AICN COMICS: TalkBack League Of @$$Holes Reviews!!

Written by Mark Millar

Art by Bryan Hitch, Andrew Currie, Paul Mounts

Published by Marvel

Reviewed by Ultimate Buzz, the Ultimate @$$hole

Hello, Hard Core Comic Book Fans (notice I'm not using the word "geek". How you choose to behave and relate to people is your business, not mine)! Buzz Maverik here. Before we begin our reviews, I want to guide you on a little visualization. Close up your comic books. Step away from your computer and look outside wherever you are.

I don't know what you saw just now. I only know what you DIDN'T see. You did not see a college student swing by on a web. You did not see a mild mannered reporter zoom by in a streak of blue and red. You did not see a squad of giant robots roar overhead en route to capturing mutants. You did not see a beautiful woman flying an invisible plane. Hell, you didn't even see a loser in medieval looking armor, flying a winged horse and spraying hypnotic gas from the tip of a lance only to be brought down hard by the Viking god of thunder.

If you did see any of these things, it will be easier on you if you drink some Heineken Dark, listen to AMERICAN BEAUTY by the Grateful Dead and try not to resist or act upon what you are seeing. In about 12 hours you'll be back to normal. Just remember, never, ever bogart on ol' Buzz again.

But what if you did see any of the things listed two paragraphs back? In the simplest terms, it would be pretty weird, right? I think I would experience a sense of wonder and awe, things that I do not experience when I read and look at the art in most modern comics. Comic books strayed so far from this in the late '80s, I can remember X-MEN issues (the only comic I read at the time) that talked about how commonplace superbeings were, and where bar patrons watched a brawl between a man made of organic steel and another man who was the living embodiment of irresistible force, and their only comments were "Hope the bar owner has insurance." Ha-fucking-ha! I don't live in a world like that myself. If I saw anything like that, I'd be shouting, "HOLY FUCK! DO YOU FUCKING SEE THAT, CORMORANT? THAT ONE GUY TURNED TO METAL IN A FLASH OF ENERGY! AND NOTHING SEEMS TO STOP THAT GIANT FUCK HE'S FIGHTING!"

Not the people in the comics. They'd be saying things like, "You know, I always pictured Solomon Grundy being taller. Hey, that chick over there is looking at you. Oh, wait. My mistake."

It got worse in the early '90s. Except for Eric Larsen and Jim Valentino, all the Image artists seemed to place the reader right in the picture. The perspective was always EXTREME CLOSE UP. To me, that was the equivalent of those stupid paperback novels the target audience at the time probably wrote book reports about in school, instead of real books. You know the ones. They are written in the second person, where the kid could pick the adventure and never had to picture anything outside himself.

Love him, hate him, whatever, Alex Ross changed a lot of that. MARVELS, more so than KINGDOM COME, really showed us what a real human being in a superhero universe would see. You could practically feel the ground shake when Giant Man stepped across the street. And it was truly chilling to see a flight of Sentinels on the hunt over Manhattan. MARVELS was a better title, but WONDERS would have been more appropriate.

Still with me? No? Like I give a shit. This brings us to the ULTIMATES. The things you average comic fan (and sadly, comic creator) calls "realism" is usually just a litany of cruelties and perversions that didn't make it into THE WATCHMEN. We're lucky that Mark Millar and especially Bryan Hitch are far from your average comic creators. Yeah, there are cruelties and perversions in THE ULTIMATES, but the realism comes from what the creators show us. A storm of mystic lightning pounds down on Manhattan and carries a monster across a street. A 60 foot tall scientist steps blocks out the sun, startling a pair of women walking in Central Park. A man in a flexible armor seems to snuggle close to an exotically beautiful woman, but there is something unsettling and vaguely menacing about both of them.

Reality in superior comics must always go hand in hand with extreme unreality. You can make a "hero" a head-busting, porn-loving, sex-addicted, crackheaded badass all you want, but if the image doesn't jar the reader, it's better not to mention terms like realism.

People have issues with THE ULTIMATES. They especially have issues with Mark Millar's writing. I've been told the characters are immoral and mean spirited. Yet, Millar's Thor and Iron Man are two of the most altruistic and socially conscious characters I've seen in a long time. Ultimate Tony Stark has come to a crisis in his life and has realized that he wants to do some good, give something back to the world instead of just letting his technology fall into government hands. Sure, he's an alcoholic but so is Marvel Universe Iron Man -- this is just the shorthand version of forty years of continuity and the work of dozens of creators. Sure, he still pooches beautiful B-list actresses, but c'mon guys, what you do if you were a world famous, incredibly handsome, single multibillionaire. Y' wouldn't? Liar. And Thor won't even go near the Ultimates until President Dubya doubles the budget for social services. (Annoying aside: I hate Marvel Universe Thor. I've never liked the character. Why Thor? Never made sense. Poorly conceived and impossible to truly improve if your name isn't Walt Simonson. Ultimate Thor is the first Thor I've actually liked).

