Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Dense with information and surprisingly positive, this is one of the oddest reviews yet from The Foywonder:
SPOILER WARNING!
There are certain film genres that are most closely recognized with a particular country or culture. America has the Western. Japan has samurai and kaiju movies. When you think martial arts movies you immediately think China. The mere mention of India causes the term “Bollywood” to come to mind with their garish, epic musicals. Then there’s Mexico. Only in Mexico will you find movies about masked wrestlers who battle aliens, monsters, mad scientists, gangsters, and international spies in between matches. And when you think Mexi-lucha movies there is one name that stands out above all others – El Santo, the saint.
Santo, El Enmascarado de Plata, or The Man in the Silver Mask for those of us who don’t speak Spanish, isn’t just a Mexican wrestler, or “luchador” as they are called, or a movie star but a Mexican cultural icon. I’m fairly certain that when Hulk Hogan or Stone Cold Steve Austin dies it won’t be a national event with up to 10,000 people in the streets mourning. In Mexico, Santo transcended both the wrestling ring and the movie screen. He wrestled for 48 years and starred in 56 movies and since he was Santo both in the ring and on the screen he became the superhero he played. Even today, almost 20 years after his death, he is still a part of Mexican folklore and his trademark silver mask, which he never took off in public and was even buried in, is considered sacred by many.
Now if you’ve never seen a Mexican lucha movie then you really are missing out on something unique. Love them or hate them, sometimes both, you’ve never seen anything quite like them. To say they are an acquired taste is an understatement. The plots usually involve some sort of insidious force up to no good and so a famous luchador, usually either Santo, Blue Demon, Mil Mascaras, or Tienblas, gets called in to play superhero. Insert some actual wrestling matches into the movie and, in some cases, a song and dance number and you’ve got a really bizarre concoction. Keep in mind that the luchadors are never shown without their masks on so some movies have them just doing menial everyday tasks while still wearing their trademark-wrestling mask. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen Santo just reclining on his couch while reading a newspaper still masked.
The genre pretty much died when El Santo passed away in 1984 with only a few scattered movies made in the time since and, unfortunately, few of these movies have ever been released North of the Border. A few of the Santo movies were imported in the sixties with Santo’s named changed to Samson even though whenever he would wrestle in the movies you’d still hear the audience chanting “Santo! Santo! Santo!” The most famous of these Americanized films being SAMSON VS THE VAMPIRE WOMEN which was even lampooned on Mystery Science Theater 3000. Other than those, you were out of luck unless you speak Spanish. However, there seems to be some sort of lucha renaissance going on as of late. You’ve got the cartoon Mucha Lucha that has become popular. Fox Kids even had that horrendous Los Luchadores program a few years ago that tried to Power Ranger-ize Mexican wrestlers. Shows like Mad TV and movies like JESUS CHRIST, VAMPIRE HUNTER have used Mexican wrestlers as a pop culture gag. The band Los Straightjackets is based entirely around lucha libre. Now, a company called Rise Above Entertainment is bringing several of the old Santo films to DVD in the US complete with subtitles so us gringos can understand just what the hell is going on. As nonsensical as most of these movies are, believe me when I tell you that you really need to have some clue just what the hell is going on to follow the film.
This brings us to INFRATERRESTRE, the newest Santo movie and, from what I understand, the first true Mexi-lucha movie in a long, long time. El Santo has a son who carries on his father’s legacy by wrestling under the name El Hijo Del Santo, the Son of the Saint. He too has become a huge star in Mexico and is the star of INFRATERRESTRE. Wearing the same trademark silver mask, he’s practically indistinguishable from his father. That’s probably why the movie isn’t billed as starring El Hijo Del Santo but just SANTO, EL ENMASCARDO DE PLATA. Santo is a much a pop culture character as he is a flesh and blood person.
