Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
I’m glad someone got around to seeing and reviewing this, because if I counted up all the e-mails and phone calls I’ve gotten from fanboys just rabid to check out David Spade’s new one, I’d be counting for at least two whole seconds!!
Hagrid... describe the pain for me...
Hagrid here. Been a long time. I reviewed a few movies a while back (Moulin Rouge and America's Sweethearts) and I still frequent the site on a daily basis. Lately, I've been aching to contribute again. After reading your current wishlist of films that you'd like info on, I thought it was time to step up to the plate.
I'd like to say that I've seen unfinished footage of the Hulk. I really would. Or X2. Or T3. Matrix Reloaded. I could write about Adaptation, which I have seen, and very much liked. But that's been well covered.
Instead, I guess I'll write about DICKIE ROBERTS: FORMER CHILD STAR.
My sister Fiona convinced me to see this. Dragged me to it. Convinced me that it would be better to see the next David Spade gem for free, rather than pay for it. It was a test screening in Burbank, which made the dragging more painful. I have no skin left on my heels. You see, I believe the worst audience you can watch a movie with is a Burbank audience. They are rude, they have no theater etiquette, and they can't wait to answer a cel phone during a movie. But it was free. At least my wallet would thank me.
She swore that Joe Dirt was hilarious. Hadn't seen it. I liked Lost & Found for its heart and for Sophie Marceau's extraordinary hair. But not much else. And it was free. So we went to Burbank.
The print was in good shape, with some temp scoring and video inserted to round it out. I obeyed my OCD urges and got a soda and porcorn. Can't help it. Must. Have. Popcorn.
So what did I think? Believe it or not, I actually liked it a lot.
Is this one of the all time great comedies? I have no idea. My funny bone broke in high school, and it's never quite healed right. Fiona swore to me that Billy Madison was genius, and it took multiple viewings - FIVE TIMES - before my eyes were opened. Now, I can't even look at a penguin the same way. In other words, comedy is subjective. So I'll just say that I laughed, and I'll tell you what I found funny.
The story is thus: David Spade plays Dickie Roberts. We learn through an E! True Hollywood Story that when he was younger, he was a white version of Gary Coleman. His catchphrase "This is nucking futs" was the talk of America. And then at eleven, he peaked. Now he's David Spade, and he's fighting Emannuel Lewis (complete with gangsta entourage) in a Celebrity Boxing match. That's where he's at now. A misguided, delusional past-his-prime celebrity who still acts like he's on top. He wears gloves because he doesn't like to touch things, and in the most unbelivable bit, has a hotsy totsy girlfriend played by T.V.'s "Sa-MAN-thahhh" Alyssa Milano.
The first thirty minutes were painful. Not bad, you see. Just painful to see all the celebrity cameos. Dickie Roberts is trying to get back on top, and wants this Oscar worthy part in a Meathead film to put him there (Rob Reiner to those who don't remember the greatness of Norman Lear). He discusses this at a poker game that has Screech, Leif Garrett, Danny Bonaduce, Barry Williams, Corey Feldman... much like I can't understand why people embarass themselves on Jerry Springer ("I AXED you to stay away from MY man, I guess I'll just sleep with yo MAMA"), I find it hard to see Leif Garrett or Corey Feldman milking their last ounce of fame. God knows I love Corey, but you it's an uncomfortable funny rather that an outloud funny. It was fun to see Barry Williams using Brady Bunch memorabillia as poker chips, but I just kept wondering where Corey Haim was (come on - doesn't everybody?). Thank goodness he doesn't do something like go on a reality show or... uh...
Anyways, he manages to have Brendan Fraser (?) get him a meeting with Rob. Rob meets with him (everyone wants him to say 'this is nucking futs, including Rob - a running gag) and tells Dickie that the part requires the actor to draw experience from a normal childhood - things like finding a bicycle under the Christmas tree. Dickie was a celebrity all his life, and his parents pulled a Macaulay Culkin on him - therefore does not know anything normal, thereby he can't play the role. Sorry, Dickie.
So Dickie decides, very rationally, to pay a normal family to allow him to live with them. Thereby living a normal life to get back on top. After thirty minutes, the plot is finally set in motion.
