Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Not ten minutes after I put up the other AICN COMICS column today, who shows up in the Inbox?
That’s right... those @$$Holes.
Check this out:
Hey everybody, Village Idiot here. I don't have a review in the mix this week, so I figured I'd do the intro. Hi Mom! Okay, let's get down to business.
The week, we find that Jon Quixote is The Man Without Fear of Pissing Off his Colleagues with his review of ULTIMATE DAREDEVIL & ELEKTRA #1. Sleazy G wears a bird-mask with the eyes positioned way too high for anyone with a standard human head to be able to see out of, with his review of HAWKMAN #9. London's Calling, and Buzz Maverick is answering with his review of VERTIGO POP! LONDON #1. Cormorant lays down the hammer on THOR #56 and wolfs down MARVEL DOUBLE-SHOT #1 like it was Jagermeister. Lizzybeth manages to cook up a little number for ZERO GIRL: FULL CIRCLE #1. Vroom Socko is The Man Without Fear of Reviewing a Comic That Someone Else Has Already Reviewed with his thoughts on ULTIMATE DAREDEVIL & ELEKTRA #1. Yes that's right, in an unprecedented move, we're reviewing the same comic TWICE in the same column.
Will they agree?!
Will they disagree?!
You'll have to read to find out. (I don't know about you, but the suspense is killing me!) And then to freak you out even more, Ambush Bug flies in with another review of HAWKMAN #9. Don't worry, your eyes are not deceiving you: We have TWO count 'em TWO repeat reviews in the same column. It's like Christmas, Easter, and Arbor Day, all rolled into one! Then Buzz Maverick comes around again to show us that his command of sentence structure is More Powerful Than A Locomotive and Tom Wolfe Put Together in his review of the TPB of A SUPERMAN FOR ALL SEASONS. The Comedian give us an X-cellent review of the latest X-STATIX , but without insulting your intelligence with cheesy hyphenated words. And finally, Ambush Bug makes some inappropriate overtures on this week's @$$HOLE CASTING COUCH. This week’s column is so good, the only way it could be any better would be if you were eating ice cream while reading it. So go grab a bowl, sit back, and experience the magic...
ULTIMATE DAREDEVIL & ELEKTRA
Written by Greg Rucka
Art by Salvador Larroca & Danny Miki
Published by Marvel Comics
A Synthetic Review
With Quixote still recovering from his hand injury and Spunky laid up in the ICU after we found him choking to death on his own vomit (well, it was mostly his own), we here at the Talkback League of @$$Holes have finally been forced to confront the very specter of our own mortality. And it sucks. So we got to work on a backup plan to ensure that our reviews continue to come out on schedule, no matter how many of us are sober or alive at the time.
The result: M@DOK, the Mechanical @$$hole Designed Only for, uh, Kriticism. M@DOK can duplicate the individual styles of the @$$holes so effectively that its work is indistinguishable from the writings of the actual reviewers. Beta testing will commence with ULTIMATE DAREDEVIL & ELEKTRA…[Enter Subject: Cormorant]
[Loading Style: Self-Aggrandizing Redneck]
So it’s another one of them Ultimate books, a designation which all but guarantees its massive popularity, and, as befalls any popular comic, my staunch disapproval. By and large, the Ultimate books have failed to impress me, as you can see from my review of THE ULTIMATES (click HERE), mostly because of their overwhelming redundancy and seeming inability to do anything but pander to the disenchanted masses.
Well, let me tell ya fellas that UDD&E is no different than its predecessors, and has earned itself a new seating assignment in my pantheon of criticism: amateurish storytelling. A designation which is all the more shocking considering that the book’s pedigree could not be higher, as it was written by Greg Rucka of QUEEN AND COUNTRY fame, my glowing review of which can be found HERE. Now…[Enter Subject: Ambush Bug]
[Loading Style: Geographically Impaired Kindergarten Teacher]
…in regular continuity, Elektra was the daughter of a Greek Diplomat and the ex-girlfriend of Daredevil. However, when her father was killed by terrorists, she returned to Rome and became a skilled assassin, eventually returning to NY where she was killed by Bullseye, who was, apparently, more skilled. DD avenged Elektra’s death and then, remembering that they were comic book characters, resurrected her. This chapter in DD’s life is considered by many to be the greatest comic book love story of all time, and is loaded with gritty violence, heart-wrenching tragedy, and a degree of moral ambiguity that was, at the time, unprecedented in comics. ULTIMATE DAREDEVIL AND ELEKTRA takes that story and imagines what it would be like if it aired on the WB.
But the N’SYNCronizing of this story, is not the worst part of this issue, but rather…[Enter Subject: Buzz Maverik]
[Loading Style: Gonzo Schizophrenia] (Sung to the tune of “Elvira” by the Oak Ridge Boys)
Eyes that look like heaven, lips blood red like wine/
Not that I would know this ‘cause the truth is that I’m blind/
Even though she is as deadly as a Sprite & Turpentine/
Is lovin’ that assassin really such a crime?
So I’m singin’/ Elektra, Elektra
Her saiiiii will dissect ya/ Elektra
[Enter Subject: Jon Quixote]
[Loading Style: High-concept Profanity]
…the complete fucking redundancy of so many scenes. Honestly, a hydrocephalic toddler scribbling on the wall with his own feces would demonstrate a better sense of pacing. Take the opening scene: 5 fucking pages to meet Elektra and show that she knows kung fu. Followed by another 4 page scene designed to show that…Elektra knows kung fu (oh, and frat boys are assholes). This then makes way for another 4 page scene which conveys the following vital information: Elektra knows kung fu. Gee, do you think, maybe, the interest of expedient storytelling, any of those scenes could have been combined?
Honestly, we can’t blame the writer. So much of this amateurish shit is going on in Marvel these days, it is obvious that the problem lies in an editorial policy which reads, “Fellate creators with the fervor of Drew Carey on a popsicle.” Well, if I was a writer working under an editor with his head so far up his ass that he showed an extra Adam’s Apple, I’d probably be tempted to pass off a script I wrote during the commercial breaks of Smallville as finished too. God forbid anyone at head office would ever send something back with a Post-It reading “Tighten this up.” Why, they might get mad and go work for…[Enter Subject: Sleazy G]
[Loading Style: Obscene Prudishness]
…and she’s running around in her BARE feet, while her roommate is wearing a top that shows off her midriff? Hello! I remember when an Amish child could pick up a comic and not be exposed to this sort of borderline pornography. Now, they might as well have Murdock whip out his cock and start bouncing it off Elektra’s chin. And don’t even get me started on…
[Enter Subject: Village Idiot]
[Loading Style: Kryptonian]
…the most glaring error of the comic, which is that not once does it make any mention of why Superman does what he does.
