Hey folks, Harry here with that katana wielding gaunt fuzz faced Pyul MacTackle! He slashes his way through silver shit on screens like Ogami Itto, yet appreciates an oasis to cool his cracked festering lips in times of draught like these. This fool actually went to AGENT CODY BANKS 2? Who does he think he is... Capone? Here ya go...
Hey Harry,
Well, I've seen a Metric Assload (2.2 American Assloads) of movies recently now that I've gotten all of the Kill Bill excitement out of my system, I feel up to the task of sharing them. So here goes.
Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London
Plague. Ass. Total garbage.
Sure, that might seem like a knee-jerk reaction from an elitist film snob who thinks he's better than the movies he's watching, but I assure you, it's not. I loved the original Agent Cody Banks, in fact, it was one of my first reviews here http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=14663 for AICN. I felt it was not only a wonderful family film, but a movie that nailed the Bond formula so well that it could almost pass itself off as a Bond film. It had a great villain with Arnold Vosloo playing a note perfect henchman; Keith David as one hell of a CIA Director; Angie Harmon as Cody's vivacious handler; Hillary Duff as the Bond girl; Bond staples left and right; but most notably, SNL veteran Darrel Hammond as the quirky and Hilarious 'Q' knockoff. The humor was genuine and worked on multiple levels, assuring every member of the family was laughing and the action, while over the top, was genuinely entertaining and a VERY Bond sort of way. It was the type of film Bond fan fathers could take their kids to and have just as much fun as their progeny.
But this IS an MGM film, and if it's one thing MGM excels at above all else (including making bad trailers and mishandling great movies ensuring they don't make a dime), it's fucking franchises every which way from Sunday. So, in a vain attempt to squeeze out a sequel as quickly as possible before Frankie Muniz hits puberty like a brick wall, out comes Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London, released exactly a year after the first hit screens. Wow. Great idea guys. You know, speaking of London, the Brits have some great words for that. Like Buggery. Fucking wankers.
Yeah, this is a total cluster fuck from frame one. First of all, the only returning character (aside from a brief appearance by his family) is Keith David, who has lost all of his charm from the first film. Not really his fault, he's given nothing to do. Gone is Harmon. Alright, her arc was done. Understandable. Bring on the new handler. Vosloo? I mean really, was he BUSY? A returning villain is always a great staple of the Bond film. Alright, new villains. fair enough. But Hammond? You couldn't fit him in? At all? The core of every great bond film is the scene or scenes with Q.
Well, with the success of Agent Cody Banks MGM must have replaced these folks with some top grade talent. A villain worthy of the now seasoned and respected Cody Banks. A handler worthy of such a talented young agent. Another great Henchman. A new 'Q'. Nope. Not a one. The villain, Cody's mentor, is inept. His handler? Um...how about Anthony Anderson. yeah, the comic genius of such comedy greats as...Kangaroo Jack...My Baby's Daddy...Malibu's Most Wanted...See Spot Run. Yeah, I think you get the picture. Well, Anderson's 'Derek' is so inept and clueless that it's simply mindboggling, while simultaneously unfunny. There's no henchman whatsoever and the 'Q' character is some inane crazed Englishman who seems to be existing within a reality, and a film world, all his own.
In fact, with this film they not only throw out the cast that got them a sequel, but the Bond formula altogether. Instead, what replaces it is so gawd awful that it's tough to describe. Gone is all of the clever with and innuendo of the first, replaced with a very odd sense of humor that seems to involve making everyone in England look completely insane. I tell ya, those few remaining holdout English that DIDN'T march against the U.S. over Iraq will certainly want to hit the streets over this. It's positively insulting. And what attempts at humor that are made that don't involve making The British Isle look like self sufficient insane asylum, come off as poorly conceived slapstick. This movie didn't make me so much as chuckle once...and I laughed consistently through the first.
To make matters worse, the film doesn't even seem to remember the first film at all. This time around Cody isn't even competent enough to work the deep fryer at What-A-Burger let alone handle a deep cover mission for the CIA.
This movie's Ass with a capital A. Anyone who holds a special place in their hearts for the first Agent Cody Banks should stay as far away from this thing as possible. It has no clue what it is or even wants to be. But then again, what would you expect from the writer of Big Momma's House and Carpool?
The Girl Next Door
Now this was an unexpected treat. I love a good teen sex comedy and have been upset over the past few years with the amount of drek that has passed for comedy in this genre (Road Trip and Euro Trip excepting), namely the American Pie movies. I honestly thought no one would be able to recapture the glory of the classic 80's teen sex romp or even see it approached with a modicum of originality. The Girl Next Door, however, broadsided me with some of the biggest laughs I've had at a comedy in years.
