Father Geek here with another Downunder Report from Latauro, our intreptid reporter/editor on the scene in that land before time.

Why do I fall in love with every woman I see that shows me the least bit of attention?

AICN-DOWNUNDER

Okay, okay, I've been a little slack with the column lately, and I've been copping it from my numerous fan clubs. Notably, I'd like to apologise to the Friends of AICN-Downunder, the Ain't It Cool Downunder Fan Club of New South Wales (or AICN-D-FCONSW), and the Lataurophiles out of Wellington, New Zealand, all of whom have staged sit-ins in various Vice-Chancellor's offices at Universities across the countries in protest. Rest assured, this isn't like one of Moriarty's daily columns that goes up every six or seven months - no, from now on AICN-D is taking its fibre! It's going to be nice and regular!

Okay, I've crapped on enough. I've finally gone to the cinema and seen stuff, so scroll down if you can't wait to see me extol the brilliance of one film and the crapness of another in this, my fiftieth entry (now with more naval gazing).

NEWS

* The twenty-eighth GODZILLA movie, FINAL WARS, is set to film in Sydney next month. In what's being touted as the final Godzilla movie ever (yeah, right), the big monster will destroy most of Sydney and its landmarks. So, expect this film to break box office records in Melbourne (heheh).

* Okay, a couple of sources up north have let me know that the HOUSE OF WAX remake shooting up on the Gold Coast at the moment will star Elisha Cuthbert ("24"), Jared Padalecki ("Gilmore Girls"), Chad Michael Murry (also "Gilmore Girls"), and Paris Hilton (internet porn). I caught the original recently, projected glorious 3-D in a double with DIAL 'M' FOR MURDER, and I'm a little nervous about this remake by first-time director Jaume Serra. Still, if they're casting Paris Hilton as a piece of wax, they must have some idea what they're doing, right?

* Monash Uni student Jac was passing by University café Wholefoods when she caught a glimpse of filming for THREE DOLLARS. "I caught a glimpse of David Wenham inside before I was politely moved on, and all the extras were sitting outside, all dressed as what I could best describe as hippies. On my way out, I was then mistaken for one of the extras, but after the woman realised I wasn't any part of the film she was very tight lipped about the whole thing."

BOX OFFICE

Yeah, the pap pretty much took over the box office this week. Wouldn't it be great to see ETERNAL SUNSHINE knock them all off next week? Until then...

Annnd the top five money makers are...

• 1. STARSKY AND HUTCH
• 2. 50 FIRST DATES
• 3. SCOOBY DOO 2: MONSTERS UNLEACHED
• 4. SECRET WINDOW
• 5. THE CAT IN THE HAT

RELEASED THIS WEEK (OR NEARABOUTS)

Another remake of THE LIZZY MAGUIRE MOVIE comes out, Jim Carrey removes the memory of the last few Oscar ceremonies, Emmanuel Beart... long dancing pole... poster... sorry, what?, the second Scooby movie limps onto screen, Jesus accuses Ed Wood of plagiarism, Stiller and Wilson star in the most honest remake since THE BRADY BUNCH, someone finally answers Lat's prayers and makes a French buddy comedy with Gerard Depardieu and Jean Reno, Kiefer Sutherland plays a creepy dude, and Robert Luketic reads the script to LEGALLY BLONDE 2 and flips a coin.

Soooo the new entries are...

• CONFESSIONS OF A TEENAGE DRAMA QUEEN
• ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND
• NATHALIE
• SCOOBY DOO 2: MONSTERS UNLEASHED
• SECRET WINDOW
• STARSKY AND HUTCH
• TAIS-TOI
• TAKING LIVES
• WIN A DATE WITH TAD HAMILTON

REVIEWS

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

I read a review of Kaufman's script on Coming Attractions (which should give you some idea of how long ago it was), a review that proclaimed it to be the best Kaufman script ever. That's it. That's all I needed. I decided right there that I'd cut myself off and not read anything about it (mostly story details and reviews); I was just going to wait for the film to hit the cinema. (I've done the same for BATMAN BEGINS, after reading Foywonder's sensational review on this site... but how successful with that is dubious at this point.)

And I did it. I was good. Spoiler-free. And it paid off big time. Being surprised by a film is something that doesn't happen all that often, and I forgot what a pleasure it can be. This isn't just a very good film - this is a great film. This is a film that's *about* something.

How often do we really get that? I can live with films being bad, but what really gets my goat is coming out of a film not knowing what the point was. Why the hell did I bother sitting through that when it ultimately amounted to nothing?

ETERNAL SUNSHINE is the best example of a film that is about something. That doesn't sound like a big compliment, but it is. There's a scene towards the end, one scene that is what-this-film-is-about (I'm treading lightly, as I hate spoiling plot points in my reviews). When this scene hit, I almost gasped. I suddenly got it. Everything in the film had been building up to this moment, this concept, and it was executed brilliantly. It was so satisfying and worth it, I wanted to cheer. Kaufman had a point to make, and it couldn't have been made better.

This is also Jim Carrey's best work. I'm a Carrey fan, I think he's hilarious and usually far better than the films he's in. But even when he's leaning ever-so-slightly towards the dramatic (TRUMAN SHOW, MAN ON THE MOON), he still never strays too far from his persona. This is his most understated performance. For the first time I believe he is a completely different character, separated from himself and yet realistic. He's so note-perfect, you forget you're watching a performance. The same goes for Kate Winslet, who does for her career what Helena Bonham Carter did for hers with FIGHT CLUB. The supporting cast is equally impressive, but special mention has to go Elijah Wood. Wood takes on what is a fairly thankless supporting role. For someone who could probably write his own ticket after LOTR, taking on the minor yet pivotal role of such a socially-awkward self-unaware manipulator... it's never going to happen, but it'd be great to see a Supporting Actor nod come next year.

