistic integrity. And yes, many of them are not, in fact, artsy fartsy, and some of 'em are even superhero books (or at least adventure-themed). I'm thinking of series like HELLBOY, SLEEPER, CONAN, ASTRO CITY, POWERS, QUEEN & COUNTRY, or the very superhero-y subject of this week's review:
INVINCIBLE.
I gave a pretty extensive review of the series at large based on the first two trades (read 'er here), but this latest issue is what you call a "shake things up" story. In fact, it's the mother of all "shake things up" stories, and a perfect example of the kind of permanent changes you can make in a creator-owned book.
BIG SPOILER COMING YOU REALLY SHOULD JUST READ THE FIRST TWO INVINCIBLE TRADES BEFORE YOU READ THIS PART...
. HERE WE GO...
One of my favorite elements of INVINCIBLE from the get-go was its laid back familial tone. Our teen hero, Mark Grayson, was the son of a Superman type whose secret was fully known to Mark and his mother. It was a wonderful break from the typical secret identity angst, with father and son playing catch by throwing baseballs around the world and Mom dealing with Dad's superhero catastrophes with no more resignation than a wife whose husband works odd hours.
That made for a great opening ten issues, but look out, 'cause here comes the angst in spades!
In the previous issue, Mark's dad, spattered with the blood of a downed foe (imagine catching Superman ripping off Luthor's head), revealed that his origin was far from the benign strange-visitor-from-another-planet tale he'd told Mark as a boy. In a nifty but very unnerving sequence, he re-told his origin through nearly the same visuals as he had in early issues, but with some bloody additions revealing the truth: In fact, he comes from a race of conquerors. His actions on earth, from becoming a superhero to marrying an earth woman and giving her a son...have all been the machinations of a subversive spy.
From what I gather, related concepts have been cropping up in SUPERMAN: BIRTHRIGHT and SMALLVILLE, but this is no half-assed tale of denying one's heritage where it's all gonna be better the next day. Because a book like INVINCIBLE can truly change the status quo, it absolutely appears that Mark's dad has gone from being a beloved, fun-loving father figure to the most evil being on the planet in the space of one issue, and there ain't no turning back.
My first reaction: did...not...like it. The familial tone was what set the book apart from the pack. And yet, writer Robert Kirkman's handling of the fallout of Dad's revelation in this issue is truly exhilarating. When was the last time a superhero book was truly heart-pounding? As in, you couldn't believe what was happening from one panel to the next and you were really scared for the characters? That's INCINCIBLE #12 – one "holy shit!" moment after another.
As the cover suggests, father and son come to blows over the revelations, and what follows ain't pretty. This is superhero combat on a truly global scale, with a heart-wrenching conversation splashed between the moments of violence. As Mark takes a grueling beating from his father, you keep waiting for the violence to relent – for his Dad to see the light, confess that deep down he really loves earth, and to turn his back on his conqueror heritage.
Uh-uh.
Ain't happenin'.
And when that slowly sinks in in defiance of superhero convention, a chilling immediacy takes hold. Just how ugly is this gonna get? Pretty ugly, folks. And I'm still not sure I'm cool with this absolute change in status quo, but there's no denying the riveting follow-through. Kirkman's scripting is as strong as its ever been, emotional but unburdened with sentiment – almost reminiscent of Frank Miller's DAREDEVIL work. Credit, too, to Ryan Ottley, whose depiction of the biggest superhero slugfest since SUPERMAN II is a break from the sanitized fisticuffs of past INCINCIBLE issues. There remains an animated style to his art, but there's bloody a'plenty in this world-shaking showdown - as befits a schism as deep as a father/son battle.
In the end, I'm going to need a few issues to digest the mindfuck and intensity of these events. Not since Bendis's "monkeys fucking" issue of POWERS has a superhero series so risked alienating its readership. And like Bendis, Kirkman even opens his letters page imploring readers to roll with the blows. Also like Bendis, I think he's earned that level of trust. With great risks come potentially great rewards, and I for one am glued to the station for future updates.