Hey, Buzz, isn't that Betty Ross Banner a ball buster? You bet she is, and in the worst way too! She's the new Thunderbolt Ross, a General in the battle of the sexes. Don't you think she could screw up Banner's mind better than her Daddy ever could? And aren't Hank and Jan Pym a pair of jerks, treating Banner the way they do? Yep! Do some reading about how the top brains in the world, even the top medical students, each other. They are more vicious and underhanded that what we see in THE ULTIMATES. Hell, Edward Teller, the main brain behind the H-Bomb, told Congress that J. Robert Oppenheimer, the main brain behind the A-Bomb, was a Communist. The main reason for this? Professional jealousy.

Isn't Ultimate Hulk a rapist? Okay, I read this book in one sitting, but I didn't see anything to indicate that rape was really on the Hulk's agenda. This is a sexual Hulk (the Wasp distracts him by flashing her boobs; guess Millar and Ultimate Wasp are MODESTY BLAISE fans), but he's mainly looking out for Banner any way he can and that includes sexually.

The greatest weakness I saw in the book was the pop culture stuff. Yes, comic books have always made reference to pop culture. The Thing and the Human Torch wore Beatle wigs and met the Beatles. Spider-Man has gone on talkshows. But do you really think a guy like Nick Fury would give a shit who played the Ultimates in a movie? Fury would have no idea who Johnny Depp or Lucy Liu were. If you told him their names, he'd have them investigated. Yeah, the RESERVOIR DOGS talked about pop culture, but you figure they had a lot of time between crimes to watch TV, see movies and listen to music. Nick Fury would be busier than we can conceive. As for Betty Banner having dinner with Freddie Prinze Jr., I'm sorry to say but that did make sense. Betty is the Ultimates' PR shark. She's looking to put together an Ultimates movie. It was a business dinner, not a date. She might flirt with him, but that's part of her job. (I did like Ultimate Betty's response to the Hulk's jealous rampage: "It's kind of flattering." Obviously, Millar heard some of the same Jodie Foster jokes I did after John W. Hinkley tried to kill Ronald Reagan).

Finally, the most controversial scene. Henry Pym tries to kill his wife Janet. First of all, that makes him the second Ultimate to go rogue. Yeah, it was horrifying but it wasn't out of left field. That's the great thing about a trade paperback. You can look back and see him with all the pill bottles at the beginning. You can see the hints that this is effecting his mind. And in a sense, this is again shorthand for regular Marvel continuity. We're not going to sit through 30-something years of THE ULTIMATES to see Pym go nuts just because that's how long it took in THE AVENGERS. Pym did go nuts, did beat Jan, did betray his team in the Jim Shooter early '80s stories. Did anybody else get the idea that there was anything kinkier going on at first between Hank and Jan? Like they'd done this before, that they played really rough, but Hank completely lost control here and instead of pooching, turned to killing? It's probably just me.

There's other things I've argued with friends about in defense of this book, but I hate spoilers and I've included too many (but nothing any real comic fan probably hasn't heard, so I don't care).

Despite what Marvel may want (you might know, I'm not really concerned with what Marvel wants), try not to think of THE ULTIMATES as THE AVENGERS. The characters have the same names, but they bear as little resemblance as THE WATCHMEN did to the Charlton heroes they were modeled after. And don't worry about them "Ultimatizing" the Marvel Universe. They're just testing your response. Nobody is that stupid. Besides, if they are that stupid, you know that it'll be half a week tops before they're doing ORIGINAL MARVEL UNIVERSE stories.

One last thing: I fucking love Ultimate Gay Jarvis! He should have his own book. Also, in regular continuity, early on, there were issues with Jarvis' honesty. He was manipulated by supervillains, of course, but I think it's fine to skip that part here. His employer, Ultimate Tony Stark, has so much dough that Jarvis couldn't steal enough for Stark to care about.

100 BULLETS #38

Brian Azzarello – Writer

Eduardo Risso – Artist

Published by DC Comics (Vertigo)

Reviewed by Village Idiot

“It would be silly not to get it.”