[Enter Subject: Superninja]
[Loading Style: Oversexed Feminist]
This isn’t to say that the comic is all bad. The book really crackles when Elektra and Murdock are sharing a panel, although Murdock is drawn here as an amalgam of Matt Damon and Ben Affleck (which I’m sure they’ve tried), and everybody knows that Hugh Jackman would be the perfect template for DD. There is room for a comic designed to focus on the relationship between these two characters, as opposed to using it as a subplot to a standard superhero slugfest. But Rucka seems determined to start the series by focusing on Elektra and two generic female characters, making the comic seem less like ULTIMATE DD & ELEKTRA and more like a very special episode of ELEKTRA MCBEAL.
[Enter Subject: Vroom Socko]
[Loading Style: Petulant Anarchist]
Whaddya mean somebody else called this review? But I want to do it! I want to I want to I want to!!! Well, screw you guys, I’m reviewing it anyways.
[Enter Subject: Cormorant]
Remember, it’s HERE that I make mention of the fact Rucka is capable of better work. Then, in this review HERE I say something really funny, which I follow up in the talkback HERE. Oh, and once I totally slammed Quixote in my intro HERE, and over HERE you can…
[Enter Subject: Buzz Maverik]
Giddy Up Oom Poppa Oom Poppa Oo Ninja/
Uh-oh it’s Bullseye/ Run away.
[Enter Subject: Jon Quixote]
…but NOOOOO, far be it for the editors to take a break from using their tongues to enthusiastically scoop out the bungholes of Bendis et al as though they were filled with Rocky Road. In today’s Marvel, creator salad-tossing HAS to take precedence over, oh, say ACTUAL EDITING!
[Enter Subject: Sleazy G]
And then, they’re lounging around in their fucking underwear in a comic book that kids will read, and probably grow up to become lesbians. Great Marvel, way to support deviant lifestyles.
[Enter Subject: Ambush Bug]
Matt Murdock, he’s blind. But all his other senses are heightened really really high. And he has something called a “radar sense” which works like radar, so he can tell where things are. But nobody knows this, because he doesn’t tell anybody. So when Daredevil shows up, people will treat him differently than Matt, because even though Matt is Daredevil, other people don’t know this….
[Enter Subject: Lizzybeth]
[Loading Style: Strictly Indie]
…
[Error. Error. Lizzybeth + Superhero comic. Does Not Compute]
*crik* *fizz* *wrrr*
Oh well, back to the drawing board.
HAWKMAN #9
Story: Geoff Johns and James Robinson
Penciler: Rags Morales
Publisher: DC Comics
Reviewed by Sleazy G
Hawkman was one of the first DC characters I ever stumbled across in comic books. It was in a giant-sized reprint of an old issue of ALL-STAR COMICS #3, which featured the first-ever meeting of the original Justice Society of America. Here’s a link to the cover of that old issue. That means that this was also the first time I ever met Dr. Fate, The Spectre, The Hourman, The Sandman, The Flash, The Atom and The Green Lantern. The stories each of them told were all a little weird, a little creepy, a little scary, and I fell in love with a lot of them right then. That was a good 25 years ago or so.
I’ve always known that some of these characters just belonged in each other’s company, and I think that issue is part of the reason I’ve always felt that way. I’m one of the many fans who still loves seeing these characters around in one form or another. These are the Golden Age classics which are responsible for everything that has come since, and I’m still impressed to this day by just how much potential a lot of these characters have for interesting, amazing stories.
Sometimes, that potential is completely betrayed, hijacked by somebody more interested in telling their own stories than in telling the characters’ stories. This is why I’ve been a lifelong fan of The Spectre and couldn’t bring myself to keep reading the bastardization of his character that is J.M. DeMatteis’ run on the series.
Sometimes, though, that potential is understood and explored by somebody who respects the readers and the characters. When it comes to JSA-related characters, Geoff Johns, James Robinson and David Goyer have all proved that they love these characters as much as we do and want to see them handled well. It’s happened with FLASH, with STARMAN, with JSA and now with HAWKMAN. Johns and Robinson are making very clear on HAWKMAN and JSA that to them, these books are about family. They have a genuine attachment to these characters and obviously want to see them taken care of. The storylines are always tightly plotted and well thought out. The seeds for storylines are planted several months before we see them turn into anything major, giving them time to gradually develop and blossom into something exciting and interesting.
HAWKMAN is a book, like JSA, which is about family. It’s about the ways our lives are tied to those around us, and how those ties can help protect us or can drag us down. Hawkman and Hawkgirl’s relationship is never static here; every few issues there’s a new development, some kind of twist to keep things moving. It turns out that the current Dr. Fate, Hector Hall, is the son of the current Hawkman. These two have a hard time getting along sometimes, but it’s quite clear it’s because they have so much in common. In fact, they both have a problem where when their helmets are off they’re relatively normal guys, if somewhat aloof and confused. When their helmets go on, though, they become cold, aloof, businesslike and a little hard to take.
The book has a subplot running in the background about Dr. Fate and his quest through Gemworld to break a spell preventing him from spending time with his own wife. Besides being a more interesting plotline for Dr. Fate than he’s seen in his own titles over the last several years, it’s also another parallel between his life and his father’s. It lends a resonance to the books and the characters that I think helps keep the storylines interesting. I’m also incredibly interested to see how things play out with Carter and his quest to save his wife, since she’s Lyta Hall—mother of Daniel, the new Dream, over in the Vertigo universe. The mainstream DCU and Vertigo U parted ways a very long time ago, with no real crossing over, so I’m wondering how this is gonna play out.
This issue, Carter has to deliver some bad news to his father: in an interesting twist, it’s revealed that the love that keeps drawing Hawkman and Hawkgirl to each other through the millennia in one incarnation after another also continues to draw their mortal enemy, Hath-Set, to them, and he kills them in each of their new incarnations. Dr. Fate is now also stuck in the middle, since he’s Hawkman’s son.
We also see a nightmare flashback that fills in a little more of the mystery behind the death of Hawkgirl’s parents, which sends her running to Hawkman to reveal a secret to him. Before she gets the chance, though, the two discover they must rush off to the Himalayas to save her grandfather, Speed Saunders. Again showing a love of the original Golden Age characters, Speed is an old private investigator/adventurer who used to appear in DETECTIVE COMICS back when Batman didn’t run the place, much like Slam Bradley, a current regular in CATWOMAN.
