BAD BOYS 2 review

If you care about human life, private property, police procedure and that line between civilization and the wanton abandon of pure adrenaline-pumped anarchy… well, you might want to stay away from BAD BOYS II.

In a very odd way, the film is ultra-moralistic. If you’re a bad guy, you are not only going to die, but most likely… you’ll die and then shit will happen to your corpse… and then a piece of your corpse may be taken away and used as a comedy prop later. Yup, being a bad guy is a BAD idea in the universe of BAD BOYS II, a film with nothing on its mind than blowing shit up real cool.

Does it blow shit up real cool?

Yeah, it blows all sorts of shit up, I’m just shocked that one of the many helicopters didn’t get blown to hell. There’s loving shots of animals rutting like humans… and just in case you thought you saw it wrong… don’t worry, you’ll see it again. You’ll see Cars hurled at other cars in pursuit in the most gleeful wretched abandon you’re likely to ever see.

The Michael Bay that got headlines for being Satan is back, and it’s about bloody time. I was one of the devout followers of the Black Prince of SINema, and when he pulled his PEARL HARBOR bit, he almost lost me. He was attempting to woo all those other critics, those people that care about deep emotional content, compelling scenes driven by actors and dialogue rather than a driving beat, lens filters and cool shit blowing up… But nobody blows shit up better than Michael Bay.

Now the film is ever so slightly more logical than CHARLIE’S ANGELS 2: FULL THROTTLE… It’s the hardest R-rated film this Summer. Hard Language, Hard Action, Hard Gore. Bodies get blown up, heads torn off, then there’s the bullets in the head. There’s more bullets in heads in this thing… then just about any film you’ll see.

There’s more moments where the audience screams out… “OOOOH SHIT” than any other film I’ve seen this summer. And this has the hardest laughs I’ve seen this summer. When that pesky Encyclopedia Brown-wannabe, Mr Beaks declared this the perfect summer movie, I was curious… Beaks isn’t usually cool enough to get the Bay aesthetic. Not many are. (Yes, that’s called flame bait) But either Michael Bay finally managed to make something so ludicrously over the top that even the Oscar Madison-like Beaks could give in, laugh and smile and dance his Snoopy Happy dance.

This is the same crazed fever induced Michael Bay that just went bat-shit crazy on the streets of San Francisco. The Michael Bay that joyously destroyed New York City before that became… well, un-fun. I knew something was up when the film didn’t have the regular JERRY BRUCKHEIMER lightning bolt hitting the tree production logo, but rather… The Don Simpson – Jerry Bruckheimer two lightning bolts converging upon one another.

In reality, this is a film that Don Simpson would’ve done 187 back flips up and down a football field for 20 minutes straight just to let us know how happy he was over this thing. It is an everlasting gob-stopper of an action film. One that just keeps assaulting you. Whether it is with bullets ripping meat and chunks of flesh out of people, or a camera in a Ecstasy Club tracking with people by going under the legs of numerous orgasmic Barbie women giving us these erratic and overwhelming amount of panty shots… Not since Busby Berkeley have I seen this many spread legs through a camera’s eye, and it’s just a throwaway shot, but one… that I swear I can hear Bay giggling to himself while shooting.

Like I said, if you’re sensitive about … well, name it, he’s going to offend you. This is a HARD R film that doesn’t give a shit where you’re coming from. These cops don’t arrest, they assassinate. They don’t pull cars over, they tear them apart till the wheels come off and they explode.

My favorite moment though isn't a blow shit up moment, but one of the 3 or 4 scenes in the film where something isn't bloody, broke or beautiful. There's a scene where a 15 year old kid comes to take Martin's daughter out on her first date. Martin and Will then commence to destroy the boy, put the fear of violent crazed retribution into him. This scene killed me. I was laughing my ass off because it was irresponsible, morally repugnant and righteously awesome. This is a scene that totally makes this a HARD R film. While watching it though, I just couldn't help but think... If Tarantino were directing... that gun would go off! Watch and delight. Possibly the best scene that Will Smith has ever been a part of.

I can’t really write much about the film. It really is about as deep as a Petri dish, but it’s fun. That type of, HOLY SHIT I’M GONNA GET HIT BY CINEMATIC WRECKAGE AND DIE BLEEDING IN MY SEAT type of fun.

What is it about the action in a film like this or TERMINATOR 3 that I prefer to what the Wachowski’s did to start the summer? It’s the collateral damage. Mostow took out street poles and part of a building… Bay destroys MANSIONS, more beautiful cars than you can ever imagine, cadavers left and right. There are people running for their lives to get out of the way of the mayhem and destruction. You see… Mike Lowrey and Marcus Bennett are essentially Godzilla and Jet Jaguar in Miami and Cuba. Everywhere they go, there’s massive death and destruction. Like a pair of crazed Tasmanian Devils that are armed like Yosemite Sam and as trigger happy as Jesse Ventura in PREDATOR.

So if you want to see dead enormous tits, giggling exposed ass-cheeks, an industrial tortilla shipping container filled with the oozing bloody jigsaw puzzle remains of a Russian Mafioso and more shit blowing up than in all the other summer films combined… By all means… Check out BAD BOYS 2, it is some sort of mad crazed insane work of evil, it will corrupt many again and again and again.