Hey folks, Harry here... Well yesterday, the tiny tidbits i had on Catwoman made the film seem like it was revisionist, but at least fun... That posting prompted the following poor unfortunate soul to write in with her terrible experience reading this travesty. Here ya go....
Harry, dahlink... It is I, the original Selina Kyle and baby, I have read the CATWOMAN script. I see news is trickling out, so it isn't even a secret anymore that this project is actually getting off the ground. Which is terrible! Terrible, dahlink, because THIS SCRIPT IS AWFUL. INCOMPETENT. And EVERYONE KNOWS IT. Especially Warner Bros. But so much money has been sunk into it, it just Has To Happen. You know dear, it is one of those embarrasing trainwrecks with suicidal conductors, we poor passengers, we'll be the ones trapped in the burning wreckage of their carelessness.
Warner Brothers has been scrounging around for co-financing because they are not very confident in this project, even tho they are pushing for it to be made so much. I guess they found a sucker. After all dahlink, wasn't it the dear Mr Barnum that said something or another about them being born every minute.
I suppose I should be the one to break it to you. Afterall, being the real Catwoman, it was only through my stealth-like slinkability that I was able to penetrate the papersack security of Warner Brothers to give you this report. Essentially, this disaster takes place on the West Coast, and it's not Selena Kyle, blah blah blah, except basically, it is. This is a story of a frumpy frustrated woman who uncovers corruption at the company she works for, is murdered as a result, but magically embued with the powers of The Cat, and uses them to unlock a feminist side to her, as well as take revenge on her murderers. Sound familiar??? Except this script has an awful 126 pgs to get it all out, while BATMAN RETURNS did the Catwoman storyline just as a subplot, and it was MUCH MUCH SLEEKER. Can you imagine taking 126 pages to spit out the origin. Remember the writer's axiom of, "Keep It Simple Stupid?" Baby, these pinheads sure as hell didn't.
Now, Dahlink, just in case you think there was no innovation in the script, no originality and no vitality, there's more. THIS TIME, the Catwoman part of Patience is ANOTHER PERSONALITY. She has no control over it when it comes over her. WOW, WHAT A GREAT CHOICE TO MAKE. Never mind that the Catwoman character was all about being a dynamic risk taking woman who chose to be a criminal because stealing was DELICIOUS, not psychotic. Oh and if that wasn't enough, her cat powers come from some stupid fucking magic Egyptian cat she adopts at the animal shelter. Wow, how much did it cost for that revision? The Catwoman thing is like a vampire thing, I think it only comes out at night (I kinda skimmed as the thing was really boring). And the detective guy is boring as hell. Not nearly as inspired as your description yesterday.
This is a bad bad bad script. I can get you more details if you're interested, if you haven't read it already, dahlink.
Selina Kyle
Meanwhile, across the world wide web, I get this report about Warner Brothers desperately seeking the opinion of others on what to do with their CATWOMAN movie... sigh... typical...
Hey Harry,
First time writer and this may not be huge information, but I take surveys from a particular website. In the one I just received it was primarily about a movie called "The Wedding Party" with Michael Douglas and Albert Brooks, from Warner Bros, they asked me a variety of questions about it and when I was done they said they would ask about another movie. The first question they ask is "Are you familiar with a movie called Catwoman starring Halle Barry?" I replied no, because I wasn't familiar, at least not with Halle Barry. So, I went on and these are the questions that were there that I have pasted on to this e-mail.
Halle Berry stars in CATWOMAN...
A frumpy, timid accountant at a glamorous cosmetics company is murdered when she accidentally uncovers a corporate scandal. She is magically brought back to life and reborn as "Catwoman," a sexy, take-charge woman with cat-like skills and temperament who doesn't play by the rules. Now she must battle these dual personalities while keeping her identity secret and solving the mystery of her own murder. Did her tyrannical former boss have her killed because she knew too much? Along the way, she falls for the young, handsome detective who is chasing the mysterious and mischievous "Catwoman."
Now, based on this description, which phrase best describes how interested you would be in seeing this movie if it were playing at a theater near you?
Several other actresses are being considered for the lead role in Catwoman. Which actress do you feel would be best for this role?
Halle Berry
Jennifer Garner
Reese Witherspoon
Renee Zellweger
Nicole Kidman
Ashley Judd
Jennifer Lopez
Cameron Diaz
Seems like WB is moving along and with more actresses in mind, I put in my vote for Judd.
Anyway thought this may be of interest.
Sincerely,
Eric
