Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
I’m getting a late start on all this, and there’s a lot to post, so I’ll just hand you over to the always charming and capable Coromant to get things started...
Howdy, kinfolk, Cormorant here!
Last week, one of our cherished TalkBackers mentioned that our column was running a little long, and while still delightful to read, was causing hemorrhaging of his retinas. Well, it’s not the first time we’ve heard this, and as a result, we’ve decided to cut down slightly on length by letting go our resident hothead, Jon Quixote. You’ll be pleased to hear that we’re already reaping the benefits. Not only has the column length been reduced by 17%, but we’ve seen an 82% drop in the use of the word “fellatio”, and a record-breaking 96% decrease in death-threats from CAPTAIN AMERICA-writer, John Ney Reiber. Thanks for the great suggestion, TalkBacker, and to Jon Quixote – I hope that you find work before the harsh Canadian winter sets in.
This week, the new and improved League of @$$holes covers the following comics: X-TREME X-MEN (no shit), BEAUTIFUL KILLER, BATGIRL, TRANSFORMERS, JLA, IRON MAN, and AVENGERS ICONS: THE VISION. Also of note is another fine edition of the @$$hole Casting Couch, featuring an ass-whompin’ breakdown on a hypothetical JONAH HEX movie, delivered with wit and an embarrassing western drawl by our resident casting poo-bah, Ambush Bug. We begin, however, with Buzz Maverik’s mysterious and dread account of PLANETARY/JLA: TERRY OCCULTA. Any similarities to @$$holes living or dead is purely coincidental…
PLANETARY/JLA : TERRA OCCULTA
Written by Warren Ellis
Art by Jerry Ordway and David Baron
Published by DC/WildStorm
Reviewed by Buzz Maverik
A powerful kick broke through the double doors. Direct sunlight and fresh air washed into the building for the first time in a decade. An exotic brunette, all in black, stepped inside. Behind her, a grumpy looking old fart in white carried a flashlight. A lank haired, slacker type fiddling with drumsticks entered last.
"Our operatives discovered this place yesterday. The world didn't really believe they existed, but this was their clubhouse," the woman said.
Up ahead, the older man stopped their advance when he came across two corpses who had died locked in mortal combat. "One of them is in uniform," he said.
The slacker said, "Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Lemme check this other stiff's pockets. Driver's license says John Rey Nieber."
"Look," said the woman. "Manuscript pages..."
.... the promotion for PLANETARY/ JLA: TERRA OCCULTA seemed to indicate that Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman were the Planetary in this Elseworlds story (which, violating the Elseworlds rules, takes place in neither feudal Japan nor the Victorian era). Fortunately for us, writer Warren Ellis and artist Jerry Ordway (one of the few artists worthy of filling PLANETARY co-creator John Cassaday's shoes) don't do anything so predictable. I can't go into much of the plot without giving away the wonders here, but it is clear that Ellis is most interested in the villainous Four.. .
Oddities were everywhere. In the shadow of a gray alien impaled on its own buttprobe machine, a young man lay dead, surrounded by the bodies of his killers.
"What's that say on their t-shirts?"
"ULTIMATES fan club."
"Must have been a helluva fight. Look. More of those manuscript pages, stuffed inside a copy of THE NECRONOMICON."
... Ordway draws a beautiful Diana Prince. His Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent could have each been more imposing, but perhaps their depiction here is fitting, in that they are almost, but not quite Batman and Superman. Ellis has Wayne thinking like Batman, and he seems to be in the school I come from (but many of my fellow @$$holes disagree with) which believes Bruce Wayne to simply be a mask for the Bat. He portrays Diana Prince well. She's the real warrior of the group. But why do so many writers these days portray Clark Kent/ Superman as an ineffectual, repressed wimp? Don't they know the power that comes with being morally right?....
Where to look next? The young woman crushed under stacks of CAPTAIN AMERICA comics? The young man apparently cut in two vertically by his own knife collection? The young man who must have died from have two issues of MARY MARVEL stuffed up his nostrils? The young woman dead from the strain of reviewing non-superhero comics? What about the rest? One killed by Hollywood. One in bondage gear that still reeked of liquor. One skewered on a katana engraved with the words TOKYO POP! GIRL.
The three adventurers began following a trail of the manuscript pages...
...Ellis goes beyond superhero deconstruction with concept of THE FOUR. So much of the cry for realism in comics these days comes from fans ignoring the consequences of that realism. The heroes would have devices and formulas that could stop all the world's ills. And if they weren't used, the heroes would be the villains...
....as far as I'm concerned, all you need for the JLA is Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman. As with the AVENGERS: beyond Thor, Cap and Iron Man, everyone else is just supporting cast...
