The Latest Series of Disasters To Plague SUPERMAN!
Published at: Jan. 28, 2004, 1:40 p.m. CST by staff
Hey folks, Harry here... Ok, you probably caught the news that was spreading like wildfire back around the time of that Fangoria Convention, where Selma Blair stated that she was "THIS CLOSE" to signing on to become Lois Lane. Ahhhh, things seemed so correct back then. A quality dramatic actress that completely looked like Lois Lane has always looked. There was much jubilation.
Last night, I got on the phone with a friend of mine that sweeps up around the Warner Lot and is 100% reliable, and I was asking my typical questions, like... How Bad Is Catwoman Going To Suck? and he would laugh and say that it is a freight train of shit without brakes. And on a lark I said, "Heard anything about SUPERMAN?" And there was silence.
I heard a cough, "Well, it ain't Selma Blair anymore." I expressed my utter disappointment, and countered with asking who it was, "Beyonce Knowles." I was kinda silent for a bit. "Have you heard who's playing Lex Luthor?" he asked me. "No" -- That's when he says, "Johnny Depp." Aaaaaah FUCK!
Ok, can you see what's happening here. They're not making the great SUPERMAN movie, they're making the hip and pop and garbage version. I love Johnny Depp, but he's wrong for Lex Luthor. Lex doesn't need to be funny or quirky. He needs to be calculating, charming and cold. Somebody like a shaved headed version of Ralph Fiennes. And Lois Lane, you don't throw away nearly 70 years of programming that Lois Lane is a small lithe brunette that wears wonderous buisness suits. Beyonce is COMPLETELY WRONG FOR THE PART! You need an actress, not a fucking PEPSI COMMERCIAL POP TART!
Great. So we're gonna get a great Christopher Nolan BATMAN movie, and a shitty SUPERMAN movie. Fucking great. Assholes.
This is Lois Lane - coming August 2004 from DC DIRECT!
Meanwhile, Jr Mintz was pouring through her brother's comic collection and came up with this... Maybe this is how Warner Brothers came up with this BRILLIANT idea!