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QUINT Hooks Up His BNAT Review!!

Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...

I’m working on my reviews for RETURN OF THE KING and THE PASSION OF CHRIST right now, but I don’t think I’ll be doing a giant overall BNAT piece. It was a great weekend, and I really needed the break. I’ll leave it to our own Master Seaman Quint to give you his breakdown of the entire 24 hour fes... er, film orgy. Good stuff. Dig in!

Ahoy, squirts. For some stupid backward-ass reason I woke up at 7am the morning of BNAT after having been asleep a scant 7 and a half hours. Thus, I had been up roughly 35 hours before I went to sleep again. I have now just awoken from my 14 plus hour long coma and notice I've already fallen behind Master Knowles and the giddy Nordling. Below will be my take on the films that played, not on the whole event or the celebrities that came. Just the movies.


Great John Wayne and Duke flick. Some extremely racist stuff in it, but the only thing I hate more than racists are people who HISS at the screen when they watch a '30s film and a Black Sambo stereotype appears. We've grown beyond that stereotype as a society (not far beyond in a lot of places, but we've still grown). Can't we look back at these films as both a movie and a reflection of that moment in time? Part entertainment part snapshot of history?


Harry's a cocktease. We get to see Billy Batson get his Captain Marvel powers and he uses them to lift one door and then once more to jump down to some machine guns to blow away some marauding Arabs. Nothing quite like seeing a caped crusader behind a massive machine gun shooting a fleeing mob of foreigners! Then the film breaks. The audience goes, "Ahhhhhhhh..." Then...




I was crying through almost every minute of this film, but what surprised me was I found myself getting the most emotional during the non-emotional scenes. Death scenes, betrayals, hope... the loss of hope. Didn't push me to tears. Yet for some reason, when Theoden was giving his speech before Pelennor Fields and the Rohirrim charges onto the field... I lost it. To the point where my chin was doing that little twitching thing. I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT! I didn't know why I was doing it then and now I only have a guess.

This whole film feels like a goodbye. We know that this is the last time we will see any of these characters, regardless if they live or die in battle. Over the last three years we've gotten to know this film and these people and after each previous installment we have always known, "Well... There's always next year."

The film ties up everything perfectly. I thought I was going to hate missing Christopher Lee and while it still bugs me a little, they handled it well enough that I wasn't caught up on it straight away. Everything else that's missing didn't jump out to me until the end, when I looked back on everything that came before and went, "Hey... Where was the Houses of Healing? Hmmm... Wait, where was the Corsair ships meeting Aragon, Legolas and Gimli?"

Afterwards Pete, Fran and The Queen of the Geeks took the stage and did a lengthy Q&A. Pete's first cut was Four and Quarter hours long. Is that going to all be in the Extended Edition? I certainly hope so.

RETURN OF THE KING meets and surpasses all expectations I had and that's saying a whole helluva lot coming from someone as obsessed with these films as I am.


My favorite silent film. This film has always been the one thing that puts Keaton above Chaplin in my book. I love what I have seen from Chaplin, but nothing he has done has matched THE GENERAL in my eyes. The long, incredibly risky train stunts. The precision of Keaton's aim when getting rid of wood on the tracks... Jesus, what a fantastic movie.


I saw and dug the hell out of SYMPATHY FOR MR. VENGEANCE. I didn't go as batshit for it as Harry did, but it's a solid piece of work. OLDBOY is a step further for Chanwook Park. He's honed the pacing yet kept the same emotional impact that he had in SYMPATHY. What this poor bastard has to go through... 15 years in a room and not knowing why or how he got there. Watching the TV and learning of his Wife's death, supposedly at his hand, though he has been in this room the whole time. His sudden release and meeting the guy with the rat-dog.

This film takes you on a path of revenge and mystery. You might not like what is revealed, either. Fair warning if you find yourself in a situation where you can see this film. See it at all costs.


This is the one film I wish didn't play BNAT. Not because it's a bad film, but I have seen it a few times already. It was good to see it on the big screen, but I would have preferred something new at this particular moment in time. This French flick is a retelling of ASSAULT ON PRECINCT THIRTEEN, which Harry informed us was itself a retelling of THE NEBRASKAN. I would have rather seen THE NEBRASKAN personally, but it is Harry's fest and he went forty ways crazy for this film.