These were the words of advice given to me by an anonymous customer at my local comic shop while I was trying to decide whether or not to get 100 BULLETS. 100 BULLETS seems to be all the rage at Southern California Comics these days. No less than three people recommended it, including the guy who patiently reasoned with me with the comment above. Far be it for me to leave a trend uninvestigated, so I picked up issue #38 to see what was going on.

So as you read this review, keep in mind that I’m reviewing this comic as a work unto itself, on it’s own merits, and without the benefit (or baggage) of past issues.

Spoiler Warning.

100 BULLETS #38 is about thieves. Two lowlifes set out to rob a bar one night right before it closes. That these men wear animal masks is no accident: they’re wild, brutal, and even scary. But things don’t go as planned during the robbery; and they can’t get to the money. We get to see as things go from bad to worse for these increasingly frustrated and very dangerous men—and their hostages.

But they aren’t the only thieves in this story. Somewhere else, there’s a guy who looks disturbingly like David Blaine named Cole trying to win back his ex-girlfriend; to sneak back into her life, and steal back her affection. On his terms. And like the thieves in the other part of the story, he too is thwarted.

Both of these stories, the crime-thriller and the character-drama, hit their most of their marks. The crime-thriller seems to have the easier job of it: all it has to do is serve up enough Quentin Tarantino to keep you edgy, which it does quite well, along with a heavy dose grit and noir. The character drama is a tougher sell: not only do we readers have to feel that these characters feel for each other, the emotional politics of a failed reconciliation is a subtle and nuanced game, and it’s difficult to capture with realism. Cole’s girlfriend rejects him, and it’s felt, but only in the broadest terms.

The art was felt pretty broadly too. One of the recommenders that I mentioned earlier told me that he felt Eduardo Risso’s art was the best on any regular book right now. I’ll give it this much: the art definitely capture the ugliness of the story. The violence in the bar robbery, with the black blood, could be almost hard to look at. The style reminded me a bit of Frank Miller; lightly expressionistic, and not afraid to show people looking caricatured and unappealing.

In the end, is it silly not to get it? I don’t know about that. I thought 100 BULLETS #38 was raw, but not deep, at least not as deep as it tried to be. Again, this was my first issue, and perhaps with greater context it might have meant more. Nevertheless, the crime-thriller part was at least effective enough to where I can suggest that if you like gritty and fairly merciless crime stories, this may be one for you to check out.

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #486

Written by J. Michael Straczynski

Art by John Romita Jr.

Published by Marvel Comics

A Jon Quixote tangent

It’s not that I’m tired of Spider-Man being trapped under tons of rubble, and it’s not that I’m tired of Spider-Man being trapped under tons of rubble by Dr. Octopus, and it’s not even that I’m tired of Spider-Man being trapped under tons of rubble by Dr. Octopus only to reach deep inside himself to find the strength to escape. But I am a little tired of Spider-Man being trapped under tons of rubble by Dr. Octopus, only to reach deep inside himself to find the strength to escape by invoking his love for Aunt May as motivation.

It would be nice if the next time Dr. Octopus traps Spider-Man under tons of rubble, Spidey was able to find a different motivation for producing the inhuman strength needed to free himself. Like, maybe he has to get out of the rubble or else he’ll never find out if Rachel is gonna marry the Mimbo or the Geek (you know Peter’s pulling for Ross). Maybe he needs to get to Blockbuster to return Frailty, ‘cause he knows that if he’s 10 minutes late, those unforgiving bastards are gonna ding him with late fees. Or, maybe Spider-Man could be about to succumb to the crushing weight, when he realizes he left a copy of Barely Legal and a bunch of cruddy Kleenex next to his bed, and doesn’t want whomever has to pack up his belongings to find out.

I guess I can wish all I want. Even if someone hears me, it won’t matter. They’d find some way to tie Aunt May into it anyways. Peter could be worrying about the late fees, and then he’d realize that, if he died, Aunt May would be stuck with the bill, and don’t those heartless corporate bastards realize she’s on a fixed income? Or, he’d worry about someone finding evidence of his masturbation, and then realize it would probably be Aunt May, and the shock would be too much for her heart or whatever organ is hanging on by a thread this month.