...PLANETARY touched on JLA themes before with the faux-JLA entering our dimension to battle Doc Brass and the pulp heroes (like Superman and Green Lantern would lose to Fu Manchu and the Shadow!)....
...and what about that issue where the Four killed an infant from another planet whose ship crashed in the American heartland? I believe it was William Leather who took out an interstellar policeman powered by a green lantern and Kim Susskind who killed the ambassador princess from an all female society before she could begin her mission...
Finally, the pages stopped at the most bloated, putrid corpse of all.
"Poor bastard! Whoever he was, he went down shooting. Nice shotgun. Cost a pretty penny in those days. Look at that cigar band. Cuban. Hmm. Ever seen ten year old blotter acid before?"
X-TREME X-MEN #18
By Chris Claremont & Salvador Larroca
Liquid! – Colors
Published by Marvel Comics
Reviewed by Village Idiot
X-TREME X-MEN RULEZ!
Remember that guy? Ah, nostalgia.
For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, there used to be a poster who would love-bomb every single freaking comic-related TalkBack with that same headline, “X-TREME X-MEN RULEZ!” only to have the actual message read, “Well, it does.” Apparently he’s been banned; I couldn’t find a trace of him in any of the past Talkbacks. (He seems to have been supplanted by the guy who relentlessly recasts everything into a Hulk Hogan motif.) The only problem I had with the X-TREME X-MEN guy is that I couldn’t figure out if he sincerely thought that X-TREME X-MEN was a good book or if he was just being sarcastic. (“Rulez” with a “z”? Come on.)
So in order to find out what the X-TREME X-MEN deal is, and to honor our lost @$$Hole brother, I decided to finally give the title a shot. And guess what?
X-TREME X-MEN #18 OWNZ!
Just kidding.
X-TREME X-MEN #18 was actually pretty darned good. The characterization was solid, even a little moving, and the artwork was just flat-out beautiful. Really. I have stubbornly resisted the X-Men cult for many years, but this book may actually turn me around.
The war with Khan is over and the heroes of the Marvel Universe are tending to their wounded. Among them are several members of the X-Men team. Storm, Rogue, and Gambit are all in very bad shape. The rest of the X-Men, including Wolverine and Jean Grey show up to help tend to their fallen teammates, some of whom are barely holding onto life. Some of them actually let go. Most of this book deals with death, but it’s really about love; about how love can seem fragile and tenuous on one hand, but relentless and almost selfish on the other.
Like I said, although I’ve seen the movie and the cartoon, I’ve never been a regular X-MEN reader. But I am a geek, and if you were to quickly ask me about the X-Men, one of the names that would shoot into my mind is Chris Claremont. Apparently, he did some great stuff back in the eighties, and I’ve heard some mixed things about his work now. But the only basis on which I have to judge Claremont is this book, and I think his writing in this book worked. This wasn’t really an action issue (sorry Corm, nobody punched anything), it was an opportunity to meet the characters within the theme of the story. Nothing really flashy. I just went back through the issue to find something to pick on and I couldn’t really find anything except for the fact that Storm’s visit to the heavenly plane was a little too gooey, and the classic X-Men “persecuted-mutant-in-the-face-of-intolerance” theme is so familiar (e.g., “There’s no way I’m related to that MONSTER!”). But the books strongest emotional thread, Rogues desperate grief over Gambit, does manage to achieve a degree of poignancy. I thought Claremont told this story well.
And like I said, X-TREME X-MEN #18 looks amazing. Salvador Larroca draws beautiful human beings, even when they’re not human. It’s a style that feels quite real without looking photographic. I liked it. On page nineteen, there a panel that shows a sadness so nuanced that caused me to linger on it a few seconds on the first read. There’s a panel on page 28 where we look over Wolverine’s shoulder as he tries to subdue a hysterical Rogue that’s a marvel of perspective.
But you know, I read a lot of comics that are colored well, colored skillfully, even colored appealingly. X-TREME X-MEN is one of those few comics that I can say is actually beautiful. In fact, this issue doesn’t just have colors, it appears to glow. The greens and reds and Captain America’s blue uniform actually seem to glow on the splash of the triage on pages 2 & 3. The nighttime blues of Nightcrawler in the dark on pages 21 and 22 are cool and mysterious. The misty heaven on pages 23 and 24 is wonderfully ethereal. All of these are different scenes with different moods, but all of them looked lovely. The coloring credit goes to something or someone called “Liquid!” Hats off to Liquid! I found Liquid’s work to be quite solid. (Yes, I just said that.)