I often forget to comment on the work of the artists on a book, and it’s not really fair to overlook such an important component. I have to say that it seems to me like Rags Morales’ work has really come a long way over the last few years. It definitely looks like he’s brought his A-game here, and it even appears as if the sepia-toned flashbacks were drawn in a slightly different style to give them a different feel, rather than just being the same art with a different coloring job. The art team of Rags Morales, Michael Bair and John Kalisz really know their stuff. The work comes off as professional and dynamic without being so overly flashy that it takes away from the story, and things flow from panel to panel instead of being a series of pinup shots.
The first nine issues of HAWKMAN have been very well-written, and I’d hate to have my comments about how much it refers to continuity scare any potential readers off. If you pick up a few issues, you’re bound to be drawn in by how well crafted the stories are, so don’t let what I said throw you. New readers shouldn’t be worried about not being able to follow along. Give a few recent issues a shot and see what you think.
VERTIGO POP! LONDON #1
written by Peter Milligan
art by Philip Bond and Nathan Eyring
published by Vertigo/DC
reviewed by Spunky the Substitute @$$hole
It's been kind of stressful filling in for Jon Quixote while he's busy with his lawsuit against his parents for hiring that cult deprogrammer to get him away from the Talkback League of @$$holes. Things are really tense around here, what with Quixote's parents suing Buzz Maverik who had sold them his cult deprogramming services (Buzz insists that he's a complete professional and that there is no conflict of interest. Quixote is also suing Buzz over Buzz's "no food and water during deprogramming policy" and Buzz's liberal use of a cattle prod).
I was feeling the need to unwind last weekend, when Buzz grabbed me in a headlock and administered a "Nuclear Noogie" on my skull. "C'mon, ya little piss ant, let's go out partying. And, by the way, would you mind hiding this package in your pants. And this one. And this one. Relax, they're just ... office supplies...yeah."
We started hitting the bars. I thought I was a pretty heavy drinker, going to a UC school and all, but Buzz consumed enough to wipe out a former Soviet Republic at each stop. We ended up at this weird, comic book themed bar in the valley called Spirits O' Vengeance. Buzz ordered us a couple of Exploding Kryptons then pointed out a girl at the end of the bar to me. "Hey, I'll bet if you buy her a Sex In The Negative Zone and give her a hundred bucks, even you could get laid."
After he propelled me in her direction with a push, I didn't see him for an hour or so until he pulled my mouth off her's and lifted me out the booth we were laying in. "C'mon. There's some guys in the pool room who like the new movie-inspired look for Bullseye. We're going to fight 'em."
"There's six of them."
"Yeah. I hope you can fight better than I think you can. Oh, the big one said something about yer Mom."
"They're all really big."
"Not to worry. Which do you prefer, an automatic or a revolver?"
"Pistols?"
"Yer right. Scatter guns are the thing. Go out to the @$$mobile and get one of my old hoglegs..." That was when the group of Kevin Smith fans charged us. When I came to, I was in a place with white walls and four-foot-thick plexiglass cabinets. I was also covered with bruises and someone had tattooed a George Perez mural depicting every single character in the Marvel Universe fighting every single character in the DC Universe all over my body.
Nearby, a group of swarthy men in biohazard suits, with the hoods removed, were playing cards. Upon questioning them, I learned that Buzz had abandoned me in one of Saddam Hussein's secret bio weapon facilities beneath the sands of Iraq.
"Buzz collaborates with you guys?"
"No, no. He just stops in to party once in a while. Like he always says, just because we are enemies, that doesn't mean we can't be friends. He left you a comic book to read and review."
It was VERTIGO POP! LONDON written by X-STATIX scribe Peter Milligan with cool art by Philip Bond. It's about a rock star from 1960’s Swinging London, named Rocky Lamont. Rocky is from the same era as the Stones, the Who, and the Yardbirds. The greatest night of his life was when his band The Idle Hands blew the Stones off the stage of a London club in '65. By '72, he was looking like George Harrison and living in an ashram in India. Now, 60 years old with a punky daughter, witchy ex-wife and bitchy current-wife, Rocky is dissed by Sean, a young, no-talent street musician. Before the issue is over, Rocky and Sean will share a smoke from a bizarre hookah (that's water pipe for those of you who don't like college words) that will have mystical results for both of them.
This book is fresh, amusing and bittersweet for classic rock fans. Rocky could be a Ray Davies, a Pete Townsend, an Eric Clapton. Sean could be somebody who asks you for lunch money. This is the kind of book where you just have to see where things go.
Shortly after I finished reading, Buzz returned with a strangely familiar water pipe under his arm. I overheard him telling the Iraqis that it was real and he'd bought it off Peter Milligan. That's when he said, "Hey, Spunky, let's smoke it up!"
THOR #56
Writer: Dan Jurgens
Artist: Joe Bennett
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Reviewed by Cormorant
I think I owe Dan Jurgens an apology. In one of my earliest @$$hole reviews, I…*ahem*…I might’ve said a few disparaging words about him - something along the lines of him being “the King Hack of the Universe.” Okay, that was the indictment, verbatim, but at the time, that was the cynical evaluation his track record had led me to. He’d had a hand in the shitty-comic-stunt-to-end-all-stunts, the “Death of Superman,” penned a missed opportunity with the first SUPERMAN/ALIENS crossover, turned a THOR relaunch into a colossal bore with new characters and villains that no one cared about, and launched the TOMB RAIDER comic for the classy folks at Top Cow. Ouch. Granted, I still had extremely fond memories of Jurgens’ legitimately cool FLASH GORDON miniseries for DC in the late 80’s, and I’d heard good word about his BOOSTER GOLD stuff and even his AQUAMAN work, but surely those were anomalies, right? Jurgens struck me as a company man through and through, and his stories were neither horrible, nor did they ever seem to be inspired – they were just there.
Well, it’s a whopping six months since my harsh words, and while Jurgens’ resume still includes all the aforementioned misfires, the latest storyline in THOR is proving that Jurgens has some creative piss and vinegar in him after all. I’m coming in late on the story, but the quick skinny is this: Thor’s been crowned king of the mythical god-town, Asgard, upon the death of his father, Odin, and has decided to actively involve himself in shaping the future of the mortal world. As such, he’s worked some kind of Viking voodoo to cause Asgard to manifest itself on earth as a massive city floating over New York. This is his base of operations as he sets out to truly change the face of the world, whether that means overthrowing dictators with righteous justice, planting magical seeds to feed starving nations, or, as in this latest issue, using Asgardian magic to generate safer sources of power than nuclear energy. Ya figure this is gonna rub the power brokers of the world the wrong way? Damn right. But Thor’s pissing off some average joes too. After Thor replaces the core of a nuclear power plant in Cincinnati with a mystical gem, he flies off, his noble work seemingly done, even as the foreman wonders, “What’re we supposed to do for work…polish Asgardian boots?”