That’s why Aunt May exists. To show how selfless Peter is. She’s someone that he can worry about. They tried to knock her off once, but it didn’t take. While she was dead, Peter got to worry about Mary Jane for a while, but it didn’t really carry the same weight. If Peter ever died and left Mary Jane a widow, I’m sure she’d be sad and all, but I think she’d get by. You don’t worry about a 24 year old supermodel the same way you worry about a 75 year old widow. I give Mary Jane about 6 months worth of quality mourning before she shows up in the Enquirer canoodling with Leo at the Viper Room. Life goes on when you’re rich and famous and hot. She’d probably wake up one day in the arms of some Hollywood heartthrob and think, “Holy shit! It’s been, like, 3 years since Electro tried to kill me.” Really, in all of New York, Mary Jane is probably the only person who would be better off if Spider-Man got Buckied. Well, not counting the Vulture and all them.

But not Aunt May. She’d be pretty hooped if Peter bit the big one. She needs him. And the suits at Marvel seem to think that he needs her too. She’ll never die. Again. And even if she does, eventually Marvel would re-hire Howard Mackie to bring her back. That was that guy’s one talent. You could probably decapitate May in a tractor accident, and Mackie would find a way to bring her back. He couldn’t write her worth shit, but he could resurrect her like crazy on a monthly basis. She could die, Peter would grieve, move on, and one day he’d open the door, and there would be May, her head on the body of Silvermane. Cue the tearful reunion, and, a few issues later, Peter would be trapped under tons of rubble, and have force himself free knowing that if he didn’t get Aunt May her WD-40, nobody would. Amazing Spider-Man #486 is very familiar. Spider-Man is trapped under rubble. Aunt May is in trouble. Spider-Man must free himself to go rescue her. I don’t like spoilers, so I won’t tell you if he succeeds or not.

With his two previous story-arcs, Straczynski has proven himself to be the best Spider-Man writer in at least a dozen years. But, unfortunately, this recent three issue arc seems to be a step-back. It would probably have been a classic, except for the fact that there already exists a virtually identical classic issue. This is a traditional Spider-Man issue, but, to tell you the truth, I was hoping for something fresher. The only variation from the dozens other similarly themed Spider-Man stories is Straczynski’s ability to write Aunt May as, well, an interesting character. She’s finally great – funny, dynamic, likeable. She doesn’t just serve as a function of Peter’s character, she’s a character unto herself. And a rich one at that. Seriously, I’d consider buying a Straczynski written Aunt May mini-series.

Kudos to Straczynski for making me interested in Aunt May again. But, please, let’s find a new situation to put her and Peter in, okay?

Title: AVENGERS #58

Writer: Geoff Johns

Artists: Kieron Dwyer & Rick Remender

Publisher: Marvel

Reviewer: Ambush Bug

There’s something about seeing a team of heroes fly down from the heavens to stomp evil into the turf that gets every comic fan excited. Sometimes one hero is not enough. Sometimes heroes have to team up and kick some ass. X-books aside, it’s a good time to be a fan of team books in comics. Mark Waid is making the FANTASTIC FOUR interesting again in their own title. Joe Kelly is currently writing the best damn story arc to hit the JLA in a long time. And one man is single-handedly making both the JSA and the AVENGERS must reads. That man is Geoff Johns.

Since the TL@ was formed, Johns has been writing worthy comics for all of us @$$holes to review. We’ve hyped up his spot-on characterizations of the THING and FLASH. We’ve championed his efforts to build upon the histories of classic characters while respecting what has come before in JSA. Now Johns is doing it again with the AVENGERS.

They’re called the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes for a reason. Kurt Busiek just put them trough the wringer with his yearlong “Kang War” storyline, so you’d think Captain America and the gang would be due for a break. But Johns isn’t giving them one. In “World Trust”, the capital cities of every nation on Earth have disappeared. The United Nations calls on the Avengers to get to the bottom of the problem and restore order to a world on the brink of chaos.

The details of the who and the why behind the disappearances of the world’s capital cities have been sparse, but after reading this book, I realized that the major tragedy is secondary in importance when compared to John’s deft use of character. AVENGERS has a huge cast. Johns juggles each character well, making each personality stand out. He’s seems to have a plan for each and every one of them. Because of this, the actual tragedy takes a backseat. Johns did the same thing with ease in JSA, but took the time to establish the team first before throwing them into a disaster. In the AVENGERS, everyone seems to have a nagging problem AND there’s a major disaster to deal with too. She-Hulk is having problems with her transformation. Ant-Man is trying to fit in, but Jack of Hearts isn’t willing to accept him. And what’s the Black Panther’s agenda? It was revealed in his own title that he joined the Avengers the first time to spy on them. Who knows what’s up his sleeve this time? By making these characters so interesting, Johns risks having the readers care more about the interactions than the actual event bringing them all together. This is not necessarily a bad thing.