So solid in fact, I would like to offer YOU the Village Idiot X-TREME X-MEN #18 Challenge! (tm): The next time you’re at your local comic retailer, find X-TREME X-MEN #18. You don’t have to buy it, you don’t even have to read it, just flip though it. When you’re done, come back to this Talkback and try to tell me that that wasn’t some of the prettiest coloring you’ve seen in a regular issue of a mainstream superhero comic book. I challenge you!
Of course, I do have a few reservations. The coloring was beautiful, but how appropriate is that kind of beauty for a triage? And I’d worry if there’s a burnout factor for this type of coloring; today’s sweet taste could be tomorrow’s insulin shock. But on the whole, X-TREME X-MEN #18 managed to do something pretty amazing: it changed my initial ambivalence, even skepticism, into real interest. And nobody is more surprised about this than I am. I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say that X-TREME X-MEN #18 “RULEZ!” But it is kind of “ROCKIN’!”; maybe even a bit “RAD!”; or perhaps even “GNARLY!” in a good way. Dude.
BEAUTIFUL KILLER #2 (of 3)
Jimmy Palmiotti, Phil Noto
Black Bull Entertainment
reviewed by: Lizzybeth
Beautiful Killer is a pretty good spy comic, no more, no less. Riding the wake of the latest spy-girl trend, here we have Jimmy Palmiotti and Phil Noto’s Brigit Cole, the deadly assassin daughter of a famous spy couple who is out to avenge the recent deaths of her parents. With precision and ruthlessness, she is tracking down their former associates and picking them off one by one, until finally, in the end, she will…kill Bill. No, wait. Sorry. Couldn’t be helped. Really, this revenge quest miniseries is not going to knock your socks off, but it’s a perfectly entertaining little book that actually takes the spy business seriously. No inside jokes, no wink-wink, nudge-nudge, we-know-you’ve-heard-this-one-before ironic distance. No, BK is confident enough to exist on its own terms, and wins respect on that basis. The illustrations, painted with a sort of dreamy gravity by the talented Phil Noto, draw you into Brigit’s world of intrigue without straining credulity too much (depending on how they get Brigit out of the trunk of that car, that is), which makes all the typical Issue #2 Exposition much more tolerable.
Despite a cover almost identical to the Black Cat butt-shot of the current Marvel miniseries, what’s contained within is much more appetizing. It’s cheesecake, but not to make you sick to your stomach. Protagonist Brigit has a terrific character design, with two-colored eyes and extremely pale skin that are actually explained by the storyline, and a peek-a-boo costume that straddles that line between fun and ridiculous. BK manages to avoid making Brigit into a sex bunny despite her obvious attractiveness – she doesn’t even wear that vinyl getup in this issue, sticking to civvies for the pursuit of her next target. She’s single-minded, but not without personality, and she isn’t saddled with a love interest or cutesy coy dialogue. She has a backstory, motivations, and a certain innocence despite her training from an early age in the deadlier arts of espionage. There is, per convention, a femme fatale in the form of Natassia the powerful and perpetually naked enemy spy. There’s also a super-serum (injected into Brigit’s father and responsible for Brigit’s more unusual abilities), an isolated childhood in hiding on a remote island, double agents, disguises, and all of the other silly ingredients that make up a decent spy story. While there’s not much action in this issue, and the spy agency framework could still use some beefing up, it’s pretty clear that the character and this creative team could support a longer project once this miniseries comes to a close.
Title: BATGIRL #32
Writer: Chuck Dixon
Breakdowns: Damion Scott
Finishes: Wade Von Grawbadger
Publisher: DC Comics
Reviewer: Ambush Bug
I have been thoroughly enjoying the monthly adventures of Connor Hawke. That’s right. Connor Hawke. The kung fu fighting/bow-slinging son of current Green Arrow, Ollie Queen. His name may not be appearing on the cover, but Connor has been popping up on a regular basis in one DC book or another for almost a year now. And it is mostly due to one man; Connor’s creator, Chuck Dixon. As much as I like Ollie Queen, there is a special section of my comic-collecting heart that is reserved for Connor. Chuck Dixon created a complex and interesting character to replace Ollie when he seemingly blew up a few years ago. Since Ollie’s return, the writers on GREEN ARROW don’t seem to know what to do with Connor, but Chuck does. For the last year, Chuck has been wrapping up storylines taking place in the corner of the Bat-Universe that he helped create, and Connor has been popping up in a lot of those issues. In my NIGHTWING #70 review, I bid Chuck a warm farewell from DC, but he wasn’t quite finished with the characters he helped develop through the years.
