Hey folks, Harry here… Tonight I go check out BRUCE ALMIGHTY and while that’s enough excitement to give a corpse a coronary, I’m controlling myself and thought I’d write another of my FROM MY DESK reports on what DVDs are sitting on this desk of mine… What I’m watching and what I think.

Now, the reasons for why some of these are on my desk is that they are DVDs that are soon to be released, I’ve recently purchased them or… whilst thinking about the various current films I decided to revisit a film or two to have those images and thoughts for recall purposes. Webmaster David is continuing his work on creating the Ain’t It Cool DVD site and well… we’re all just delighted as can be.

WHAT’S ON MY DESK RIGHT NOW?

FLAVIA THE HERETIC

At the very top is a film that Synapse Films sent to my house today for review, well it is a cult film of exemplary audacity. FLAVIA THE HERETIC (1974) aka FLAVIA, LA MONACA MUSULMANA aka FLAVIA, PRIESTESS OF VIOLENCE aka THE REBEL NUN aka THE MUSLIM NUN and so on. As you can probably guess this is a Nunsploitation film. In fact, I’ll go out on a limb and say that this simply has to be the greatest Nunsploitation Film of all time. Tired of THE SOUND OF MUSIC and the goody two-shoes singing and flying nuns? Me too. Based on a true story that happened in Italy in the 1600’s, well this is a story that pops off the screen and fucks you up. When we started with the invasion of the Tarantula Sect, I was jazzed. Then there was the emasculation of the horse… for real, which caused me to start screaming as I watched it, and tried to cover my eyes as the knife sliced the horse’s nutsack off and that wet gooey horse balls slid into the bastard’s hands. EEEEEEEEW! Then there was the torture of this one nun, that I swear to God, they poured molten lead on her right breast melting away the skin and nipple, then poured the molten lead onto her vagina… Again I began screaming… This stuff was just jaw-droppingly brutal… but they were not done torturing this poor Nun that’s only crime was being stricken with a slight case of the ‘hornies’… A pair of pliers go to her other nipple, and then this big knife comes into frame and then… dear god, with out turning the camera off… they sliced the nipple off as it becomes a fleshy blood spewing volcano. A loud Christopher Reeve dead Lois scream hurled out of my mouth and I lost track of the next two minutes cuz I was scared shitless to look at the screen. This is all in the first 20 minutes or so. Brutal. By the time Flavia has gathered the Muslims and is out to exact revenge upon the society that would subjugate her… This film is in exploitation nirvana. The things I’ve described are the LEAST OFFENSIVE acts of insanity. This is old school Catholic torture and Muslim murders. I get the idea that the film was made in Italy and that church groups sent their followers out to see this, to understand the Martyrdom of The 600… well, it is here in all it’s tragedy. Now in case you are wondering about my experience in the Nunsploitation world, let me assure you, I’ve seen THE DEVILS, SISTERS OF SATAN and Franco’s THE DEMONS. However, this is the big holy bitch of them all. FLAVIA THE HERETIC is as brutal and real as any “horror” film you’ve ever seen. Not for the weak of heart, this film will hurt you, it plays like a completely unrestrained Verhoeven flick. If you get my meaning.

AVALON

Next is Mamoru Oshii’s AVALON (2001), which after watching MATRIX RELOADED for the second time, I pulled my Region 3 DVD out and revisited AVALON, a film I reviewed over 2 years ago before heading off to Cannes. Last I heard, Miramax had the rights to this, but genuinely didn’t know what to do with it as… Well it is every bit the intellectual science fiction film that THE MATRIX RELOADED is, but Oshii’s elegance and mythic ability to tell this tale about a cyber based society in the future… Well, it deals with nearly all the subjects of these first two Matrix films, and does it in 106 minutes. Mamoru Oshii is an absolute genius, a major influence on both James Cameron and the Wachowski Brothers, and this… his first film after the wild success of PATLABOR and GHOST IN THE SHELL, well it just commands your attention from the opening frame without ever letting up. It has the beauty of the classic Jeunet & Caro films, but Oshii’s own poetic use of movement and framing. You’ve literally never seen anything quite like this. As great a telling of the tale of realities both virtual and real, and all that is real that may not be. Is all life a game, is life about getting to the next level or not? Oshii’s choosing of Polish as the language of the film is simply beautiful. The language is soothing to the ear as well as exotic, and the sets there are extraordinary. An absolute MUST SEE.

