Well, Father Geek here is deep into the great SXSW Interactive-Film-Music Festival deep in the heart of Texas right now, and will be for the next 10 days or so. Yesterday was registration, a sort of power lunch at Threadgills, and a star-studded TEXAS FILMMAKERS HALL OF FAME party-dinner-auction wing-ding thingee (see Harry's report on same)... Today I'll be seeing Mind The Gap; I Love Your Work; Bush's Brain; and Super Size Me among others.

Downunder is well represented at SXSW this year with ALEXANDRA'S PROJECT by Rolf de Heer; BLACK AND WHITE by Craig Lahiff; WELCOME TO THE WAKS FAMILY by Barbara A Chobocky; and The Spierig Brothers incredible zombie/space invaders flick UNDEAD. We double billed The Undead and The Passion (in that order) back at AICN's Butt-Numb-A-Thon in December and it was a huge hit.

I was tortured once... I didn't like it. You know what the really fucked up part was? They took my left nut. That really turned me off to the whole thing.

AICN-DOWNUNDER

I'm not going to harp on about the fact that ALL OF MY OSCAR PICKS LAST WEEK WERE CORRECT! (except for cinematography, which I only mentioned in passing at the end of the article) I have waaaaay to much class for that.

For those of you keeping score, it is one year since I began writing for Ain't It Cool. Yep. An entire year. That's over 130 'Next Week' jokes, and at least six funny ones. So, while I wait for Bette Midler to sit on my desk and sing "You Are The Wind Beneath My Wings", here's some Australia/New Zealand-related stuff that's been happening in the past two weeks...

NEWS

* Don't expect to see Russell Crowe in Ron Howard's CINDERELLA MAN. Maximus's shoulder injury, which forced him out of Clarice's FLORA PLUM, may have caused him to quit Opie's boxing drama (it's sooo passé to use their real names). Much as we were all looking forward to another outing from the team that brought us A BEAUTIFUL MIND, odds are it'll be with a different front man.

* This is more for the sake of prayer and completionism than it is for big time scoopage, but Peter Jackson sounds like he's closer to directing a cinematic version of THE HOBBIT. Speaking at a post-Oscars bash, Jackson has his fingers crossed that the argument over rights between New Line and MGM is cleared up around the time KING KONG is wrapping. If you're hearing a disturbing snapping sound, it's millions of fingers instantly crossing around the world.

* Hugh Jackman will likely replace Brad Pitt in the last-minute-cancelled THE FOUNTAIN. Darren Aronofski's film, which was to film a couple of years ago, but got shelves when Brad Pitt expressed concerns over the script (what, did he just hear he had to grow a beard, think cool, I'll do that and read the thing later?). No word yet on whether Ms Blanchett will re-accept her role.

* "Australian Idol" finalist Robert Mills, who, like most people, is famous for sleeping with Paris Hilton has been cast in Tom Jeffrey's G'DAY L.A. The film which - and I kid you not - is about two camel-breeding brothers (heheh) who end up in LA after a mix-up involving animal semen. Jeffrey, whose last film was THE ODD ANGRY SHOUT in 1979, says that 85% of the movie will be set in Los Angeles and 85% will be shot in Australia. That makes 170%, also the percentage of audience members who will likely avoid it when it hits theatres...

* THE EXTRA, which is the first film to use the new Melbourne Docklands Studios, began its shoot last week. Written by and starring local Irish comedian Jimeoin (I'm not messing with you, he's an expatriate), the film also stars Bob Franklin, Shaun Micallef, Rhys Muldoon, Helen Dallimore and Katherine Slattery. It's also the feature debut for director Kevin Carlin, who has directed local TV fare like "Marshall Law" and "Shock Jock".

* Dave wrote in (it's okay, you probably don't know him) to remind us that Greater Union cinemas in Australia is playing the complete LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy (theatrical, not extended, I believe) in one hit. If you turn up this weekend and attend the films, you'll also pick up a free DVD with big LOTR super-trailer.

* CRAVING HEATHERS (starring Australia's Sarah Monahan) has a trailer up and running, despite the fact that filming hasn't yet wrapped on the indie production. Download it at www.sarahmonahan.com/cravingheathers, and check out the next wave of low-budget filmmakers.

* 'We went in asking the Government to exclude culture from the agreement as had been done in the Australia/Singapore Free Trade agreement. What we got falls well short of that.' That's Equity National Director Simon Whipp talking about the Australia-US Free Trade Agreement which is currently undergoing intense font picking in the hallowed halls of Parliament Shack. What local cast and crew are complaining about is that the new deal limits the Federal Government's ability to regulate Australian content on local television. As it stands, free-to-air networks are obliged to show 55% Australian content, and a minimum of two hundred hours of first release drama each year. 'We calculate, based on Australian Film Commission research, that we will never see more than 7% of Australian drama programs on pay television. When the Networks pick up on this, they will argue for their quotas to be reduced.'

