Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
CABIN FEVER. MAY. HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES. Even if these two releases were all the horror Lions Gate had on tap for the year, they would be looking at more buzz than any other company out there right now from fans of the genre. Now there’s another title that they’ve started testing that wants to be part of the class of 2003. Is it worthy? Here’s our first review on it...
Hey Harry...
I just got back from a test screening of Lions Gate's new horror film, "GODSEND." I'll stop short of calling it "GOD AWFUL," but here's the review... along with a spoiler section for those fiends who don't like to open their holiday gifts early.
Imagine you've just lost your only son in a car crash. Now imagine that an old college professor shows up at the funeral offering you an opportunity to get that son back. That is what happens to Greg Kinnear and Rebecca Romjin-Stamos in "GODSEND". The genius, naturally is played by Robert DeNiro.
After that intriguing opening, Bob Crane and Mystique (I mean, Greg and Rebecca) go to live near DeNiro's lab while they become subjects in his new cloning experiment. He's convinced that the bereaved couple is perfect... and for a while, everything is just great.
In fact, things are great for eight years, which was the age of the previous son when he died. Now the clone, Adam, starts to experience what can only be deemed as night terrors. But daddy's not too sure, and he's starting to get suspicious of DeNiro's behavior.
Once Adam starts acting like Macauley Culkin in "The Good Son," you know you've got a problem.
Without spoiling anything (skip below if you want to know the film's dark secrets), let me say this... the film never delivers on its intriguing set-up. The final twist is obvious at least twenty or thirty minutes before our heroes figure it out, and there's never any real suspense. Sure, there's a lot of intercutting, nice stark shots of dead trees in wintery woods, and some strange (and poorly shot) dream imagery... but none of it was effective enough to do anything but illicit a giggle from the audience. And when the biggest "scare" in the movie comes from the old "person standing at the window" trick, you know all is lost.
The performances are good (even if DeNiro is a bit miscast as a mad scientist), some of the camera work is nice, but the execution of the story just doesn't work. In trying to a) play it safe with the ratings board and b) not give too much away, the filmmakers have created a muddled mess out of the midsection of the movie. It's unfortunate too, because so much in the first act works. But act two is alternately confusing, repetive, and dull.
The ending is so abrupt and "safe", I would be shocked if this picture gets released without a reshoot.
In the meantime, if you want scary stuff set in stark, wintery woods, do yourself a favor, skip this and check out JT Petty's "SOFT FOR DIGGING." It played Sundance two years ago and it STILL gives me nightmares.
So... on to the spoilers... you have been warned...
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Adam is not only the cloned son of Greg and Rebecca, but also contains DNA from DeNiro's son, who just happened to be the most cuddly tyke since Damien. Now, had the filmmakers posed the question... what happens if you mix the DNA of the perfect kid with DNA from the anti-Christ... now THAT would be interesting. But alas, since this is supposed to be a big surprise, there's little that can be done about exploiting that possibility.
The ending consists of Greg and Rebecca merely forgiving their malicious son (awwww... I love you too, daddy) and going on with their lives. Let's forget that about thirty seconds earlier, junior tried to chop mommy's head off with an axe... and that ten minutes before that, DeNiro bashed daddy's head in with a candleabra. This is movieland, where massive head injuries never prevented anyone from saving the day in the nick of time.
I wish the creative team had the balls to kill the damn kid, but oh well, I guess we're all too touchy feely for that these days.
Catch ya later!!
"Gizmo the Gremlin"
Nice work, Giz. I’d tell you to have a snack to reward yourself, but one glance at the clock says that’s a baaaaaad idea...
"Moriarty" out.