There are a few specific things that Johns is doing right that appeals to the fanboy in me. Cool thing number one: My all time favorite issue of AVENGERS was the team up of Hawkeye and Ant-Man, where Hawkeye is aiming his bow at the reader and Ant-Man is clinging to the arrow on the cover. Ant-Man was the coolest of the cool to me after that issue. Why not have an Ant Man, a Yellowjacket, and a Wasp on the team? Hell, I wish Johns would dredge up Ben Foster AKA Black Goliath to fill out the Pym Particle family roster. It’s great to see Johns respect the history of the Pym family. Ant-Man is a great new member to the team and is the perfect straight man for the brash Jack of Hearts (who’s another great new addition). Now if there’s any way we can get Hawkeye back on the team, I’d be really happy. Cool thing number two: Johns gets Captain America and the effect he has on the rest of the team. The Falcon’s comment that “Compared to Captain America, we’re all sidekicks.” makes me confident in Johns’ writing and his handling of the character. Cap is bigger than politics and real world events. He’s a symbol. Someone to be regarded and respected. Johns knows this.

Cool thing number three and four: Johns is filling the ranks with some hard headed characters. Along with Jack of Hearts, Johns brought back government bigwig, Henry Gyrich to stir things up. Even though he was murdered in the X-MEN movie, Gyrich is back where he belongs in the AVENGERS. And so are a lot of other folks. I don’t want to give away the identity of the surprise superstar who joins the team in this issue, but here’s a not-so-subtle hint: He can balance a lot of books on that flat head of his and can’t wear Nike high tops because they cramp his little feet winglets. Having this character re-join the team will add some much needed might to the Mighty Avengers line-up.

One complaint I have about this issue has to do with the scene involving Iron Man. In his own book, Tony Stark revealed to the world that he is Iron Man at a press conference. The world was shocked. Stark stock went through the roof. Tony’s level of celebrity was kicked up a notch. In this issue of the AVENGERS, Stark again unmasks himself in front of a world assembly and they act astounded, as if they didn’t know this secret. What gives? The world knows he’s Stark under that tin can. Why are they all dismayed? It just doesn’t make sense given the media circus Tony went through in his own title.

Artwise, the book is strong. Kieron Dwyer renders the characters with old school style. Rick Remender’s inks highlight Dwyer’s pencils well, but at times the inks are a bit thick for my tastes. That aside, the art on this book compliments the writing in every way, making the story clear to understand and entertaining.

Fanboy whinings and creamings aside, this is an extremely strong issue that highlights the characters behind the tragedy. Johns is weaving another huge story in with the character exposition. I don’t know how he does it. Johns is still doing monthly HAWKMAN, JSA, and FLASH books. How much work can one writer do before the well runs dry? I hope he stays with the AVENGERS for a long time, even though it seems as if Johns’ heart is with his DC titles. Some writers are just too damn good.

FIGHT FOR TOMORROW # 1

Written by Brian Wood

Art by Denys Cowan, Kent Williams, Lee Loughridge & John Costanza

Published by Vertigo/DC

Reviewed by Buzz Maverik

We all need to give back to our communities. For example, I use my experience and unique outlook on life to be a mentor to others. Many of my fellow @$$holes turn to me for advice on comics, their love lives, how to dodge loansharks, and gardening.

One night, not too long ago, I was out walking my three pitbulls Peckinpaugh, Siegel and Fuller when I came across three high school boys using kung fu to beat the crap out of a fourth boy. As I admired the techniques of the bullies, I realized their victim was a new kid in the neighborhood who'd just moved from New Jersey and had ran afoul of this Kung Fu clique known as the Garter Kais. I felt sorry for the kid because he fought like somebody's Grandma (not mine, Granny Maverik was one tough old bitch) so I sicked my dogs on his tormentors.

Then, I started teaching the kid everything I know about martial arts.

"This is called a snub nose .38," I said.

"Those guys have a kung fu teacher who tells them to strike first, strike hard and with no mercy, " the kid said.

"Sounds like a cool guy. Now, this is what I like to call a sawed off shotgun..."

After a day of do-gooding, I like to kick back with a good kung fu comic. Luckily, kung fu is making a comeback what with CrossGen's brilliant WAY O' THE RAT, Marvel's brilliant MASTER O' KUNG FU, and now DC's brilliant FIGHT FOR TOMORROW.