Now allow me to just preface this review by saying one thing - never have I been so entertained by a film so shitty! Okay, that’s not entirely fair because the movie’s quality isn’t that bad. All the bad stuff mixed together with the good stuff combined with the fact that it is just such an oddball film genre somehow makes for a rather entertaining movie. Or maybe its because I watched it while doped up on NyQuil and other cold/flu medicines? Maybe I was just in the right frame of mind to enjoy a movie about a Mexican wrestler who must save the world, or at least Mexico, from a group of escapees from the STAR WARS’ cantina. I know full well that the majority of you reading this will never go near this movie with a ten-foot pole and that’s a damn shame because for all of its numerous faults its actually a fun little movie and probably the best Mexi-lucha movie ever made. But as I said, these films are an acquired taste, albeit one that I have acquired. So beware of heavy spoilers but I figure pointing out the movie’s goofiness in detail might actually convince some of you to see it.
The movie begins with a prologue explaining that an alien race colonized Earth thousands of years ago only to be forced to move underground when that pesky asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs and set off the ice age hit. They’ve been living below us, or to be more specific, below Mexico ever since undetected by humanity. Hence the title INFRATERRESTRE, which pretty much translates to Infraterrestrial since these are aliens from inside our planet.
Now in present-day Mexico, a wave of kidnappings perpetrated by an insidious force is terrorizing the populace. As we come to see, these abductions are conducted in one of two ways. Either a bright light from a strange flying craft or a forcible kidnapping at the hands of Mexican Terminator rejects. Seriously, you gotta see these guys. They look like Mexican body builders dressed in black pants wearing black T-shirts and wearing Terminator-style sunglasses. They also carry ray guns. To say they look cheesy as hell would be putting it mildly.
We cut to TV footage of a match Santo was having with Blue Panther (another famous, real-life Mexican wrestler) where things got out of hand as Panther attempted to maim Santo before the ring was stormed by more of these Mexican Terminator rejects. Back to Santo who is entering his version of the Batcave. And what a snazzy set it is. Virtually everything in it is virtual! The walls are virtual. The computer terminal is virtual. The video screen is virtual. The ceiling is virtual. Heck, the only things not virtual in there are Santo himself and floor leading up to the computer terminal. Santo is reviewing footage of the match and questions his computer (Yes, the computer talks back) about this Blue Panther fellow who has no personal history despite having been a famous wrestler in Mexico for the past 20 years and that he seemed superhuman. Just then he gets a video message from the Office of National Security that they need his help ASAP. So he hops into his swanky silver roadster and takes off…literally. He has a flying car! And it’s virtual too! Heck, even the city he’s flying over is virtual!
I should also mention that Santo has his own personal orbiting satellite called Silver One. It doesn’t really figure into the plot much but its cool none the less. And just to make sure you know you’re watching what amounts to a comic book movie, between most scenes silver sliding doors with the letter “S” come across the screen in much the way the bat symbol appeared on screen between scenes on the old Batman show.
The only eyewitness to any of these kidnappings is a child who witnessed his parent’s abduction by a strange flying craft. The kid is unresponsive to the police and child psychologist questioning him other than drawing pictures of these weird monsters. Santo shows up dressed like Don Johnson on Miami Vice and is greeted by the new police commander who is perfectly happy having a Mexican wrestler ranked above him on the chain of command. Then again, he doesn’t seem to think anything is odd about a child psychologist who wears a skin-tight, bosom-enhancing shirt and a black mini-skirt to boot.
Before long, Blue Panther and the Mexican Terminators show up and abduct the boy. Santo, the psychologist, and a couple of cops give chase and they all end up at a construction site where they are confronted by two infraterrestrials. They have spiky, reptilian faces and are dressed like Franciscan monks. Before you know it, the cops and Santo are waging mortal combat with Blue Panther and his henchmen in the clunkiest fight sequence I’ve ever seen. The whole battle is so poorly choreographed to the point of being hilarious. At one point Santo and one of the musclemen are quite literally shoving the hell out of each other. The bad guys escape in their flying doohickey. Santo and the pretty psychologist hop into his roadster and take-off (once again I mean that literally) in pursuit.
