Ok folks same as before I'll set you up for the entire experience of seeing this much ballyhooed film, then give it a review, thereby you can judge if I was a rational being of sound judgement or a stark raving mad geek obsessed with the "dinomania"
This review begins two long days ago when the sudden and tragic cool news came that a close friend of mine (Geek #2 aka Glen) had been invited to attend the screening tonight of Lost World. This of course meant that I had to get a ticket, you see a Geek #2 should not see coolness before Geek #1, I mean people would talk ya know. (Technically I did see it before him, as I was seated approximately 20 feet closer to the screen which meant that the light on screen reached me before him.) Geek #2 realized this and began the process of procuring pass for myself and that tireless geek sage, my Dad. We began listening to the radio stations in shifts, for hours upon end, calling at every chance, begging when we weren't the magic number. And tears were shed (lest we forget what a girly man I am.) This brings us to 5am Wednesday morning. I called the radio station in a fit of human exhaustion and found out that there would be a mass drop (for you people that don't know, a mass drop is the sudden and mayhem distribution process by which Radio Stations hand out passes) at noon Wednesday. Ahhhhh, I could feel the pass in my hand already, but just in case I wrote a note to be shook till life teemed in my body and I could dial the phone to get passes. Meanwhile on the exact opposite end of town, my friend (who could have blown me off) was doing the same. No less that 5 handouts and I was a LUZOR, all 5 times. Demoralizing. However, secure in the knowledge of a noon drop I was ready.
11am hits my backwards wall mounted Goofy clock in my room and the phone rings. It's a reporter from PEOPLE magazine that needed to do an interview with me that very moment. So, I do the interview, when I'm finished much to my horror it is 1pm and I MISSED THE DROP. Beads of sweat begin pouring from my forehead. The station had given out all their passes, all hope was lost. Then the reporter from the Austin Chronicle arrived to finish up an interview from last week. While he is picking up his jaw while walking about Geek Headquarters, (you people really think that's a joke don't yall. Ha, just ask that reporter. To quote Marc Savlov, "I have never been in a house this cool in my life!", "You should have a museum", etc. ) Then as if the gods from Robert Altman's The Player decided to mess with my chess piece, I began to have the phone ringing. 1st a call from the New York Magazine wanting an interview (I tell them to call back in an hour), then 3 people that want to send me their audition tapes so I can forward them to Lucas (FOLKS I HAVE NO POWER TO HELP YOU IN THIS!!!! GET AN AGENT!!!) then the PEOPLE magazine reporter calls back. The whole time this local reporter is watching nothing less than pure anxiety attacks racing through me, as I have to a)watch my mouth and not fall for reporter traps b)figure out a way to see THE LOST WORLD and c)EAT FOOD, I'm HUNGRY. Finally Savlov leaves, and before he's out the door The New York Magazine guy is talking to me for another hour. Then I eat, and get ready to beg, grovel and make myself as pitifully lovable as possible to schmooze my way into the screening of this small independent film known as THE LOST WORLD.
The whole drive to the theater is filled with speculation of doom from myself and my soothsaying Pop. Indeed when we arrive 2 and a half hours before there are already people in line ahead of us, not many, but some. My father begins reading the script for U.S. Marshals (which he likes so far, especially the Swamp stuff he says), and I become a HEELOT. Now if you don't know what a HEELOT is then go back and rent MEET JOHN DOE, a fantastic Frank Capra film with Gary Cooper and the creator of the HEELOT legend Walter Brennan. Yes, I was one of them lowdown, scuzzy looking no- acount gimmiers that want what you got. It's not pretty, but then neither am I. For an hour and a half NOBODY has an extra slot, and I need two. Then Glen and his friend, who won the pass show. And guess what they bring another no pass holder that is trying to mooch my pass that I'm trying to mooch. Desperation sinks in, the whole time my father is playing it ala John Travolta in Pulp Fiction, in otherwords Coooooooooool.
