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GARFIELD - Outrage from his biggest fan!!!

Hey folks, Harry here... Personally, ever since I was a skinny boy... eons ago, I had a dream. To grow up to have tiny orange and black hairs glued to my naked fat carcass, so that I could play the live-action Garfield. I trained my whole life to lay on my side... make glib remarks... eat lasagna... and belittle as many people as humanly possible. And now, now I'm a complete failure... Replaced by a computer. Sniffle. Well, Garfield's second biggest fan is below with their take on the latest... announcements about the greatest cat that never lived... actually, that was Felix... so... The second greatest cat that... shit... that was Hobbes. Ok, the greatest laziest cat that ever never lived.... Garfield...


Just throwing you a tidbit on the Garfield live-action movie coming out later this year. First of all, I gotta say that I was, without a doubt, Garfield's biggest fan. Every square inch of my room in elementary school was covered with something that had Garfield on it, from those cool, late McDonald's cardboard Happy Meal boxes to the "Garfield" magazine, a quarterly publication that I would read for a week and then tape the pages to my wall. Yeah, you could say I was a Garfield freak and that's why this news still upsets me, almost twenty years later.

A friend e-mailed me saying a actor had posted a sort of set diary of his experience's so far on the Garfield set and I can't say I'm all that happy about what I've heard. Breckin Meyer is playing Jon Arbuckle. Okay, I can see it, wouldn't be my first choice, or even my tenth, but he does have a goofy, bumbling charm that MIGHT work as Jon. Or he might play it like that fucking god-awful character he played in that shit-ass sitcom that I've already forgotten the name of, in which case all is lost.

Jennifer Love Hewitt plays his love interest. Um, hopefully when they say love interest, they just mean on his part, because the Jon of the comic wouldn't stand a chance in hell of dating a piece of ass like J.Lo.

Now to the part that disturbs me the most...Garfield will be the only animal character to be CGI. Yes, you heard me right. Odie, Nermal and the rest of the gang will be played by real animals with the CGI talking mouth BS. I'm astounded.

Exactly, who were the fucking apes to come up with this idea? I mean I know these people can push a bright, red button to get their banana, but to make these kind of decisions? Worse, I heard that Nermal is going to be played by a fucking saimese. Nermal is a GODDAMN grey tabby, so if your gonna use real animals, cast a fuckin, goddamn grey tabby!! God knows what kind of abomination their going to use for Odie. I never expected much out of this movie, I don't even quite understand why it's being made and I was one of the fatty's biggest fans. Of course, I stress WAS, because his prime was in the 80's. Why make the movie now? Well, Scooby fucking Doo, that's why. Not a good sign.

Jimmy David

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