Father Geek here with our newest version of The Downunder Report, that regular weekly column that keeps us up-to-date on the active film scene on those outcroppings of land jutting up from the South Pacific's Great Barrier Reef. Well, ol' Latauro's turned in another thrilling episode in the life of a film geek let loose in the bush... no, no, not that bush... while still wild and wooley, this is the dry and dusty kind populated with termites and other strange critters...

Your gonna be hot, girl. Hot like wasabi!

AICN-DOWNUNDER

Well, this has been a weekend filled with new Australian films, the ALIEN QUADRILOGIES, and "Futurama" Season Four Box Sets!

With my laptop currently on the fritz, I have very little to do other than go through as many DVDs as I can (also, some socialising and catching up, but this is the wrong forum to discuss such things).

Anyway, tonight I'm off to Melbourne's Sidney Myer Music Bowels for the Tropfest screenings. For those who don't know, Tropfest is one of the biggest film festivals in Australia. Founded by John Polson (who, if he's lucky, you won't remember from M:I-2), a topic is given and filmmakers have a set amount of time in which to make a film focusing on that subject.

And, in the meantime, here's some stuff that happened...

NEWS

* Get ready to stop HATING ALISON ASHLEY; she's about to be played by Delta Goodrem. Yes, the girl who played Nina on Neighbours (Australian soap responsible for launching the careers of Russell Crowe, Kylie Minogue, Guy Pearce, and every other local actor you can name), and has since gone on to a very successful music career (pop songs which are, on the whole, really good... in this writer?s opinion, anyway), will play the title role in the film of the above previously afore-mentioned name. Goodrem, who has recently been receiving treatment for Hodgkin's disease, as well as ruining international tennis for everyone (heheh), will shoot the adaptation of Robin Klein's novel in Melbourne later this year.

* Henry Cavill is up for the title role in SUPERMAN! Or, rather, he would be if the whole thing hadn't imploded on itself. A local source told me that the Sydney studios had been booked right after STEALTH wraps up shooting... only and please, try to veil your surprise at this the film may not happen after all! Cavill's most recognised film role would perhaps be COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO, and according to the IMDB trivia section, his dream role is Alexander the Great! Seriously Henry, at this point you've got a better chance of getting a new Alexander project off the ground than seeing SUPES come to fruition any time soon...

* For the past seven months, indie filmmaker Kelley Scollard has been filming low budget flick CRAVING HEATHERS. The film, which is about following your real dreams and not the ones that will make you lots of money (sort-of like indie filmmaking, innit?), will wrap up in the coming weeks. Though filmed in the US, it stars Sarah Monahan, an Australian actress known for local sitcom ?Hey Dad!? (you all watched it, don?t deny it). The website doesn?t have a whole lot of stuff yet, but check it out at: www.sarahmonahan.com/cravingheathers

AWARDS AND FESTIVALS

SOUTH BY SOUTHWEST FILM FESTIVAL

The SXSW festival in Austin, Texas (hm... why does that town ring a bell?) has announced a sidebar for Australian and New Zealand films, starting this year. Discoveries From Down Under will show four feature films from Aussies and Kiwis. This year, the festival will screen: ALEXANDRA'S PROJECT (by Rolf de Heer), BLACK AND WHITE (by Craig Lahiff), UNDEAD (by Michael and Peter Spierig, it was featured in last December's Butt-Numb-A-Thon in Austin sharing the bill with ROTK), and WELCOME TO THE WAKS FAMILY (by Barbara Chobocky).

54TH BERLIN INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL

Australian short film FUGUE took out the Panorama Short Film Award in the festival which just wrapped up this past week. Director James Brown has won a scholarship to attend the New York Film Academy.

BOX OFFICE

ROTK is still hanging in at number six, with the top five being fairly predictable US product. Expect MONA LISA SMILE and ONE PERFECT DAY (and, possibly, DICKIE ROBERTS) to be on the list next week.

And here be the week's winners...

• 1. STUCK ON YOU
• 2. UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN
• 3. BIG FISH
• 4. SOMETHING?S GOTTA GIVE
• 5. ALONG CAME POLLY

RELEASED THIS WEEK

David Spade makes an entire film out of a joke that fits into a title, a group of women all in secretly love with Latauro make a film together to ease their pain, the Melbourne dance scene gets its first starring role, Kevin Costner... er... yeah, Kevin Costner, and Heath Ledger continues his dominance of US flops.

Soooo here they be...

• DICKIE ROBERTS: FORMER CHILD STAR
• MONA LISA SMILE
• ONE PERFECT DAY
• OPEN RANGE
• THE SIN EATER

REVIEWS

I had high hopes for ONE PERFECT DAY, the new music-themed Australian film which is getting an incredible amount of publicity and advertising. Could this be the saviour of the industry? A really excellent local film that actually attracts audiences beyond the arthouse crowd? My own thoughts on the film are below, but a few days before I went and saw it, I got the following review in my inbox...

ONE PERFECT DAY

Reviewed by Brisvegas

Look - I don't want to disappoint you, but I was One Perfect Day a couple of weeks ago... This film is so frustratingly bad that it is unbelievable. Frustrating because with a little more time and work it could have been great. The acting is good the cinematography actually manages to capture the feel of a dance party and the soundtrack is really pretty remarkable - not just for an Australian film - but for any film about dance parties. All the elements are there, but are destroyed by a ham-fisted telling of story that is equal parts cliché and improbability.

