Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
I’ve got a fistful of JACKASS photos sitting here on my desktop this morning, and a review from a reader that unfortunately riddled with spoilers. I’ve had to go in and edit his review to try and preserve the impact of the jokes, so hopefully what he has to say still makes sense for you. In the meantime, take in some of the idiocy on display here for you today, or check out my review for the film from last week.
Jackass the Movie
Review
Hey Harry, I managed to obtain a seat in a promo screening of Jackass the movie. I’m a big Jackass fan, so getting this so early was possibly one of the most kick ass things ever! And who would’ve thought, up here in big boring Canada, although we do get the Osbornes completely un-edited. Anyway, the movie was great. I’ll admit I had fears that the hardcore Jackass crew would resort to “Tom Green-ism.” That being, “Hey we have tons of money, lets do something Hollywood will love. Not what we always do!” But they didn’t! And I am eternally grateful.
It was a bunch of big kids with video cameras, raw and probably un-edited. The promo guy told us that we were gonna be the first people to see this on the continent. It’s most likely un-true, but fun to think. On to the fun stuff.
Spoilers.
The film starts with all the Jackass crew in a giant shopping cart. They punch and kick each other for a while then huge explosions go off and toss [SPOILER EDITED] at the guys, then they hit something and all go flying out. Johnny Knoxville heads to a [SPOILER EDITED] place and [SPOILER EDITED], which he proceeds to [SPOILER EDITED] and have it re-enforced with a [SPOILER EDITED] and other stuff. Then he announces the [SPOILER EDITED]. They destroy the [SPOILER EDITED] and bring it back to the [SPOILER EDITED]. I was laughing so hard I’ve forgotten half the movie.
At one point Steve-O has a [SPOILER EDITED] put on his back with the caption “[SPOILER EDITED]” They try and destroy [SPOILER EDITED] on a [SPOILER EDITED] and almost kill Johnny. They rig up these little pieces of metal and pump electricity through them, which they stick to their nipples, their face, the pernieum (The ridge of skin that goes from your nut sack to your asshole) and finally Chris Pontius’ nut sack, which he really enjoyed.
Party boy in Japan. Steve-O snorts [SPOILER EDITED] and [SPOILER EDITED]. Steve-O also tries the tight rope over a pool of alligators. They tied a dead chicken to his back when he was hanging over the gators. Spike Jonze made an appearance. He and Johnny and Bam got into [SPOILER EDITED] and kicked each other’s asses. Spike rode down a [SPOILER EDITED], screaming for help cause [SPOILER EDITED]. Bam figures out a way to make his mother swear, by leaving a [SPOILER EDITED] in the [SPOILER EDITED] when she [SPOILER EDITED]. Ryan Dunn shoves a [SPOILER EDITED] up his ass. Yes, a [SPOILER EDITED]. If you don’t believe me, see it. Anyway a [SPOILER EDITED] up his ass and gets an [SPOILER EDITED]. The boxer Butterbean gets into a boxing match with Johnny and [SPOILER EDITED]. He gets a [SPOILER EDITED] and cracks his head open. Then Ryan gets his [SPOILER EDITED] by a [SPOILER EDITED]. Johnny has Ryan and Bam give him [SPOILER EDITED] between his [SPOILER EDITED] and [SPOILER EDITED], at this point people in the screening were leaving.
Johnny gets shot in the gut with a [SPOILER EDITED].
That’s all I feel like revealing. I definitely recommend this nugget of hilarity. Go see it and enjoy. I’d like to give thanks to the Jackass crew, and hope them well. Also, kids who plan on imitating Jackass...
... DON’T.
I personally have broken my shoulder and other things. It’s true, you will get hurt. Harry kicks ass, it’s always cool news here. Later guys.
I’m taking a bunch of friends to see this on Thursday night, and I can’t wait to see it again. Even with the spoilers cleaned up in his review, you get a sense of just what you’re in for. I mean... a [SPOILER EDITED] up the ass, man. That’s worth $9 right there!
"Moriarty" out.
