Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
I’m not getting in the middle of this. I'm just going back to work on my detailed spoiler filled review of the JJ Abrams script for Brett Ratner's upcoming SUPERMAN. You sort this madness out.
These people... these people are insane...
Hey, kids! Buzz Maverik here at @$$hole Central where excitement is at a fever pitch over the single most thrilling event to ever rock the comic book world, if not the entire Multiverse! Has there ever been a better week to be a comic book aficionado? This @$$hole says, "I don't think so!"
As you all know, one of the major comic book companies has come up with a unique and innovative event in which the comics that sell the most will continue to be published while the ones that sell the least will be canceled. That's right, for once I'm not making things up, swear-to-God-hope-you-die! Can you say genius? Can you say brilliance? I know I sure as heck can!
You cynics out there are saying, "This is just a bunch of hype to sell some crappy comics!" We @$$holes reply, "We can never resist a bunch of hype to sell some crappy comics!"
So, without further bullshit, let's get on with the @$$holes' coverage of this once in a millennium event! I for one am all a-dither... *********
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@$$HOLE ROUNDTABLE: DECIDE-THIS!
THIS EVENT HAS BEEN HIGHLY PUBLICIZED. WHAT DO YOU GUYS…
CORMORANT: Wait. Wait. It says DECIDE-THIS up there. I thought we were calling this @$$-DECIDE.
AMBUSH BUG: Yeah, I wrote Moriarty and changed it. DECIDE-THIS is funnier.
BUZZ MAVERIK: You can’t just do that. We decided on @$$-DECIDE.
VILLAGE IDIOT: I thought it was going to be WE-DECIDE.
LIZZYBETH: WE-DECIDE?? That SUCKS, you loser.
VROOM SOCKO: Uh-uh, Lizzybeth’s drunk again.
CORM: Sweet! I mean, uh, look, Bug. We’re not here to bow down to your version of humor; you can’t just change something we all agreed on because you don’t like it.
JON QUIXOTE: Hey guys, what’s going on?
SLEAZY_G: Lizzybeth’s drunk again.
JQ: Sweet!
BUG: And they’re pissed at me ‘cause I changed the roundtable title from @$$-DECIDE to DECIDE THIS.
VILLAGE: Even though DECIDE-THIS is funnier.
BUZZ: Yeah, but who decided you could decide to change @$$-DECIDE to DECIDE-THIS? That’s not a decision we decided you could decide! HEY, DON’T YOU THINK YOU’RE GETTING OFF TOPIC?
JQ: Whoa! Who said that?
VROOM: That’s the moderator. The disembodied voice of reason that guides the debate.
SLEAZY: Creepy, isn’t it?
LIZZY: He’s a loser too! Just like the rest of you guys. Can’t you even decide on a title for your stupid little roundtable?
CORM: Lizzy’s right.
VROOM: You mean…we ARE losers??
CORM: Well, yes. But I meant we better decide on a title quickly.
SUPERNINJA: A title for what?
ALL (except Superninja): Superninja!
SUPERNINJA: Hey guys, are you having a roundtable?
SLEAZY: Yeah, and Lizzybeth’s drunk again.
SUPERNINJA: Sweet! So what’s the title gonna be? ENOUGH WITH THE TITLE DEBATE! NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU CALL IT. CAN WE PLEASE START TALKING ABOUT THE COMICS?
BUG: It’s called DECIDE-THIS.
CORM: No. @$$-DECIDE.
JQ: DECIDE-THIS is funnier.
BUZZ: Well, I wanted to call this event @$$-Decide, so I am. There's a story that Dr. Edward Teller, father on the Hydrogen Bomb (sort of a real life Bruce Banner, for you extreme geeks out there), in April, 1946, presided over a…
SUPERNINJA: Oh great. Now you got him started.
VILLAGE: If it gets Buzz to shut up, I’ll change my vote back to @$$-DECIDE. GUYS! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING ABOUT THE COMICS MARVEL IS PROMOTING WITH THEIR…
CORM: Hey, you know what this reminds me of? That thing DC did where you got to phone in and decide if Robin got killed or not. Remember that?