BATGIRL #32 wraps up Chuck’s three issue story arc centering on a megalomaniacal madwoman named Aggripina and her quest to attain a mythic staff that is said to have the power to construct a new Roman Empire. Aggripina thinks that Jack Drake (Robin’s father) knows where the staff is since he is a member of an elite group of socialites called the Ninth Legion which has ties to ancient Rome. Aggripina and her allies (who happen to look like samurai versions of Iron Man) decide to kidnap Mr. Drake at a charity function sponsored by the group. Tim Drake (AKA Robin) and his girlfriend, Stephanie Brown (AKA the Spoiler) happen to be in the audience and witness Jack’s abduction. Except it isn’t Jack. It’s Eddie Fryers. You see, Connor Hawke and Eddie Fryers (Connor’s gun toting mentor and partner in crime) get wind of the kidnapping and put Eddie in Jack’s place at the function. At the end of last issue, Aggripina and her henchmen set the auditorium on fire and make off with who they think is Jack Drake. Connor, Robin, and the Spoiler are forced to band together to deal with the blaze and rescue Eddie. Oh yeah. Batgirl is in this issue too.
And that’s the only thing I have negative to say about this issue. If you buy this book looking for some Batgirl action, you will be disappointed. She has very few lines (fewer than the scant amount of lines she usually says). She has a stronger presence in the first two issues of this arc, but issue #32 gives Connor and Eddie most of the memorable scenes. But you won’t hear me complain about that. Since Ollie is nockin’ the bow on a full time basis in GREEN ARROW again, any chance to see Connor and Eddie in action is a good one.
Nothing earth shattering occurs with this book. None of the characters are going to walk away forever changed. This is a straightforward action adventure filled with well developed characters and memorable moments. It’s fun. Plain and simple. The team of Connor, Robin, Spoiler, Batgirl, and Eddie Fryers has the stuff that great team books are made of. If anyone at DC had some sense, they would give them their own series. Screw Young Justice – these are the young heroes I want to read about. Hell, have them get together on a monthly basis and call them the Gotham Knights or something and let them take over that title (which has seen better days). Of course, DC would have to pull some strings and hire Chuck Dixon to write the book (and since he has an exclusive contract with CrossGen, that could be hard) because he knows these characters like no other. For years, Chuck has been developing them to their fullest potential. Because of this, each one has a presence, a purpose, and a potential to hold the reader’s interest. And that’s a testament to Chuck’s superb writing.
Damion Scott and Wade Von Grawbadger have produced one terrific BATGIRL issue after another. This art team depicts action like no other team in comics right now. Batgirl rarely speaks. Her actions are her words and this art team is capable of giving her a full vocabulary of fight scenes in order for her to speak. Movement from panel to panel is fluid and understandable (something that is often hard to follow in a comic with so few words and so much action). Scott doesn’t draw these characters as cardboard cutouts. Connor Hawke is taller than Robin. Spoiler is less muscular than Batgirl. And Scott’s Spoiler is the best looking depiction of the character in costume ever. Her cape and cowl are all curves, which contrasts the points and edges which make up Batgirl’s costume. Little details like this add fun to a story an already fun-filled issue.
When I met Chuck Dixon at the Chicago WIZARD Comic Con, I asked him one question: Connor Hawke is such a great character, do you think we’ll ever see him again? I knew he was there to promote his CROSSGEN work and didn’t want to talk about his old DC stuff, but from his reaction, I knew he still had a fondness for the character. He smiled, paused for moment, and agreed with me that he had a lot of fun with the character and that you never know when he would pop up again. On Chuck’s website, the writer revealed that this was a rainy day story arc that he wrote a while back as a favor. I, for one, am glad this tale saw the light of day. Connor and Eddie are great characters. Why they don’t have their own series is beyond me. With Chuck gone from the DCU and Ollie in the GREEN ARROW series, I fear that this duo is in danger of fading into comic book limbo or worse, being squished into meaningless supporting roles. Let’s hope that on some rainy day, Chuck will make it back to the DCU and bring Connor and Eddie back to the forefront where they belong.
TRANSFORMERS #5
Written by: Chris Sarracini
Pencils by: Pat Lee
Inks by: Rob Armstrong, Erik Sander
Backgrounds by: Edwin Garcia
Colors by: Ramil Sunga, Gary Yeung, Alan Wang (and it goes on from there, but I think you get the picture)
reviewed by Superninja
I'll admit most of my interest in this re-launch of the Transformers was just getting to see my favorite giant robots again. I mean the OG Transformers: not the Beast Wars, Beast Machines, or the Card Captors-inspired Transformers: Armada, which is currently running on Cartoon Network. Pretendacons, I tell you!
Transformers was a pretty formulaic 80s cartoon. In the tradition of He-Man: Masters of the Universe, G.I. Joe, Thundercats (all of which have or will have their own comic books), it was good vs. evil with a band of heroes that shared duty and camaraderie against an evil despot and his backstabbing minions.
