Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
These commercials make my eyes bleed. And someone needs to introduce legislature to make it illegal to set any montage sequence to “I Feel Good.” Seriously.
Artisan hasn’t bothered to properly promote BOAT TRIP, which is a shame: the cast isn’t big-name, and thus the film is bound to fade into obscurity seconds after release. Granted, the first five minutes or so are pretty awful, but stick with it. I did, mainly because I’d never walk out of a free preview. And, I peed myself!
The film opens with Cuba Gooding, Jr., as Jerry, staring into the camera, practicing the wedding proposal he is getting ready to make to girlfriend Vivica A. Fox. We’re supposed to think she’s there at that moment, I guess, but then he says, “Your breath smells like dog food. With just a hint of rottweiler butt.” when we realize he’s been talking to his dog, Rocco. Which leads directly into an opening credits montage of Cuba walking his dog and dancing to “I Feel Good”. All before, on a hot air balloon, he tries to ask the girlfriend to marry him, but ends up puking all over her, instead.
Like I said, not a great start. But then, the film is shooting for a completely over-the-top tone, and does at least manage to get it right. Jerry’s best friend Nick (Horatio Sanz) decides to take him on a week-long luxury cruise, under the impression that it will be loaded with available women. There’s an argument involving a parking space outside a travel agency, and they unknowingly wind up on a gay cruise, instead. I love Cuba’s line, his delivery rather, as they are booking the cruise: “That’s all you ever think about - sex, sex, sex... we’ll take it.” And, now here’s where the film could have screwed up royally right away: Jerry and Nick are on the boat a good twenty minutes before it dawns on them where exactly they are. This could have gone on longer. They think they have taken a straight cruise; that is what they paid for. They are presented with just enough information to maybe think something’s amiss, but not too much so they’d start to come off as morons, until it’s made perfectly clear. This the first of many misunderstandings, and it’s modulated very well. Were it not, the film would have lost me.
The rest of BOAT TRIP has the best friends stuck, wading through just about every homosexual stereotype known to man, four days until they will dock. There’s a scene where Jerry passes out from shock, and Nick drags him out onto deck screaming, “Somebody help us, we’re straight!” There is a breakfast buffet with penis ice sculptures. Cross-dressing lounge acts. There’s a scene where Jerry has to try and act gay to win over a female dance instructor Gabriela - don’t ask - so he asks Nick for help, who says, “Do I look like a homo to you?” and a gay man in passing mutters, “Yes. An out of shape one, but we have those, too.” I know how all of this sounds, but trust me. Very funny stuff.
So now, Jerry is having to learn how to act gay, because Gabriela (the luscious Roselyn Sanchez), wants a gay man to do her “the favor”. As if just watching Sanchez dance weren’t turn-on enough, wait till her scene with a banana. She and Cuba have just the right degree of palpable chemistry. And, meanwhile, Nick is hot for a member of the Swedish Suntanning Team, but the instructor - Lin Shaye, from all those Farrelly Brothers movies - keeps getting in the way; I do hope that was a retractable baseball bat handle, by the way (you’ll see). Eventually, Jerry will have to come clean to Gabriela regarding his real sexual proclivity just as, of course, his ex-girlfriend shows up. And, Nick will have doubts about his own sexuality - it’s all done really, really cleverly.
I’m surprised I liked this movie as much as I did.
I think the film is getting released pretty soon, here. A definite Shouldn't Miss! One of the better sex comedies I've seen in a long while, and the only motion picture you are likely to ever hear a woman say, "I've gotta go trim my landing strip."
I just read this review three times, and even though it’s in English, I’m not getting it. Did he seriously just say he liked it?
"Moriarty" out.
