Father Geek here, still haven't managed to delete ALL that bothersome WORM Spam from my PC (its enough to make me want to convert to a MAC, but then the mailed spam buried Harry's brand new state-of-the-art Mac as well) that built up during the long hectic work-week, buuuuuuut I did find Latauro's regular report hiding down among all the bogus mails from hundreds of familar addresses whose more modern, and infected (nobody bothers writing worms & viruses for my antique) PCs just kept pumping out the pain-in-the-arse missives.

Speaking of pain-in-the-ass stuffings, check out Gigli's vile underhanded tactic to fill its empty theater seats further down in this week's Downunder Report...

Now here's Latauro from somewhere in the outback...

I trust everyone. It’s the devil inside the person I don’t trust.

AICN-DOWNUNDER

Having a bunch of really good films come out at once would be brilliant if I wasn’t working 30 hours a day, nine days per week (and, strangely, one week out of the year... go figure). Nevertheless, I managed to see a bunch, and you’ll find them reviewed down the bottom, alongside that exclusive script review I promised you last week.

Enjoy!

NEWS

* Okay, someone was asking me about this the other day, and my response was, “Nah, they wouldn’t be cool enough to do that.” ‘They’ referred to New Line, the studio who allowed Wingnut to make LORD OF THE RINGS and just made FREDDY VS JASON. That’s who I accused of not being cool enough. Stupid me. New Line will be releasing the Extended Editions of FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING and THE TWO TOWERS on December 5th and 12th, respectively. *Then* (get this) have both Extended Editions play back-to-back, to be immediately followed by the first screening of THE RETURN OF THE KING. Please, oh please, make this an international thing. So far, these plans have been made for the US, but the moment they announce similar plans on our corner of the globe, we’ll let you know.

Spoiler in next Paragraph...............................

* Speaking of which, AICN-D’s top spy Johnny Bartlett has spoiler-ish news of ROTK. The Oliphaunts (which we caught an uber-cool glimpse of in TTT) are going to “give the AT-AT walkers in EMPIRE STRIKES BACK a run for their money during the battle of Pelleanor Fields”. Expect to see an action sequence involving Legolas scaling one to go medieval on some orcish arse.

* If you go from very very hot weather straight into very very cold weather, the shock could be quite damaging. Forgive me, then, for going from LOTR news straight into GIGLI news. AICN-D reader Kevin has let us know that with all the negative press surrounding GIGLI, the Australian title may soon be changed (again) to TOUGH LOVE. A cunning ploy, as I’m sure most punters would never make the connection what with J-Lo and B-Aff in it... heheh... oops, forgot about JERSEY GIRL! Sorry, Kev!

* Australian Radha Mitchell (PHONE BOOTH) has replaced Winona Ryder in Woody Allen’s Untitled Next Film. She’ll appear alongside Robert Downey Jnr and Chloe Sevigny.

* Have to mention this, ’cos I have literally been waiting my whole life for this to happen. The ABC, from mid-September, will be repeating “Doctor Who”... in its entirety! Prepare for a nation-wide geekgasm to rock the tectonic plates and destroy the world unless Hilary Swank and Delroy Lindo can go to the middle of the Earth and kick-start the thing that does the whatever with the... okay, I never saw the film. But the Doc’s back!

AWARDS AND FESTIVALS

AUSTRALIAN WRITERS GUILD AWARDS

The 36th Annual AWGIE Awards were held in Sydney on August 16. Scribe Tony McNamara had a good night, walking away with the 2003 Gold AWGIE and the Feature Film (Adaptation) award for THE RAGE IN PLACID LAKE (which one the audience award for Best Film at MIFF).

TORONTO INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL

Aus film DANNY DECKCHAIR, featuring Rhys Ifans and Miranda Otto, will play as the closing night film for this year’s TIFF on September 13.

18th CINEMATEQUE AWARD

On November 14, Our Nic (Nicole Kidman, foreign heathens) will receive this award at the Beverly Hilton in LA. The award follows her win at the Oscars this year, and is presented in recognition of her successes in both independent films and the mainstream.

PHILLIP NOYCE HONOURED

Twenty-five years after making a splash in the US, Aussie director Phillip Noyce was honoured at Hollywood Boulevard’s Egyptian Theatre to a packed audience. Noyce’s first film to be shown in the US, NEWSFRONT, was screened. (For Mr Beaks’ review of this classic, hit on This Archived Bit)

BOX OFFICE

All the new foreign imports filled up the top six spots, with local films TAKE AWAY (7), THE NIGHT WE CALLED IT A DAY (9) and BAD EGGS (10) holding on. DANNY DECKCHAIR has failed to make a splash, but the big questions were over THE NIGHT WE CALLED IT A DAY. Adapted from a true story about Frank Sinatra’s visit to Australia, many were baffled when it failed to make an impact on ticket buyers (especially given the cast, including Dennis Hopper, Melanie Griffiths, Portia de Rossi, Rose Byrne, Joel Edgerton). I personally felt the trailers had no real aim. What was the audience they were going for? Who did they want to see this film? They spread too thin and got no one’s interest.