What set Transformers apart for me at the time was the idea that these giant robots could hide themselves in plain sight. My little brother and I used to sit in the back of my parents' Subaru hatchback while we drove down the street deciding which vehicles were Transformers, and whether or not they were the good 'ol Autobots or the evil Decepticons (we left out the boom box). For a kid, that was pretty damn cool. And we repaid the Transformers for their coolness many times over by buying their toys, much to the dismay of my parents' checkbook.
But what still makes Transformers interesting to me is the background of all-out war on their homeworld of Cybertron. It's a war that has lasted for eons, and the Transformers are designed for warfare - every one is a walking weapon. They brought their war with them to Earth, and dragged the human inhabitants into it. What are the possible repercussions of that for all sides?
And that's what this new series is pretty much focusing on. Issue #5 wraps up most of the loose ends from the previous issues and it's the best so far in the series. We learn the Autobots and the humans defeated the Decepticons together in 1999. Then, the government got greedy and decided that it wanted its own super robots with similar military applications. But their experiments failed. So instead, they got their paws on the dormant Decepticons, and created a project to rewrite the programming of the bad guys. When they believed it was successful, they knew that to keep the project Top Secret, they would have to betray the Autobots as well.
It all backfired, of course.
Now we're back to square one, of a sort, where the cartoon began. The humans are afraid of the Transformers; the Transformers themselves are fighting each other, causing massive destruction; and the military wants to destroy them because they can't control them.
If you don't like Transformers, obviously this isn't for you. But if you do, then I think you'll enjoy this series. The writer's got all of the robot personalities down pat, complete with their goofy techno-lingo. There's one particularly satisfying moment when Optimus Prime confronts Devastator (the really big bad guy robot made up of all the construction vehicles) that's right out of Transformers: The Movie. It ends with Megatron doing some speechifying on why the "flesh bags" are not worth fighting for and offers Prime a join-me-or-die choice.
The art has been consistently amazing. Pat Lee (of Udon studios) knows how to draw Transformers so beautifully I just want to kiss the guy! And the background artist Edwin Garcia does a great job of making you really feel the different environments that take place over the course of the issue. The book's just well done, from the choices of color to the layouts, lettering -- everything.
This issue was like seeing the cartoon come back to life, bigger and better than it was before. A little more serious, but it still captures the fun of the original series.
Title: JLA #71
Writer: Joe Kelly
Penciler: Yvel Guichet
Inker: Mark Propst
Publisher: DC Comics
Reviewer: Ambush Bug
There are a few roles to fill when one puts together a team book. You’ve got have the rules-following team leader. The cool, calculated thinker. The noble warrior. The strong silent backbone of the team. The impulsive heart who believes in the cause. The jokester. The rookie. And finally, the hothead that stirs shit up. For nearly seventy issues, the JLA has had the same line up - The Big Seven stars of the DCU (Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, etc). It has been said that this is the most powerful incarnation of the team ever. This may be true, but my one complaint from the get-go is that, despite the petty grievances the team has had through their run, the team lacked that particular character that says what he or she feels and ruffles some feathers while still saving the day. That character has been absent until now.
The JLA are dead. At least that’s what everyone thinks. They were sucked into a temporal warp a few issues ago and no one has heard from them since. In issue #69, the JLA Watchtower sent out a message to a handful of costumed adventurers telling them that they were to carry on the tradition and reform a new JLA. I had a problem with that issue simply for the fact that it was a pre-recorded message from Batman that did the recruitment drive and not Oracle, who one would think would be fully capable of recruiting a formidable team herself. But that is a petty complaint regarding an otherwise enjoyable read. I guess it is a bit more dramatic to have a dead hero rallying the troops, so I understand why Kelly did it this way.
Joe Kelly is writing an impressive tale in two parts. The even numbered issues deal with the original JLA who are trapped in the past in search of Aquaman. The odd numbered issues follow the adventures of this new JLA who are picking up the pieces after the original team’s disappearance. The new team makes up for their predecessors’ lack of hothead characters in spades. You see, this new JLA is full of hotheads. Green Arrow was made to stir shit up. I can’t tell you how pleased I am to see him back in the JLA where he belongs. Hawkgirl is all attitude too and takes no crap from Ollie or anyone. Firestorm’s head is literally in flames and his youth and inexperience is sure to get him into trouble. Major Disaster is a former villain itching to prove himself. There’s the ticking time bomb hiding inside of Jason Blood that is scratching to get out. And Nightwing is frustrated all to hell since his mentor and his buddies appear to be gone for good. The way these guys interact make the Big Seven look like the Get a Long Gang, and that’s what makes this group so interesting. They don’t get along. They haven’t worked together before. They are unsure of themselves and each other. There’s the potential for some great drama here and Kelly seems to be fully capable of revealing it.