And guess what? Unlike Marvel and DC books, INVINCIBLE will never see Robert Kirkman backpedaling to accommodate changing editorial mores or crossover bullshit. It's one man's uncompromised vision from start to finish.
See the appeal?
Well the two plus years of this experiment in putting Captain America in a real world context are now coming to a close. Soon Cap will be back to fighting 5th string rejects like Batrok Ze Leaper and The Serpent Society. In a way, I’m relieved the experiment is over because it saves me the time of analyzing and debating the political motivations behind a fictional man in flag pajamas and the writers who bring him to the page. However there are people out there who’ll debate the political merits of a game of Twister as long as they get to hear the sound of their own voices. So I’ll let them duke it out. @$$holes and @$$holettes I proudly introduce my two guest co-reviewers Ann Coulter and Michael Moore.
I was planning this huge Con report thingy. I really was. Scoops, gossip, and prose so descriptive, you'll swear you could actually smell the acne.
Problem: The lady at the duty free shop informed me that I could take 2 Giant Sized bottles of Crown Royal across the border, instead of 1.
I didn't get to spend a lot of time at the Con. But I still really want my trip to be tax deductable. So here's my brief and blurry con report. I think that's it. The rest of the information falls into the categories of too vague to print (ie. Joey Q telling me that something like SUPERVILLAIN TEAM-UP is in the works, which I think is his Stan Lee-esque stock answer for everytime somebody approaches him begging for a title) or made unprintable by journalistic ethics, 'cause the stories are too embarrassing and not really newsworthy. And involve myself. 'Cause if you guys think I'm gonna tell you about shit like the zerbert I got from a hyper con-goer on the hotel bed of a practical stranger, you're drunker than I was.
X-MEN #157
Writer: Chuck Austen
Pencils: Salvador Larroca
Inks: Danny Miki
NEW X-MEN: ACADEMY X #1
Writer: Nunzio DeFillippis & Christina Weir
Pencils: Randy Green
Inks: Rick Ketcham
EXCALIBUR #1
Writer: Chris Claremont
Pencils: Aaron Lopresti
Inks: Greg Adams
REMAINS #1
Written By Steve Niles
Illustrated by Kieron Dwyer
Published by IDW
Review by The Comedian
Because reading in FUN-kadelic...
MORE THAN HUMAN
By Theodore Sturgeon
Published by Vintage / Random House
Reviewed by Buzz Maverik
INVINCIBLE #12
Writer: Robert Kirkman
Artist: Ryan Ottley
Publisher: Image Comics
Reviewed by Cormorant
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CAPTAIN AMERICA #26
Written by Robert Morales
Illustrated by Chris Bachalo
Published by Marvel Comics
Reviewed by The Comedian
With Special Guest Reviewers Ann Coulter and Michael Moore
Anne Coulter: Thank you for having me, Comedian. Glad to be here, even if you are a godless li-buh-ruhl troglodyte who should be repeatedly slammed in the nuts with a bamboo stick.
Michael Moore: Oh leave him alone you horse faced, anorexic twit. Comedian is one of many hard working blue-collar Americans being bamboozled daily by the creeps you mindlessly idolize. My new movie FAHRENHEIT 911 will pull the wool from the eyes of the American people exposing their lies and atrocities, freeing them from the mental slavery of Bushworld, emancipating their…
Comedian: Michael, Michael, please! I didn’t invite you here to plug your movie. You’re here to discuss Captain America.
Michael Moore: But Harry said…wait you’re in league with Eisner aren’t you!
Comedian: Oh come on, Michael. I’m a big fan. Always have been, but we all know you’re just doing this fight with Eisner to build hype around your movie. Let’s get to the subject at hand. Ann, CAPTAIN AMERICA #26 has Steve Rogers surviving two assassination attempts. One literal, involved Steve having to land his crashing plane that was sabotaged by unknown forces. The other an attempted assassination of his character by your buddy Matt Drudge involving the possible “child endangerment charges” facing him because of what happened to Bucky 50 YEARS AGO. What’s Drudge’s deal, was he dropped on his head as a child or something?
