Father Geek here with some vibes beamed at Geek Headquarters from a mountain top just outside Chicago's Lower Southside. I think? They're (the vibes) a little scrambled, buuuut I think our main man in the windy city, Capone, has taken up yoga, and chanting, and incense burning, and hashish, and, well... SEX counciling with one Heather Graham?
Here's what we received on our patented "AICN Kozmic Karma Konverter" (TM) just mere moments ago...
Hey, gang. Capone from Chicago here. I’m still finalizing my Best of 2002 list for you. I’d still like to see 25TH HOUR and THE QUIET AMERICAN before I send it off, but that may not be possible. In any event, I’ve got a little something to tide you over in the meantime. I had about the lowest possible expectations for "THE GURU" for many reasons.
First off, director Daisy von Scherler Mayer made the utterly unwatchable WOO as well as MADELINE and PARTY GIRL (and she has one of the dumbest names I’ve ever seen).
Second, although they’ve both been in a couple of good films in their careers, neither Marisa Tomei not Heather Graham have have the power to make or break a film in terms of quality. I have just seen Graham’s last virtually unreleased film, KILLING ME SOFTLY, which resembled a wagon load of turds (if you ignore the fact that she’s amazingly naked for large chunks of the movie...good luck!). Much to my surprise, however, my expectations were tossed aside for the most part, and...
THE GURU turned out to be a pretty fun, funny, and kinky little number. The best news about THE GURU is that it marks Heather Graham's return to porn!
Okay, not exactly, but it does mark her return to playing a porn star. But more on that later. THE GURU is the story of Ramu Gupta (Jimi Mistry from THE MYSTIC MASSEUR, EAST IS EAST, and the upcoming MY KINGDOM featuring the final film appearance of Richard Harris). We first see Ramu as a child sitting with his family in a movie theatre in India watching a typical Bollywood feature. Ramu is bored out of his skull, so he sneaks out of the theatre and into an adjoining screen playing the “You’re The One That I Want” finale of GREASE. A big smile makes its way across Ramu’s face, and the desire to become a Hollywood star is born. Jump ahead about 15 or 20 years. Ramu is now a dance instructor in India teaching all the latest Western dance moves, including the dreaded Macarena. He has saved up enough money to travel to America and move in with his cousin. But when he gets to New York City, his work options seem very limited: cab driver, 7-11 employee, or waiter at an Indian restaurant, all of which he wants to avoid at all costs. Ramu answers an ad in a trade paper for what he thinks is acting work, but in fact is the male lead in a porno directed by Michael McKean and starring rising porn star Sharonna (Graham). Once Ramu realizes what type of movie he’s working in, he decides that he’s still going to make a go of it, but he can’t quite get his equipment to cooperate. She gives him a few tips on relaxing, but the shoot is a bust.Without going into much more detail, Ramu and Sharonna have a series of meetings over the course of the next few months. She thinks she’s giving him advise on being a better porn star, but he’s actually taking the advise and using it in his much more profitable occupation as a “sex guru” to rich New Yorkers, including his first client, the exceedingly needy Lexi (Tomei). It doesn’t take long for Ramu to build a healthy following, which leads up to a command performance at Carnegie Hall.
THE GURU a very R-rated since it features a healthy dose of graphic sexual discussion (although very little nudity or sex). And I’m not going to lie, I liked watching Graham talk dirty to Ramu while she’s wearing a tight tank top and shorts. Aside from that, Graham is maybe the most charming I’ve ever seen her in a film. Her character has her own issues with lying, since she’s engaged to an extremely conservative man who knows nothing about her porn career.
One of the things I loved best about THE GURU were the fantasy sequences that doubled as a tribute to Bollywood films, which I’ve really started to appreciate recently. There’s a particularly great scene where Ramu sees himself in the lead in a Bollywood musical production number with Sharonna as his leading lady. Although Graham didn’t quite have the unique Indian dancing down, he lip syncing in Hindi was perfection. I also particularly liked Ramu’s three roommates. Once Ramu’s guru work starts pulling in some major cash, they go a little crazy. There’s a great “shopping spree” montage that is usually reserved for female characters in Jennifer Lopez movies (see MAID IN MANHATTAN), but seeing guys do it was a nice switch.
It would have been fairly easy to sanitize THE GURU and make it a feel-good, PG-13 production, so I applaud the distributor for leaving in the adult aspects of the plot. And while it’s far from a classic comedy, THE GURU has a lot of laughs and seems to come from the mind of a refined pervert. You have to respect that.
Other than the carryover from 2002, January is not looking too promising. THE GURU may turn out to be a bright spot is a dark, dark month.
