Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Smilin’ Jack Ruby from CHUD likes this movie. He can’t be wrong. He just can’t. I trust this man. I’ve seen this man so drunk that he couldn’t stop bellowing “HAIL SATAN!” in my face. How can you argue with a man of such a refined nature? Fabfunk’s wrong. He has to be wrong. It’s the only explanation...
Hey Harry,
GHOST SHIP IS A TOTAL, COMPLETE PILE OF CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really don’t have a nice way to say it. GHOST SHIP is the worst film of the year. I don’t understand those who have been giving it good reviews. I reason that maybe they are genre fans, but even for a genre flick, GHOST SHIP is remarkably poor. I don’t know where to start with the ineptitude of this cinematic shit stain, but I’ll try with the story.
GHOST SHIP begins, quite humorously, in a classy manner, aboard a 1960’s cruise ship. The music is romantic and sweepingly grand, and the font on the opening titles is a cheesy pink script font. It’s actually quite cute, and provides the first, and last, good scene in the flick with a perverse self-referential subtext. On this ship, a malfunction occurs and in one fell swoop, the entire front deck of the ship is brutally murdered. Although in this scene the film forgoes traditional blood and guts in favor of computerized gore, it is a shock when it occurs. It’s a surprisingly gory and gruesome scene for a studio film, and a pleasant respite from the neutered gore of recent Hollywood.
Sadly, saying its downhill from here would be a tremendous overstatement.
Flash forward to modern day. We meet the grizzled Murphy’s (a depressed, dour Gabriel Byrne) preposterously faceless crew, which includes the mopey looking Epps (Julianna Margulies), goofy Dodge (Ron Eldard), engaged first mate Greer (Isaiah Washington) and two other rather interchangeable fellows. They are lounging in a bar when they are confronted by Ferriman (the awful Desmond Harrington), a dismally uninteresting stranger who speaks of a ship found lost at sea. Without many questions, the crew appears to head out to the ship THAT night, eager to see what it contains. Hilarity ensues.
The cast is the kind of collection of no-names that scream b-movie. Gabriel Byrne has been looking for a studio film that matches his talents, and the search will continue. Margulies barely has a pulse, while Eldard is unbearably namby-pamby, proving the theory correct that any film with two or more TV stars (both formerly of ER) is bad stuff. Hell, if they are so good, stay home and watch them for free. The only character that remotely registers is Greer, who is personified quite nicely by Washington in what goes for a nuanced performance in this film.
The film motors along for the first hour with shocks produced only by loud noises. Steve Beck, who previously directed THIRTEEN GHOSTS, has no idea how to pace suspense. He really is in a rush to get from scare to scare, often using that annoying speed up technique that merely gives viewers headaches. Because of this, GHOST SHIP has ZERO character development, ZERO plot development and ZERO legit scares.
The one saving grace of this film, and it appears not too often, is that the score is quite lovely. I don’t know who did it, but its very old fashioned, sweeping and appropriate for a film on the high seas.
I’ve seen plenty of horror films in my lifetime. Some of my favorite overall films include DEAD ALIVE, EVIL DEAD series, CARNIVAL OF SOULS, THE BEYOND, etc. However, I don’t think I’ve seen a horror film as stupid, inept and listlessly pathetic as GHOST SHIP. I must, must, must repeat this: GHOST SHIP is the WORST MOVIE of the year.
I am fabfunk, and I have spoken.
Well... you make a good argument. And there’s a lot to see right now. I can’t exactly see myself running out for this one first thing... but Smilin’ Jack really, really liked it... hmmmmmmmmm...
"Moriarty" out.