AWARDS AND FESTIVALS

ACADEMY AWARDS

In case you missed it (and for the sake of completionism), the local winners included Australia's Adam Elliot for HARVIE KRUMPET, which scooped Best Short Animation (Elliot was also responsible for putting out an electrical fire in his LA hotel - is there anything Aussies can't do with a fire extinguisher?). And, for all of you underside-of-rock-dwellers, LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING walked away with an embarrassing number of awards (all deserved!), including Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Director and Best Film. All rise...

ASPEN SHORTSFEST

The Australian short film SOAR, made with approximately no money, performed well at the Clermont-Ferrand festival in France and has now been selected to play in Aspen. Big congrats out to the makers.

2004 NATIONAL SCREENWRITERS CONFERENCE

The 18th Melbourne International Comedy Festival will take part in the conference between April 2 and 4, with the focus being on the Art of Screen Comedy. If you're interested in attending, contact the Comedy Festival for details.

BOX OFFICE

Mel's twelve hour Jesus death took out top spot again, marking the first time that an explicitly violent film has reached number one *because* of Christian groups. For those still keeping score, RETURN OF THE KING is still hanging on at number six and ONE PERFECT DAY is flailing in tenth position.

Soooo the week's "B.O." winners lineup this way...

• 1. THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST
• 2. ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO
• 3. MONA LISA SMILE
• 4. STUCK ON YOU
• 5. UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN

RELEASED THESE PAST TWO WEEKS

The laws of space and time get Punk'd, a teen musical tries to sell itself on 'remember FAME?', Cuba Gooding Jnr finally bows to fanboy pressure and makes a film with Beyonce Knowles, Scarlett Johansson plays the title role in EARRING despite the fact that the front cover of the book looked exactly like Gwyneth Paltrow, Our Nic begins a shag fest with Their Tony, the Japanese crime flick gets a super-limited release, Cate Blanchett searches for her child whilst waiting for Jude Law to return... home... from... uh, what film is this?, Patricia Clarkson thesps the shit out a film not really about anything, and Holly Hunter stars in the Extended Edition of SEVEN.

Annnnd, here are the new releases downunder...

• THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT
• CAMP
• THE FIGHTING TEMPTATIONS
• GIRL WITH A PEARL EARRING
• THE HUMAN STAIN
• INFERNAL AFFAIRS
• THE MISSING
• PIECES OF APRIL
• THIRTEEN

REVIEWS

ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO

I had fun. I mean, that was the intention, right? It wasn't meant to be a treatise on the Mexican experience, or a hard-hitting examination of Mexican politics? No? Good. Because it was fun, and I enjoyed it.

But (and there's always a 'but') was I the only one who felt like Rodriguez was trying too hard? It feels like, in his desire to cap off his trilogy in the manner of Leone, he's been too conscious of the fact that he's making a classic film. Even the title, ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO evokes the memory of other classic films with such prefixes. It's a conceit that detracts from the film, as does the script.

Ah, yes, the script. I heard (read?) endless arguments in the AICN chat room about how much the script sucked. I wouldn't say it sucked so much as it was too confusing. There were about a dozen plotlines too many! DESPERADO, for instance, was a very simple revenge story. Not simple in that it's simplistic, but clear and straightforward. It's what the film needed to be. Here, we're given plotline after plotline, all weaving in and out of each other like he's afraid he's forgotten something.

But, like I said, I had fun. Johnny was brilliant. Not as good as he was in PIRATES, but he had better material to work with there. Here, he's given a character who looks like he's designed to be the Classic Character that everyone remembers. It's annoyingly self-conscious, but not unwatchable. Depp still sells every line and moment with his impeccable timing and delivery. I've been re-watching ED WOOD lately, and can't believe that the man isn't in every film ever made.

I have to comment on the digital video. I have nothing against the format, I think it definitely has its uses, but it's not up to the standard of film. It can't handle too much movement and it can't handle fire, or it starts to look like S-VHS. I only mention it because of the never-ending debate of Film vs Digital. Let it be ended here, in this column! It'll be a long, long time before digital is up to the standard of film... hear that, George?

All those things aside, all those complaints, I really did have fun. It's an enjoyable film, which is what it's designed to be. Not a classic in the sense of ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST, or even DESPERADO, but a good way to spend a couple of hours.

NEXT WEEK

- Michael Jackson attempts an ill-advised career resurrection by playing a Scout Leader who doubles as the coach of a Junior High School wrestling team at a Catholic Church in SCOUTING FOR BOYS

- Christopher Eccleston to star as a Moyle who uncovers a secret circumcision scandal and tells his police officer best friend in Mel Gibson's THE TIP OFF

- Adam Elliot does nothing for the reputation of Australians as responsible adults when footage is released of him dangling his Oscar statuette in front of a hungry crocodile

Peace out,

Latauro

AICNDownunder@hotmail.com