viruses... Viruses... VIRUSES!!! If its not one its another, deadset on disrupting the flow of info from Austin's Geek Headquarters to you our loyal readers.

Father Geek here! Noooooow it seems a different and more potent kind of virus has attached itself to our chief reporter/editor downunder, not to his PC, Noooooooo, to him personally. Well, Fates, it didn't work any better this time than with your feeble attempt to clog our E-mail to a point where we would throw up our hands and close down... Neither Rain, nor Sleet, nor Snow, nor Virus (natural or man-made) shall keep the AICN news from its appointed rounds...

Now here's a slightly delusional Latauro with this week's regular (?) column...

I am a nice, friendly shark. Not a fish-eating monster. Fish are our friends, not food.

AICN-DOWNUNDER

This week’s AICN-D report comes to you with the assistance of a shockingly awful and debilitating flu. It is only my love of you, the reader, that brings me back. Oh goody, I’m hallucinating. (It should be noted that I considered writing “Dis weak’s AITN-D repord comes do you...”, but I wasn’t sure at what point it would become tedious.)

So, while Lat attempts recovery by pretending he’s completely well and nothing’s wrong (thus furthering the illness), enjoy this week’s perusal of all film-related news, and their tenuous links to Australia and New Zealand... And me.

Enjoy...

NEWS

* Scribe behind the adaptation of Nicole Nine-Inch Nose flick THE HOURS, David Hare, will do a spot of re-writing on ALEXANDER THE GREAT (as directed by Baz Luhrmann). Fingers crossed the film includes a scene of Leo holding a girl up front of an elephant (“I’m flying, Alex!”). No? Sorry. Blame the flu.

* The Centre for Adult Education’s new screenwriting membership program has its four budding writers. Nova Weetman, Spiro Economopolous, Nicola Ma and Scott Fowler have been selected to develop either a first draft screenplay or a documentary treatment over the coming nine months.

* SON OF THE MASK, sequel to 1994’s PULP FICTION (wanna prove me wrong?...okay), will shoot in Sydney, with the production taking up a significant portion of Rupert Murdoch’s digs.

* Over one hundred and fifty Aussie film dudes are over in Fiji, working tirelessly on PULP FICTION sequel, ANACONDA 2: THE BLACK ORCHID. Meanwhile, clearly part of some weird exchange program, a bunch of Fijians are in Sydney, attempting to promote closer filmmaking ties between the countries.

* Finally! The crossover you said would never, could never, should never happen! Forget yer FREDDY VS JASONs, we finally get to see a film council comprised of the Screen Producers Association of Australia (SPAA), the Australian Screen Directors Association (ASDA), and the Independent Producers Initiative (IPI). Warner Bros are circling the film rights, hoping for some kind of JLA-inspired action flick. In unrelated news, the flu affects your ability to write cohesively.

* Mood Films begins filming their road movie this September, along New South Wales’ north coast (brilliant countryside up there). The film – confidently titled BEST MOVIE EVER – probably has a plot, cast, and crew. If you know who and what they are, lemme know. Or don’t. Your call.

AWARDS AND FESTIVALS

AFI AWARDS 2003

Nominations for this year’s AFI Awards were announced this week. If you’re dead curious to know who got what for which, I highly recommend you check out the AFI website at: http://www.afi.org.au/

LONDON FILM FESTIVAL

Victorian short films THE ROTTING WOMAN and EXCURSION have been invited to screen at this festival, which is in its 47th year (and doesn’t look a day over 45).

queerDOC

This gay and lesbian doco festival screens from September 4-through-7, and will open its doors to all gays and lesbians aged fifteen upwards. I’m not sure if there’s any kind of screening process, so straight people are probably allowed, too. Check it out at: www.queerscreen.com.au/

BOX OFFICE

The minis won out this week, with Marky Mark’s crew taking the top spot. TEARS OF THE SUN, meanwhile, scraped into the top five on previews alone. Gregor Jordan’s BUFFALO SOLDIERS only made it to the eighth spot, but did well on its per-screen average.

And since you asked...

• 1. THE ITALIAN JOB
• 2. AMERICAN PIE: THE WEDDING
• 3. DOWN WITH LOVE
• 4. TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES
• 5. TEARS OF THE SUN

RELEASED THIS WEEK

(deep breath) Emma Caulfield discovers there’s something scarier than bunnies, Albert Brooks has to deal with a strange sea creature, indie darlings attempt to destroy their credibility, Albert Brooks has to deal with a strange sea creature, a Russian teen fights poverty with prostitution, Jean Rochefort successfully attempts another film that won’t help his prostate, Claire Dane’s boyfriend goes corporate, Bruce Willis throws off old action persona by creating a new action persona, Clooney and Rockwell together again, and the Thin Man shows us what could have been if it weren’t for that meddling Delorian.

Sooooo this week's new ones are...