SLEAZY: Yeah, that was awesome. It would be cool if they did one where you could kill off a Marvel character. Like Franklin Richards. The writers have never known what to do with him (for reference, see his forever-in-flux powers and aging/de-aging) and he managed to completely ruin the dynamic of the Fantastic Four. Getting rid of him would generate a lot of new ground for the FF to cover emotionally while unshackling the writers from the ridiculous "tiny child of unstoppable power" dilemma.
VROOM: Plus, phone-in child killing promotions always go over like gangbusters, right?
BUZZ: I vote for Rick Jones to die. Biggest pain in the ass in the Marvel Universe. He was a bad Bucky and a bad Billy Batson. And with Rick Jones dead, Peter David would be forced to think...so maybe he shouldn't die.
JQ: I’d kill off Ron Zimmerman. Talk about an annoying character.
LIZZY: Uh, Jon. Zimmerman’s not a character. He’s a real person.
JQ: Are you serious? I thought he was something Joe Quesada came up with to make fun of Kevin Smith. Is he actually a real person?
LIZZY: Yeah.
JQ: Oh. That’s so sad. HOW ABOUT SUB-MARINER? SPOCK IN A BIKINI? C’MON, THIS GUY IS SCREAMING FOR… I MEAN, HEY! CAN WE STAY ON TOPIC HERE, GUYS? WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING ABOUT U-DECIDE
VILLAGE: You know who I’d kill off? Thor. Sure, Scandinavian welfare state has more social equity; but it also has very high taxes and very little social mobility.
SUPERNINJA: I’d pick Wonder Man. Have always hated the character, always will. Should've stayed dead both times.
CORM: No way, you crazy woman! I like Wonder Man because he's one of comicdom's best loveable losers -- the rare superhero who's never been really good at his job, but keeps pluggin' away because he also sucks at his preferred career of acting.
SUPERNINJA: Well, who’d you pick, Mr. I-don’t-know-what-happened-to-the-clubhouse-gerbil?
CORM: Galactus. Y'see, for a nigh-omnipotent, starfaring god, this guy's had his ASS handed to him more times than the frickin' Stilt-Man. Hell, even Dazzler made Big G scream "uncle" once, and that was in her full-on roller skates phase! Time to croak Stan Lee's once-brilliant concept before he embarrasses himself again. And, for the last time, that gerbil died of natural causes.
BUG: Y’know who I’d kill off? Captain Marvel Jr. I hate that guy.
SLEAZY: Uh, Bug. He’s not a Marvel character.
BUG: Are you mental? The word ‘Marvel’ is right there in the middle of his fuckin’ name. He’s a member of the GODDAMN Marvel family!!
VROOM: Is it wrong of me to want to see all the X-Men dead? They'll never be as good as they used to be, and honestly, some of them never deserved to live in the first place. Besides, they're suffering. I can see it in their eyes. End their pain for them, please. Let them die with dignity. FOR PETE’S SAKE! DID ANY OF YOU ACTUALLY READ THE U-DECIDE BOOKS??
BUZZ: Uh…
VILLAGE: Um…
JQ: What’s U-DECIDE? OH CHRIST!
CORM: Well, a while ago Marvel wanted to raise the price of Peter David’s CAPTAIN MARVEL by a quarter, because it had poor sales and was losing money. David didn’t like that, so he offered to forgo his salary on the book instead of having them jack up the price. This started a big debate with David on one side, and Marvel President Bill Jemas, and the E-I-C Joe Quesada on the other. They eventually decided to settle it with a competition. Jemas would write a comic, and Quesada got Zimmerman to write a comic for him, and Peter David would write a new CAPTAIN MARVEL series, and whichever sold the most copies would stay in print.
SUPERNINJA: So, the guy offers to cut his pay to nothing, and, in return, Marvel groups him together with Bill Jemas and Ron Zimmerman?
CORM: Basically, yes.
SUPERNINJA: Good thing he didn’t ask for a raise.
BUZZ: Not only that, but after they announced this competition, Marvel “clarified” things, and said that if any of the books sold well, they would stay in print, and vice versa.
BUG: So this is a big competition where Marvel will keep making the books that sell well, and cancel the books that sell poorly.
BUZZ: Original, huh? SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT? AFTER ALL THIS BULLSHIT, NONE OF YOU ARE EVEN GOING TO VOTE?
VILLAGE: Oh we’re going to vote alright.