You never hear anyone ever use the term “Mexican special effects blockbuster” and if you saw the CGI in INFRATERRESTRE, well, you’d easily understand why. Even though the movie is low budget even by Mexican standards, the CGI has that home computer look to it. Still, you have to give them credits for trying and seeing as how this movie is an unapologetic schlockfest to begin with I found the less than convincing CGI actually added to the overall enjoyment of the movie rather than detract from it.
So after 60 seconds of aerial chase and about 10 seconds of laser dogfight (Did I forget to mention that Santo’s car has lasers turrents in addition to being about to fly?), the aliens crash land and escape into the sewers with the boy. Santo, the pretty psychologist, and two other policemen descend into the sewers in pursuit but not before Santo undergoes a wardrobe change. Gone is Don Johnson retro in favor of traditional Santo styling. So now skulking throughout the sewers we have some cops, a child psychologist who is dressed like she should be at a nightclub, and a Mexican wrestler now decked out in his wrestling boots, wrestling tights, and shirtless save for his silver cape. Truly a sight to behold! Also, the police commander shows up insisting on joining the pursuit.
Eventually they find their way into this mysterious labyrinth where some of the walls are holograms. They also encounter more infraterrestrials of the inhuman variety that are dressed like Egyptian slave masters and when beaten up they let out a noise that sounds an awful lot like an infant’s wail. I mean, what was up with that? Oh, and when I say beaten up, I mean they get punched twice and then run away making that sound. The police commissioner vanishes and some of the Terminator-style infraterrestrials abduct the policemen leaving Santo and the future Mrs. Santo on their own. Yes, love also abounds after Santo’s laser-proof cape saves the pretty senorita’s life. She constantly looks Santo in the eye and tells him how scared she is in such a way that it’s obvious what she’s really saying is, “Take me home and make love to me, masked man.”
Before long they find their way out of the tunnels are to this strange, subterranean gondola-like contraption which they hop into and go for a ride where they come across the infraterrestrial’s city/model. It looks from above like any domed mega-structure seen in a most low budget sci-fi movies. What it looks like inside we’ll never know because as soon as the gondola reaches the other side, they are greeted unceremoniously by the police commissioner and a group of infraterrestrials. As it turns out, the police commissioner is one of the aliens and is the one behind the kidnappings.
This is the part of the movie where the villain explains everything to the hero. In this case however, no matter how much he explains, it still doesn’t make a lick of sense. You see, the majority of the infraterrestrials still think the surface world is inhospitable and have never ventured to see what’s up top so they don’t know about human civilization. However, a few of them have and he’s leading them to help dominate the surface world. How this will be done we’re never told but those kidnappings were for test subjects needed for experiments that will help them. Also, the kidnapping of the boy was done to distract Santo from what was really going on. That would be a logical ploy if not for the fact that they took the kid right back to their lair with Santo is hot pursuit. That’s not how a diversion is supposed to work. Another thing never explained is why Blue Panther is an infraterrestrial or why he was trying to kill Santo in the ring even before he was called in to work on the case. And why some infraterrestrials have reptilian faces and others look perfectly human is never explained. He does tell them about how his race has learned to see perfectly in the dark, an utterly pointless bit of info since it was never worked into the plot, and that their eyes are extremely sensitive to light, explaining why the Terminators wear those glasses but not why he himself has had seemingly no problem with lights. He shouldn’t have told them that last part because suddenly Santo magically creates a bright, blinding light with his hand so that he and the lady can make a run back for the gondolas.
What follows is one of the most ludicrous things I’ve ever seen. Blue Panther gives chase in another gondola. It seems these gondolas have controls that make them go faster so he speeds up and starts ramming them from behind. Then it turns out these things have lasers on them so he shoots the gondola causing it to come loose and crash to the ground below. The obvious use of miniatures and stop-motion in this sequence is priceless. Don’t worry though because they are both just fine after crashing several hundred feet. However, Blue Panther is there waiting for them. I guess he must have magically teleported out of the gondola or something like that.
I must say that after having seen countless Hollywood productions that repeatedly employ fancy, MATRIX-style kung fu (And as we all know, everything is better with MATRIX-style kung fu!) there is something rather refreshing about seeing two guys duking it out in the dirt using hard slaps to the chest and flying headscissors. The final battle between Santo and Blue Panther plays out like a wrestling match in the sand culminating in a dropkick to the face that sends Blue Panther plunging into a seemingly bottomless chasm that wasn’t there just two seconds earlier.