I haven't yet seen HUMAN NATURE, but I've been poring over the Gondry DVD and I think the guy's a genius. Turns out he can put a film together, too, and have that film create an emotional resonance.

Adrian Martin, Australian film critic, described Charlie Kaufman as (and I don't have his article in front of me, so I'm paraphrasing) the only screenwriter who is also an auteur. I think the reason is that Kaufman knows exactly which rules to throw out the window. He's gotten rid of what doesn't work in scripts, of the clichés, and inserts the physical embodiment of his themes into his narratives. MALKOVICH is about being someone else (it seems obvious, but that's what it's about on more levels than one). SUNSHINE is about something more complex (a theme I won't delve too far into here - partly because of the spoiler thing, partly because I don't think I've quite got a handle on it), but has dispensed with a lot of the whimsy that Kaufman usually uses. And I think he's more comfortable with whimsy, it's almost like a crutch. Here, he's proved he doesn't need it. He's proved that he can handle drama as well as comedy (if such a distinction can be made between his works). And he's proved that he is one of the greatest writers in the world today.

I don't give star ratings, but if I did SUNSHINE would be a five out of five. It is easily the best film of the year, and I cannot wait to see it again.

THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT

Okay, this film really sucks.

The only reason I saw it was that some people in the AICN chat room said it was one of the ten best films they'd ever seen. Actually, no, that just piqued my interest. The real reason I saw it was that I was with a friend, SECRET WINDOW wasn't playing at a suitable time, my friend really wanted to see BUTTERFLY, and with one phone call we were able to score free tickets (it ain't what you know, people...).

BUTTERFLY EFFECT takes a concept that has worked brilliantly for many science fiction writers in the past, and gives it what could have been an interesting new twist. Unfortunately, it's loaded down with such unfortunate writing, bland direction, and laughably stupid acting, that it never rises to the diplomatic level of 'yeah, that bit was fairly interesting'.

To start with, the script: It feels like it's been written by someone whose only concept of human interaction has come from other movies and TV shows. From the complete non-believability of the core romance to every single piece of contrived dialogue, the writers (who also direct) manage to take a concept that should really be able to carry itself and drive it into the ground, into bland mediocrity. But more than that, it continually goes against its own internal logic. It sets up numerous rules, then does the complete opposite. It sells itself down the river to cash in on a typical 'You've always been in this mental hospital... don't you remember?' moment, then dispenses with it and gets back to the story. This film is a good example for writers everywhere: if you're going to set up rules, STICK TO THEM!

Ashton Kutcher. Oh, man. This guy's gotta be up for a Golden Raspberry. Kutcher's performance was a two-hour example of what happens if you forget to tell a high school student that their acting exercise has finished. There's one scene about three quarters of the way through where, for no reason, he decides to act wacky. There's no reason for it, there's nothing in his characterisation beforehand to suggest why he is acting this way... it's just how Kutcher was feeling on the day. We're also treated to Kutcher acting-like-a-retard (apparently people with physical disabilities are no different to those with mental disabilities), Kutcher showing-up-the-stuffy-science-community-with-his-forward-thinking (featuring such a ridiculous theory on how to study memory that anyone who's passed year nine science will laugh uproariously at), Kutcher trying to carry a film. It's an awful, obvious performance - perhaps he was punk'ing the filmmakers? (it had to be said)

There are so many bad moments, it's hard to pick a favourite. Maybe it was the thirty second speech that suddenly made a paedophile change his ways forever. Maybe the initial courtship between the two teens. Maybe the entire plotline regarding the father going absolutely nowhere. Oh, there are so many. Gotta love how such a big setup (the drawing his teacher is so concerned about) is left with no explanation whatsoever. Or how the knife-holding incident is explained by completely tearing up the cause-and-effect rules the film has already established. No, wait - the stigmata bit! How, for the sake of convenience and plot perpetuation, Kutcher's prison-mate is suddenly exempted from those pesky rules that affected every other character. Oh, it's so hard to choose!

This is such an uneven, dodgy and even badly-shot film that the interesting elements (and, despite what I said earlier, they do exist) are near-impossible to identify. It's only in thinking back and searching for them that I realise that, yes, there are some impressive moments in there. But they're few and far between, and are presented in a package of blandness and cliché.

Before I deliver the final cutting blow, I should mention Amy Smart, who does a good job without much to work with.

THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT is a really bad film with really bad writing, really bad direction, a really bad central performance, and zero logic. And, given it changes the rules at every available opportunity, it also achieves the double-whammy of being predictable at EVERY GIVEN TURN. I have never looked at my watch in a cinema with greater frequency.

NEXT WEEK

- Akiva Goldsman pitches his idea for the next few STAR TREK films after pitching a twelve-part series of prequels exploring the creator of the Jeffries Tube, and how he led a big war against the Romulans and Ferengi fifty years set before the original series began

- Paul W. S. Anderson attempts to win the contract for the next STAR TREK film by pitching a crossover with THE GRINCH

- Mel Gibson comes out as favourite for the next STAR TREK film by promising to crucify Rick Berman before he starts

Peace out,

Latauro

AICNDownunder@hotmail.com