CORM: We’re voting independent! *********
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Vroom Socko votes for: DORK #10
Writer/Artist: Evan Dorkin
Publisher: Slave Labor Graphics
You want to read a humor comic? There is but one true humor comic. All others are but a pale shadow, a reflection of its genius. Forget any other comic that claims to be funny. If you’re not reading DORK, then you’re not reading funny.
C’mon, this is the book that gave us The Eltingville Club, the greatest satire of geek stereotypes ever created. They make the @$$holes look normal, for Christ’s sake. At least I’ve never called the Home Shopping Network and bitched at the idiots hawking pointless comics related merchandise. Hell, I don’t even buy that kind of junk. (My uncut sheet of Star Trek: The Next Generation trading cards doesn’t count; they were a gift.)
Then there’s The Invisible College of Secret Knowledge, hosted by the sardonic Devil Puppet. This all-knowing creature from the depths of Hell moves from hand to hand, revealing the truth behind historical events. Interested in the sordid history of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade? Want to know why Dr. Fredric Wertham tried to destroy comics? The Devil Puppet has all the answers. Especially the ones you don’t want to hear.
Many “humor” books suffer from overuse of out-of-date jokes and a dearth of originality. The stuff in DORK is the wildest, freshest, funniest material ever to see print. If your comic shop doesn’t carry it, let us know, and Buzz Maverik and I will give the shop owner a visit. We’ll show them the error of their ways (among other things.) Ambush Bug votes for: JSA #40
Writer: Geoff Johns & David Goyer
Artist: Leonard Kirk
Publisher: DC Comics
I choose the JSA because it is the best team book on the shelves today. There are a few fundamental things that Geoff Johns and David Goyer (along with sometime collaborator, James Robinson) are doing with this book that every ‘team book’ creator should pay attention to:
1. Fill the book with interesting characters. I wish these writers could write an ongoing series about each and every character in the JSA. I would pay good money to see a Mr. Terrific or an Hourman series. Johns and Co. take the time to develop interesting back stories for all of these heroes. Too many comics have one or two superstars and then there’s the rest of the team, vying for screen time in the background. There is no one superstar of this book. This is a book chock-filled with superstars.
2. Focus on the big and the small. Every JSA story isn’t about an earth shattering event. Johns chooses to focus on one member at a time in between large scale challenges. For the last few issues, we’ve seen stories focusing on Captain Marvel, Jakeem Thunder, Power Girl, and Hourman. Seeing these solo stories makes one care about these characters when they finally come together to fight the major menaces. One doesn’t get jaded with the big events because they aren’t happening on a monthly basis.
3. Everyone doesn’t have to be in the picture all the time. This book is populated with a team that, at last count, has about seventeen active members. To have the entire team standing around doing nothing every issue is boring. Johns knows this. He grabs a handful of heroes and plays with them in a story that is fitting to the characters. It’s good to know that there is a force of heroes able to take on big threats, but Johns saves those big threats for special occasions and doesn’t waste all of the characters on a story that doesn’t need that many to be effective.
4. Let’s all say these words…history and continuity are good. Johns respects the history of the JSA. Some of these characters have been around since the forties and fifties. Johns doesn’t see this as a hindrance. He sees it as a vast pool of inspiration. He expands on the past and pushes old standards into the future. These characters have seen many incarnations though the years, but instead of ignoring that fact, Johns builds upon it. The characters come out all the richer because of this.
Issue #40 is a great example of all of the above. The story focuses on Captain Marvel, but also respects the history of Dr. Mid-Nite. On top of all of this, it centers on a small group of heroes, gives them a challenge that develops their character, and makes it all interesting to boot. If the creators of other team books would take notes from Johns and Co., there’d be better quality of team books on the shelves. Buzz Maverik votes for: MASTER OF KUNG FU #1
Writer: Doug Moench
Artist: Paul Gulacy
Publisher: Marvel MAX
Everybody was kung fu fighting/ Those kicks were fast as lightning/ In fact it was a little bit frightening/ But they fought with expert timing
Carl Douglas
MASTER OF KUNG FU # 1 gets my @$$-Decide vote. I know it's a Marvel title, but let's not hold that against it. This book is Kung-tastic!
