Hey folks, Harry here... I'll be posting my review for TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake up tonight. Last week was a doozy for me, and this week I'm trying to get back in the groove. So I'm a bit behind. Specially since Moriarty is off in Rehab. I was shocked to hear about his drinking as of late... I thought that chapter of his life was behind him, but... well I suppose hanging out with Harry Lime has rubbed off on him with a bit of salt and Tequila.
Hey, It's Alan Strykforce. I just got back from a screening of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake. I've never written a review before, but this movie seemed like it needed someone to hype it up a bit.
Let me just say that earlier today I watched the original film, along with the first two sequels (fuck the next generation). You'd think that watching the remake in such close proximity with the original might hurt any chance I'd have of enjoying it, but you're wrong. Watching two crappy Chainsaw sequels prepared me for anything that New Line had in store, so there was nothing to lose walking into the theatre tonight.
So is the film perfect? Nope. It's pretty cliched. Pot and sex equal death and abstinence equals tons of close calls, but ultimately survival. Also, the opening scenes with the kids in the van are a bit shaky, until they come across a hitchhiker…
This is when the film truly kicks into gear and becomes it's own. Forget what you knew about the original, because aside from a few mimicked murders, the film veers into a wonderful new territory. R. Lee Emery is the scariest fucking cop I've ever seen on screen; way tougher than Ray Liota in Narc. He won't win any awards for this role, but he scared the shit out of everyone in the audience tonight. Jessica Biel is ok. Her tits bounce across the screen very well and occasionally she delivers a line convincingly, but I can't shake the 7th Heaven image, which isn't entirely her fault I guess. The only other person I recognized in the film was the little boy from the Ring as Jedediah. His fake teeth almost killed it for me, but he was still good. He reminded me of the feral kid in Road Warrior. My only problem with him is that he helps the kids survive. The scene felt a little like People Under the Stairs, which isn't exactly a good thing for me.
New Leatherface is a lot like old Leatherface. He's a butcher in this film, not a child. That's the thing that's always upset me about the sequels. They decided that Leatherface must be a retard to do the things he does, but he's not. He's a man that's blurred the line between animals and people. Watch the scene where he dresses one of the kid's wounds. He treats the kids as though they're cattle, and shows them the same amount of remorse that any farmer would show to a cow lined up for the slaughter. He even moves like the old Leatherface (the laundry line scene). And wait until you see one of his masks, it's almost ripped right out of the original. The only thing that pissed me off was the revelation of his real face. I liked it better when he was just a normal guy who put flesh on his face and became a psycho. Now, they give the skin mask significance, which I'm not sure it needed.
There's a lot more I'd like to say, but I think I've already said too much. Just go see the fucking movie and decide for yourself if it's any good.
By the way, Harry's cameo was to die for. Muwahahahahahaha.
Love,
Alan Strykforce