But the big showdown of the issue is of a theological nature, as a young, black, Christian man (looking to be in his late teens) comes to the conclusion that Thor, self-proclaimed god that he is, is denigrating the Christian God through his actions. What’s fascinating about this storyline, as with the previous issue where Thor scared the hell out of the assembled U.N. by refusing to back down on his world-shaping plans, is that, of course, Thor’s detractors have a point. He’s enforcing justice as he defines it, ignoring governments in the process, and worrying little about whether his actions infringe on free will or create chaos in the religious community. Unfortunately for Thor, this particular young Christian he’s unintentionally angered is also a powerful mutant. The kid trashes Thor’s clean-fuel power plant in a fit of rebellion, and when Thor catches him, the eyes of the world are upon him to see what sort of justice he’ll mete out to a kid who’s clearly more mixed-up than overtly evil…and who actually has a few decent points to make as well.
What I’m enjoying about the series is Jurgens' ability to skillfully juggle traditional superhero action while touching thoughtfully on themes of power, responsibility, fascism, and rebellion. Obviously we’re supposed to be fearful that Thor’s gone too far, but Jurgens is having a lot of fun by portraying Thor’s actions as almost beyond reproach in their wisdom. His godly might and take-no-bullshit Viking attitude are cutting through the lies of hypocritical world leaders from every corner of the earth (America included), and when he’s forced to act in some destructive way to accomplish his goals, he and his Asgardian warriors are quick to follow it up with benevolent acts like building schools in third world countries or sowing barren fields with magical seeds. It’s damn hard to hate this particular fascist! He talks the talk and he walks the walk, and how can you not admire a leader whose righteous anger makes smarmy politicians wilt? I’m reminded of David E. Kelley’s TV melodramas when they’re at their best (think PICKET FENCES, not BOSTON PUBLIC), making the viewer sympathetic to both sides of an issue simultaneously, and entertaining ‘em in the process.
Also impressive is the economy of Dan Jurgens’ writing. There’s a growing trend towards long-form storytelling in superhero books, as exemplified by writers like Brian Bendis, Kevin Smith, and Mark Millar – guys who typically write storylines that run six issues and up. Sometimes that works, and I’ve certainly enjoyed comics by every one of ‘em at one time or another, but the trend also leads to bloated storylines which force apologists to rally with the cry of “Wait for the trade! It’ll read better that way!” Amidst this trend, it’s a breath of fresh air to read a story as concise as Jurgens’ latest THOR. Sure, it’s one issue in an ongoing epic that may run for a year or more, but it stands 100% on its own, giving the reader a complete story as opposed to a story that feels like a lone chapter in a novel (Marvel’s ULTIMATE line, that’s you I’m lookin’ at). This might not be the most groundbreaking superhero comic on the stands, but like FLASH or the AVENGERS right now, it’s reminding me of how fresh “old school” comics can be.
The artist is Joe Bennett, a new name to me. His stuff’s fairly traditional, coming from the “heroic realism” school that typifies most superhero books, but his storytelling is rock solid and his layouts suitably melodramatic. His work isn’t as intricately rendered as that of his predecessor, fan-favorite Tom Raney, but it’s still plenty detailed, and actually outdoes Raney when it comes to scenes of physical action and momentum. Like Raney, Bennett draws a commanding and majestic Thor, and much as I love Thor’s classic superhero-style costume, I have to admit that the new, armored look gives the character a regal, warrior-king presence that fits the tone of these stories to a T. Anyone who’s ever resisted the character because the original Kirby costume didn’t work for ‘em should absolutely give this new design a shot.
Final thoughts:
*Jurgens has yet to reach Walt Simonson-level peaks on the title, but I wouldn’t hesitate to say that he’s writing the best THOR since Simonson. This book is well worth checking out for anyone who’s ever been a fan of the Thunder God.
*To Andrew, big kahuna over at our Gristinguished Hompetition: your review pointed me to an excellent title I’d previously dismissed, so…thanks!
*To Ambush Bug: Yeah, yeah, you were touting the merits of THOR to me months before Andrew came along. My bad. I’m taking this opportunity to retroactively agree with everything you’ve ever said.
*To Dan Jurgens: Sorry ‘bout the harsh words, man. Keep doing what you’re doing restoring one of my favorite childhood heroes, and hey, see about putting some pressure on DC to get that FLASH GORDON mini collected as a trade. That baby rocked.
MARVEL DOUBLE-SHOT #1
Writers: Rob Haynes & Marlan Harris
Artists:Rob Haynes & Kia Asamiya
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Reviewed by Cormorant
Even as Dan Jurgens is doing some inspired work with larger-than-life Thor stories in the pages of the monthly THOR, I must also point Thor fans to this month’s issue of MARVEL DOUBLE-SHOT for a very small but surprisingly touching story that tangentially revolves around the Thunder God. Normally I avoid titles like DOUBLE-SHOT, since they seem to serve as a clearing house for Marvel’s backlist of unused stories, but I tried this one in a moment of Thor-thusiasm and didn’t regret it a bit. Of course, the issue opens with a Hulk story written and drawn by Rob Haynes (DAREDEVIL: NINJA), but unfortunately it’s forgettable material, so just skip past it to the eight-page Thor story by Marlan Harris. The format is a series of eight letters written by a woman who sends her first letter to Thor when she’s six. It’s written in crayon on a sheet of that memo-sized, lined, gray paper that you learn to write on in kindergarten, and reads as follows:
“Dear Thor,
Your my favorite hero. My Dad says your makebeleive and Don’t beleve what you C on T.V. but i think your the Best. Do you have frends?
Elise age 6
P.S. If your not 2 busy, write back. Ok.”
But Thor doesn’t write back for reasons that are never made explicit (Not enough time? Doesn’t respond to groupies? Tony Stark never hired anyone to respond to Avengers fan mail?). This bothered me slightly, because it just seems unlikely these letters wouldn’t find their way to Thor or an Avengers rep somehow, but I suppose the mystery is almost irrelevant because the letters aren’t so much about Thor as what he represents to Elise in various stages of her life. The letters, though brief, draw the reader into a world where a young girl develops a crush on a handsome, heroic warrior who might just be the god he claims to be, and follows her infatuation with him from childhood to high school to her troubled marriage and beyond.
