Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Like I’ve said before... I hear this is based on a book for kids that was quite popular. I missed it, though, so all I know is it’s an Andrew Davis film, and the premise is promising. Let’s see what this reviewer thought of a rough cut of the movie at a screening a few months ago...
Dear Harry,
I noticed you haven't had any reviews for the upcoming Louis Sachar adaptation "Holes". I saw it back on October 6th, 2002 at UA Westbury 12 on Long Island.
Sorry for waiting so long to send this in, but I just assumed someone must have sent in a review for this after all this time. I know some people have been looking forward to this, mostly fans of the book, but I'm sorry to report that unless they make some SERIOUS SERIOUS changes, Disney has a huge bomb on their hands.
First off, I don't know exactly who this movie is for. Way too stupid and childish for adults, and way too scary and long (the version I saw was about 2 hours and 20 minutes) for kids. I could see where this would make a cute, quirky book but it does not translate well to film at all, as Sachar's script is meandering and unfocused.
As you may or may not know, 'Holes' was directed by Andrew Davis, director of quality thrillers like 'The Fugitive', 'Under Seige', and to a lesser extent, 'A Perfect Murder'. Why he would sink to shit like this is beyond me. For those unfamiliar with the story it goes a little something like this:
Stanley Yelnats (weird looking even stevens kid), get sent to Camp Green Lake, a Texas detention camp, for a crime (stealing a pair of sneakers) he didn't commit. There, he and the other boys are forced by the warden (Sigourney Weaver, in by far the worst performance of her career), to dig HOLES to "build character". Each day, each boy must dig a hole five feet deep and wide. Eventually, the boys discover the warden's secret mission behind the holes is that she's really looking for the buried jewel treasure of the Wild West bandit, Kissin' Kate Barlow (Patricia Arquette). Also Jon Voight is hilariously bad as Mr. Sir, the warden.
The most glaring problem with 'Holes' is all of Arquette's scenes. Rather than just taking one scene and having a character explain her story, over a half hour of screen time is devoted to showing it to us. I would suggest the studio cut these scenes out, but I'm sure that would piss Arquette off since those are the only scene's she's in.
I would say only fans of the book would like this, but in our focus group, even the people that did read the book (including 2 11-year olds) said they didn't like it. Sorry to let down the people looking forward to this, but it is pretty damn bad. Not as bad as 'Just Married' or 'National Security', but about on 'Kangaroo Jack' level. An embarassment for all involved.
Sincerely yours,
Raleigh St. Clair (formerly Fenton Meeks)
Yikes. All sorts of harshness this morning between this and DARKNESS and MATCHSTICK MEN... I gotta find an e-mail here from someone who liked something. Y’all are depressing me...
"Moriarty" out.
