Father Geek here with this week's regular column from Downunder...

Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest... Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly...stupid.

AICN-DOWNUNDER

Last weekend I was up at Mount Buller, a very cool snow field in Victoria. (Things I saw of interest: the big redheaded guy who obviously modeled his look on Harry – you know who you are – and the two snowflakes that were exactly alike... what a gip.) On my way back, I got stranded in the middle of nowhere (about 19km outside of the township of Yea... so 19km from the middle of nowhere, just to the south).

So I’m standing by the side of the road with my brother, and we’re trying to remember where the Mound of Power is so we can call for help... the Mound of Power, by the way, was a magic lump of dirt that for some reason gives you a massive boost to your mobile phone signal. Step away from the mound and you drop back to zero. Anyway... we had an interesting discussion about where to go next. Should we wait for a mechanic that may never come? Or should we head up to that mysterious-looking house on the hillside? The one with its light on and no neighbours for miles around?

I said no. My argument was that I’d seen way too many horror films, and this is always how they started. My brother, on the other hand, countered with the argument that could also be the start of a porn film. So how do you know what genre you’re in? Do teens in horror films assume they’re in a porn film when they walk into these situations? Would life be easier if we knew which genre we were in?

So I thought about which genre my life generally fell into. And, overall, I’d have to put my money on Woody Allen. For the most part, I feel like I’m in a Woody Allen film. So, with that mind, who would greet me at the door if I climbed the hill and knocked on the doorbell? My best guess was Christopher Walken, and as I pondered my reaction as he gave me a lift somewhere, the tow truck pulled up. Turns out I was in a really dull documentary... or “life”, whatever you want to call it.

NEWS

* If there’s one thing that victims of last year’s horrific Bali bombing have been yearning for, it’s that their tragedy be turned into a saccharine film for the masses! BALI: THE BOMBING OF PARADISE will be shot on location in Bali, England and Australia, from a script by writer John Goldsmith (AGNES BROWNE). Producers are already in negotiations with potential victims for rights to future disasters.

* This weekend Brisbane will host the premiere of INSPECTOR GADGET II. The big-budget headline-stealing sequel was shot in Australia and features French Stewart as Gadget, alongside local actors Sigrid Thornton, Bruce Spence and Tony Martin (the serious one).

AWARDS AND FESTIVALS

2003 CECIL HOLMES AWARD (ASDA)

The Australian Screen Directors Association has announced that Victorian actor and critic John Flaus will receive the 2003 Cecil Holmes Award, an annual award that recognises outstanding contributions to the Australian film industry. Flaus has appeared in Phillip Noyce’s NEWSFRONT, as well as recent hit comedy CRACKERJACK.

BOX OFFICE

Pixar’s latest brilliance holds onto the top spot again, with newcomer 28 DAYS LATER taking a respectable third spot and Harrison Ford’s pity revenue securing him forth,

And these are the winners...

• 1. FINDING NEMO
• 2. THE ITALIAN JOB
• 3. 28 DAYS LATER
• 4. HOLLYWOOD HOMICIDE
• 5. AMERICAN PIE: THE WEDDING

RELEASED THIS WEEK

Harvey Pekar grudgingly graduates to the big screen, Luke Wilson continues to cash those cheques, the quest to prefix every place on Earth with ‘Once Upon a Time In...’ continues, Depp and Bloom buckle swashes, a young Chinese violinist gets corrupted by the evil corporate west, and Australia finally makes a road movie set in 1970s Adelaide.

Here they are...

• AMERICAN SPLENDOR
• LEGALLY BLONDE 2
• ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE MIDLANDS
• PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL
• TOGETHER
• TRAVELLING LIGHT

REVIEWS

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL

Talking to a group of high school students the other day (whose ages oscillate around sixteen), they mentioned they were excited about PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN. Why, I asked, despite being excited myself. “Because Johnny Depp’s in it,” one said, “and he *never* does blockbusters.”

A few days later I was speaking to a friend who simply wasn’t excited by the film at all. The reason, he told me, was that it was a pirate film. And pirate films suck.

Those two viewpoints sum up PIRATES for me: a mass of contradiction. Yes, Johnny Depp doesn’t do blockbusters, so there must be something special about this one. But yes, pirate films suck. Though I haven’t seen Polanski’s pirate flick, I don’t think we’ve had a decent one since the days of Errol Flynn and Gene Kelly (no doubt some talkbackers will now try to convince otherwise). And I feel no guilt in blaming Renny Harlin for a lot of it.

But PIRATES is an odd bird. It’s directed by Gore Verbinski, who I have a very strange relationship with. For me, Gore is a very hit-and-miss director, even though I don’t think he’s ever missed. I didn’t see MOUSE HUNT; the trailer looked awful, but I’ve heard a lot of good reviews. THE MEXICAN wasn’t brilliant, but I enjoyed it. THE RING was a good film, but I love the original too much to get into the remake. So despite my admiration for his past work, I still consider him hit-and-miss.

Then we’re faced with the prospect of a film based on a Disney theme park ride. Right there and then, warning signs should go up. This is not where inspiration for the cinematic art form should come from! But there’s the contradiction. The film is terrific, the script is tight, the acting is superb, and despite the dart-throwing randomness of the camera placement, the direction is spot-on. This is a case of everyone getting it, of everyone being in on the joke, and the pieces coming together to make the whole.

Johnny Depp is by far the stand-out. It’s not just that he’s perpetually watchable; it’s how left-field every element of his performance is. Watch the film, pick out any one of his lines, and imagine how it would look on paper. Then try to guess how most other actors would deliver it. Depp has the Midas ability to turn dull into brilliant, and thusly he’s on fire when he’s given material of this calibre. Not that he’s a slouch when it comes to picking his material. I was constantly reminded of his perfect Raoul Duke, and assumed that this is was Thompson would be like had he been an 18th Century pirate.

But there’s another contradiction which had been bothering me since before the film’s release, and that’s the title. I couldn’t understand why they’d bother cluttering up PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN with CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL... watching the trailer for LARA CROFT TOMB RAIDE THE CRADLE OF LIFE before the film drove this point home. But it soon became clear why they made this change: this film is so very sequel-worthy. Bring on LEGEND OF THE BLUE DIAMOND or whatever.

NEXT WEEK

- Larry Clark to attempt video game franchise with new sequel RYU PARK

- Following the war in Iraq, 20th Century Fox will soon release the new DVD edition of the Kevin Kline/Meg Ryan romantic comedy FREEDOM KISS Peace out,

Latauro

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