Kelly is by far my favorite writer to handle the writing chores on this book. My problem with the JLA in the past is that the major events and the characterization seemed to be treated as separate entities. Kelly doesn’t do this. Let’s compare Mark Waid’s arc where he had the team reveal their secret identities to each other to Joe Kelly’s current storyline. In Waid’s arc, one would think that the revelation of the secret identities would raise some interesting character moments. Did Green Lantern see Batman differently after learning that he was Bruce Wayne? We’ll never know because Waid chose to have the JLA face the White Martians or some abstract construct or some other forgettable foe. A chance for real characterization was lost because Waid’s story didn’t permit it. In issue #71, Kelly takes the time to show Nightwing’s frustration and determination to find out where Batman and the others are. He allows the Atom’s fondness for the tradition of the team to shine through and his shame that the public doesn’t have faith in them to be seen. The fanboy awe that Firestorm feels at the JLA Roundtable does not get in the way of a little action. All of this makes the action more interesting because these aren’t iconic characters getting along all of the time. They are characters with faults facing incredible odds. Kelly fully understands how to throw the big challenges at the team without sacrificing character in the process. I hope he stays on this title for a long time.
The only thing I don’t like about this arc so far is the presence of the obligatory new character, Faith. So far, the character has done nothing to pique my interest. She’s got weird light powers. She’s a mystery girl. So what. I know at least ten other characters I would rather see in this book instead of her. She may turn out to be interesting, but I would rather see the rest of the team developed further than have Kelly waste panels on her.
Yvel Guichet has the daunting task of following Doug Mahnke’s stunning pencils on the even issues. He does a good job of rendering these offbeat heroes, although at times, the art is a bit sloppy. His art in issue #71 is a large improvement over his previous work in issue #69, however. In that issue, the characters were stiff and lifeless. If this artist improves like this from month to month, he will be one to watch in the future.
All good things must come to an end. We know the JLA will be back. This team may be temporary, but Kelly says that some of the members of the new team will stay, while members of the old team will be leaving at the end of this arc. The fanboy in me can’t wait to see who makes the cut. Let’s hope that some of those hotheads will stick around to keep things interesting.
IRON MAN #59
Writer/Artist: Mike Grell
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Reviewed by Cormorant
Never been a big fan of Iron Man outside of his role in the Avengers, but I had to check the latest issue of his book out because I knew that recent-writer Mike Grell was finally going to be handling the art chores as well as the writing. Now Grell has been a very solid writer at times (WARLORD, GREEN ARROW: THE LONGBOW HUNTERS, and a uniquely terrific James Bond comic, PERMISSION TO DIE, all come to mind), but it’s Grell as a writer/artist package that I really keep my eyes peeled for. It also didn’t hurt that this latest issue had a very eye-catching painted cover of Iron Man cast in the role of a medieval knight. I’m tellin’ ya – put a hero on a horse and they instantly become ten times cooler (see also, Indiana Jones and Batman in DARK KNIGHT RETURNS). Now I’ve been disappointed with Grell’s previous Iron Man stories, but for the visuals alone, I had to give the latest issue a sampling…
And I’m glad I did. Grell’s writing is far from perfect on the issue – the first of a three-part story -- but it’s fun, fast-paced, and unabashedly superhero-ish (that last trait becoming increasingly elusive as modern superhero comics become overly entangled with dubious calls for realism and relevance). The only level at which Grell himself shoots for relevance is in regards to the time-travel premise of story, closely modeled, it seems to me, after Michael Crichton’s best-selling novel of medieval time-travel, TIMELINE. Time-travel stories are no stranger to superhero comics, but several of the specifics of the issue led me to believe that Grell was influenced by TIMELINE in particular, most notably the opening scene. In TIMELINE, archeologists excavating medieval ruins unearth an ancient parchment that reads simply “Help me,” and is clearly written in the hand of one of the archeologists; mystery and eventual time travel ensue. In Grell’s story, archeologists excavating medieval ruins unearth something equally unusual – Iron Man’s modern-day helmet, with tests confirming that it dates back to the first millennium A.D.; again, mystery and eventual time travel ensue.
Plagiarism you say?
Nah, the stories aren’t that close beyond their similar premises, though there are a number of small moments where I think Grell is paying homage to the source material. TIMELINE’s influence is more akin to the influence of Ridley Scott’s ALIEN on Chris Claremont in creating the alien species, the Brood, in the pages of UNANNY X-MEN in the early 80’s. It’s hard to miss where the ideas came from, but neither Claremont nor Grell slavishly ape their sources; rather they use them as jumping-off points for superhero adventure couched in a familiar premise.