The story is tinged with melancholy, and reminded me more than a little of a children’s book I read in the fourth grade called DEAR MR. HENSHAW. It’s about a kid who writes to a favored author for a school project, corresponds with him several more times, and ends up keeping an introspective diary that makes up the rest of the book. Harris isn’t shooting for the depth of self-discovery that evolved in DEAR MR. HENSHAW, but in a small way, he touches on many of the same themes – notably how corresponding can help a person to better understand themselves and even provide a source of comfort. Whether one ultimately finds the story to be moving or perhaps a little maudlin will depend on one’s temperament, but I’m definitely in the former camp.
The letters overlay pin-up style art of Thor in action from manga artist Kia Asamiya, whose name, when spoken aloud, sounds a lot like an Italian insult. Preview art of Asamiya’s upcoming work on UNCANNY X-MEN has left some fans divided (the controversy: his sharp, angular noses), but he seems to have a knack for drawing THOR that reminded me a little of Klaus Jansen’s art style. Most of the images have no direct relation to the content of the letters, but they do embody the heroism and grandeur that Elise sees in Thor, and the second to last image, which is directly connected to the letter it accompanies, is particularly touching.
Final judgment: Can I really recommend spending $2.99 on a book just for an eight-page story? Not really. I found it affecting in its simplicity, but you’ll probably want to peruse it at your local funnybook shop to see if it’s up your alley before risking your hard-earned Taco Bell money. Thor fans should definitely nab it, though.
ZERO GIRL: FULL CIRCLE #1
Sam Kieth
Homage Comics / Wildstorm
reviewed by: Lizzybeth
When I picked up issue one of ZERO GIRL: FULL CIRCLE and saw the words “fifteen years later”, the approach that Sam Kieth would be taking was pretty clear. Amy, heroine of the original series would now be a settled-down grown-up, with an angstful teenage daughter of her own, displaying her own unusual circle-oriented powers. Nice, neat, predictable. And wrong. The angstful teenager isn’t Amy’s daughter, she’s the daughter of Tim the conflicted guidance counselor, and she has the power of squares. Like the furious Michelle of the original series, Nikki can “convince” people to do as she wishes, just by focusing on square objects. Now, Nikki’s infatuated with Amy, the not-entirely-settled-down adult who’s trying to help the angry young woman deal with her bizarre powers. Where the original series circled back on itself using the image of the ashtray, connected to a crucial event in Amy’s life, this second series is starting out with this nice bit of symmetry echoing Amy’s long-time crush on Tim. What remains to be seen is what Amy plans to do about it, whether Nikki will continue to abuse her powers or pay the same price that Michelle once did, and whether this story will continue to go in circles.
ZERO GIRL was odd to begin with, and it’s getting odder. The whole idea, just for a start, of the squares-vs.-circles dynamic, and their truly bizarre effects (Amy’s ooze-leaking feet, the killer lawn-mower, the talking sow-bug) is something only the creator of The Maxx could have come up with. I’m disappointed that the shape dynamic isn’t played up more in this issue, actually. In its absence, the plot has certainly become more involved. The first series featured some complicated relationship dynamics between a twenty-something authority feature and a teenage girl - tricky territory to say the least. Now, the ishiness factor is cranked up, tacking on another generation to form a rather creepy level of romantic interest between man, former crush, and daughter. And then there’s the whole sexual confusion issue with Nikki, who’s been beating up on gay companion Rat while using her powers to try to entice Amy into spending more time with her. Somehow, all of this works within the context of the book. Kieth has never been one to shy away from uncomfortable material. He knows how to use that tension, and the flaws inherent in his characters, to tell a gripping story. He can also give real believability to the tired teenage outcast storyline. Unlike some other comics/stories where the angry teen characters are outcasts just because they say they are, Amy and now Nikki are constantly surrounded by really freaking weird circumstances that set them apart. Even their character designs seem to show that they’re just not made from the same stuff as everyone else. It makes their emotions more credible, and makes it easier to empathize when they’re doing selfish, stupid things.
Kieth’s drawing style has only become more idiosyncratic over time – despite a clear understanding of anatomy, often lately he chooses to chuck it all out the window and draw characters that look more like vegetables than people. Rat, Nikki’s companion, looks consistently like an eggplant, while Nikki herself appears to be made of rubber, with her spindly limbs and skinny-slumped posture. In close-up, however, the faces are undeniably, touchingly human. I love the way he’s aged Amy from a teenager to a thirty-year old, looking exactly the same and completely different all at once. The delightfully colorful visuals are what drew me to Kieth; what makes me stick around is his wonderfully weird ideas and the respect that he gives to his mostly-female characters. 4 WOMEN, his last mini-series, appeared to suffer from a lack of energy and a slightly hurried resolution, though it was a powerful series in itself. Perhaps Kieth is more comfortable with fantasy than 4 WOMEN’s straight fiction, which is also (let’s face it) easier to sell on the comics shelves. On the other hand, he seems to carry over between these two projects a more serious tone; the fantasy elements are turned down somewhat this time around. While 4 WOMEN was probably Kieth’s best pure story, it’s nice to see him get back to the off-kilter world of ZERO GIRL, and I hope he’s going to expand from this strong setup, bring back some of the surreal action elements, and continue the entertaining unpredictability that his best comics have embodied.
ULTIMATE DAREDEVIL & ELEKTRA #1
Greg Rucka: Writer
Salvador Larroca: Artist
Marvel Comics: Publisher
Vroom Socko: Ninja scribe
There are times when it seems that there are two companies called Marvel Comics. One of them is a place that has recently begun to welcome risk-taking stories, that seeks out the best and brightest in the industry, that tells tales that stir up the status quo. Led by talent-savvy editor Joe Quesada and smart businessman Bill Jemas, this company is the best there is at what they do.
The other Marvel is a place that revels in ego and a quick buck. This company is home to Ron Zimmerman, the prince of mediocrity. Its stories are full of shock value for its own sake, along with poor and inconsistent characterization. The head of this Marvel, Bill Jemass, not only maintains a psychotic jackass persona online and in interviews, but is also responsible for the book Marville, a comic that’s about as much fun as giving Roseanne a pap smear.
The new Ultimate book, Daredevil & Elektra, is one that could have easily come from the Dr. Jekyll Marvel. It has phenomenally beautiful artwork, dynamic action, and a likable protagonist in Elektra. Unfortunately, the plot of the book places it firmly in Mr. Hyde territory.
This first issue centers on Elektra Natchios and her first term at Columbia University. She has a fun-filled roommate named Phoebe, and the two of them are good friends with one Melissa Beckerman. The three of them bonded when Elektra took on the campus misogynist, Calvin Langstrom the Third (Trey to his friends). Elektra, of course, soon becomes infatuated with a pre-law student named Matt Murdock.