UNBREAKABLE

Decided to watch this a couple of days ago because, well, frankly I was in the mood. Once every couple of months or so, I’ll put the film on. See if it captures me, and I’ll be damned if each and every time if I can’t turn the damn thing off. My favorite scene is the one in the kitchen when Willis pushes the newspaper over to his son… The music, the emotion on that boy’s face. As great a superhero reveal as we will ever see I believe. Absolutely magic. I wonder if M. Night could get the second film going now? I’d kill to see this film step up to the next level, much like how X-MEN laid the groundwork for X2. There’s a helluva story to tell here, it’ll be a shame if M. Night allows the insane expectations and disappointments keep him from completing the story. I’ve heard that M. Night wants a project that he can just cut loose and do big, instead of understated. I’d love to see it be this. Of course, I just want to see Mr. Glass in some exo-skeleton that he has laying waste to Philadelphia. Put another crack in the Liberty Bell. Ok, ok ok… I’m a geek. I know. Hehehe.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET PART 3: THE DREAM WARRIORS

After watching MATRIX RELOADED, I wanted to see a film about training your mind for an unreal environment and projecting your inner dreams as powers in the dream world. This is my favorite of the “reimagined” Krueger films… I.e. The non-straight-horror ones. Which began with this one. In many ways, it was a complete reinvention of the character in many ways, as well as the antagonists. What I wouldn’t give to read PETER JACKSON’s Freddy Krueger Script. Can You Imagine? Whew. One, I just love the cast in this one. Heather Langenkamp, Patricia Arquette… Ken Sagoes was the fucking bomb as Kincaid. God I love that character. Getting John Saxon back, and that stop-motion Freddy Skeleton fight. FUCKING A! Oh… and one of my fave DePalma veterans… Craig Wasson. And Laurence Fishburne to boot. Just thinking about it makes me want to put it on again.

RETURNER

This Japanese Sci-Fi Crime Action Adventure thingee is just a blast. Watch director Takashi Yamazaki folks. He’s made RETURNER (2002) and JUVENILE (2000) and both are solid Sci-fi Action Adventures, with the former being a bit more for kids. However, RETURNER is just badass. Essentially it is TERMINATOR in reverse. Instead of the Machines sending someone back in time to stop a future revolt, the good guys… We Humans send back to now a young lady that is driven to stop the future destruction of mankind, beginning with an alien crash landing here on earth, right now. She teams up with a badass revenge seeking murderer du jour, who is out to revenge the death of his best friend, who was gutted for organs as a kid by a bastard played by Miike veteran Goro Kishitani (remember how fucking great he was in GRAVEYARD OF HONOR?). The film has giant transforming robots, time travel, gizmos, aliens, post-apocalyptic visions of earth that rule (visually) and a nice, if manipulative, ending that sort of makes you go… Awwwwww and smile with a tiny tear. However, the action is great and smart, with the stakes being quite high. Not quite at the level of low-budget Sci Fi super breakouts like TERMINATOR, but it is very entertaining. Also a Region 3 DVD.

BLACK MASK 2

Fucking piece of shit! God I hate this film. I love Tsui Hark, and the film has moments… oh so tiny ones, but in all this film sucks while dragging teeth. It hurts how awful this film is. Pissed me off for hours after I saw it. Just terrible. There’s some cool ideas, but the execution makes STREET FIGHTER look like genius. Um… Yeah, that bad. We must pray that Tsui finds great material soon!

THREE

A trilogy of terror type project that is brilliantly done. From South Korea to Hong Kong to Thailand these tales are told by some of the best horror directors that the world doesn’t really know yet. Peter Chan, Ho Sun Kim Jee, Woon Nonzee Nimibutr. I will tell you nothing about the THREE shorts: MEMORIES, THE WHEEL and GOING HOME other than they are atmospheric, scary, creepy and haunting. This is horror filmmaking, not rollercoaster work, but genuine feelings of dread and melancholy and horror. Absolutely great!