Thanks to Silver One’s tracking device, they have a means by which to locate the correct path to the surface but not before they have one final confrontation with the police commissioner and his thugs. More luchariffic fighting ensues and a triumphant Santo finally gets his hands on the evil alien police commissioner and forces him into submission with a powerful handshake.
The kidnapped are freed, the boy is reunited with his parents, the police take the remaining evil infraterrestrials into custody, and Santo declares that the world is big enough for both civilizations vowing to ensure that the alien race remains undisturbed by man. Santo gets the girl and the two engage in a two-out-of-three falls tongue wrestling match. She then asks him out for coffee and Santo being the smooth silver-masked player that he is replies, “Maybe,” before applying the figure four tonguelock one more time.
We then cut to the villainous alien ringleader who is screaming about the lights hurting his eyes even though he’s in a dimly lit room. He then looks at the camera as his eyes glow yellow and swears he’s going to get revenge against Santo for being thwarted. It’s like the end of an old episode of Batman where Joker or Riddler would get arrested and cackle about the next time they meet. Finally, as is a tradition in most of the Santo movies, the film concludes with Santo in his snazzy silver roadster driving away having finished a job well done.
Yep, the general concept of these films are absurd to begin with and the fact that everyone plays it deadpan only serves to make it that much more ludicrous. In fact, one of the flaws on INFRATERRESTRE in my opinion is that it wasn’t outlandish enough. Yep, the fight scenes all look incredibly stagy and choreographed even more so than an actual wrestling match but that too adds to the fun. The one thing I’m actually surprised about is the movie didn’t employ an actual wrestling match or two in it as the movies of old always did. Outside of the brief match footage at the beginning, there are no other wrestling matches. Then again, the plot does all take place over the course of one evening unlike the old films. See! The Mexi-lucha film has evolved!
As much as I’ve ragged on the script and amateurish special effects, the film has a great look having been shot on Super 16mm. The cinematography and the lighting are top notch and provide plenty of atmosphere. I wish more low budget movies looked as glossy as this. The score, while a bit repetitive at times, is great and really sets the tone even making some things seem more exciting than they really are. Director Hector Molinar deserves credit for not camping things up too much giving the film the sort of “wink wink” self-consciousness that is far too prevalent in Hollywood movies today. Despite a few slow points, the early scenes at the police station and the wandering around the sewers goes on a bit too long, the pacing never lets up so you don’t have much time to get bored. Despite all of its many flaws, this is actually a very competent production.
But how is El Hijo Del Santo as an actor? Well, facial expressions are non-existent due to his mask and he doesn’t exactly have the most expressive eyes either. Vocally he says pretty much everything in the same monotone voice only louder or quieter depending on the situation. Nope, he’s not much of an actor but that’s okay because the Santo persona has always been a stoic one. He’s not The Rock and that’s just fine with me because I’d watch this movie again before I ever endure THE SCORPION KING again. At least INFRATERRESTRE has a shred of imagination.
And if you’re still not convinced of all the schlocky goodness this film provides then just check out the trailer for yourself. I suggest you play it small though.
INFRATERRESTRE is the first in the Santo DVD Collection that Rise Above Entertainment is going to be releasing over the course of the year and it comes out on May 6th. Still to come are some of the late 60s/early 70s movies including SANTO AND BLUE DEMON VS. DRACULA AND THE WOLFMAN, SANTO AND BLUE DEMON VS. DR. FRANKENSTEIN, SANTO IN THE TREASURE OF DRACULA, and SANTO VS. FRANKENSTEIN'S DAUGHTER. If this loaded DVD (too bad most of the extras are in Spanish without subtitles) is any sign to come then it would seem that Santo is getting a better DVD treatment than most foreign films get from mainstream Hollywood studios.
VIVA SANTO!
The Foywonder (www.badmovies.net)
Thanks, buddy.
"Moriarty" out.