Now, I have no problem with someone telling The Man Without Fear from the perspective of Elektra, as long as it’s well told. Unfortunately, Greg Rucka seems unsure of what sort of book he’s writing. Is it a coming of age story? A love story? An action adventure? A message book? It seems to be trying, and failing, to be all four at once. The ending involving Mel is meant to have enormous impact, but since she’s not given much space to develop, it doesn’t. Whenever there’s a potential to bring out more about Mel or Phoebe, out comes another unnecessary martial arts scene. The bit in the dojo was the worst offender in this area. It could have given us some more depth to these two instead of the silly fight between Elektra and Stone.
Then there’s Trey. Now, the colleges I’ve attended (all right, been kicked out of) have been relatively small, so I don’t know if jackasses like him are typical. Still, I doubt anyone attending a university would pick on another student by stealing her notebook and dangling it over her head. The guy is nothing more than a sexist jock stereotype lifted from a Lifetime movie of the week. Unfortunately, if the final page is any indication, we’ll be seeing more of him in later issues.
The one major problem I have is the timetable. When is this story taking place? Is it in the current Ultimate reality, or does it take place in the past? The book doesn’t say. Is this really that important? I think so. After all, Elektra made an appearance in the Ultimate Spider-Man Super Special earlier this year. Then she wore a version of her standard red costume and was definitely an assassin for hire. Here she’s no more than a student, and the cover of this issue has her in a derivation of her movie outfit. Now, if the story ends up telling how she changes from one to the other, fine. Just say up front that the story takes place… oh, say, five years before Ultimate Spider-Man #1. If the book takes place in the present, then a universe only two and a half years old has a bigger continuity error in it than anything in the regular Marvel U.
If there’s a reason for this book hitting the stands other than to make money off the movie buzz, I can’t see it. Personally, I’d rather have seen Marvel slap Affleck’s mug on the cover of Man Without Fear, but oh well. As I said, I’d enjoy a well-written story telling the early days of Matt and Elektra’s relationship from her eyes. This book isn’t it.
Note: Observant readers will note that I barely mentioned Daredevil’s actions in this issue. This is because, despite having his name on top of the book, he only appears in four pages out of thirty-two. Make of that what you will.
Title: HAWKMAN #9
Writer: Geoff Johns & James Robinson
Pencils: Rags Morales
Inks: Michael Bair
Publisher: DC Comics
Reviewer: Ambush Bug
The other day, I was downing Tequila shots and eating pork butt sammiches with my pal, Buzz Maverik, at Schlepy’s House of Pig Innards, when the couple in the booth across the aisle caught our attention.
“Schnooky Lumps has grease on his chin, don’t you, Schnooky Lumps?” The young lady said with pouting lips.
“Well, yes I do, Fluffy Bear.” The man gazed into her eyes. “Schnooky Lumps has grease on his chinny chin chin.”
“Awww, Schnooky Lumps has grease on his chin. Just what should Fluffy Bear do, hmmm? What should I do for my widdle Schnooky Lumps with grease all over his chin?” She moved in closer to him, smiling from ear to ear.
The man giggled with girlish glee, “I dunno. What should my Fluffy Bear do to Schnooky Lumps? Hmmm? Fluffy Bear gonna wipe off my chinny chin chin with her fluffy fluff paws?”
It was at this point when Buzz lost it. He slammed down the empty shot glass, stood up, and pulled out the sawed-off shotgun he always keeps in a leather holster under his trench coat.
“You’re going to have two loads of buckshot in that chin of yours if you don’t knock off the lovey dovey shit, Schnooky!” Buzz screamed, spraying pieces of pork butt sammich in their general direction and aiming the gleaming double barrels towards the two.
Ever since the All You Can Eat Innard Buffet Incident, we @$$holes had to promise Schlepy that there would be no more gunplay at the House of Pig Innards, so I immediately grabbed Buzz and made for the door, leaving the couple quivering in their booth, none the worse for wear, except for the load in Schnooky’s shorts.
I took this trip down memory lane to illustrate a point. PDA’s (Public Displays of Affection) may be fun to take part in, but it’s torture for those who have to witness them. The type of action above makes one want to tie the noose tightly and take a leap. Don’t get me wrong. I like a good love story. Allow me to channel my inner romantic side for a moment. It’s fun to watch two people start out hating each other and then gradually fall in love. But it has been illustrated in such TV shows as CHEERS and MOONLIGHTING that the build-up is what everyone wants to see. People want to see the near hits and misses on the road to love. Once that journey is completed, the appeal is gone. The audience is reminded that the payoff after the long anticipation is never as good as the trip. Look at how popular schmaltzy love stories like WHEN HARRY MET SALLY and SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE are. Those films smartly end when the trip to lovey dovey land is over. No one wants to see what happens next. People don’t want to see two people making pouty-kissy talk to each other. Remember how horrible MOONLIGHTING was when Dave and Maddie hooked up? Writer Geoff Johns does. Johns has watched his prime time television and has been taking notes. He seems to know that it is the “there” to the “here” that is interesting in a love story and is making sure that HAWKMAN doesn’t fall into the MOONLIGHTING rut.
The HAWKMAN series didn’t start off with a bang. For the last eight issues, Geoff Johns has sent Hawkman to India, told us a tale set in the Old West featuring one of Hawkman’s past incarnations, teamed him up with the Green Arrow, and given him a jim dandy of a dinner date with the Atom. Johns took his time with this series, dropping hints and revealing tidbits of Hawkman’s complicated past. Maybe Johns was going a bit too slow because I know quite a few people who felt the title was going nowhere and that the “Conan with wings” version of Hawkman just didn’t hold up to other books with Johns’ name in the writing credits (FLASH, JSA). But I stuck with the title, appreciating the intricate tapestry Johns was weaving; one with many layers, taking place over a span of many, many centuries.
Johns’ HAWKMAN is, at its core, a love story. A tragic love story. Lifetime after lifetime, Hawkman and Hawkgirl have fallen in love and died only to be reincarnated again. Johns revealed in the HAWKMAN: SECRET FILES AND ORIGINS that one man is responsible for each and every one of their deaths. Johns’ has created a heroic soap opera that began in Ancient Egypt and is destined to replay throughout the centuries. Hawkman knows that he and Hawkgirl will once again die, but he doesn’t know what he has to do to break this tragic cycle. In issue #9, Hawkman finds out what he must do and it is official, HAWKMAN just got good. Damn good. The events that lead up to HAWKMAN #9 unfolded gradually and oftentimes painstakingly slow, but now that it has all been laid out for me in this issue, I am more interested than ever in how this whole thing is going to turn out. I won’t let the major revelation in this issue slip, but it is a doozy. It is tragic. It is dramatic. And it all makes sense.