On the downside, while the time-travel hook is a fun one for an armored hero like Iron Man, even I have to admit that the old-school superhero tone Grell establishes borders on corny at times. For instance, Iron Man (a.k.a. Tony Stark) is contacted by the archeologists to come examine the helmet they’ve unearthed on the very day he actually completes construction on a time machine. Okay, I can accept that, since presumably the helmet they find wouldn’t exist until he invented the machine that could potentially send him back, but when Stark decides to test the time machine immediately -- before investigating their claim -- and to test it by traveling precisely to the past location they were excavating no less…well, it’s a little hard to swallow! In fact, the entire opening sequence felt very much like a fast-paced 60’s or 70’s Marvel comic, and I was both pleased by the adventurous nature of it in a day and age where some writers would take three issues to get the same premise of the ground, and a little put-off by the fact that it all felt a tad too silly. I chalk up my unease to the fact that most superhero books are written for late-teens and adult readers now, and Grell is writing a rare story that might actually appeal to younger readers for its fast-pacing. Ultimately, even if the story doesn’t work quite as well for me personally, I must salute him for this. It’s patently absurd that there’s so little kid-appeal to the current superhero market, and Grell is to be admired for bucking the trend.
The story does have some missteps that aren’t so easily justified, however. Once Iron Man makes it to the past, some of the scene shifts occur so quickly that it’s difficult to get a grip on what’s going on. It’s almost like those Grant Morrison stories where you sense that he’s forgotten to include several vital chapters of information, and is rushing along far too quickly. There are a few dialogue fumbles too, and at least at one point as Stark converses with a beautiful maiden (who just might be a witch), I was actually unsure of what a few of their lines meant. Stark also seemed more quippy than I’d remembered him being in times past, but I believe that’s simply Grell’s attempt to take the character back a bit to his more light-hearted, pre-drunk-as-a-skunk roots. Not a big problem.
The art – half the reason I checked the issue out – delivers as hoped. Grell’s fine-line, illustrative style seems destined to ever be a notch below Neal Adams, but it’s still wonderful to look at. His realism looks terrific on the knights and medieval setting, his Tony Stark is appropriately debonair, and, perhaps most importantly, he can still draw a lovely lady. On a totally escapist level, I also just got a kick seeing Iron Man depowered and forced to use a sword to defend himself. Coupled with images of Iron Man on horseback and wielding a lance, it’s clear that Grell picked the perfect storyline to apply his artistic talents to. We’ve seen Iron Man flying and blasting villains with his repulsor rays hundreds of times over, and as a result, these classical heroic images are a unique and pleasant surprise.
Final judgment: When I first heard Grell would be handling Iron Man a year or so back, I envisioned him doing a complete retrofit in the dark tradition of GREEN ARROW: THE LONGBOW HUNTERS. Early efforts proved very disappointing, but while this current story isn’t a showstopper, it’s actually quite enjoyable if you’re interested in a really well-drawn superhero book that’s devoted to nothing more high-falutin’ than telling an action-packed time-travel story. Fun stuff if you don’t sweat the details, and the art alone is worth the price of admission. I’m in for the arc.
AVENGERS ICONS: THE VISION # 2
Written by Geoff Johns
Art by Ivan Reis, Joe Pimental, Chris Sotomayor
Published by Marvel
Reviewed by Buzz Maverik
Hi, Gang-of-Four! Buzz Maverik comin' at'cha. I'm reviewing AVENGERS ICONS: THE VISION # 2. In the interest of maintaining conflicts of interest, I've brought in a guest viewer who will now introduce himself.
"I am the Vision of Tomorrow."
Hey, good for you, Vish! So when did you add on the "of Tomorrow" part? What is that, your last name or something?
"That does not concern you."
You got that right, Vision of Tomorrow! Congratulations on starring in your own mini-series with good looking art by Ivan Reis and writing by the guy who writes all the comic books not written by Brian Michael Bendis, none other than @$$hole-favorite, Geoff Johns. I wish that all comic book writers—
"--would be as studious and brilliant as him."
I don't know about the studious part, but he's pretty brilliant. Darn rude of you to interrupt me like that, Vision. Say, you used to be married to The Scarlet Witch. That's one hot little mutant.
"I have forgotten how relative and unsettling temperature can be."
I think Wonder Man is pooching her now. It's been a long time since you've gotten any, eh, Vish?
"I have forgotten many things."
Hey, it'll all come back to you. It's like riding a bike.
