Hey folks, Harry here... I get asked too much why I would go see something, that is deemed "uncool" by the person asking the question, and frankly... It is because there's something in it of interest. For example I would see JOHNNY ENGLISH to just see how Rowan Atkinson does, I went to ALEX & EMMA because I generally love the Romantic Comedy genre and in particular Rob Reiner's efforts in that genre... finally, I will see SINBAD: LEGEND OF THE SEVEN SEAS because I see all animated films at least once, I have a long history of loving Sinbad tales and I hear that Ray Harryhausen liked it. Mainly folks like Capone and I see all these things because... WE LOVE MOVIES, not just black leather and bullets.
Hey, Harry. Capone in Chicago here with a few upcoming releases. Sometimes on this site, I see Talk Backs that question why we even both reviewing certain films, especially ones that might never have been considered particularly “cool” in the anticipatory sense among film geeks. I look at it this way with some of these turkeys: I see them so you don’t have to. Three cases in point...
JOHNNY ENGLISH
You either love Rowan Atkinson or you don’t. Sure Hollywood screwed us on the MR. BEAN movie, but the old television series lives on in our hearts, as do the old “Black Adder” episodes. Here, Atkinson tries to do something I can’t quite explain: a spy spoof. Okay, first off, JOHNNY ENGLISH is more of a direct parody of the James Bond franchise than, say, AUSTIN POWERS, but it’s not nearly as funny. In fact, this movie kind of feels like a place holder until we get another AUSTIN POWERS film. Atkinson’s title character is a pencil pushing British secret agent, whose negligence inadvertently causes the deaths of every other British secret agent alive. As a result, the government is forced to promote him and assign him the task of guarding the recently restored crown jewels at a gala benefit hosted by French businessman Pascal Sauvage (John Malkovich, whose pompous French accent made me laugh more times than Atkinson). Not surprisingly, the jewels are stolen right under English’s nose, and he and his far more able sidekick Bough (Ben Miller) set out to retrieve them. Singer Natalie Imbruglia does a credible job being beautiful and mysterious playing Lorna Campbell, who seems to be trailing the two secret agent, perhaps guarding them, perhaps ready to steal the jewels herself.
Atkinson isn’t totally unfunny here. He’s got the suave secret agent voice and attitude dead on, but the movie puts him in situations that would have been right at home in DUMB AND DUMBERER, including a slimy crawl through sewer pipes leading directly into a men’s toilet. I’m not going to lie; I laughed a couple times at some of the site gags and dumb jokes, but I expected something a little more tasteful and funny from Atkinson and director Peter Howitt, who gave us the intriguing SLIDING DOORS and the godawful ANTITRUST. I hadn’t expected much from JOHNNY ENGLISH, but that didn’t stop me from leaving it disappointed.
ALEX AND EMMA
I’m a little worried about director Rob Reiner’s credibility. In a lot of ways, he reinvented the modern romantic comedy with WHEN HARRY MET SALLY. At the very least he set Meg Ryan on a path she has yet to come back from. And Reiner’s track record before and after that film has been fairly reliable. He’s only made 12 films (including his latest, ALEX AND EMMA) but look at some the titles: THIS IS SPINAL TAP; THE SURE THING; STAND BY ME; THE PRINCESS BRIDE; MISERY; A FEW GOOD MEN; and THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT. Including WHEN HARRY MET SALLY, that’s eight pretty great movies. It is the greatness of these works that makes us stomach the other four films in his catalog. Films that, for good reason, barely registered on the public’s radar and have reeked of desperation to capture either an Oscar, or simply the moviegoing audience’s favor once again. NORTH is a legendarily bad film, followed by GHOSTS OF MISSISSIPPI (with some good performances, but ultimately not as engaging as it should have been), and 1999’s THE STORY OF US with Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer. Who even remembers what this one was about? And now I have the sad duty to add ALEX AND EMMA to the list of Reiner’s failures, which like the other ones, doesn’t mean it’s a complete dud.
Luke Wilson is Boston-based writer and habitual gambler Adam Shipley. He owes the Cuban mafia $100,000 of loaned money, and in order to acquire said funds he has one month to start and finish a new book to collect a check from his publisher (played by Reiner). Since a couple of Cuban thugs have smashed his computer, he finds it necessary to dictate the entire novel to a stenographer played by the lovely (but made to look deliberately plain) Kate Hudson. At first she is hesitant to accept a job in Shipley’s run-down apartment, but he convinces her--after almost and entire day of writer’s block--to stick around for the month. The problem with this film began to surface at this point in the film. How the heck was Reiner going to compose a plausible love story in the confines of a dingy, borderline nasty, colorless studio apartment? The main device used to give us a little breathing room is to bring the story Adam is dictating to life. Wilson takes on the role of Alex Sheldon, a turn-of-the-century tutor who accepts a job teaching the two young children of the stunning Polina Delacroix (French beauty Sophie Marceau). Turns out the Delacroix family may be living beyond their means, so Polina, despite feelings for Alex, agrees to marry the wealthy John Shaw (David Paymer).