What makes the issue even more interesting is that, for the first time in as long as I can remember, Dr. Fate is done correctly and given something interesting to do. So far, little is known about the man wearing the helmet and amulet of Fate. Since his return from limbo, he’s been a cipher, lost in the shuffle of over a dozen heroes in the pages of JSA. Over the years, Dr. Fate has been a masked man of mystery (Kent Nelson), a woman (his wife, Inza Nelson), a mystical presence (Nabu), and even a floating helmet and cape in the pages of KINGDOM COME (easily my favorite incarnation). This new Dr. Fate is different. He’s Hector Hall. The former Silver Scarab of Infinity Inc. and son of the Silver Age Hawkman and Hawkwoman. Since Fate is getting the shaft when it comes to attention in JSA, uber-writers Geoff Johns and James Robinson have decided to give him the spotlight in this issue. This Dr. Fate isn’t a pro. He’s learning the tricks of the trade and lacks the confidence and skill to fully understand his power. That is what makes him interesting. Johns and Robinson have created the most human Fate of them all and I can’t wait for his upcoming mini-series that plans to flesh out the character even more. Johns makes him more than just an ominous god-like symbol in a cape and helmet. He gives Fate human moments and hints of real conflict. I’m glad to see this character get the screen-time he deserves.
Rags Morales provides the pencils for this issue and has proven once again that he was born to draw winged characters. I first caught his work on BLACK TALON many years ago. He was drawing kick ass wings back then and he’s still doing it here. Rags’ Fate is ominous. His Hawkman is savage. And his Hawkgirl is fierce. There are a few flashback panels that are a bit hard to follow, but for the most part, it’s all good stuff. One complaint though. There were too many “ass in the air” shots of Hawkgirl in this issue. Hawkgirl’s subplot is a powerful and important one, but when she arches her back and shakes what her momma gave her in every panel, it kind of takes away from the intense drama unfolding. The story and art is too good to see this type of gratuitous exploitation poses in this comic.
I’m glad I stuck with HAWKMAN. After a slow beginning, this title looks like it is about to start cookin’. I appreciated issue #9 because it was a big payoff issue. It might be a decent issue to hop on since there are a lot of secrets uncovered and seeds planted for future storylines. James Robinson’s influence is heavy in this book. The father and son talks between Hawkman and Dr. Fate reminded me a lot of his modern classic STARMAN series. I’m sure one day the Hawks will get together, build a little nest, and have little squawkers of their own flapping around. Until then, Geoff Johns and James Robinson are treating us to a great and epic tale of ancient emotions, high flying adventure, and the sacrifices and tragedies one must endure on the road to love.
SUPERMAN FOR ALL SEASONS (TPB)
Written by Jeph Loeb
Art by Tim Sale & Bjarne Hansen
Published by DC
Reviewed by Buzz Maverik
It is fitting that Superman, the first real comic book superhero, stars in a work like SUPERMAN FOR ALL SEASONS which transcends all the various mediums we associate with the character and moves into the realms of poetry and fine art. Each generation has discovered Superman in its own way. Since the 1930s, new fans have been discovering Superman in comic books. Superman also found his way into radio, newspaper strips, film, television, cartoons and books. Superman, for some, might be Christopher Reeve or George Reeves or Dean Cain or Tom Welling. Superman might be a Superfriend or the red eyed avenging titan from the paint brush of Alex Ross. Whatever the incarnation, Superman is almost always portrayed correctly: a godlike alien who was reared in the American heartland to be a decent, humble man and to use his awesome powers to help those in need.
I won't talk about when Superman is done wrong, right now. Let's just say that a certain Mr. Frank Miller might have called a character Superman and drawn the character somewhat like Superman, but it wasn't Superman.
SUPERMAN FOR ALL SEASONS is the best of the Superman myth. Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale seem to have perfect understanding of the character. They still admire responsibility, gentleness and honor. This is clear by the way they depict Clark Kent and Superman. They give us a character to whom we can relate. He has self-doubts, he is afraid. But they don't make the mistake of trying to darken or harden Superman. Since the character is almost all-powerful, he never needs to be less than merciful and honorable.
It is hard to believe that Loeb and Sale aren't really one person. Usually, only a single writer/artist can get the perfect synthesis they have. Everything in the book is necessary. Nothing is wasted. They give us a great deal of splash pages and large panels, things that can usually be chalked up to a lazy/overextended writer or an indulgent artist. In SFAS, everything you see exists to tell us the story and develop the characters, which is how it should be in comics.
Loeb and Sale appear to completely trust one another. Instead of caption after caption of exposition about young Clark's angst, Loeb seems to pass off to Sale and we get a single, minimalist _expression that tells us that this huge teenager is lonely, frightened, a little sad, but has inner-strength as great as his physical strength. That's one example, but it is just the first point where it is impossible to separate the writing from the art in this volume. We see Superman as our resolute but human protector; Clark Kent as an intelligent, sophisticated reporter; Clark Kent racked with guilt and hurting in his soul; Clark Kent finding his redemption.
SUPERMAN FOR ALL SEASONS deserves to have the kind of influence over the comic industry that a set of darker works had close to 20 years ago. It probably won't ever have that kind of impact because the new demographic in fans and creators skews somewhere in mental mid-adolescence when darkness and misused strength are at their most fascinating. Little kids, on the other hand, love Superman because he's recognizably human but is also the perfect Dad. Adults can appreciate his perfect moral courage and integrity. To put it bluntly, in real life standing up to a clown who kills people would not present the problems or take the courage that it would to defy a vengeful, multibillionaire who will not allow himself to be caught operating outside the law.
Final comic/movie geek note: a friend asked, "Why does Luthor give the woman chemist who is already obsessed with Superman the CLOCKWORK ORANGE / PARALLAX VIEW treatment?" I think the best response is that he probably always wanted to prop somebody's eye lids open. As the similarly named Luther, from the movie THE WARRIORS, said when asked why he killed someone: "I don't know. I like doing things like that."
X-STATIX # 4
Written by Peter Milligan
Drawn by Mike Allred
Reviewed by The Comedian
Last week at @$$hole HQ I called a meeting. It was hard getting everyone together. Quixote is running trials on his new cybernetic arm. Superninja’s training for some conflict that she’s been pretty mum with the rest of us about. Sleazy G is spending a lot of time handing out colostomy bags to teenager at theaters showing “8 Mile”. Corm, Liz, Vroom, Bug and the Idiot have been engaged in a marathon game of five card draw wagering back issues of Rom and Micronauts. And Maverik has been busiest of all lately having wacky adventures with The Mrs., Baby Buzz and Hula Hula. Once I had the whole team in the command center, I laid it on them.