A short film I co-wrote and had a hand in all through production played before this film... so, of course, that rat bastard Harry had me introduce these flicks, but at least he gave me Capone for support. He put the short and GINGER SNAPS together, I believe, because they both were horror films with KNB EFX. Our film is called BLIND. I was so dreadfully nervous as it played... and I only wrote it! The whole showing was, "Oh, no... The picture quality is too dark... the sound is off... that shot looks so much better on DVD..." Is this how it is for everybody who shows their films? How can they stand it?

I was in the first wave of people going Ga-Ga over the original GINGER SNAPS. It was refreshing, full of character and had an intense final act. GINGER SNAPS UNLEASHED is alright. It's essentially a 15 minute movie (as my buddy Kraken pointed out) that just keeps repeating itself. "I don't want to be a werewolf." "Don't fight who you are." Other werewolf shows up and they run. Repeat.

The film is filled with great moments and a really far-out ending. The werewolf looked good, the rest of the make-up wasn't so spectacular, especially on Bridgett at the end of the film. I noticed afterwards that the people who didn't like it too much had seen the first film (some loved it, some didn't) and those that really dug it hadn't seen it. It was almost a science by the end of the event.

It's alright. Worth seeing, but going way too much for the quick edit style.


Brilliant movie until the last 5 minutes where you learn something that totally makes everything that came before it completely unfeasible. It's like they decided to throw in a twist that makes sense in two or three moments in the entire film, but totally makes the rest of the picture contradict itself. Other than that, it has some of the best gore I've ever seen executed onscreen and has a brilliant premise... too bad they fucked it up at the end.


Goddamn you, Harry. Goddamn you to hell. Although, I will admit that there's no greater eye opener than seeing the skin that separates a woman's vagina and asshole being cut to allow a 9 pound baby to be pulled through the opening. It certainly woke me up.


New Zealander's know their zombies. This flick seemed a little too convoluted on the whole, but it's very easy to forgive. The style, the effects, the camp. All top notch.


It's an amazing film. I am Agnostic and have been my entire life. I've always respected the teachings of Christ, but despised what Christianity is as a religion. My closest friends are Christian and we've had many a discussion about the difference between being a true believer of the bible and Christ and being a mindless follower. Every single thing I hate about Christianity as a religion boils down to people not reading the bible, just following the interpretation by people like Pat Robinson and Billy Graham, who are driven more by vanity and greed than actual spirituality.

Religion is a touchy subject and I just wanted to make sure you know my feelings. Summed up, I'm an open-minded Agnostic. I respect Christianity for what it should stand for and what it is meant to stand for, but the greed and corruption that was so prevalent in Christ's time is in full swing in the now.

And I loved this film. It's a remarkable piece of filmmaking. I won't say this film doesn't have an agenda, but I will say that it IS NOT PREACHY and doesn't cater only to Christians. The outrage this film has received is unfair, but I hope it continues. It's free press and will make this film a star, just like that sex tape has made Paris Hilton a star. Wait a minute... Did I just compare Jesus Christ to Paris Hilton? Hmmm... Waiting for the lightning... What will we get? Compassionate God with a sense of humor or wrathful God with a fistful of lightning?

Gibson's stroke of brilliance with this film comes in two places. One, the early decision to shoot the film using Aramaic and Latin. It works brilliantly and makes the film unique. It's more moving to hear it as Jesus would have said it. The second is his casting. Perfect on all counts. I would love to have seen more of Monica Bellucci's Mary Magdalene, but that isn't the story. The story is of Jesus's pain and suffering and boy do you feel every lash.

There will be people with agendas against and for this movie. I hope I'm being well balanced and in the middle of the road with this mini-review, but ultimately since this topic is so personal to everybody (for or against) the only way to know what you think is to see it. Cinematically, I can guarantee you won't be disappointed. If you get turned off, it'll only be due to the subject matter.

The last word I'm going to make about the film is the title change from THE PASSION to THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST. As an Agnostic, I would have been more up for seeing a movie called THE PASSION than THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST. To me, this new title implies the film will be preachy, which it is not. Christians will come to see this film whether it is called THE PASSION or THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST, however to get the people on the fence with religion to come see it you have to convince them that the film isn't about how this God is the right God and that they're worthless sinners for not accepting it. The movie doesn't say that, the title shouldn't make them think it will.

That's it from me on this one, squirts. It was an incredible time and I am glad to have gotten to spend that 24 plus hours with all of you who attended. For those that couldn't, I hope to see you next year!


email: Email Quint here, but I can't promise to be civil if you try to convert me! Fair warning!!!

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