In the '70s, MOKF was one of the books that defined that comic era. It was a fad book. Marvel was big on fads at the time. Sword 'n' sorcery, exorcism and kung fu were the biggest fads. MOKF was well outside the superhero genre and was a great mix of Bruce Lee flicks, espionage thrillers and Fu Manchu pulps.
Writer Doug Moench and artist Paul Gulacy were the team responsible for that classic run. They are back, in excellent form, in this series. Jimmy Palmiotti does the inking. I'm a huge Palmiotti fan. He writes! He draws! He edits! And he does it all exceptionally well!
Shang Chi is Marvel's greatest practitioner of the martial arts (but he's not "The Living Weapon" as the promos for this series keep saying. Never was. IRON FIST was known as "The Living Weapon"). The son of devil doctor Fu Manchu, Shang Chi rebelled against his father's evil and fought on the side of British Intelligence. When Daddy Fu died, Shang Chi retired to an island off the coast of China. This being a comic book, he meditates inside a kung fu fortress while masked ninja types dramatically beat drums and practice martial arts outside.
Shang Chi's ex-love, Leiko Wu, is captured by an arch fiend. Wait until you see his interrogation methods. Shiver City, USA. Leiko's husband, Clive Reston (who happens to be Shang Chi's former partner), is a character who in the original series always hinted that he was the bastard son of James Bond and the grand nephew of Sherlock Holmes. Reston asks Shang Chi to come out of retirement to help rescue Leiko and to battle this immortal maniac. Everything culminates in a fiery kung fu fight on the Singapore docks, with Shang Chi, Reston and another ex-partner, Blackjack Tarr, versus a squad of heavy ordnance commandos. I love this stuff!
They were funky China men from funky Chinatown/ They were chopping back up, they were chopping back down.
Carl Douglas Superninja votes for: THUNDERCATS #2
Writer: Ford Lytle Gilmore
Artist: Ed McGuinness
Publisher: DC/WildStorm Productions
Here’s how DC describes it:
“The highly anticipated miniseries based on the popular '80s cartoon continues! To aid in his continuing quest to destroy the Thundercats once and for all, Mumm-ra solicits the help of past allies Slythe and the mutants - vowing that their stupidity will not interfere with his plans again. When the mutants attack Lion-O, Tygra and Hachiman while bringing down the Feliner ship, the stage is set for the battle royale every Thundercats fan has been waiting for! Note: This issue will ship with two covers. All orders will be filled with covers by Ed McGuinness & Jason Martin (50%) and Jim Lee (50%).”
Well, here’s how I describe it:
If you’re looking for a comic book the kiddies can read, this is it! In fact, it’s so simplistic in execution that even Anna Nicole Smith could follow along. The plot is thin and the characterization pretty much nonexistent. With 22 pages of art and story, I was surprised how quickly I was done with it. People show up, a fight happens, shit gets destroyed, and we get to see the new Thundertank (which looks just like the old one, but I'm guessing it'll blow stuff up better than its predecessor.).
Overall, it's like an episode of the cartoon. Exactly like the cartoon, except that none of the characters have much in the way of a personality and the stories aren't fantastical. Which makes me ask: Why revisit '80s nostalgia if you're not going to build on it?
Thundercats is the only work I’ve read by Gilmore, whose previous writing credits include Nightfall: The Black Chronicles. The single thing this 80’s revival has going for it so far is the art. I didn’t like McGuinness on Superman, but I think his exaggerated style works well with Thundercats, and he draws a terrific Lion-O.
To sum it up: Thunder, THUNDER, *THUNDERCATS!* Eh? Sleazy G votes for: THE FILTH #1-4
Writer: Grant Morrison
Artist: Chris Weston and Gary Erskine
Publisher: DC Comics
The first issue of this book received some negative responses from my fellow @$$holes. Having just read the first four issues back to back, though, I have to disagree. It’s true the 13-issue limited series has so far featured a lot of material that will be familiar to anyone who has read Morrison’s previous work in books like ANIMAL MAN, DOOM PATROL, and THE INVISIBLES. We’ve seen the talking animals and the characters confused to discover they’re in a comic book before. We’re familiar with the super-agents who cross dimensions, the perception-shattering conspiracies, and so on. There are also elements drawn from Morrison’s influences, including sex as a means to tear down and rebuild one’s personality (seen in Robert Anton Wilson’s THE ILLUMINATI TRILOGY, among other places) and a few others. One of the biggest story elements in issue 4 is even borrowed from Chuck Palahniuk’s SURVIVOR.
