Hey folks, Harry here... this month we have something very friggin cool to bestow upon ye geeky knaves.... A Balrog of Morgoth... That's right - because I'm such a nice guy - and because SideShow Toys are such a great company... You... Yes... YOU may end up with your very own Balrog sitting there with a flaming whip ready to make you slobber and drool.

So - I've got one of these babies to give away and I was thinking... What could I do to you folks to really make you earn your BALROG... I thought about having you dress up as Gandalf, set yourself on fire and throw yourself off the roof of your house at night into a swimming pool as your best friend videotaped it - but then the legal department said that we might be held responsible for your obviously dimwittedness... that we would be... ha!... encouraging that behaviour which could be a cause for loss of skin, hair and life.

But then... I said... IT'S A BALROG!!! THAT'S WORTH SKIN, HAIR AND LIFE!!!

They then said it would be my skin, hair and life that the lawyers would take... and that scared my pansy geek ass, so that won't be the contest. So then I thought... Let's have you folks do something cheap, but difficult... something... unique that only someone as stupid as me would make you do. I want you folks to sculpt a BALROG as best you can out of MARSHMALLOWS set it on fire and take a picture. Best flaming marshmallow BALROG will win. Send the digital photo to SideShowToys@AintItCoolMail.Com and on February 1st, I'll pick a winner.

I have no idea if it is even possible to sculpt a BALROG out of Marshmallows, but that's what I'm making you do. And you've got to set it aflame. And then photograph it. And email me that photograph(s) and include your shipping address in case you happen to win. Your BALROG confection will be judged on presentation - sculpting and just how well it burns. heh heh... fire. BEST OF LUCK!!! I wonder if anyone will try to make it lifesize? Naaaah... Now - so you know - you can build a wire armature inside to make the Balrog steady while it burns. The main thing is to have fun!

Now... For the OTHER COOL CONTEST...

ZANTI ANTS!!!!!

I've got ZANTI ANTS!!!!

That's right... ZANTI Fucking ANTS BABY!!!!

Now, Zanti Ants are cooler than anything on Planet Earth - Zanti Ants baby! If you're a geek worth your weight in salt, you know Zanti Ants. They're one of the absolute coolest damn genre thingees out there. It was halfway through the first season of THE OUTER LIMITS. Some great friggin episodes had come to pass, but well... these are the ZANTI ANTS!!!

I have two sets of ZANTI ANTS from Sideshow's great OUTER LIMITS series. Now I thought about having you strip naked, cover yourself in honey and laying in the backyard for 2 weeks with a timelapse camera recording the ants gnawing on ya... but again with the lawyers' warnings... pffft, what do they know...

Send to SideShowToys@AintItCoolMail.Com the story of your worst experience with Ants... The time that Ants most ruined your life. And what you did to retiliate! And cribbing PHASE IV or THEM! isn't allowed ok? This is serious (aka not very) business here. Once again the deadline is February 1st. Oh and once again be sure to includ your shipping address for when YOU WIN!!!

Best of Luck to Both Contest Hopefuls out there! Next month we'll be giving away a Ring Wraith on his noble steed... and an Invader from THE TWILIGHT ZONE! Just wait till you see what hoops you'll leap through for those! Aren't contests fun?