After some failed attempts, he finds his family. The parents are played by car salesman Craig Bierko (The Thirteenth Floor) and the very talented Mary McCormack (Private Parts, to name one). Bierko is the typical jerk husband, who swears that having Dickie in their life is a good thing. Mary, being the lovable and beautiful saint she is, agrees to go along with it, hoping that it won't affect her kids too much.
Her kids - a boy and a girl, whose names I forget - are forced to endure hardship as Dickie literally moves into their bedroom with them. While Dickie bonds with the children, Mary is gradually won over as Dickie learns how to be a real human being.
There. You have the set up. I won't go into much more, because the reason I had so much fun is that I had no idea what gags were coming. The jokes were funny because I hadn't seen them replayed over and over in Quicktime trailers or in previews during Just Shoot Me. I was truly surprised, and that aided my enjoyment. There's actually some character work involved as Dickie transforms from a spoiled L.A. brat into a person with depth.
The children are hilarious. Really hilarious. They stole the show in many parts - especially the little girl. She does have the attitude, and she has a really funny audition for a spot on the cheerleader squad that Dickie helps with. The boy is great as well, I don't think they're taller than David Spade, although they could probably form a good half of a Pee Wee basketball team, but I do have to credit Spade. He does try to inject heart into his movies, and though sometimes it doesn't work, he's really smart to have the kids to play off of. Their scenes are the best in the movie, and they certainly steal the show.
David's scenes with Mary are fun, if not twisted. She acts like a mother around David, coaching him and treating him like one of her own. I'm not spoiling anything to say that sparks fly between the two of them, but man, there's some stuff that Freud would have a field day - if he looks hard enough. But I didn't think of that until later. During the screening, I had plenty of honest laughs. Real gut busters. Things I still smile about when I think about it (there was a moment where Alyssa Milano has an unfortunate meeting with a cork - I hope that stays in there, 'cause it's hilarious). Spade (as co-writer) does have a slight mean streak in him, a little twistiness that serves Dickie well. Some of the best moments come from left field.
Spade isn't reinventing the wheel. Instead, he's capitalizing on our obsession with celebrity, and making a neat little comedy that'll do maybe sixty million, but will probably be loved most on video.
SIDENOTE: Fiona and I have this theory. The running times of movies nowadays are about twenty minutes too long. XXX - too long. Gangs of New York - wonderful craftmanship, still too long. And most comedies that should have a razzle dazzle punch to them? Too long. When Mel Brooks made Young Frankenstein, he turned in a two hour (?) cut of the movie. He then said, once he gets it down to an hour and a half, it'll be hysterical. I think that's a great lesson for most moviemakers to remember when falling in love with their own material.
To bring it back to Dickie Roberts, I think that it suffers from this problem. It has plenty of laughs, like I said, but it suffers from lapses of funny. It's just a little too long. There's a Craig Bierko subplot that doesn't need that much screentime, and there's a Jon Lovitz subplot that I totally forgot about until JUST writing it now. Cut it, toss it, see ya later. And, although the celebrity cameos are funny individually, the movie would be served better if they were saved for the 'deleted scenes" on DVD. Maybe a special cameo section...
In closing, Fiona and I filled out the test cards out, and walked out of the theater. A crowd had gathered. We thought it was just human gridlock, but it seems David Spade was in the audience. People were floating around to see him. Also there was Billy Madison himself - the film's producer, Adam Sandler (gotta give him credit for helping his friends find work - you just got to). And to round out the trifecta, Fiona spotted movie mogul Sherry Lansing.
Seems like they really want this thing to succeed. if there are some trims made... if the film becomes leaner and tighter, this could be something you'd pay to see.
Hope you enjoyed. Hagrid out.
Haven’t seen the film, so I can’t comment on it, but I agree with Hagrid about one thing: if you are a member of one of those Burbank audiences he mentioned, do us all a favor. Kill yourself. Or at least neuter yourself so you can’t reproduce. Burbank is the shallow end of the gene pool here in LA, and if anything’s ever going to motivate me to pick up a machine gun and go on a random march through a public place, it will be filmgoer ettiquette at the Burbank North 6. Consider this fair warning.
"Moriarty" out.