"I require a vehicle with no such link."
Right. The important thing is not to worry about it.
"I fear nothing."
Then you ought to get one of those T-shirts the skateboard kids wear. In this issue, there's more action than issue one, a few more things happen, but in all, I think that some of the problems of modern storytelling in comics become clear here. Simply, issues one and two could have been combined into one regular book.
"This is reassuring data..."
What I'm wondering, Mr. Of Tomorrow, is why the cops you battle in the story don't recognize you. After all, you are an Avenger. Maybe they're DC fans, or only read THE ULTIMATES.
"No. My memory cells. Get out of my--"
And when you become intangible, why do you look all boney and mechanical?
Kind of like the Terminator. In that John Byrne WEST COAST AVENGERS story where Mockingbird sold you out and those scientists unraveled you, you looked all synthetic. And in that Neal Adams story where Ant-Man traveled through your body, it was all energy patterns and op-art. What gives?
"I am a synthezoid."
Now, that explains everything. Also, you can fly. Why did you steal that kid's dad's car, after smashing through the window, a weird thing to do for someone who can become ephemeral?
"I must perform a search."
That's all the time we have, Vision. Good luck on getting Wanda back! I know you'll win in the end because Wonder Man is a far suckier character than you!
"Perhaps she is the one I seek."
@$$HOLE CASTING COUCH
Yeeee-hahhh!!! Bug heeah with a lip chompin’, boot stompin’, mule kickin’, sheep dickin’, honest to goodness, mother o’ Pete, @$$hole Casting Couch like no other. You see, that ornery hombre, Geoff Johns, put a bee in mah bonnet when ah read his recent HAWKMAN issue featuring the “Times Past” adventure of one of DC’s Western heroes, Nighthawk (who just happens to be one of Hawkman’s past incarnations). After puttin’ that book down, ah asked mahself: “Self, where in Tarnation did all those good ol’ Western comics git off to?” There was a time when ah could mosey down to the local five and dime and pick up WEIRD WESTERN TALES or TWO GUN KID or NIGHT RIDER. Ah remember sippin’ on some sasperilla and reading those books till the cows came home. Marvel’s releasin’ APACHE SKIES, but that ain’t near enough Western action fer me. Out of all of those yarns, one gunslinger was the head honcho in mah book: JONAH HEX. There ain’t nobody meaner, tougher, and grittier than that cowpoke with a face that even a mother couldn’t love. Joe R. Lansdale and Tim Truman churned out some decent Hex VERTIGO miniseries, but Hex rode into the sunset quite a while back and we ain’t seen him since. Ah’d pay good money to see one of them motion pichers featurin’ that fella.
Hex’s adventures ain’t never been what ah call on the straight and narrow so we need a director that might be a bit touched in the head to rustle this herd. Ah’d put Alejandro Jodorowsky (EL TOPO, SANTA SANGRE) behind that fancy Hollywood camera to direct this one. Anyone who’s taken a gander at this guy’s work knows he could make a Western like no other and fill it with weirdness that a dozen David Lynches couldn’t think up. And as sure as mah name is Ambush Bug, those fancy Hollywood types had best git that wise old musician, Tom Waits, to play BLACK WINGS as the theme song for this one, or somebody’s gonna git hurt.
Jonah Hex himself should be played by Viggo Mortensen (LORD OF THE RINGS). Viggo may be a purty boy, but under some o’ that fancy Hollywood make-up, he’d be damn near perfect as the bounty huntin’ gunslinger with the hatchet scar.
This flick could stand on its own with just Hex, but since ah’ve got the casting bug (Get it? Casting bug! Oh Bessy, the bad puns!), I’ll cast some more o’ DC’s Western heroes for the hell of it.
Cinnamon is as purty as the day is long, but don’t cross her or you’ll see the business side o’ her six shooters. Ah’d cast that lil’ darlin’, Heather Graham (BOOGIE NIGHTS) for this one.
Now for Nighthawk, ah’d have to go with an actor who’s all doom an’ gloom. I think Jason Patrick (LOST BOYS) could do the role some justice.
Ah know, Scalphunter ain’t no injun. He’s really disillusioned lawman Brian Savage. Ah think Ralph Moeller (GLADIATOR) would be a good match since he’s the strong silent type.
And what about that fancy lad who likes to cheat at cards? That no good gamblin’ man, Bat Lash, took me for mah mule a time back. Ah think Jason Lee (MALLRATS) is wily enough to play the part.
Well, there you have it. Why don’t you all ramble a bit about them picks in that there Talkback o’ yers and tell us what you think? Hell, come up with some picks of your own if you feel yer up to snuff. Now git on lil’ dowgies. Git!