“Guys, things are changing. The column is getting huge. Hell, we’ve not only got a loyal fan base of 4 TalkBackers but we’ve even got cheerleaders in the industry now. We’re being quoted in price guides and on the covers of pretentious, gimmicky Vertigo books. I for one think it’s time for us to take this TL@ thing to the next level. So I’ve taken the liberty of getting us an agent.”
They all rolled their eyes at me. “Come on, Comedian. We don’t need any of your Hurly-Burly crap. We’re in this for the love of the medium and nothing else,” Corm scolded.
“But guys you don’t understand. I didn’t just get us any old Soulless Tinseltown Huckster. I got us THE Soulless Tinseltown Huckster.” And then the ground beneath us cracked open and a familiar dark haired figure in a black single-breasted Armani suit rose up bathed in smoke and amber light. I smiled jovially and wrapped my arm around his ominous shoulder. “Guys, I’d like to introduce you all to my new best friend, Michael Ovitz.” He looked around our headquarters smugly with a hint of slight paranoia. “None of you are secretly working with Geffen and the Gay Mafia, are you?” Save for Maverik the rest of the team pretty much didn’t know who he was and couldn’t have given a crap.
“Guys, Mike here has dumped and sabotaged yet another agency and he wants to start fresh with us. He’ll rep us along with a variety of A-List talent with his new agency, @MG, The @$$hole Management Group.”
“I’ve already stolen Julia Roberts from Endeavor. She’s looking forward to playing Superninja in the TL@ movie Comedian’s developing for McG at Paramount” he arrogantly quipped.
Buzz exploded in a fit of rage. “The Beast must be expunged!” he bellowed. He then proceeded to fire round upon round of buckshot at Ovitz who aloofly interrupted his talk with us to take a call on a cellular headset that grew out of the side of his neck. While this melee was taking place I found the time to write this review of X-Statix #4.
X-Statix #4 wraps up the current arc centering around the team trying to make a fresh start in the face dwindling popularity, in-fighting, and morose angst in the wake of Edie Sawyer’s death. If that weren’t enough they’ve still got Arnie The Fanboy to deal with. The issue begins with The Orphan going in solo against Arnie who’s easily defeated the fake super team O-Force and continues to do his Bill Mumy Twilight Zone schtick holding his hometown in the grips of terror with an army of corpses he raised with his seeming limitless mental powers. While Guy goes in alone and saves that cute blue O-Force girl who had her legs torn off by zombies last issue, Venus and Spike Freeman teleport to the office of Solomon O’Sullivan (The Manager/Agent type who has one of the most comically ironic Mutant powers I’ve seen in a long time). They guilt him into relinquishing Venus’ contract of exclusivity with him so that she and the rest of the team can go help Guy salvage the mess his O-Force has made. There’s a really funny bit later on in the issue with O’Sullivan and his evil entertainment lawyer, Ms. Ginsberg, that’s the icing on the cake.
Anyhow, Venus gathers the rest of the team out of their collective funks and they join up with Guy to take down Arnie. What follows is a neat action-packed arc-ender that pretty much wraps up things in a way that is not as cynical as this kind of story would be in the hands of one of the “hot” writers from across the pond. Instead of killing Arnie, The Orphan reasons with him in a great scene that says volumes about the celebrity/fan dichotomy. He even gets him to fix most of what he’s destroyed and give the cute blue girl her legs back. He’s ready to send Arnie off to Xavier’s but the kids have got other ideas. By issue’s end, the team’s got its popularity back and things seem like they’ll be returning to the status quo until Guy drops the bomb on them. He’s recruited Arnie to be their newest member.
Well, what can I say that hasn’t already been said? I love this book probably more than any book Marvel is putting out right now but I realize that it’s not for everyone. It’s not fair to group this book in with the “real world” books that are stinking up the racks lately because the world that it’s putting under its satirical microscope (the entertainment industry) is probably better described as un-reality. Most who follow or are seriously on the inside of the industry are so wrapped in their own selfish motivations that they’re pretty much oblivious to “the real world” and all its ills, and that’s what this issue and opening arc so perfectly mocked. The scenes with O’Sullivan & Ginsberg are hilarious. It’ll be great to see them later on as the villains of this book. Who better to be the diabolical nemesis of a team of celebrities than evil industry types? Instead of henchmen Milligan can give them assistants who they constantly, berate, humiliate and throw cell phones at.
Of course the true meat of this issue and arc has been the Arnie conflict. The one thing that strikes me about the whole thing is that Milligan hasn’t gone the easy way out by making him such a hateful cynical caricature of fandom. He’s a bit naïve and juvenile but he’s still an intelligent and sometimes likable three-dimensional character. He wears his innocence on his sleeve alongside his defensive pseudo-cockiness like most fans. It’ll be interesting to see how they play this out. They did a similar thing with Lacuna back on X-Force but this feels more intricate. Still, like I said this is one of those books about ideas more than anything else so it’s not really for everyone. I’m not saying that if you don’t like X-Statix than you’re an idiot. It’s just an acquired taste. And that’s the only flaw I can find in it. It’s not some flashy 800-pound big-tittied monster like The Ultimates. So a lot of people who could be reading it will never really pick it up and enjoy it like I do because they can’t get past Allred’s goofy art. Sad.
Anyway, I’ve got a conference call Ovitz to discuss the deal we’re doing with McDonalds to market the TL@ movie. We’re gonna put Julia Roberts in her Superninja costume on the Super-Sized Fries and Drinks. Plus we’ve got to discuss toy ideas for the TL@ Happy Meal. My assistant forgot to put mayo on the Rueben Sandwich she was making for me and she still hasn’t hunted down the Coca-Cola I like in the tall glass bottle from 1976. She is sooooo fired.
@$$HOLE CASTING COUCH!!!
Hey folks, Ambush Bug here, welcoming everyone to another edition of the @$$HOLE CASTING COUCH. Since we @$$holes seem to be seeing double this week, I decided to cast a film that is already being made. Now, I’m not saying that the DAREDEVIL film is going to suck. I really do want to love this movie. The Daredevil/Elektra story is one of the best in comics. This story was cinematic from the beginning. The transition to film should be pretty easy. All I’m saying is that I wouldn’t have chosen the same cast if I ha