FIGHT FOR TOMORROW is about a very depressed hero named Cedric, who was apparently some sort of professional kickboxer until his girlfriend dumped him. Now, he pooches a loathsome but attractive journalist chick for money and fights illegally in an underground club. Pretty cool, huh? I think so. Brian Wood has given us a moody, modern little piece with a kung fu Rocky Balboa ... the only problem being, if you follow any kind of fight game, lovable lugs like Rocky don't exist. These guys must have a real killer instinct to win. But this is fiction, so as long as it's done well, who cares? Denys Cowan, whom I seem to associate with BATMAN for some reason, does a fine job on the art, capturing Ced's inner and outer pain.

I see my pupil has finished cleaning up the dog poop from my yard. Excuse me. "Tomorrow, Clodhopper, I will teach you the sneak attack, the low blow, the fake out and the gang up."

Title: SPIDER-MAN’S TANGLED WEB #18

Writer/Artist: Ted McKeever

Publisher: Marvel

Reviewer: Ambush Bug

You know the type. They scour AICN’s stories and the Talkbacks below them, in search of grammatical mistakes and syntactical blunders. They take great glee in ignoring the debate at hand and prefer to let you know that you left the E out of illiterate or spelled incompetent with three T’s. This review is for the grammar police out there and anyone who has felt their twisted brand of justice. You know who you are.

Because no one demanded it, SPIDER-MAN’S TANGLED WEB #18 features the triumphant return of Typeface, a 12th tier villain who made his first appearance at the beginning of Paul Jenkins’ run on PETER PARKER: SPIDER-MAN about a year ago. This twisted vigilante exacted his form of justice by throwing oversized letters at his opponents. This is not what I would call one of Spider-Man’s greatest foes. An issue dedicated to this inane character would usually be of little interest to me, but this tale is told by Ted McKeever. And that interests me.

TANGLED WEB has been an outlet for artists and writers who have an interesting take on a specific Spidey nemesis. These tales have ranged from pretty damn good (Rucka’s Kingpin story comes to mind) to aberrations on the face of comicdom (who can forget that ass-nasty Bar With No Name story by Zimmerman). These stories often tell the tale from the villain’s perspective. A perspective that is often skewed. That’s why McKeever’s work fits so nicely into this title.

Ted McKeever’s stories are usually set in a world that is just a bit off from the one we live in. The people act a bit differently and the adventures don’t follow normal standards. I’ve lauded McKeever as the David Lynch of comics. Lynch often takes what is normal and makes it so normal, that it is abnormal. McKeever does this with super heroes. In this case, McKeever deals with the origin of a sidekick. But it is no typical origin.

The only thing more pathetic than a vigilante who throws giant P’s at his foes is the tool who wants to be his sidekick. Enter SpellCheck. That’s right, SpellCheck. He has a variety of powers. He’s got a keen grammatical sense. An eye for detail. A vast knowledge of sentence structure. And don’t forget his power to annoy the hell out of Typeface. You see, Typeface doesn’t want a sidekick. He has enough trouble being taken seriously by friend and foe alike. It’s hard to fight a dignified war on crime when kids on the street call you Captain A Face and your arch enemies are a bunch of thugs who rearrange billboard logos and preach the defamation manifesto of the American copper penny.

McKeever does a good job of introducing this new character and the motivation behind his actions, as ludicrous as they are. There are some really funny moments depicting the struggle between the all-too-serious Typeface and his overzealous wanna-be sidekick. It’s funny to see Typeface reject SpellCheck’s desire to fight a war on bad grammar, even though their motivations are the same. In a way, Typeface is rejecting his own motivations when he sees how ridiculous he appears to others. This tale may not appeal to those in need of some serious spandex clad adventures, but it has fun with comic book standards without putting them down.

This story has what has become an annoying trend in TANGLED WEB. At the end, Spidey shows up. I know Marvel marketing wants Spidey to appear in every issue, but some stories just don’t need him. If this title is to tell the tales of those around Spidey, he should have some type of presence, but to have Spidey swing in at the end of every story is getting pretty tedious.

McKeever supplies the artwork for this one too. His characters’ appearances reflect the warped world that plays out in the script. Faces are cartoony when needed, but have a twisted nightmarish feel to them. The events playing out may be funny, but McKeever’s pencils remind us that this takes place in a twisted reality.

McKeever’s issue tells a story about a forgettable Spidey foe, a guy who idolizes him, and grand motivations that eventually lead to nothing. It’s fun to watch the events unfold and follow these characters whose goofy lives revolve around proper spelling and grammar. We live in a world where communication is important. This is especially true on the internet. I know it is key to get one’s point across and proper grammar helps make that connection happen. But like some of those grammar police out there, these characters paid more attention to the little details and failed to see the big picture. And that was thier graitest phlaw.

