Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
The review’s good here, but the story of what happened to Quint at the party... well... this is one of those geek moments, and it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.
Oh, wait. Sure it could have. It could have happened to me!!
Ahoy, squirts. Quint, the crustiest of all the world's seaman, here with a short report in from the Mill Valley Film Festival. Below I got a review of one alright film and a super big Bay Area shindig.
I was invited to this party in San Francisco, supposedly this VIP filmmakers only party. I'm not a big party person, but the promise of free food made my wallet sigh with relief. When we arrived at the restaurant, Lapis on Pier 33, we found it shrouded in darkness. The whole block was out of power. Well, there goes the party. Maybe I can go catch LOST IN LA MANCHA now and not have to worry about seeing the second show later in the week, I thought. But the party went off anyway, lit by candle and the blinding beams of light from the various Wire Image photographers' cameras.
Marc Fishkin, the head honcho of the Mill Valley Film Festival, showed up with Saul Zaentz (long time Producer of such films as ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST and AMADEUS and BAKSHI'S LORD OF THE RINGS). I got my soda in a container the size of a shot glass and was introduced to Mr. Zaentz, who didn't seem very interested in me, but that's OK. I wandered a bit when I felt a disturbance in the force. I could sense something... I looked back over at the bar... Nothing out of the ordinary. I looked to the door and saw glimpses of "The Beard" moving silently through the crowd of people. Then the Wire Image photographers caught sight of him and we had strobe lights for the rest of the night. "George! Over here, George!" Click-click
I was excited. Surely Mr. Lucas had heard my pleas in the last few Mill Valley reports and had brought me the current draft of the Episode 3 script! Surely that's why he was here, right? I saw no evidence of the script... Smart man. He left it in the car, didn't he? It'd be too dangerous for a man like George Lucas to walk into a party carrying a script...
I fought through the cantina-like party goers to get to Lucas. By the time I finally got up to him, he sensed my presence. I put out my hand, he shook it wearily... He was suspiciously eye-ballin' me. It became dreadfully obvious that he could smell the AICN on me and didn't like the wonderful smell he discovered. Of course that meant he had not brought me any script and I knew that if I didn't act fast he'd have his stormtroopers throw me out. So, I muttered something about being a fan and shot off, disappearing in a sea of people.
I knew I couldn't hide for long. This party was attended by the rich and powerful of the Bay Area and I am neither rich nor powerful. I knew I would stick out like a sore thumb, so I tried to keep out of sight. I ended up meeting a director by the name of Phillip Noyce, who was at the Fest with his film RABBIT PROOF FENCE and he was a crack up. Noyce is an Aussie who you folks probably know best as the director of PATRIOT GAMES. He was just hysterical in person, arguing the difference in meaning when you pronounce the name Carri with a hard A or a soft A. "This lady's name is Carri and I never talk to her because I'm afraid I'll offend her by mispronouncing her name... CAR-E or CARE-E? Which is it?" Of course with his accent both versions sounded nearly identical, sending Carol Marshall, the publicist who I've been working with, into laugh fits. I guess you had to be there...
So enough about this party. The food was... rich and decorative. I'd prefer a cheeseburger any day of the week, but it was interesting to have rich people's food... Lucas couldn't find me to kick me out, the people there were otherwise very nice... On to the movie!
THE NEW SUIT
Earlier that day I saw an indie flick called THE NEW SUIT, starring the beautiful and lovely Marisa Coughlan (of SUPER TROOPERS fame), newcomer Jordan Bridges, Heather Donahue (yeah, BLAIR WITCH girl) and Dan Hedaya (you know his face, if not his name... he's one of the coolest character actors around... He was Nixon in DICK and has been in a thousand small roles).
THE NEW SUIT is a film about Hollywood and takes the ideas of such films as THE PLAYER and SWIMMING WITH SHARKS and OFFICE SPACE and uses them to make their own film. It's not a bad film, it's actually pretty funny, but it doesn't come anywhere near any of the above pictures.
The movie is about a screenwriter (Bridges, very much playing Ron Livingston from OFFICE SPACE) who shows up to Hollywood and finds that the best job he can get is an assistant to the assistants of a big time producer (Dan Hedaya) whose career is on the decline. He starts dating a wannabe producer (the scrum-didly-upmtious Marisa Coughlan) and life isn't to terribly bad, but he's frustrated. He's not doing what he wants to be doing. His passion for writing and for filmmaking is slowly being sucked out of him by the system.
At lunch one day, he's talking with other assistants (2 of which are essentially playing David Herman aka Michael Bolton from OFFICE SPACE. One of them is a wigger in a tie and the other looks and sounds like the actor) about the newest shitty "Hot script" that circulating. They're all saying how brilliant it is and he starts to wonder if they've even read it. So he talks about this other script that he read that's even better than this hot script. They look nervous and say he's right. They didn't think of this other brilliant script written by Jordan Strawberry (Jordan from the nametag of a Baskin Robbins employee and Strawberry the ice cream flavor he ordered). Inadvertently, he gets the whole of Hollywood up in arms about this brilliant, hot script, The New Suit, which doesn't exist written by a writer that doesn't exist.
It's an interesting idea to take The Emperor's New Clothes story and put it in Hollywood. It's not surprising how well it fits there. The acting is done well across the board. The laughs are frequent. The only thing that drags the movie down for me is every time it "borrows" from SWIMMING WITH SHARKS or OFFICE SPACE or THE PLAYER I'm reminded of how good those movies are and THE NEW SUIT just can't live up to them. It's an alright movie. I enjoyed watching it, but wouldn't run right out to be first in line when it comes out next April.
The writing is pretty sharp, the directing isn't bad. The cast is the strongest part about the film. While THE NEW SUIT isn't the best thing in the world, it's far from the worst. I look forward to whatever this writer or director has to offer us next.
That's about it, squirts. I'll be back soon with my review of FRIDA and hopefully some interviews. 'Til that day, this is Quint bidding you all a fond farewell and adieu.
-Quint
email: I met Lucas. Who wants to touch me? I SAID WHO WANTS TO F*&#ING TOUCH ME?!?