Now usually this is my practice as well, but dammit there were DINOSAURS IN COOL PLACES RIPPING PEOPLE AND MISCELLANEOUS TO PIECES and I was going to be damned to geek hell if I didn't get in. Sigh. I took a deep breath and began the hunt. Now for those of you that are unfamiliar with this practice, it is when you begin looking for odd groups of people (1,3,5,7...) because the passes are good for 2, thereby making it possible for pitiful moochers like me to scavange the empty seat carcass from a wasteful passholder. I began to see these odd numbers: "I'm waiting on my husband (Friend, wife, girlfriend, roommate, and spirit guide)" ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! This was now getting unCOOL, not the way a graceful and all powerful geek should be treated. I should have passes to world premieres with air fare and room and board paid for. Young starlets at my beck and call, this is what is befitting for all us geeks (by the way if you are a female geek, then substitute studlet for starlet). Then came a human being whom I knew instantly was alone, I'm not going to explain it, but believe me you would have known too. Sure enough I'm in. But then my father and the moocher of my mooching pass ERIC were left in the cold, till this Eric beat up a man outside who purported to be a movie reviewer at a local television station. All was right, all was cool, now I had to stand in Disneyland cattle stalls as if being lined up for a bull castration festival of epic proportions. Moooooo moooo mooooooo!!! At this point the conversations turned to that of geek subjects. I spilled beans on tons of Kevin Smith Superman info, and Fantastic Four and Daredevil info which even my web viewers do not yet know. There is an advantage to standing in line with me to a geek event, this sudden and impassioned outpouring cornucopia of geek knowledge spews forth from me. As well as tons of BS. IE the perfect Superman film directed by Tim Burton would have Nick Cage as Supes and Carl Weathers as Muhammad Ali fighting in a feature version of the epic battle of the titans issue of megacoolness.
Then the line filtered through the stalls and towards the screening room. It was a long and tedious process, they were stamping everyone's hand (personally I believe this has something to do with that Bee episode of the X-files some sort of tracking thing I'm sure). Then I got a mini-poster for Lost World, a piece of paper with the number 11 scribed on it (I'm sure the Beast will get me on the Newton Boys Chicago Railyard tonight), and a KOOZE!!! Yes a KOOZE of my very own. WOWOWOWOW. Cool, now I can put a can in it!!! A perfect gift. We went to our seats and awaited coolness.
Now I know what you are thinking, "My god 5 pages and I haven't even gotten to the review" Well, that's how I felt at this point. 2 days of hell on earth and now I was going to see this film. Did it disappoint me? No. Was it better than the original? Yes, in my opinion it was and here is why. 1) No stupid ice cream eating scene talking about fleas 2) No clumsily directed death scene of a bumbling fat character 3) Those whiny kids are absent (There is a kid, but this time Spielberg spares shrill screams of pre-adolescent silly kids) 4) The camera was not locked down and was free to roam with the herds of dinosaurs. Including a wonderful scene wear some people are attached to a veggiesaur via ropes, where the illusion is flawless. and 5) I like these character a helluva lot more. Are the characters these massivly well thought out and developed characters? Ummm, no. Think about it though, in 2 hours you are being chased all over hell on earth, you don't have a great deal of time for "Ordinary People". I prefer this score over the original, it's much more dynamic and evocative of Basil Poledouris scores and the original Max Stiener King Kong score and John Williams' Temple of Doom score. I really dig it, not a great great score, but very fitting of this film. Also this isn't a remake of Westworld with Dinosaurs like the first film, this is more like a remake of Hatari with dinosaurs. Just think, instead of elephants following the female character about, you have Tyrannosaurs following the female character about with the intention to chew her head clean off. Coool. As for the ummm surprise that wasn't such a surprise at the end. I won't spoil it for those of you that don't wanna know, but there are a couple a leaps of faith as a film watcher you should make, the first is think of the boat as a tribute to NOSFERATU and not King Kong, then just let go of your up tightness. Relax, enjoy. You could beat this film to death if you wanted, but why? What purpose does that serve? It's a cooool movie and should be treated as such. The characters are shallow, but so what? They need only be as deep as a T-Rex tooth can bite down, right?!? Then while we're at the subject of characters, I enjoyed these characters over the main characters in the first film. Real anatagonists, not some goofy incompetent fat idiot slob, who can't even drive down a road to a boat dock that he should know where is. Don't get me wrong, I love Jurassic Park, but it is not a great movie, neither is this. The best in this genre is still far and away KING KONG (1933). And personally I have to believe Steven Spielberg and every member of the crew would agree with me. Homages to that film, as well as direct shot swipes and forms of death are taken from Kong. My friend Glen is awaiting Emmerich and Devlin's Godzilla to truly be the coolest of cool oversized Lizard movies, and it could be. However, I still will put the fight between Kong and the T-Rex/Allosaurus up against any creature work in history. The dynamics and power are still as strong as they were 64 years ago. Is Lost World worth my two days of effort? Yes, I think so, and I'm going back Friday. I am a cow. I will contribute to the coffers of Universal. It tis useless to resist.
In the genre of hunters and gatherers on a remote island battling misc. dinosaurs with a stowaway kid on board that end up in a cool location this film is about as cool as it gets. Although Valley of Gwangi has a dinosaur with much more personality than any of these dinosaurs, but then where have all the Harryhausens' gone. There is only one, and he is retired. drip drop, tears of sadness fall from my eyes.
