Father Geek here with the latest regular weekly column from our picturesque AICN Undersea Offices on the edge of The Great Barrier Reef, annnnnd Latauro our editor/reporter on the scene who is yet to score that assigned interview with FINDING NEMO's coolest cast member, Nigel. Oh, well... Que sera, sera he'll hopefully catch the "flow" of things as time goes by. And speaking of time...

They're not aliens - they're zombies!

AICN-DOWNUNDER

When physics gets to the point that it can bend and stretch its own laws, I'd very much like Jerry Lewis to alter his telethons. Instead of raising money for 'his kids', he could instead get people to donate their time. People could phone in and donate a day or so where they had nothing on, and that time could then be passed on to other people who would use it more effectively.

These portions of time - and keep in mind I'm figuring all this out as I write - could be sold to people, and that money could go to help the less fortunate. Which, upon reflection, would probably be the sad bastards who have no compunction in giving up an entire day for someone else's use.

But this system could work. So all you physicists out there who apparently have nothing better to do than read the padding columns on AICN, get to work! I need at least nine days in a week, as I'm sure many others do as well! There's candy in it for you.

Until time shifts, please partake of some local news from down here in the undisputed provinces of Australia and New Zealand...

NEWS

* Cate Blanchett's coolness factor increases twofold when she begins performing as the female led in Wes Anderson's THE LIFE AQUATIC, alongside Bill Murray and Owen Wilson.

* Marvel's MAN THING (not to be confused with other films) begun shooting last week in Sydney's new Krunell Studios. The film, directed by Brett Leonard (LAWNMOWER MAN, VIRTUOSITY), was so eager to shoot, they begun before the studios had finished *building* the sound stages.

* Following the tradition of successful indie films with 'Wedding' in the title, PRISCILLA's Stephan Elliot has begun work on his new film, VENETIAN WEDDING. Based on one of Sydney society's favourite pieces of gossip, the story follows the 1990's aborted wedding between socialite Primrose 'Pitty Pat' Dunlop and self-appointed 'Prince' Lorenzo Montesini.

* Joel Edgerton (ATTACK OF THE CLONES, NED KELLY, THE NIGHT WE CALLED IT A DAY), may be up for a lead role in Ridley Scott's next flick CRUSADERS. Scott will shoot the film before making TRIPOLI with Russell Crowe.

* Back in 2002, eight Australian filmmakers were asked to film their own interpretations of the same short screenplay by playwright Brendan Cowell, under the banner POV. Following its success, POV 2003 will set directors Garth Davis, Elissa Down, Nash Edgerton, Andrew Lancaster, Simon Lyndon and Kiwi Felicity Morgan-Rhind onto another short screenplay. Presented as a feature film, the interpretations will screen at Fox Studios' Cinema Paris on December 5.

AWARDS AND FESTIVALS

ANIMA MUNDI

Considered in many circles to be one of the most important animation festivals in the world, Mundi has just awarded the Best First Film Award to WARD 13, an animated short from Sydney-based Peter Cornwell.

FLICKERFEST

If you're hoping to get your film in, you've got 'til September 12 to get your entries in. The Flickerfest International Short Film Festival will screen the successful applicants at Bondi Beach between January 3 and 11.

BOX OFFICE

Pixar rightly take their position at the top of the box office, whilst Albert Brooks' other film rounds off the other end of the five. Expect DARKNESS FALLS to fall down into the lower portion of the top ten by next week.

Here's the Aussie top five...

• 1. FINDING NEMO
• 2. THE ITALIAN JOB
• 3. AMERICAN PIE: THE WEDDING
• 4. DARKNESS FALLS
• 5. THE IN-LAWS

RELEASED THIS WEEK

The living dead attack London, then Emma Caulfield, then James Cameron, then Harrison Ford's career, then reality TV (work with me people, you gotta want it), then Australia (woo, yeah!!!).

And here's a cool group of new flicks...

• 28 DAYS LATER
• DARKNESS FALLS (wide release)
• GHOSTS OF THE ABYSS
• HOLLYWOOD HOMICIDE
• MY LITTLE EYE
• UNDEAD

REVIEWS

UNDEAD

It's a good thing I'm not a professional newspaper-type film critic, because I've been trying to think of the polite, academic, politically correct term for 'motherfucking arse-kicker of a movie'. (I think it's 'destined to be a cult classic', but I'm not sure.)

I caught this last night after a long day of work followed by a long day of Uni (that's two days in one, folks), both of which were following a bad flu and a lack of sleep. But this was the only time I was going to have to see a film before next Wednesday, so I let my friends talk me into it (I don't take much convincing).

I can almost pinpoint the exact moment in the film where I relaxed. I don't mean there was no tension - it came in bucket loads - I'm talking about that relaxation that comes when you know a film isn't going to let you down. When you know that no matter what happens from that point on, it's going to be good.

This is the strangest of creatures; an Australian genre flick that gets (almost) everything right. I can't remember the last real cult film we had (probably MAD MAX), but this is more than that. There's more going on here. There's a plot, and there are surprises, and there are production values that do justice to them.

The characters are what makes it stand out. Each character is interesting and ridiculous and watchable enough so that you fully expect each to end up in that eponymous 'group' - the one that must survive until the end. In having every character so interesting and funny, you can never be sure who's going to die next.

The only real let down is the music. 80% of the time, it's intrusive and inappropriate, and undercuts not only the tension but the humour as well. But it's a minor quibble, and the only one I have. The shotgun dude (undoubtedly a distant cousin of Ash) is so over-the-top, he's perfect. A send-up of the mysterious iconic stranger character, they manage to imbue him with something of an arc; one of the many surprises this film has.

The effect of James Cameron not making a non-documentary film since 1997 has thrown the blue light gel industry into turmoil, but the Speirigs have managed to save them. Andrew Strahorn's cinematography is superb, and a vast step up from the video he worked with in 2001's almost-not-seen SPUDMONKEY (a fairly awful film I hosted a test screening of).

But still I wonder what I'd say if I were a real journalist. What would be the easily-definable poster quote I'd bait the distributor with? Okay: "In the 80s, America had Sam Raimi's EVIL DEAD. In the 90s, New Zealand had Peter Jackson's BRAINDEAD. Now, in the 00s, Australia has UNDEAD - a film that will join the pantheon of essential cult zombie flicks!" Because that's what this country has been missing for so long: cool.

NEXT WEEK

- DJ Qualls to play a lonely but innately vitriolic talkbacker in Hulk Hogan's FIRST!!!

- Barbra Streisand to play Brittany Murphy in a biopic about what she might be like in forty years

- Due to insurance problems, Jeff Goldblum will replace Robert Downey Jnr in Nick Broomfield's AN INTERVIEW WITH ROBERT DOWNEY JNR

Peace out,

Latauro

downunder@aintitcoolmail.com