As Alex and Emma start to grow on each other the mold seems to be growing in Adam’s kitchen, a version of Emma starts appearing in the novel. First as the Swedish au pair Ylva, the German Elsa, the Spanish Eldora, and finally the American Anna, all played by Hudson. And the alleged big mystery of the film is whether Adam and Emma/Alex and Anna will end up together. If this film had been a play (I almost wish it had been), the stage manager would have found a clever and seamless way to segue from present-day events to the events in Adam’s novel. But as it exists in this film, the jumps from past to present and back again are jarring and clumsy. Just when we get settled and start liking anything about these characters, we’re thrust into another story without any regard for pacing. These sort of past-present transitions have been done in film much better in films like LONE STAR or the more recent POSSESSION.
The film’s larger problem lies squarely on the shoulders of Luke Wilson. He just doesn’t have the necessary romantic leading man thing down. He never convinced me that he loved Hudson’s characters (in other timeline) or that he was a guy worthy of having her fall for him. He gets off one or two funny lines, but otherwise the guy has the personality of the box of toothpicks. Far better is Hudson, who at least adds some breezy charm and fun to the otherwise extremely drab film. If it weren’t for Hudson, this film would have been dead early on in the running time. If she’s been paired with a more worthy leading man, they might have pulled this story off. Toss in a couple of wasted cameos by the likes of Rip Taylor (sans wig!) and Cloris Leachman, and you’ve got yourself a big boiling mess of sticky sentimentality, unconvincing emotion, wasted talent, and obvious music cues. And if you’re going to make a film about a dude writing a book and you’re going to force us to listen to him dictate the book, at least make it be a decent book. Alex’s book is worse that this movie.
SINBAD: LEGEND OF THE SEVEN SEAS
In the grand scheme of big studio animated features, SINBAD isn’t so bad. Co-directed by Patrick Gilmore and ANTZ helmer Tim Johnson, SINBAD is actually kind of cool at times. It’s not nearly as goofy as TREASURE PLANET, but it doesn’t hold a candle to the likes of FINDING NEMO. It rests comfortably in the middle of the road. It goes out of its way not to be offensive to what nationality or race Sinbad and his pals are supposed to be. The actors providing vocal talents (including Brad Pitt, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Joseph Fiennes, and Dennis Haysbert) are well done and spirited. I particularly dug the bad-girl tone of Michelle Pfeiffer as the evil goddess Eris, who tosses every type of peril Sinbad’s way. And the mixing of traditional and computer-generated animation doesn’t bother me the way it used to, so I even got into the art work here.
I confess not knowing too much about the original Sinbad legend, but I know he fights a lot of creatures from all over the world and is the captain of a ship full of daring crew members. Pitt voices our hero, who begins the film trying to steal The Book of Peace (whatever the hell that is) from his old friend Proteus (Fiennes). Somehow if the book isn’t brought back to Proteus’ homeland, the world will be a darker and less happy place. Also looking to get her hands on the book is the nasty Eris, who has a legion of very big and very cool looking monsters at her disposal. After Sinbad decides not to rob his friend, Eris drags him under the sea to convince him that she will make him rich beyond his wildest dreams if he does steal the book for her. Eventually everybody ends up back in Proteus’ homeland, the book is stolen, the land turns dark and ugly, and Sinbad is blamed. Just as Sinbad is about the executed for his crime, Proteus agrees to die in his place if Sinbad is unable to retrieve the book in something like nine days. The rest of the film takes us through Sinbad’s various adventures in his efforts to steal the book back from Eris. Stowing away on board is Proteus’ fiancee Marina (Zeta-Jones), a woman of adventures who finds herself slowly falling for Sinbad.
SINBAD has an adult love story, the threat of a beheading or two, a sexy temptress villain, and some big-ass scary monsters. In other words, little kids might get a little scared or weirded out by many of the goings on in this film. I found it kind of interesting...a little bit...a smidge...a tad. The directors keep things moving so briskly that there’s barely time to take a breath, and that’s probably the best thing this film has going for it. The running time is brief, and there aren’t any stupid songs to bog things down. Oh what the hell, this movie was okay. But if you see this before NEMO, you’re out of your mind.
Capone
If you'd like to book o' peace of my mind, then let me know!