FANTASTIC FOUR #61

Writer: Mark Waid

Artist: Mike Wieringo

Publisher: Marvel Comics

Reviewed by Cormorant

It’s the first issue since the highly-publicized nine-cent FANTASTIC FOUR that heralded Mark Waid’s new direction for the book, and, with only minor reservations, I’m continuing to dig this comic. Waid’s already revealed himself to be adept at both the “cosmic hoo-ha” that’s always been a part of the FF’s adventures, as well as the sometimes playful, sometimes angsty interpersonal relationship of the family. And Waid’s got a fresh sense of humor, infusing the team’s banter with a touch of the hipster interplay you’d expect from Joss Whedon on BUFFY. Mike Weiringo’s art, feared to be too cartoony by some who’d grown accustomed to the post-Kirby realism of artists like John Buscema and John Byrne, has turned out to be beautifully clean and expressive. All in all, it’s a win-win scenario, right? Well, actually,yeah! My nitpicks are pretty much just that, but we’ll still at least air ‘em as we examine the latest issue.

FANTASRIC FOUR #61 opens with an old FF saw – a mail package prank on the ever-lovin’, blue-eyed Thing, courtesy of the hoods he used to run with as a kid, the Yancy Street Gang. This time around, he gets a Warner Brothers-style pie launched into his face and a card with a blue ribbon that reads: “Last Place – Yancy Street Beauty Contest.” Damn those ruthless gangbangers! Always with the drug deals and the drive-by shootings, and the…uhh…pies in the face. Actually, whether or not there’s even a semblance of realism to the Yancy Street Gang, I always liked the innocent tradition of their pranks on ol’ Ben (my favorite harkening way back to the Stan lee/ Jack Kirby days on the title, when those no-account hoodlums sent the Thing…a Beatle’s wig! Bastards!).

Well, this time around, The Thing has been mocked one too many times, and he is pissed. In fact, he’s out for blood, and takes to the streets in search of some Yancy Streeters to beat the holy hell out of. Some longtime FF fans have noted that Waid seems almost to have devolved the Thing back to his crankier origins, and seeing him violently angry – angry enough to seemingly attack non-powered folks – more or less confirms the notion. And here’s where some fans are crying foul. What about the character’s evolution over the last twenty years? What about his maturation during John Byrne’s tenure on the title on the Thing’s short-lived monthly comic? Has his character growth suddenly been erased just because Marvel is so intent on being reader-friendly these days?

Kinda sorta.

And I’m torn over whether it’s appropriate or not. I’m no hardcore continuity nut, but it’s always struck me that writers should try to build on what’s come before, ignoring the lame stuff if need be, but never outright nullifying it (as Waid seems to be doing). And yet…and yet…and yet…I have to admit that the more surly, more angst-ridden Thing is his most memorable incarnation. That’s the icon -- that’s the character at his most potent – and just as Spider-Man loses some of his oomph when he grows out of his teens, gets married to a supermodel, and become more self-confident, so too have the FF lost some of their oomph as they’ve cumulatively matured over the years. Is it unfair to regress them for the sake of a new generation, at the expense of longtime readers who want a chartable character history that makes perfect sense? Well, I sympathize with the longtimers, but my heart says, “no.” These characters are going on 40 years of existence, and while it might be entertaining for a thirty-something or forty-something reader to see Ben find new depths of humanity through yet another round of soul-searching, I’d rather see a new generation of readers discover the team in an incarnation that hearkens back to the strengths of their heyday.

The other big player in the issue is Johnny Storm, the Human Torch, and he too has lapsed back into his less likable habits of old – in short, he’s gone back to being a self-centered, celebrity jerk. Waid appears to be fully cognizant of what he’s doing, as this exchange between Reed and Sue Richards indicates:

Sue: I swear to God, it’s like he ages in reverse dog years or something.

Reed: You’re being overdramatic. Johnny’s grown up a great deal since we became a family.

Sue: He still has the attention span of a toaster.

Reed: True.