Nevertheless, here are the top five...

• 1. AMERICAN PIE: THE WEDDING
• 2. DOWN WITH LOVE
• 3. TEARS OF THE SUN
• 4. TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES
• 5. THE ITALIAN JOB

RELEASED THIS WEEK

Joaquin’s film rises from the ashes, Marky Mark decides to give remakes a try, whilst punters finally get the long-awaited pairing of Bernadette Peters, Rory Culkin and Diana Douglas.

Annnnd Here They Be...

• BUFFALO SOLDIERS
• THE ITALIAN JOB
• IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY

REVIEWS

AMERICAN PIE: THE WEDDING

Somewhere, there’s someone who likes the STAR WARS prequels better than the Original Trilogy. Somewhere, there’s someone who thinks STAR TREK: NEMESIS has believable character motivation, that BATMAN AND ROBIN was a much needed boost of neon and fluorescence to the Dark Knight films, that Gary Coleman would have made a better Mike Brady. And if you’re wondering who the guy was who preferred AMERICAN PIE 2 to the original, it was me.

Possible reasons (aside from the usual glue-sniffing): I reluctantly watched AMERICAN PIE on video, whereas I saw a preview of the sequel in a packed house of guffawing audience members. That sort of thing has an effect on you.

The first twenty minutes of WEDDING were fairly predictable and dull. Jason Biggs, Alyson Hannigan and Eugene Levy were all good, but there was something lacking. Even Levy’s opening sequence tag quote seemed a little lame and forced. Then there was the obvious lack of the other cast members. In identifying the most popular elements of the previous films (Biggs, Levy and Seann William Scott), the decision was clearly made to ditch the cast members who might jack up the price unnecessarily (Chris Klein, Natasha Lyonne, Tara Reid, Mena Suvari). I felt it, and I didn’t think I would. What everyone seemed to have forgotten was that the PIE films were always an ensemble. Sure, the promotions featured the Pie Fucker above all else, but it was always about a bunch of guys and their girls.

Klein’s absence stood out more than anyone’s. No mention was made of his disappearance; almost as if he’d never been there at all. But perhaps it was a good thing he wasn’t there. Thomas Ian Nicholas’s treatment made it seem as if he was only there to fill out the faces on the poster. Zero character development, very few lines. There were times where he was inserted into scenes at random, just to make full use of his contract. Random moments that added nothing to his character or the film.

And that brings us to Stifler. Sure, he’s popular. Sure, he’s funny. But for the most part, Scott seemed to be playing him as a bad caricature. And an inaccurate one at that. Ultimately, it’s Scott’s performance that really reflects the film: brilliantly funny in parts, unbelievably lame in others.

That said, it would be criminal of me not to mention the comic gold in this film: Stifler and Finch’s competition; the gay Belvedere character; Fred Willard; a wonderful character moment between Eugene Levy and Alyson Hannigan.

The film wasn’t awful by any means, but I was unable to get past the idea that with a few minor changes it could have been much, much better.

CYPHER

Ah, the director of CUBE. There’s nothing like a film that you and your friends feel like you’ve discovered on your own. That nobody else knows about. That was a few years ago, and it soon became clear that everyone knew about CUBE. Which was fine by us. By that time, we were the only people in the world who knew of Steven Soderbergh.

Knowing nothing about CYPHER was a real bonus, and I’m glad I went in with a blank slate. For though the twists and turns are, for the most part, been-there done-that, it’s the character moments throughout that actually improve the story. Holes or irrelevancies in the plot made perfect and wonderfully-satisfying sense by the film’s conclusion.

The direction is superb, as is the editing and cinematography. Lucy Liu, as well, plays her role to a tee.

The film feels like Christopher Nolan doing an action remake of THE SPANISH PRISONER. The comparison is helped by Jeremy Northam’s spot-on Cambell Scott impersonation. It’s only hours since I’ve seen it, and the themes and subtexts are yet to sink in, but I can already tell it’s a film that will reveal itself over repeat viewings.

THE ITALIAN JOB

I was so prepared to hate this film. You should have seen me standing in line for the ticket. Time was a big factor in what we were going to see, and the only film playing at the right time was this one. So I stood there, frowning up at the screen that told me about DOWN WITH LOVE and NARC playing at inappropriate times. DOWN WITH LOVE was the one I’d been planning to see, all week in fact, so watching Marky Mark rape another classic was not something I was overly keen on doing.

And, for the first act, my expectations fuelled my opinions. Bad writing, mediocre acting, a ridiculous number of cliches... Up until the first big surprise, I was really disliking this film. But then it picked up. The plot went in unexpected directions. The cliches became (slightly) less frequent. I started to enjoy it.

The big surprise for me was the acting. Wahlberg and Seth Green were the ones having the most fun, and ended up being the most watchable. Wahlberg, clearly glad he was able to do a heist film after dropping out of OCEAN’S 11 to do PLANET OF THE GODAMN FUCKING APES, is lapping up every minute of it. His screen presence isn’t so much there, y’know, at all, but he’s having fun, and that comes through. Green, who will never live down playing the character of Oz to absolute perfection on “Buffy”, delights in taking a character with a really lame and already-dated motivation (he came up with Napster... everybody laugh on the count of three), and making him laugh-out-loud hilarious, not to mention likeable.

