Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
So far, the worst reaction I’ve heard to SCHMIDT has been muted respect. Everyone seems to be at least somewhat taken with it. After seeing how good the first few films from Alexander Payne have been, and after reading an early draft of this wonderful script, I’ve been looking forward to this for months. This first reviewer today hated this film. Didn’t just find it dissatisfying. Nope. He hated it like poison. Which is just the opposite of the second reviewer. How do you account for reactions as polarly opposed as these? Read on and find out...
Harry,
Some people might say that I saw About Schmidt last night. I say that I saw About Shit last night. Quite possibly the worst, most boring, slow paced, no reason to like this movie at all movie of all time. I mean every word of that and I am going to write tons of spoilers to save moviegoers the agony of the two hours of having to sit in that theater checking their watch for two hours like I did last night.
Now I know, you must be asking, if it was so bad, why did I stay till the end? For two reasons: 1) It's a Jack Nicolson movie and you can't believe that he would make a movie this bad, so you are waiting for the payoff the whole time and 2) Most importantly - I had to; my friend works for NewLine.
THIS MOVIE SUCKED.
Let me preface this whole review by saying that I am not the biggest Jack Nicolson fan. I like him. I don't love him. I don't go crazy just because he's Jack and he does that thing where he talks and doesn't open his mouth. He's a good actor, but truthfully, I don't think he has as much range as a DeNiro or Hoffman. I generally think that he overacts and for some roles, it's perfect (Batman) and for others, it just gets plain annoying (As Good As It Gets). Jack isn't Jack in this movie. He's a pathetic, lifeless character who stares vacantly into the camera for too long. He has no emotion, he has no passion, he is a drone. Jack is good, but even he couldn't save this movie. Additionally, this movie is from New Line who hasn't made a good movie since DeLuca left. Dreamworks did a great job by getting him. Since he left, I have seen and written to you about bomb after bomb (Knockaround Guys - I told you so, Simone - ditto and The Friday After Next - good for an airplane flight). This one takes the cake.
Alright, on to the review, if you still want to read. The story goes like this: Jack plays a guy named Walter Schmidt. Walter works at an Insurance company in the midwest for 40 years and retires. His company throws him a big farewell dinner and then quickly shows him the door and doens't want him to come back and help. Walter is lost without his job. He hates his house and most importantly, he hates his wife.
He comes home one day and finds her dead and realizes how much he did love her and is deeply upset. He boards his newly bought Winabago and decides to drive cross-country to visit his daughter and her fiance, whom he hates. Along the way, he adopts a child off of the TV for 79 cents and writes him letters. The childs name is Undugu. The letters to Undugo, which total about 10, provide the only good thing in the whole movie with the exception of the credits at the end, because they are read alound by Jack Nicolson, who adds some humor to them.
Walter finally shows up at his daughter's fiance's mother's house (Kathy Bates) and trys to stop the wedding. His daughter resists and they fight. Kathy Bates is great. She alwasys is. She plays a very spirtual ex-hippy type who can scream like she did in the Late Shift at one second and then jump naked into a hottub with Jack. Note to Kathy - I am fan of your work, not your body, please keep your clothes on!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, his daughter gets married and Walter gives a congratulatory speech that goes over well, but his daughter knows is a complete lie. He boards his Winabago and drives home wondering if he has made a difference in his 67 years on earth. Upon returning home, he gets a letter from a teacher of Undugo who says that he has gotten the letters and loves them and that Undugo has painted a picture for Walter. Upon revealing the picture it's a little boy holding an older man's hand under a sun and a blue sky. Walter cries, realizing he thinks he made a differnce and the movie ends.
The whole movie could have been a 5 minute short film. Instead the whole movie looks like it was shot atop a tripod and the director keeps forgetting to yell cut for 5 seconds after every scene. Every scene has a 10 second establishing shot and when the scene is over, the camera stays rolling for what feels like hours. This only adds to the movies, boring, snail speed pace. I understand that the movie is suppossed to be sad, but so was On Golden Pond, which was a great movie, because it was entertaining.
I was so mad last night. Here I was thinking that I was going to see a Jack movie early and was utterly dissapointed. To top it off, as I was leaving the theater, other movie goers where telling the waiting crowd of the next screening "not to go in" that "the movie was horrible, save your time". Everyone hated this movie and you will be no different.
I had heard that Jack would win the Oscar for the movie, no way. No Academy member will be able to finish watching the movie to vote for him. I had heard Eminem might get nominated, no way. While 8 Mile was a let down from the Hype it was like watching Star Wars for the first time in comparison. I don't know who will win this year, but it won't be anybody associated with this piece of crap.
Harry, if you ever publish one of my reports, publish this one. Save your readers from the most boring movie of all time and post this write up and please Hollywood, if you get the biggest actor on earth, please put him in a good movie.
Unfortunately,
Agent Kushing
Wow. I’d normally just dismiss that as axe-grinding, except Agent Kushing’s got a history here on the site, and he’s not a plant. He just hated the film.
I bet he can’t make head or tails out of this review we got:
Harry,
I am a first time writer, long time reader. I had to write in to give just a little more insight into the masterpiece that is ABOUT SCHMIDT. Like you, I also am a fan of Alexander Payne's films. Stuffed to the gills with just as many wild but pitch-perfect characters as his past two, About Schmidt avoids the political allegories of Citizen Ruth and Election by diving headfirst into a very personal story. Since the basic framework has already been given to you, I'll just say that Jack Nicholson's performance is definitely one of his best to date. His portrayal is filled with the truest notes of loneliness, but somehow he manages to stay funny as hell.
Really structured as an introspective road movie, About Schmidt is a buddy movie without the buddy. Jack's Warren Schmidt is just learning to connect with people, only after there is no one left to connect with. He of course runs into several oddball characters along the way (what would a road movie be without those?!), but it is his relationship with himself that is on display here. The most insight comes in the form of the letters that he writes to his African "foster child" (he adopts him after seeing a Sally Struthers-type commercial on TV). These are delivered as deadpan interior monologues. How these speeches managed to be so hysterical and heartbreaking at the same time still is beyond me. I believe that this film should be considered not just for acting prizes but also for screenplay and DEFINITELY directing.
I saw the film at the New York Film Festival this year the entire cast and the director were in attendance. Alexander Payne said that this is the film that he is most proud of. I would have to say that I definitely saw why. Dermot Mulroney (in full-on Mullet-Mode) and Kathy Bates were both great. Jack Nicholson recieved a standing ovation at the end, and it was well deserved. Overall, I can't wait to see it again when it hits theatres in December. I'd like to hear your take on it. You can call me...
L. AUSTIN SPACE
So who’s right? Who’s wrong?
Who cares? I just want to see it for myself!
"Moriarty" out.