CANDYMAN: FAREWELL TO THE FLESH

I just recently bought this, because I realized that I couldn’t remember if I’d seen it or not, and that’d be a crime since it is by Bill Condon and he rules whether it was CANDYMAN or GODS & MONSTERS and oh yeah, that little thing he wrote last year… CHICAGO. As I watched FAREWELL TO THE FLESH, I was struck by how much mythos he added to the Candyman in this film… How much sadness, how in many ways he really made it a tragedy, which all good Ghost stories are. He gave CANDYMAN a reason to hang around, a reason to say the name 5 times in a mirror. A reason for the bees, a reason for the heartache and it all plays so good. Ok, I’ll confess why I just bought this. I’d gone to a toy store and they had the CANDYMAN toy from McFarlane’s Movie Monsters set on Clearance for $2.99 and when I got the toy home, I realized I needed the CANDYMAN films, which I didn’t own yet.

THE WAR (2002)

Holy Shit what a great movie! This Russian film by Aleksei Balabanov is very nearly the best film I’ve seen this year. As far as I know this has only played once in the United States, and that was at Telluride this year, but dear Lord this is a helluva movie. Set in the midst of the Chechen War, but not about any “official” war act. This is a story about a captured Russian Private, who is in the middle of a Chechen gang being held for ransom, though nobody anywhere would give 2 pennies for him, a pair of British subjects being held for 2 Million British Pounds, a paralyzed Russian Captain with a spinal injury… Also held for ransom. The leader of the ‘compound’ is a Chechen Warlord that has quite the kidnap and ransom project going on in the midst of war. He releases our lead, Ivan played by Aleksei Chadov, and the British actor, who is told he has 2 months to raise the money for the release of his fiancée, or everyman there will rape her, then they’ll cut off her head. Given he’s already seen these things happen to others there… He understands. I’m not gonna tell you the rest, but what happens becomes a personal war and how that war changes all parties and destroys any innocence at all. Absolutely brutal. The red tape that John tries to hop through to get his fiancée released is heart-wrenching, then the trip back into the hell hole… DEAR GOD. This film feels so real. So, unconstructed. As if it isn’t being told to you so much as it is unfolding. This is the story of the Russian side of dealing with the same sorts of terrorists and thugs that the U.S. troops have been fighting in Afghanistan. I’m sure many have wondered what was going on in Chechnya, well you get a sample of what the Russians were up against. This All Region disc was worth 10 times what I paid, I’m sure. Best film money I’ve spent this year.

LIFE OF BRIAN

Yup, the Criterion Collection version. I put this on because… Well, it’s really good to always look on the briiiiiight siiiiiide of life, da dum, de dum deduddy dum… And I figured, this is the best religious comedy ever made, and I wanted to have it in my brain when I saw BRUCE ALMIGHTY, which I understand is doing something different, but… Well, this is what it has to live up to, for me. Did any comedy troupe ever make a better transition to film than Monty Python? Saturday Night Live didn’t, Kids in the Hall didn’t. Monty Python is just genius. I love it. One of the most perfect comedies ever created. A double feature of this and that FLAVIA THE HERETIC movie might result in spiritual castration. Beware. Long live the Judean People’s Front! And how can you not just start crying laughing at “I’m not a roman mum, I’m a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I’m Kosher MUM, I’m a Red Sea Pedestrian, and proud of it!” Funny, just isn’t this funny anymore. The great political satire film is waiting to happen out there… one that just rips the Republicans and the Democrats to pieces, like Monty Python did to… well everything else on planet Earth. We need grossly offensive humor again! It’s important!

OK…. So that’s the films on my desk. Other things that are entertaining me, I’m still amused by my Zanti Misfit Ant, but now Green Arrow is ridding him. And then this great wicked old witch Nodder is on the desk nodding as I type. Very creepy, but in that… You’ll never sleep again sort of way. I’ve also got the script for the new CHEECH AND CHONG movie on my desk, I’ll be tearing into it in the next couple of days, I haven’t read it yet. Oh… and that SUPERGIRL figure from D.C. Direct’s Supergirl and Superboy box set… WOW it is nice. I love the look of classic Silver Age Supergirl. Just amazing lil toy.

Ok, that’s it. Time to grab a few winks before I head off to see BRUCE ALMIGHTY – somehow I’m not anticipating LIFE OF BRIAN levels of humor.