• DARKNESS FALLS
• FINDING NEMO
• A GUY THING
• THE IN-LAWS
• LILYA 4-EVER
• THE MAN ON THE TRAIN
• THE RAGE IN PLACID LAKE
• TEARS OF THE SUN
• WELCOME TO COLLINWOOD
• WILLARD

REVIEWS

FINDING NEMO

I gotta admit to a complacency here. When I first went and saw TOY STORY, it was purely for the whiz-bang factor of computer animation. I can pretty much pinpoint the moment I forgot I was watching a computer animated film and got totally sucked in by the story. BUG’S LIFE was beautiful and underrated, TOY STORY 2 is as close to a perfect film as we’re ever likely to see, and MONSTERS INC was just brilliant (and it contains my favourite character ever in a film: Boo – she cracks me up every time).

So given their track record of making four flawless, five star films, even the early negative buzz on NEMO hadn’t deterred me. It was going to be a five star film, plain and simple.

You’d think that would bias me into a positive review, but you’re wrong. If anything, my expectations were too high. Animation, check. Characters, check. Newman Family score, check. Everything was as good as it could be, and I was sitting there – enjoying it, mind you – but waiting to be surprised.

And the surprise was that it did surprise me. I’m not trying to send you cross-eyed with tortologies; a while into the film I’d accepted the fact that it wasn’t going to surprise me. There’s only so good a filmmaker (ie: Pixar) can get before there’s nowhere left to go. So when a story I thought I’d had sussed took me in a different direction, and the characters I expected would be comic relief hit me in the emotional sub-centre of the kidneys, I was surprised.

I’ll jump to the representations of Australia, because if there’s one thing that drives us Aussies nuts, it’s watching an American film portray an Australian as a shorts-wearing bushman with a pseudo-cockney accent. Australia on film is always deserts and bushland. And sure, we have those things. In fact, most of Australia *is* desert and bushland – and astoundingly beautiful it is, at that. But the majority of the population is on the coasts. Most notably (or at least, that’s what we believe), Sydney and Melbourne. So my personal desire has been to a film containing someone who looks and talks like me (though I confess, Hugh Jackman comes close... heheh).

Sure, we don’t get a wide range of human characters, but we do get genuine Australian actors. And they’re not talking with exaggerated accents (a la – believe it or not – STRICTLY BALLROOM). They’re talking as they normally would. It may seem insignificant, but it meant a great deal to me.

However, what matter is the story, and the emotional core. And this is the part where I grudgingly admit that I cried. I didn’t realise it at the time, mind you. The credits rolled, I felt my cheek and discovered I’d been leaking saltwater. Possible explanation: I’m a method audience member. I don’t cry in movies much. Or at all. I find it a very difficult thing to do, to get worked up to that level. The only other time I can think of is when I saw DANCER IN THE DARK... but that was not so much crying as it was a *cry out*. I was in pain, and felt that I’d been cinematically raped.

But that’s another story. FINDING NEMO is scaring me, because it means that Pixar is now five for five. And, despite thinking this every time a film of theirs comes out, I can help but wonder... where do they go from here?

DOWN WITH LOVE

Okay, I was raised on many, many films. As, I suppose, were we all. I identify periods of my life with the films phases I went through. The Marx Brothers obsession, the fantasy flick obsession, etc... The most significant was probably the musicals phase, which – if I remember correctly – was given birth to by SINGIN’ IN THE RAIN.

One of the many films I got my paws on was BELLS ARE RINGING, which, until about two seconds ago when I checked IMDb, I firmly believed was a Rock Hudson/Doris Day film. (Turns out it was Dean Martin and Judy Holliday... I was young, okay?) Hm. Kind-of messes up the flow of my review now. Hang on, I can salvage something...

It was my love of musicals and their glorious naivete that got me excited about DOWN WITH LOVE (phew, close one). The sets looked so... sixties. Just the expressions on Ewan McGregor and Renee Zellweger that adorned the poster had my ticket money, right there. There was something gloriously sarcasm-free that I got from every clip played in promotion. This would be guilt-free fun.

And it was. I mean, for me. I went with two friends; one hated it, the other was fairly middle-of-the-road about it – talk about your classic bell curve. So I know I’m in the minority, but gosh darn if I didn’t love it.

This is one of those films that I don’t want to dissect. Partly because of the way in which I enjoyed it, but also because I’m now feeling like a Rock/Doris fraud. The three leads (McGregor, Zellweger, and the amazing David Hyde Pierce) are perfect, the cinematography is glorious, and the final song was brilliant. If the running time had been trimmed by ten minutes or so, I’d have no qualms with it.

But, as far as recommendations go, only see it if the commercials and art gets you in such a way that you know your cynicism and analytical obsessions will be left at the door. And wear something bright.

NEXT WEEK

- Christopher Walken shreds last ounce of dignity by cameoing in another sub-watchable film

- Gus Van Sant to shoot unstructured, unwritten buddy comedy with William Goldman and Rob McKee

- Jeffrey Tambor to play Dr Phil in Terrence Malik’s UNTITLED SEX COMEDY

Peace out,

Latauro

downunder@aintitcoolmail.com