Ann Coulter: Actually Matt is only half right. Captain America and Bucky were obviously nothing more than an attempt to push left wing, socialist, homosexual propaganda on the unsuspecting children of the 40’s. Another stupid li-buh-ruhl scheme gone awfully awry.
Comedian: What!?!?
Ann Coulter: Come on; open your eyes, Comedian. Jack Kirby and Joe Simon were obviously li-buh-ruhl Anti-American stooges attempting to undermine the War effort by illustrating that two homosexual li-buh-ruhls dressed like idiots are somehow superior to the regular grunts that fought and died for this country.
Comedian: But that doesn’t make any sense?!?! Jack Kirby and Joel Simon, Anti-American?!? CAPTAIN AMERICA #1 has Cap punching out Hitler for Christ sake.
Ann Coulter: My point exactly.
Comedian: But, Hitler was a Nazi!?!? Hitler was THE Nazi?!? What you’re saying doesn’t make any sense.
Ann Coulter: Oh, you li-buh-ruhls are so simple minded.
Comedian: What’s with that accent? You sound like the love child of Mr. Howell and Herman Munster. Say it with me, liberal.
Ann Coulter: Li-buh-ruhl.
Comedian: Uh…okay, moving on. Michael, the issue also showcases Steve’s friend the Senator who with his long angular face and dull disposition seems like a Kerry/Nader hybrid. Personally, I want to read about a Cap that deals with today's America but this whole "Steve you should be my VP" bit Morales was running with this character was just as unrealistic and stupid as any given episode of THE WEST WING. That stuff is just a masturbatory fantasy. The point of "realism" is to show the real world, not what you wish it could be. Morales turning the book into Captain America on the campaign trail would have been painfully dull and I’m glad editorial put it’s foot down. What are your thoughts on this?
Michael Moore: Oh, I think Captain America would have made a great Vice Presidential candidate. Fighting for working blue collar schleps like you and me who have to worry about how they’re gonna pay for their kids braces. Sticking it to those greedy energy lobby pigs and their Saudi buddies. My new film FAHRENHEIT 911…
Comedian: Michael! I told you to stop plugging your movie. We know about it. The whole freekin’ world knows about it! Okay, we get it, Bush is evil. But you’re a millionaire author and filmmaker. I’m a screenwriter and an online comic book critic. We’re not blue-collar guys at all. Now as far as the actual bulk of the story, I really thought they could have cut most of the stuff with Cap's friend and his campaign manager and just paralleled Steve landing the plane with Bucky's story. For me this was your typical story of heroism and sacrifice. Morales gave Steve all the cool lines like "to cover the back of every dogface and resistance fighter, to protect the innocent..." and "Bucky Barnes didn't die because he was a kid. He died because he was a hero." But the story of Bucky itself was rushed. We didn't really see what made him special as a friend or a character. The whole issue to me seemed more about the general concept of noble sacrifice as it applies death in war. A theme that is obviously very prevalent in our modern times. What do the two of you have to say about that?
Michael Moore: I’ll tell you what I have to say about it! That experimental jet that blew up and killed Bucky and hurled Cap into the ocean back in 1945 was actually built by a then small Texas based energy and defense contracting company. And the name of that company was HALLIBURTON. That’s right! I have proof that Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, then merely in the 5th or 6th grade actually sabotaged the jet with the help of a young fighter pilot named George Bush. This was all an elaborate scheme to use the death of Captain America to enrage the American people into keeping the war going in Europe even though we’d already defeated the Axis so that they could sell more contracts to rebuild Berlin. It’s all in my next documentary, FISHING FOR BUCKY BITS.
Comedian: Uh…Okay. Ann, your thoughts?
Ann Coulter: Well obviously that baseball cap is fastened on a little to tightly to Michael’s big fat head. I think this all just more li-buh-ruhl propoganda. Li-buh-ruhls like Morales want us to believe that the only way one can die with any nobility in war is if they’re socialist, pedophile homosexuals in flag costumes. This is all part of the grander li-buh-ruhl smoke screen of the comic book industry. All this is outlined in my new book, SEDITION OF THE INNOCENT: WHY WERTHAM WAS RIGHT AND ALL LI-BUH-RUHL COMIC BOOK WRITERS SHOULD BE FED TO RABID JACKALS.
