It began at 7:30 this morning when I awoke to go get tickets for FIFTH ELEMENT. You see, since I'm not considered to be official PRESS by the companies that make these films, I, like you, must endure long lines for the advance screening passes. I do this for a couple of reasons. First, there is nothing quite like sitting or standing in a line of movie geeks. The conversation is likely to be 2 hours of pure film talk. BLISS. That is unless evil incarnate were to arrive. My father (a great person to see movies with), Geek #2 (and his child, the cutest being on the planet) and I were all sitting there minding our own business when my ex-girlfriend's aura was picked up on my scanners. AKA "I sense a great disturbance in the force." I look up and see her, her new boyfriend and guppy child (I'll explain another day). They get at the back of the line. Now I know some of you are saying, "she can't be that bad." Let me just say that after I broke up with her, she continued to call for 5 months. She would show up at places waiting for me. Very scary. Think of a pseudo-punk wannabe version of Glen Close's character in Fatal Attraction.
We get the tickets, but so does she. The rest of the day I spend asleep, trying to recover from an all nighter I pulled getting my latest story out to Sci Fi Universe and the update to the page. I wake up to a call from a fellow out in Las Vegas, who wants me to do a Talk Radio show in the Vegas area. I would be a live phone link. Coooooool, I say to myself. Then I gather up my Dad and head out to the Arbor Theater here in lovely Austin, Texas. I round the corner to enter the theater and I see that a very cool friend is waiting for me, and so is "The Ultimate Evil". My ex is there with VAMPIRE TEETH implants spanking her little kid who is screaming. My brain began hemorrhaging at this point. Serious thoughts of abandoning THE FIFTH ELEMENT began crossing my mind, you see the Austin Film Society was showing THE BIG RED ONE for free, and it's a cool movie that didn't have my ex there. However, I decided I would be a man and do the brave thing. Cower behind my friends, fix my eye focus so that I could never make eye-contact and finally get in extreme GEEK MOVIE MODE. The G.M.M. is a state of consciousness brought on by the anticipation of upcoming movie coolness. The combination of these three elements helped protect me from my ex. You see I am a wuss. Thank you Thank you, I can admit these things because you know, I'm a wuss.
Finally, they began letting us into the theater. This is when that urge to push and shove usually occurs, but since that would mean physical contact with my ex, I eased off my geek seat seeking sensors and went in on cruise. Sure enough she sat exactly behind where my friends and I usually sit. So being the man I am, I decided to sit about 5 rows behind her. You know I ooze machismo.
This began the 3rd phase of an advance screening, the "In-Seat" Wait. You know, you sit there making idol chat with your friends. Which as a unit love to point out strange people, weirdoes and attractive types. All of whom are pointing at us for the same exact reasons. Next comes the announced sponsorship plug. This screening was brought to you by.... The Austin Chronicle gave out the tickets I had, so it's fitting that I plug them. Next the lights went down and the process of seeing the movie began.
The first trailer was for Air Force One, a neat little trailer that doesn't quite do it for me. However, the trailer does leave you with a lot of questions which will be answered hopefully by dragging me into the film. The second trailer was for a truly awful looking film titled Desperate Measures starring two actors that I used to enjoy. Michael Keaton and Andy Garcia. SUDDENLY, a slide appears on screen and the house lights came up. Projection problems apparently. Now, I'm sure all of you knows what this does to a packed audience. Cat calls, giggling and severe joking around. The audience was being manipulated by ineptitude to be in a goofy mood. The perfect mood for the next trailer and the feature. Finally, the lights dim and the projector starts up again. The rest of the horrible trailer Desperate Measures ensues. Followed by MEN IN BLACK. The trailer played very well to the audience which laughed and applauded when it was over.
Next the Columbia Lady graces the screen and FIFTH ELEMENT began. Now personally, I'm not going to spoil the film here. But I will let you know what I think about it, and the problems it might face. I loved it. I knew exactly what I was getting into, and with that preparation knew in advance that it was NOT A SERIOUS FILM. This is a comic book. In the sense that comics can have moments of grave seriousness, while in the same story having a floating imp from another dimension pulling pranks left and right. This is what Schumacher is aiming for in the Batman films, but he lacks the skill as a craftsman and the fantastic abilities of LUC BESSON. Luc mixes slapstick humor, hardcore action and that sort of "Boy meets Girl and 48 hours later they are passionately in love and we don't exactly know where that happened," but frankly I don't care. This film is an E-ticket to Fun City in the 23rd Century. And what a city!!! In my opinion the work Digital Domain did here was nothing short of mind boggling. If you gasped at Coruscant or Cloud City in the Special Editions, you ain't seen anything yet. In alot of ways those shots felt like incredibly well rendered Star Trek matte paintings that allowed for movement, but were not all that detailed. This 300 years in the future New York is startling. It has a great depth of focus, and most importantly the city is alive and teeming with citizens. This is a future city that you can look at and say, "That's how it's gonna be!"
However, not everyone was blown away by this film. I believe that they went into the film expecting something entirely different from the film on screen. The trailer would lead you to believe that it's a kinetic balls-to-the-wall action science fiction film. Well yeah it is, but in addition it's got a wicked comic streak to it. The Chris Tucker character can be grating to some, but to me (and my good friend Geek #2) his character can be summed up as being a effete tasmanian devil with a Michael Jackson-on-helium voice. I enjoyed the character simply because the character was frighteningly believable to me. Imagine if Howard Stern were an attractive man with a hip hop pop sound. Quite frightening, but kinetically funny. His character will be the center of debate over the film. You have ongoing gags and pratfalls and annoying little character habits. However, as my experience of even attending this screening can attest there are in this world we live in "ongoing gags and pratfalls and ANNOYING LITTLE CHARACTER HABITS." After the first character faints, if you don't smile, then you'll need help. You see it has a very silly nature to it, and if you go in with an incredulous giggly goofy mood, you'll come out with cheek cramps from smiling. There was a sequence of about 20 minutes of the film where I was struck with a severe case of the giggles. Not because someone was whispering slights at the film, but rather because the film created the COOL GIGGLES. That's the condition where you are suddenly over-whelmed by the immensity of cool things happening on screen that you begin to giggle. Alot of people get this condition while in tense HORROR FILMS.
Finally, Fifth Element did something that completely blew me and my friends and family away. There are these alien creatures called the "manglores" or something like that. Their lips move so damn well that I don't know how it was done. This is far beyond the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle stuff, this was real. Those beasties fooled me, and that's a damn hard thing to do.
I was thrilled to see a whole slew of cool characters and actors of different tones. After all, in my life and experiences individuals are walking around in their own genres. This film reflects that. Bruce is in a action - tough guy genre. Chris Tucker is in a Robin Williams film. Milla Jovovich was in the fish out of water genre. Brion James was in a Brion James genre (a real cool real cool genre I might add.) Gary Oldman was in his Ross Perot-evil weapons genre. Ian Holm was probably in the same film as Milla's character. Then you got the cops (WAY COOL) and the Aliens (man I don't understand that mouth thing) and the city and effects themselves which set some new standards to be met by ILM.
This is a fun film, let it be a fun film. Don't pre-alienate yourself with thoughts of THE PROFESSIONAL (aka LEON) or LE FEMME NIKITA. This film is a different tone. On one of the Fifth Element specials Luc Besson said he wanted to do something lighter, more fun. You can't get much more fun than this film. Thousands of things to look at in some shots. Read the walls, the cigarette dispensers and listen. Ears are real important in this film. Go see it. And enjoy it.
In the genre of eccentric science-fiction/action/romantic/comedy/save-the-world films directed by insane French Directors this one is just about as good as you can get.