Whatever one’s take on the all-new, all-irresponsible Johnny is, he plays a major role in the story as it comes to light that he might know a good bit more about the Yancy Street pranks than we’ve ever been led to believe. As the Thing takes to the streets, fully ready to whip some Yancy Street ass, the Torch seems curiously concerned, and much of the issue revolves around his futile attempts to talk the Thing down. What’s interesting is that if this scenario plays out fully, along with the Sue’s surprise move to bring some responsibility to Johnny’s life at issue’s end, Waid himself will have created a new evolution for the characters…perhaps to be overturned by yet another “bold new direction” one day. Irony, man. But I’ll have to cross that bridge when I get there, because right now, I’m enjoying this mixture of retro-personalities and edginess that Waid has brought to the book.

And yes, despite some of the more serious overtones, there’s still a lot of fun to be had in the issue, mostly revolving around Johnny. He gets a shouted, “Eyes up here, jackass!” when he gawks at a hot chick who ends up soaked from a broken fire hydrant; he warns civilians in the Thing’s path that there’s a “Big, shape-changin’ Skrull invader comin’ through!”; and his reaction to Sue’s ultimatum at the end is priceless.

Final judgment: Die-hard continuity fans, you’re probably gonna have some gripes about Waid’s retrograde personality takes and his new addition to the “Yancy Street Mythos.” Me, I’m a big FF fan, but I’ve only collected a few key runs (Lee/Kirby, Byrne, and Simonson), so a little personality tweaking isn’t gonna bother me too much as long as it’s in service to a good story. Which it is here. In fact, the only thing that really bothered me was a particularly creepy scene involving the FF’s kid, Valeria (was she conceived during Claremont’s lamentable run?), which seemed a little to dark for the title. In general, though, I’d happily recommend this book to both casual and hardcore FF enthusiasts, ‘long as they don’t have a continuity-stick up the wazoo, and I’d even suggest that curious onlookers who’ve never tried the FF give this version a look. The nine cent issue stood alone, and this follow-up is, likewise, a jumping-on point.

MASTER OF KUNG FU CASTING COUCH

Hi,Gang-wannbees! Buzz Maverik here! Now that Marvel has brought back SHANG CHI: MASTER OF KUNG FU, I can't help but think what a great movie could come out of it. As you might know, I love MASTER OF KUNG FU and to show how seriously I'm taking the casting of this movie, I only bonged through water while writing this.

Shang Chi: Jason Scott Lee (DRAGON: THE BRUCE LEE STORY; THE JUNGLE BOOK; SOLDIER). Here's a good actor who deserves to be a bigger star. He's a really handsome, tough looking Asian guy which the part calls for. I don't know if he really knows anything about martial arts, but if you get Ray Park to train him it'll work. Shang Chi is the son of Fu Manchu and the world's greatest kung fu master. He's come out retirement to help British Intelligence defeat a fiend and to rescue his ex-love, an secret operative named Leiko Wu.

Leiko Wu: Kelly Hu (THE SCORPION KING). To all you CHARLIE'S ANGELS fans, yeah, I agree Lucy Liu is hot, but Kelly Hu has slightly more classic, exquisite beauty that matches Paul Gulacy's vision of the character. Leiko is a secret agent, by the way.

Clive Reston: Robert Carlise (TRAINSPOTTING, THE FULL MONTY). Reston is a cool, tough British agent who claims to be related to both James Bond and Sherlock Holmes, without ever mentioning their names. Carlisle is an under used and under rated talent who deserves to be a leading man.

Blackjack Tarr: Tim Roth (RESERVOIR DOGS, PULP FICTION, FOUR ROOMS). I know that Quentin Tarantino won't be directing this since he's done martial arts with KILL BILL, but that's no reason not to use Roth, another actor I'd like to see in more films. Blackjack Tarr is an even tougher British agent, who always baits Shang Chi by calling him "Chinaman." Shang Chi always says, "Don't call me Chinaman." You know Tarr is tough because Shang Chi can kick everyone's ass.

The Comte de Saint Germaine: Lance Henrickson (ALIENS, THE RIGHT STUFF, NEAR DARK, JOHNNY HANDSOME). The Comte is an immortal fiend with a tattooed face, concealed in hooded robes, who pulls the strings behind world events. Henrickson plays a great villain, and with a low voice, he can portray a character of undetermined nationality.

Moving Shadow: Jet Li (LETHAL WEAPON 4, THE BLACK MASK). Li is a star now and probably wouldn't play the role of a silent villain, so I will defer to those of you with greater knowledge of Hong Kong and martial arts cinema that I have. Moving Shadow is The Comte's silent henchman, ruthless, subtle and apparently the only martial artist capable of really challenging Shang Chi.

I vote for Roger Avary to direct, since Quentin has made his kung fu flick, and our own Moriarty to script.