This movie is flat out, balls to the wall FUNNY. No if's, and's or but's about it. This film entertains through and through. And despite it's tangled and unimpressive pedigree (The director of The Animal and the writers of Van Wilder and My Baby's Daddy) this comes across as grade A, 100% all American teen sex comedy.
Imagine if you will Risky Business as if it had been conceived, written and directed by John Hughes and you get a pretty strong idea of what you're in for. And this ain't the Breakfast Club/Pretty in Pink/Reach the Rock John Hughes I'm talking about; this is the balls out funny Sixteen Candles/Weird Science John Hughes stylings. After years of watching studios try and fail, someone has at last caught that Hughes Magic and worked it back on the screen.
Emile Hirsch who turned in solid performances in The fantastic Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys and the mediocre been-there-done-that Emperor's Club pulls off some great comedy and Elisha Cuthbert of Old School, Love Actually and most notably '24' turns in one hell of a sexy and textured performance. These two share a great chemistry around which a great supporting cast including the almost always brilliant Timothy Olyphant (who's performance in the strip club scene alone lends to some of the best comedy in the movie), James Remar (once again playing a pornographer) and the up and coming Paul Dano and Chris Marquette who carry a bulk of the load as Hirsch's best friends.
Having seen every comedy to come out thus far this year, I have to say this is the one that made me laugh the most and the one I'm most likely to watch repeatedly. not only will I pay to see this again, but I'll pay to take friends. That's how good this little comedy is. I'm really pulling for it and I honestly think this is going to come out of nowhere to surprise the hell out of people.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
This is this year's Lost in Translation, the film that will almost universally unite critics and film lovers alike in a wash of sheer cinematic joy. Unlike lost in Translation, however, this film is going to be more accessible and well liked by those who simply felt that nothing actually happened in Sophia Coppola's masterpiece. This is low budget Science Fiction at it's best, a wonderfully told character story that revolves around a very simple science fiction concept, memory erasure, but does so not only in a very human way, but an exciting way as well.
When Joel Barish's (Jim Carrey's) girlfriend erases him from her memory, he in turn decides to do so himself. But as he relives the memories through the procedure, he realizes that he doesn't want to lose the memories and tries desperately to fight back against the erasure. What follows is a beautifully surreal ride down memory lane as Joel is forced to watch his memories vanish before his minds eye.
This is a visionary, transcendent film about love, loss and the forces that conspire to bring two lonely souls together. Jim Carrey, not only manages to shed his own skin (something he'd as yet been able to completely do) but also manages to turn out the performance that's going to change his career forever. He's had a rough go of it thus far. Every dramatic role he's taken has been met with a luke warm reception at best. Critics loved his Andy Kaufman; his fans hated it. I recall walking out of Man on the Moon, blown away by his performance, only to hear a large redneck bellow out "I'm never watchin' another Jim Varney movie again. That wasn't funny at all." followed by a crowds worth of agreement. Similarly 'The Truman Show' and 'The Majestic' (both of which I love) fell flat with audiences. But here, Carrey completely sheds his own skin, crawling into the broken shell of Joel Barish and bringing him to life in fantastic ways. Finding a perfect center between Carrey's dramatic sensibilities and his comedic stylings, this film offers Carrey the chance to really shine, and he runs with it, scoring numerous touchdowns in what will soon be held by critics as his greatest film to date.
Together with Kate Winslet (who remarkably shows an amazing amount of restraint, managing to keep her clothes on at all times. Her Winslet's didn't pop out once. Hell, she can't even seem to keep them constrained in PG-13 films for Christ's sake) and a terrific supporting cast (Mark Ruffalo, Kirsten Dunst, Elijah Wood, Tom Wilkinson and David Cross) this film comes together in top form, easily securing a spot on a large number of 2004 top 10 lists.
Charlie Kaufman's talent is abundantly clear here, proving for the first time to those outside of Hollywood and Critic circles just how amazingly gifted this writer really is. While certainly one of the most critically beloved writers of our time, he's finally been given the chance at material that will connect with the average movie goer - something his previous films have failed to do.
This is that film, the 'If you only see one movie this year' film. This film has Oscar nominations written all over it (although I'm not sure it's got solid chances at any gold next year as it's going to have to compete with Passion of the Christ in both Adapted Screenplay and Best Actor Categories.)
Well, that's it for now, you can call me
Pyul Mactackle