The great Satan in this film is drugs and drug dealers - every time the plot needs to be moved along drugs are the vehicle. More than the music this film revolves around drugs and the consequences for people who take them.

Particularly galling is the inaccurate portrayal of drug use - someone dieing from a subdermal as opposed to an intravenous injection of ... Heroin... Or maybe not - the drugs are never clearly identified. They are never paid for either, with drug dealers handing out party favours left right and centre with never a dollar changing hands.

And the product placements... Be it the gratuitous Qantas shots, the Big M milk drink in centre frame shot, the logo of the fucking violin manufacturer... It is just one thing after another.

Oh and the climatic ending... Well if you were capable of watching all the way to the end of Antitrust - you have seen the end here. It will require a similar amount of intestinal fortitude to make it to the payoff, and short of supporting the local industry - the effort isn't worth it.

The really sad thing is that so many people in the dance party scene from the lowly raver to some of the masters of the genre donated their time and talent to this flick. Only to be exploited. This is scenesploitation - the director, writers and actors all admit it - though not in so many words, they say that it is a story about people and what can happen to them and that the context, dance parties, is just a happy bonus.

A bonus for whom? Certainly not the dance scene. Ever since 1995 when Anna Woods died after taking an E, the Australian dance party scene has been inextricably linked with drugs and the downfall of Australian youth in the eyes of our media. One Perfect Day for all it's sound and fury has been unable to escape the orbit of that event - and is a lessor film because of it. This could have been another 'Bend it like Beckham' instead it is a film that will be shown in high schools to disinterested kids as just another talking point about the dangers of drugs.

I have never seen so many angry and disappointed people coming out of a film. Not the kids who didn't get HULK or worse yet the kids who did get The Matrix and then had to suck up the sequels and like it. It's the same problem here, the core audience, the one who are meant to go out and proselytise this film to friends and family are going to hate it. Because in it any chance of seeing themselves in a positive light is dashed. Their scene is made to look shallow and commercial and the people who are part of it, like ludicrous fools.

Don't get me wrong the film does have some moments of genius - the opening sequence with the train, the bush duff at dawn out in the desert... But it's heart and soul are too corrupted for it ever succeed as a work.

Somewhere out there in the space between GO, 24 hour Party People and Better Living Through Chemistry there is a GREAT movie about dance parties to be made. One can only hope that someone who goes to see One Perfect Day will get so angry they will be determined to make it. It would be even better if they were Australian, but at this point I will settle for what I can get.

ONE PERFECT DAY

Reviewed by Latauro

The first third of this film made me very happy. I was going to be able to write a glowing review of an Australian film! One that would make money locally and hopefully experience success overseas! And pave the way for more Aussie filmmakers! And more than that we've made a good film!

And the first third is terrific. The core concept is a fascinating one, the actors know exactly what they're doing with their characters, and the direction... oh boy, the direction. Paul Currie's sense of visuals, of what to do with the camera and how to cut it together is superb. It's an astonishing cinema debut for Currie, and it will no doubt herald the beginning of a brilliant career. The music is what it needs to be for a film about music. Totally consuming. Totally captivating.

Yes, the first third of this film was everything I hoped it would be.

Then the script completely loses momentum. It no longer knows what it is, and the audience is left watching a weak script being propped up by excellent direction faster than you can say GLADIATOR. It was sad to watch such a solid core concept which could have easily supported the entire film if they'd had the balls to run with it overshadowed by a barrage of clichés so hokey, they're the next generation up from the twirling moustachio villain tying the fair maiden to the train tracks. We get a sudden and unexpected death, we get drug dealers, we get a group of men all vying for the same woman. All of which are wallpapered onto the core concept to give it a contrived sense of structure.

So what is this core concept? That music is everywhere. That our hero, Tommy, wants to put all the sounds of every day life into music. His dreams of writing a new and revolutionary opera fall to the wayside when he discovers techno, and scratching, and the vast possibilities they offer. Okay, the way I described it is pretty lousy, and the trailers didn't make it sound all that fascinating either, but when presented in the film, it makes sense. It's exciting.

I won't go into the resolution of these stories, because we'd be here forever. The film feels like it's about to end from the halfway point, keeps ending over and over again, and then suddenly cuts out! How can a film with what feels like forty minutes of different ending suddenly cut itself off with a totally unsatisfying conclusion?

Dan Spielman, Leanna Walsman and Nathan Phillips are the stand-outs, each delivering the bones of really solid performances. Unfortunately, they?re left to go nowhere. The script leaves them hanging, and Currie?s direction (though visually and aurally breathtaking) doesn't seem to lend itself too well to actors. It always feel like we're seeing the first take.

This isn't a bad film, it's just a disappointing one. I mean, a film about drugs dealers and a girl dying from drugs and three guys after the one girl isn't bad in itself... it?s just this film had so much promise. It could have been great, but instead relegated itself to pretty good.

NEXT WEEK

- In an interview denying the existence of the Ultimate Editions, George Lucas promised that in the new EMPIRE STRIKES BACK ULTIMATE EDITION we'll finally get to see Yoda blowing bubbles underwater

- Peter Jackson promises that for the new TWO TOWERS ULTIMATE EDITION, the Helms Deep battle will no longer be started by the warrior accidentally firing the arrow, but by a small CGI Greedo-like Uruk who first throws a rock at him

- Russell Crowe blames a bad phone line connection for agreeing to star in the new Farrelly Brothers cannibalism comedy GLAD HE ATE HER TOO!

Peace out,

Latauro

AICNDownunder@hotmail.com