Hey folks, Harry here with Lobsterbo... I mean The Timpson. The Timpson is a world renowned cinema adventurer... He literally travels the world like some borderline psychotic Bond Villian with one goal... Finding the weirdest, the coolest, the most jaw-droppingly bizzarre cinema that the world has ever felt the deviant need to conjure from the deep crevices of its collective ass. He dives in, and like a geyser springs forth with this coolness to screen at his own film festival in New Zealand, where he is worshipped as a God that all worship. It is said in some parts of New Zealand where the possums congregate by the millions, that Timpson will soon be on the country's currency. I'm not sure if I believe these rumors, but it would not surprise me. He's battled censorship bureaus and freed the world to see wonderfully psychotic images amongst the ewes and baby seals. He's been known to even pull humans from the loins of dogs. This time though he has something far less pleasant than that for us... Now he is just going to tell us about a new film that would amaze us all called THE TREK... When the Timpson is speaking... Be very quiet... For he speaks with the voice of the dark one... to him we must worship...
Harry,
here's a new film no one has reviewed yet.
THE TREK
Thailand 2002
dir: Charnchai Pantasi
Reviewed - AT Timpson
This arrived with a slick glossy fold-out brochure that looked like some new film from Dimension, w/ several sexy looking teens holding torches and guns in giant snakes mouth!
After watching this latest export from Thailand, the most surprising thing is that THE TREK is a total throwback to those third world mondo fests from the 70s and early 80s. Equal parts PRIMITIVES, LAST CANNIBAL WORLD; all wrapped up with a post 90s Miramax veneer, by having the young cast bitch-slapping each other before being picked off.
We start off with a energetic firefight (squibs ahoy!) in a jungle river between two rival gangs over some illegal produce (big bags with Amphetamine written on them!). As the bodies and chunks of humans float down the river, one of the bags of pure speed sits on a log - suddenly two huge snakes slither up (a truly bizarre CGI scene) and start eating it, all the while making tiger-ish sounds? Anyone reminded of WILD ANIMALS; the Prosperi flick (where zoo animals go nutso after eating lysergic) go to the head of the class.
Cut to ominous and flashy credit sequence.
We are now in a village looking at a photo of a pretty hairy elephant. The folks of the Asian Elephant Conservation Group want to investigate and get some footage of this unusual beast, thought to be only an urban legend. A couple of good looking Europeans while hanging about are asked to come along for the titular trek. According to the head of the AECG they are useful to bring along as "Thai's trust foreigners". If this was some kind of ham-fisted attempt to beef up Thai tourism, it seems a little out of place and ridiculous. Most people watching this film will quickly forget this extended hand of friendship, after being assaulted for the next 75m by the utter carnage directed towards these characters. This is akin to travel agents in Brazil saying "oh the natives are very trusting people" while giving out copies of CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST to interested tourists.
Once they get under away, (as per usual, it takes a little time to convince one of the local guides to take them) and go deeper into the jungle, it begins to be very apparent that the overall feeling is; "forget that hairy damn elephant! - Help me get these carnivorous centipedes out of my mouth!" - as our travellers are attacked by a who's who of jungle inhabitants.
Incredulously, none of the characters ever question why they are being attacked by hordes of critters - it's just accepted as the norm in the darkest recesses of Thailand. Apart from that opening hint that the water is contaminated, it's virtually unexplained.
All of these insane creatures are CGI (with the exception of one big ol spider that performs as efficiently as the ALIEN face-hugger); sometimes the effect works, but most of the time the attacks look more funny than scary. The filmmakers wisely attempt to cover up the lack of realism in these scenes by making them extremely visceral. Instead of just having them swarm over people ala THE MUMMY - these little buggers love to go into every human orifice they can find. There are numerous scenes of the little critters scuttling' in and out of noses, mouths and ears.
The aforementioned centipedes and their forest friends; the carnivorous ants, the carnivorous spiders, the carnivorous scorpions and most of the all the tiger-sounding giant snakes don't just scare the bejeezus out of our dwindling troop; they decimate them. The ants alone, eat a guy in half as he tries to pull his gooey mess of a body out of their nest.
If I seem to be concentrating on these attacks; blame the makers of this flick, the attacks are the films heart and soul - its raison d'être. In a nutshell, we have not very likeable teens getting picked off one ny one by the green inferno. That's it for plot development. The enjoyment comes from guessing what outlandish attack is coming next and the fact that you can't believe you're watching an Umberto Lenzi clone in the year 2002 with CGI effects. One part of me hated the film for being an incoherent and sloppily made exploitation film (utilising resources probably better spent on quality Thai films) and the other part of me was in a state of bliss BECAUSE I was watching an incoherent and sloppily made exploitation film which is utilising resources probably better spent on other quality Thai films.
After the river washes the blood and guts away - the filmmakers make sure you take away the message of the film - and that is simply this; Don't mess with mother nature dude! In hindsight, a little unfair, as these characters never appear to actually kill any of the natives, wildlife or even the foliage! The real message I think is probably this, stay in the designated tourist areas please and spend your baht on cheap imitations. Pretty consistent thinking, when you realise you've just paid to see a local imitation of an Italian third world flick.
It even has the huervos to set up a sequel. If you're looking for a foreign fix in the nature goes awry subgenre and you've seen the latest from the US - SHARK ATTACK 3! OCTOPUS 2, CROCODILICUS - this Thai offering should at least offer some new scenery amongst the carnage.
Film was subtitled w/Eng subs and Thai subs as characters sometimes spoke English to the two Euro characters.
P.S. - just remembered the films other 'message' Drugs are bad too!
Trailer Link - Rs-Film.Com
You can watch the new Tsunami flick trailer there too!