Michael Moore: You are such a skinny neo-con fascist bitch!
Ann Coulter: Oh yeah, well you’re nothing but a big fat, elitist Li-buh-ruhl posing as a working class meathead!
Michael Moore: Oh yeah! Well you look like a dog show poodle!
Ann Coulter: That’s class coming from you, tubbo!
Michael Moore: Oh yeah!
Ann Coulter: Yeah!…Are you as turned on right now as I am!
Michael Moore: Hell Yeah!
They jump on each other like two wild animals.
Comedian: GAH, MY EYES!!! If this is what I have to bear just to get a real world take on Cap than Kirkman’s run can’t come soon enough…Yeech, that’s just wrong.
Cheap Shots!
HAWKMAN #28 - A new creative team takes over from Geoff Johns this issue and their opening volley ain't bad – just mediocre. It's MONOLITH's Jimmy Palmiotti and Justin Gray, and they quickly re-establish Hawkman as a badass when he smashes up some eco-terrorists, said smash-up ably depicted by talented artist Ryan Sook. Sook's image of Hawkman flipping an entire car when he brings his mace down on it is truly stunning and might even be worth the price of the issue for some. Alas, the murder mystery subplot and references to Johns' reincarnation hook for Hawkman and Hawkgirl feel somewhat pedestrian. Is anyone out there really caught up in the reincarnation woes? I'm afraid it's just proven to be a weak concept, and me, I'm still pining for the continuity-wiped HAWKWORLD of the early '90s. – Cormorant
RUNAWAYS #15 - Yet another terrific issue from the series that vies with DAREDEVIL, FANTASTIC FOUR, and THE PUNISHER for my favorite Marvel book of the moment (usually winning the top spot). This issue sees the kids making their boldest move yet, utilizing all their powers for a nail-biting descent to their parents' sunken base. There's a new colorist from UDON whose work really seems to tighten up the already-gorgeous visuals, and BIG THINGS HAPPEN THIS ISSUE! There's love, there's death, and there's a big ol' hint as to who the traitor among the kids might be. All this plus the usual sharp writing, which, for instance, sees one of the agnostics in the group questioning risking her life to take on evil gods she doesn't even believe in. You go, Brian K. Vaughan. - Cormorant
in PHILADELPHIA!by
Jon Quixote
Best Booth: Ken Knudsen, MY MONKEY'S NAME IS JENNIFER. In addition to copies of this absolutely balls-out hilarious comic, Ken was selling shot glasses. They weren't…they weren't empty. They were, however, mysteriously delicious.
The first booth I visited during my trip. It all went downhill from there.
Nicest Booth: David Mack, KABUKI. This guy is concentrated Disneyland, people! As friendly and warm a human being as I have ever met, even when I got up in his face asking where my shot of mysteriously delicious alcohol was after I bought a Kabuki trade.
Beautiful, beautiful stuff though. Even sober.
Luckiest Booth: Frank Cammuso, Max Hamm. I was surprised and excited to see Frank Cammuso, whose Max Hamm comic I reviewed last week. But not only is this guy doing one damned fine funnybook, he had a booth next to two of the most breastily beautiful women I've ever seen in my life, who were selling what appeared to be naked pictures of themselves. Lucky bastard!
And I think I was a little too effusive in my praise as I was trying to get one of my bodies to shell out for the book. Sorry if I scared you, Frank. I really don't think you're Jesus.
Most Applaused Scoop: The Return of WHAT IF...? I caught three panels: X-MEN RELOAD, CUP O'JOE, and AVENGERS DISASSEMBLED. They announced creator exclusives and defections, new titles, possible cancellations, answering machine shipments, the works. The biggest cheer came when Joe Quesada announced that yes, WHAT IF...? will be returning.
Coolest Creator: Sean McKeever, MYSTIQUE. Partied hard, made Ditka jokes, and held my hair while I puked. All this after I took a picture of him at a urinal. Buy MARY JANE, people.