Having said all of that, this is something we haven’t seen in a while from Morrison. Is it classic Morrison weirdness and reality bending? Yes. There’s more to it, though. Morrison has a tendency to write books that are actually incredibly personal; they are all a direct reflection of his own philosophies and current interests. The first four issues of THE FILTH manage to deliver more of Morrison’s concepts and beliefs (couched in his typically twisted story ideas) to the reader than the first year or two of THE INVISIBLES. This means the book is very quickly paced, but I never found it confusing. In fact, THE FILTH feels like the most concise distillation of Morrison’s concepts I’ve read in a very long time. It feels like he’s trying to really sum up his thoughts in as accessible a manner as possible in order to spread his memes to as wide an audience as possible. If you enjoy Morrison’s work, you’re probably already picking this up and know everything I just told you. If you’re on the fence about Morrison, I definitely recommend it as a way to get a short and easy-to-follow summation of the ideas he creates his works with. Village Idiot votes for: JLA #71
Writer: Joe Kelly
Artist: Yvel Guichet
Publisher: DC Comics
Nothing really lit my fire this week, so for My Decide, I’m dipping back into last week and going with JLA #71.
I’ve been giving Kelly nice marks all along the way for his big JLA epic, “The Obsidian Age” But I have to be honest, I’ve been waiting for him to blow it. I’m ready for the Curse of the Huge Mamma-Jamma Multi-Part Storyline to rear its ugly head. As a matter of fact, with each JLA I read, I’m on the edge of my seat, face grimaced, glutes clenched, poised for disappointment.
But dammit, Kelly isn’t cooperating. Instead, I keep getting one fun, interesting issue after another. JLA #71 is just one more of these averted failures. And I really liked it.
What we’ve got is the B-Team JLA: Green Arrow, Hawkgirl, Firestorm, The Atom, Major Disaster, Jason Blood, some new girl named Faith, and all led by Nightwing. And of course, they’re having get-along problems: Arrow is putting moves on the new girl. The Atom is giving the former villain-turned hero-turned villain again Major Disaster a hard time. Firestorm is speaking in the “we” again, even though he should be down to one person inside. Blood is walking around the Watchtower nekkid. And Nightwing is trying to keep it together as the world gets flushed down the toilet. Literally.
And somehow Kelly fits all chaos into a pretty tight book. He even manages to have time to throw in Zatanna. Kelly weaves these new JLA personalities across one another and through the story in such a way that I learned about these people, without too much blatant exposition. I have a feel for who these people are, even though some of them are just being introduced to me. Even though this issue is in the middle of the storyline, I think it could actually work as a jumping on point.
Meanwhile, I have never was too crazy about Yvel Guichet’s art on THE MAN OF STEEL. I seem to recall it feeling a like a sketchier version of Doug Mahnke’s work on the same title. But now on JLA, Guichet and Mark Propst are giving me no real problems whatsoever. The art still resembles Mahnke’s work (a good thing), but it feels cleaner and more realistic than it used to. He also manages to make the work distinct from Mahnke with what seems like a slightly looser style. Art-wise, no real complaints.
I liked JLA #71 so much, I read it twice; something I don’t always do. It was a good comic book, and I think you should check it out. Of course, I’m still half expecting “The Obsidian Age” to munch it eventually. The Curse of the Huge, Mamma-Jamma, Multi-Part Storyline is a force to be reckoned with. But again, each couple of weeks, I’m pleasantly surprised; and I’m beginning to wonder if maybe the curse has finally been broken. Lizzybeth votes for: FINDER
Writer/Artist: Carla Speed McNeil
Publisher: Light Speed Press
There are so many reasons to be excited right now. Summer is changing into fall. Spirited Away is coming into theaters this weekend. You can see The Flaming Lips backing up Beck in a venue near you in upcoming weeks. And if you want to be excited about comics, you can read Finder, by Carla Speed McNeil, published by Light Speed Press.
