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Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...

Here’s one I forgot was even coming, and now that I’ve read the description of it, I can’t wait. John Waters is one of those guys who never compromised who and what he is. If he managed to get more and more mainstream ratings for his films, that’s because the mainstream got kinkier, not because Waters cleaned up his act. Here’s a glimpse at what he’s working on right now...

Hi Harry. I'm a first-time poster but long-time reader. I figure it's about time I helped out. Please call me "King of Friends" if you use this.

I just went to a screening in New York of the latest entry in John Waters' sticky oevre, "A Dirty Shame." According to the host of the event, this was the first time an audience had seen a cut of the film, and he apologized in advance for it's rough state. They told us that it would be projected on video so the colors wouldn't be entirely accurate, and also that some of the music might be only temporary. After watching the film (sic), it was clear that the music wasn't the only thing that still needed work. The middle third was a little slow, the ending seemed to be just a hastily-arranged placeholder and there seemed to be way too many scenes that the MPAA and the more genteel art house patrons would find offensive.

What might they find offensive? How about Tracey Ulman picking up a half-filled 1 liter bottle of water with her vagina while doing the hokey-pokey in a nursing home? Or maybe an adult man who gets sexual pleasure from dressing like a baby who sneaks into a woman's home and replaces her baby girl? Or even the old woman who dies and is about to be carried away in a hearse by a couple of aging morticians who is resurrected by a sexual priest (played by Johnny Knoxville) and then proceeds to get it on with said morticians?

I don't feel bad about giving these scenes away, because I doubt that they'll all make it in the final cut. Even if these don't make it, don't worry -- there are plenty more almost as good scattered throughout the entire film. In fact, the movie is really entertaining. Basically, Ulman plays a repressed Baltimore housewife who's married to a slightly more chill Chris Isaac. She sees prurience nearly everywhere she turns in her neighborhood, not to mention in her own home, where she has to keep her daughter (played by Selma Blair) locked up due to her "criminally enlarged" breasts and her tendency to indecently expose herself. Well, Mom's at her wit's end when a car accident causes her to become a kind of sexual messiah. Fortunately, she's picked up by a sort of high priest of cunnilingus, Ray Ray (played by Johnny Knoxville), who's willing to guide her down the randy path of destiny. The rest of the movie is pretty much an orgy, but it's about as far away from "Eyes Wide Shut" as you can get. Instead of naked and spooky, everyone keeps their clothes on and has a pretty good time.

Aside from the hilarious sexual innuendo, the most fun stuff in the movie were the dozens of novelty songs ("hot nuts", "boobs a lot") and silly film clips that are ladled onto the movie. Honestly, it seems like every scene had a new song for the extra laugh, with the exception of one or two songs that end up serving as a character's theme music. The film clips are also a lot of fun, and I imagine that Waters' must've sorted through hundreds of hours of retro porn and cautionary filmstrips from the '40s (think "Reefer Madness").

I don't want to spoil too much, but this is definitely Waters at his finest. Wild and provocative like Cecil B. DeMented but just as offensive and scatalogical as his earlier work. I laughed my ass off, and I hope that the final cut doesn't lose too much of the irreverence.

Excellent. Thanks for sending us the report, and I look forward to seeing the movie.

"Moriarty" out.

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