Hey folks, Harry here... The latest oddball pairing formula in Hollywood is the Kung Fu buddy film. So far, only Jackie Chan has really nailed it, because... well his comedy translates. However, Jet Li and Chow Yun Fat... they haven't done so well. First, Jet just hasn't managed to really show a great deal of charisma in Western film thus far... and Chow Yun Fat hasn't seemed to find anyone else to really bounce that charisma off of. The result has been a series of flat, dull and dead films. Movies that frankly, I've left feeling like I've wasted my time. But I go to each and every single last one of them, because I love their overseas work dearly and hope for that talent to translate. However, too often, they're paired up with bad writing, bad direction and grade C films. This is the impression I've gotten from the trailers for both CRADLE 2 THE GRAVE and BULLETPROOF MONK. First up is a look at CRADLE, which is not very enthusiastic, and later is BULLETPROOF MONK which has a better reaction from our reviewer here. I may be seeing CRADLE 2 THE GRAVE tonight, if the roads are safe... Snow and ice is everywhere here in Austin, but if I do go, it is because of Mark Dacascos, Mani rules and is charismatic as all hell. Here ya go...
Hey Harry,
I just got back from the Cradle 2 the Grave premiere.
First of all, it's not really my place to criticize, but the group handling the public ticket holders needs a refresher course in crowd control. The man in charge was a stumpy Robert Blake lookalike who threatened to "tell us all to go home" if he saw any pushing. Buddy, if you think a teeming mass of ticket holders who have been waiting for 2 1/2 hours in the New York cold is going to disperse on your command, knock another one back for luck.
"Cradle" is another big-budget, hip-hop-meets-kung-fu hybrid flick running the same line as "Romeo Must Die," "Half-Past Dead," and "Exit Wounds," and to its credit, surpasses its predecessors, if only by compressing them into "new" product. As a Silver venture, it takes a climactic battle amid rain and fire from the first and DMX performing improbable physical acts from the third, and as a movie desperate to make its budget back, like "half-past," every memorable shot from the film has been shown in the trailer.
The story is familiar territory, a thief (DMX) thinks he's stealing jewels when he's actually stealing a disguised super-weapon from an arms dealer. Thankfully, the science lessons are kept to a minimum, although the same can be said for the character development. The villains get some screen time, but it's employed incomprehensibly, showing two useless peripheral characters (the "geek" and the "grunt") getting into a pissing contest, or chatting about "the deal." Only Mark Dacascos gets a scene in which to prove himself, but his exagerrated Evil Zen delivery and stylish outfits kill any chance he has at building menace. Hu exists only as one-half of the final cat-fight. Wait, she does slap a kid. The same kid that later on tries to escape in a van with blacked out windows (I found myself wishing Kelly'd knocked the kid unconscious, and then maybe that whole scene would have never happened).
I'm not gonna say DMX can't play a guy with heart, I just wish hollywood would let him scare people a little. Unpredictability oozes from the man, for once can he be in a movie in which he isn't forced to play nice (read: man who abhors guns and violence)? On a similar note, Jet Li's lack of onscreen charisma has never been more apparent. Li is at his best, and most expressive, when he's physically taxing himself. He does not get the opportunity often here, aside from an initially promising steel cage match against Everybody and a little wire work at the end. "Cradle 2 the Grave," carried by Neutered and Unchallenged. Yay.
The supporting cast fulfills its duty. Anthony Anderson is still pulling genuine laughs out of the same routine, and Tom Arnold was clearly instructed not to stray too far. The treat is Gabrielle Union at her tastiest. Real talent is eeking painfully out around the edges of a T&A role, but she has no one to keep chemistry with. On the upside, the audience pretty much has her all to itself, and when the film cuts away in the middle of her strip-tease scene, there wasn't a man in the audience who didn't let out a groan of disappointment, except maybe her husband.
Don't pay to see "Cradle 2 the Grave" if you're expecting something different. The Rapper Action Film has become a genre, and this film holds to the conventions, even if the casting is easier to swallow than in previous cases, and the fights aren't entirely pasted together through editing.
Pay to see DMX yell almost every line. Pay to see Mark Dacascos's shiny suits. Pay to see Gabrielle Union's incredible, edible ass.
-Mr. T
And then BULLETPROOF MONK which I'm not to hot on either. The reviewer says its a fun flick, and I hope that's true. I hate not liking any of Chow's American films... It just doesn't seem right. When will we see him get the perfect film for his charisma in English... or do we even need that. Personally, I'd be happy if he continued in Cantonese or Mandarin... and if the Studios distributed those films subtitled here. Alas, I'm dreaming again...
Hey guys. Bobo The Hog again, and I wanted to drop you guys a review of “Bulletproof Monk” I saw tonight. Here you go:
I have to say the only reason I went to this, and many of you will, is because of Chow Yun Fat. I keep waiting for his American movie that is going to knock the world over. By the way, “Anna and the King” was NOT it.
It also stars Seann William Scott (Road Rules & American Pie I, II), as Kar, an orphan who has learned Kung Fu from living in a Chinese movie theater (don’t ask). The story is about a Tibetan monk (Fat) who has been named the protector of ancient scrolls that, in the wrong hands, could destroy the world. The monk is getting to the end of his shift, and needs to find a new protector. He believes that to be Kar.
A group of bad guys/girls are chasing the monk and Kar to kill them, steal the scrolls and rule the world. The story is nothing new, and completely predictable. We’ve all seen this before, and I won’t even spoil it by telling the ending. You already know it. The reason to see this is how Chow Yun gets to the ending.
I have to say I walked in expecting very little, and I was pleasantly surprised. It has the “Raiders of the Lost Ark” kind of action/humor working here. It is definitely meant for a PG-13 audience. This is no Daredevil PG-13 of darkness and evil. Most of the action is light, fun and it is successful if that is what you want. Fat does his best Crouching Indiana Jones Tiger, and he seems to really be enjoying it. He’s funny, sarcastic and the action scenes are still good. This movie will be good for him, and it is so different from all those brutal HK roles of the past.
On the other hand Seann William Scott is doing a superb job of becoming the next Keanu. Of course he has his work cut out for him to beat out Kutcher and Hartnett. He does have his moments here, but mostly no charisma and even less range. He does have some decent comic timing, and you can tell he would love to be an action star (at least he’s been to the gym to look like it). He should get paid while he can. Of course from what you guys have been writing, he’s probably next in line for the Superman movie.
On the whole, the film is just a lot of fun. The sets are average. The bad guys are typical. The fight scenes are pretty good, though some of the effects on what I saw weren’t finished. Young teens should love it.
Till next time.
BTH