The current "Dream Sequence" story arc is a stunner, a troubling tale of a brilliant telepath whose brain is rented out to a major corporation for the VR space. For a certain price, customers can download themselves to the playground of Magri’s imagination, leaving to him the messy business of maintaining a whole world around them. Magri, a fragile personality to begin with, is fragmenting under the strain, and a monster that he may have created himself is loose in his mind, doing some seriously disturbing damage to the guests trapped inside.
Somewhere in all this, observing, digging, is Jaegger, the Finder. What’s a Finder? Look here for an introduction. Finder is a series of tales set in a world slightly different from our own, combining elements of forgotten past and imagined future. It’s a haunting read that becomes even more so with time, and it has quickly become a favorite of mine. McNeil has become an even more confident and affecting storyteller as the series progresses, with her subtly expressive artwork, superb pacing, and psychologically rich portrayals of a deep canvas of characters. Finder deserves to be recognized as one of the best ongoing series in the industry today. Support powerful storytelling over crummy marketing gimmicks; pick up this excellent comic. Jon Quixote votes for: THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN, VOL. 1: TPB
Writer: Alan Moore
Artist: Kevin O’Neill
Publisher: America’s Best Comics
If you missed it the first time, want a bookshelf copy, or just would rather do something, anything with your money other than tease homeless people or subsidize Bill Jemas’s MBA, the instant-classic LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN has just been re-released in trade paper-back form.
If it is not one of the best comic series ever written, it is certainly one of the smartest. Deeply rooted in fin-de-siecle British fantasy & adventure literature, the combination of Justice League and Classics Illustrated is such a stunning, and oddly appropriate, fit that it’s a wonder that it took until the end of the last century for someone to come up with it.
The best part is that the book isn’t just the pretentious musings of an English writer wandering lonely as a cloud. You like sex? This book has a surprising amount of sex. Invisible Man and Schoolgirls sex! You like violence? This book has more gratuitous gore than the children’s crusades! The Hulk-like Mr. Hyde pops off limbs like dandelion heads at an alarming rate! You like twist endings? Well, actually, if you go into this book with the ability to name more than three characters from Victorian literature, you’ll see the twist ending coming a mile away. You like opium? Who doesn’t?
If you’re an English major or a bookworm, you’ll love this book. In addition to the main characters, in-jokes and sly references to MOBY DICK and OLIVER TWIST (to name a few) abound. If you’re neither, then after reading LOEG, you’ll be all caught up to your English major/bookworm friends. It’s like a crash course in edumacation, and you’ll never even realize that you’re learning as you read. This is as deep, funny, and intelligent a comic as you’ll ever read.
I’m sure most of you are already familiar with this series. But if you’re not, put down that copy of MARVILLE, and spend your money on a comic that makes the world a better place. You won’t regret it. Cormorant votes for: INVASION ‘55
Writer: Chuck Dixon
Artist: Lito Fernandez
Publisher: IDW Publishing
Stranger, how long has it been since you enjoyed the sight of a 1950’s teenage hoodlum shotgunning invading aliens to death? Well that’s too long! IDW, the rising star indie publishing house responsible for the small press hit, 30 DAYS OF NIGHT, scores once again with an original graphic novel by fan-favorite writer, CHUCK DIXON (NIGHTWING, WAY OF THE RAT). Backing Dixon is European artist, Lito Fernández, whose astounding black and white art is very much in the tradition of legendary comic strip artist, Milt Caniff.
The premise is straight out of the B-grade 50’s movies INVASION ’55 pays homage to: little green men from outer space have descended upon a small town in New Mexico, intent on murdering and harvesting its inhabitants…unless someone can stop them! Or several someone’s - in this case a washed-up, drunken fighter pilot, a teenage hoodlum, a gorgeous dame reporter, and a kid dressed in a Hopalong Cassidy outfit. Premise sound familiar? It should, as you’ve seen elements of it in movies ranging from INVADERS FROM MARS to INDEPENDENCE DAY to MARS ATTACKS, but hey – Dixon isn’t trying to reinvent the wheel here, just put his own unpretentious spin on a very entertaining sub-genre of science fiction I like to call “Kicking Alien Ass.”