But the one that shocked me the most was Ed Norton. I’m of the belief that Norton is the finest actor working... at least, I was of that belief a few years ago. His dislike of this film and his desire not to be in it is well publicised, and his sleep-walking phone-in of the role was just awful to watch. Didn’t want to be in the film, so he put in a lazy, unmotivated performance. It’s one of the most unprofessional things I’ve ever witnessed, and for it to come from my favourite actor was heartbreaking.

With the heist film slipping, in recent times, to stereotype and cliche, THE ITALIAN JOB surprised me by surprising me. The big heist that was planned just doesn’t happen, and every twist and turn (though not gut-wrenchingly shocking) was relatively unexpected, and consistently entertaining.

I went in with the lowest expectations, so there’s a good chance you may enjoy it regardless of your pre-conceived notions. And I swear the next film I see at the cinema will be DOWN WITH LOVE.

PS: Have to mention the trailer for INTOLERABLE CRUELTY. Cannot wait. I have a theory that the Coens realised, around the time of MILLER’S CROSSING, how ungodly talented they were, and have been trying to debunk themselves ever since. A film about a pregnant cop who says ‘yah’ a lot? A slacker main character who does nothing to advance the plot expect try to get a rug replaced? Three unbelievably ridiculous characters escaping from a chain gang in a loose adaptation of The Odyssey? All turned out brilliant. Out of frustration, they’ve turned to Nora Ephron territory. Looks like they’ve struck out again. If the trailer is anything to go by, this is going to be one of the greatest rom-coms of all time. Sorry, boys. Better luck next time.

SCRIPT REVIEW

KAPOW!

THE BULK

I transform into a raging, muscular giant. As strong as all the other members of the co-operative combined. I am... wrath and fury personified. An unstoppable Monster from the darkest depths of the human ID.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)

And this happens when you... get angry or...?

THE BULK

Oh no, no. No, when I eat dairy.

BRIDE OF THE BULK

And wheat.

Imagine Christopher Guest making MYSTERY MEN in Australia. That’s about as close as I can come to describing the script for KAPOW! (written by Hugh Fleming, from a story by Hugh Fleming and Pete! Ford) using the standard yardstick of, y’know, other people’s films.

Daniel Svetanovski is the leader of the North Carlton Justice Co-Operative, a group of Melbourne-based superheroes who are living under the shadow of their New York counterparts, the Justice Corp. While the Justice Corp have advertising and marketing deals and film roles, the Justice Co-Op have a hard time making rent. When a villain known as Deathmasque comes to Australia, the Justice Co-Op finally have a chance to prove their worth and stop the menace...

Okay, I’ve never been one for plot descriptions, so the above sentences don’t really do justice to what is a very funny script. At first I believed it was going to be smirkworthy, but it was only a few pages in before I was laughing out loud. The Bulk is an obvious riff on the Hulk, a meek man who transforms into a large orange monster whenever he’s fed the wrong food. The white-clad flying female superhero has perhaps the best name of the group – The White Swallow. It’s characters like these that populate the script; so-called meta-humans who have the most mind-blowing abilities, yet find themselves looked down upon by society.

It’s interesting to read a script for a mockumentary, especially as it’s the spontaneity that will give this film its edge. The only niggling problem I had with A MIGHTY WIND is that characters would walk through a door and there’d be a camera there waiting. I didn’t mention it in the review because there are degrees of realism, and Guest chose that one. And that’s fine. But there’s a very apt understanding of the art of the doco in the KAPOW! screenplay. There’s always a reason for the camera to be where it is, and even the director is acknowledged as a presence.

It’s also interesting to see how revelatory plot twists are handled, because there are a number of unexpected turns in the script. I should also point out that this is not MYSTERY MEN II or THE SPECIALS TAKE MELBOURNE. The superhero spoof is something we’ll be seeing a lot of in the coming years (SCARY MOVIE 4 is taking this tack), and that’s inevitable what with Marvel’s current monopoly on the money printing license. So why is this one worth the time? If they manage to do justice to the screenplay, then we’ll have an Australian genre film that won’t alienate international audiences, told using a rare but apt storytelling technique. (There’s also a laugh-out-loud cameo in here that, if they can get the person in question, will justify the price of admission for every fanboy.)

The script has recently been picked up by a US backer, and the production should begin in Melbourne later this year. Fingers crossed that this script gets the treatment it deserves, because despite having a name like ‘KAPOW!’, it’s damn worth it.

NEXT WEEK

- Clint Gotwood and Meryl Strip to star in THE BRITCHES OF MADISON COUNTY

- Woody the Playboy and Bizz Light-leer sign on for SEX TOY STORY

- Madonna to appear in new video clip

Peace out,

Latauro

downunder@aintitcoolmail.com