It’s a pretty straightforward sub-genre, requiring only that aliens do some pretty grisly things to the humans before the payback begins, and Dixon handles it like a pro. He creates a likeable cast of classic 50’s archetypes, throws them into terrifying situations, and then lets ‘em start innovating once they recognize the threat. I’m reminded somewhat of the 50’s movie THEM – sure, it’s a tale of giant, mutated ants, replete with a brilliant scientist and his beautiful daughter – but that doesn’t mean it’s bad!. In fact, it’s the best of the “giant insect” movies of the era, and if you can roll with the cheesy premise, it’s a great way to spend an afternoon. Likewise, INVASION ’55 is one of the funnest “alien invasion” stories I’ve seen, and as with THEM, the stock elements actually contribute to the fun!
What struck me most about the book (aside from Fernandez’s detailed black and white art, instantly taking me back to the era) was the fact that it was actually “kid friendly.” Oh, you’ll see folks die, watch aliens explode, and you might hear the occasion “bastard” or “Let’s get our asses outta here!”, but really, this is pretty PG material, and reading it made me feel like a kid again. It’s perfectly suited for adults looking for some good B-movie thrills, but I’m specifically recommending that you guys and gals out there get this thing into the hands of the twelve-and-under set. I dig it in my late-20’s, but I would’ve positively loved its mixture of action and horror in the halcyon days of youth. I can’t think of a higher compliment. *********
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NOW THAT I THINK OF IT, I THINK VOTING INDEPENDENT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. THESE RECOMMENDATIONS ARE MUCH BETTER THAN THE THREE BOOKS THAT MARVEL…
LIZZY: You know what would be *hic* great?
SLEAZY: Here she goes again.
LIZZY: If someone took a vote to see which one of you LOSERS people would most like to see whacked.
SUPERNINJA: Well, according to @$$hole Bylaw H-345832LD, section 3, paragraph 2, “if a member makes a suggestion while violently drunk, that suggestion must be carried out to the best of our abilities.”
JQ: Then it shall be done!
CORM: So, we’ll have the TalkBackers send their votes to @$$HOLE CENTRAL - the @$$Hole who gets the most votes dies a grisly death.
BUG: But if I die, who will feed my cat, Mr. FuzzyBritches?
LIZZY: Your cat’s a LOSER too!
VILLAGE: Man, that’s just wrong. THERE YOU HAVE IT, FOLKS. THE FATE OF THE @$$HOLES IS IN YOUR HANDS. DO ANY OF YOU HAVE ANY LAST WORDS?
BUZZ MAVERIK: If I die, The Living Monolith walks the earth again!
JON QUIXOTE: Bullets bounce off me like pick-up lines off Superninja (not that I’m bitter or anything).
CORMORANT: I’ve given bad reviews to THE ULTIMATES, NEW X-MEN, and cult-fave, BLACK PANTHER – why would anyone wanna kill me?
SUPERNINJA: You may kill me now, but somewhere, two Japanese girls will be giggling in Cosplay costumes when I die.
VILLAGE IDIOT: I’ve stared death in the face since 1970, with only intermittent bathroom breaks.
VROOM SOCKO: Destined to wear the jeweled crown of Aquilonia upon a troubled brow, Vroom spends his days beating up McDonalds employees and his nights at an 80 person LAN party where HALO has been played 24 hours a day for three months solid. Despite what rumors you’ve heard, he is not on any drugs.
SLEAZY_G: You pour it, I’ll drink it.
LIZZYBETH: Otherwise known as Lizzy-death!
AMBUSH BUG: I laugh at danger – not because I’m brave, but because danger said something really, really funny about your mother. SO WHO’S IT GOING TO BE? WHICH @$$HOLE WILL COME FACE TO FACE WITH THE GRIM REAPER? THE RESULTS WILL BE POSTED IN OUR NEXT COLUMN. I, FOR ONE, CAN’T WAIT. HOW ABOUT YOU GUYS?
BUZZ: I can’t wait either.
VROOM: Me too.
JQ: I can wait.
VILLAGE: I could wait. But I choose not to.
BUG: Yes!!!
SLEAZY: Yes? What the hell kind of answer is that?
LIZZY: Zzzzz.
SUPERNINJA: Quiet guys, Lizzy’s sleeping.
CORM: Sweet! UGH, YOU @$$HOLES CAN’T DECIDE ON ANYTHING.
