Hey folks, Harry here... This movie THE TRANSPORTER kicks fucking ass up and down both aisles leaving broken teeth along the lit floors of the theaters it is playing in. Completely took me away... Here's Quint with a look at that and this weekend's STEALING HARVARD...
Ahoy squirts! 'Tis I, everybody's favorite ass kicking, oil slick of a seaman, Quint, here to give you folks the heads up on one of the hands down most fun flicks I've seen this year, Corey Yuen's THE TRANSPORTER.
Corey Yuen's a new filmmaker... to America. This sucker has been directing and acting in films overseas for the last 20 years. He's had roles in two of my favorite Sammo Hung films: EASTERN CONDORS and PEDICAB DRIVER. He's done the stunt choreography for a few of the lesser American/Hong Kong crossover flicks like THE ONE and KISS OF THE DRAGON. Those two films weren't great, but you have to admit the stunts and fighting in those films were pretty top notch.
So, Corey Yuen's full on American directorial debut (if you don't count his second unit direction on X-MEN) is the Luc Besson produced/co-written film THE TRANSPORTER, starring Jason Statham as the lead anti-hero, Frank Martin. I'm so happy that Statham is finally put to good use by someone other than Guy Ritchie. I love SNATCH, LOCK, STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELS is great, but in his American efforts... well, just say he's wasted. He was kinda alright in THE ONE... He played well with Jet Li... He was beyond wasted in JOHN CARPENTER'S GHOSTS OF MARS. This poor guy finally gets his moment to shine in THE TRANSPORTER.
He plays a mysterious and meticulous dirty delivery boy, essentially... In the South of France... bastard... He gets paid handsomely to transport things from one place to another safely, whether it be people, bags, suitcases, Kleenex, sex toys... whatever. He doesn't want to know. He doesn't care. If you can live with his rules (RULE #1: Don't change the deal. RULE #2: No names. RULE #3: Never look at the package (no, not his "package," you pervs!)), you will have the best of the best on your side, and almost guarantee your package arriving on time and in perfect condition.
And boy is he fuckin' badass in this movie. Statham shines, playing the anti-hero to perfection. The dirty guy with that pesky conscience and personal morality that makes him not a total cocksucker. He also oozes coolness out of every pore. Not the cocky coolness of, say, Vin Diesel in xXx or James Bond, but a confident coolness closer to that of Snake Plissken or The Man With No Name. Statham is no Clint Eastwood or Kurt Russell (in their prime, mind you), but he gives off that sort of natural cool. The kind of guy who walks into a room and you know he could kick your ass and he knows you know and feels no need to show off. He's the kind of guy who anticipates every angle and knows how to deal with things. He's the kind of guy you don't want to piss off.
The film's villain kinda comes up short against Statham's Frank Martin, but that's not a big deal. I've seen so many movies with great villains and lame-ass heroes. The villain in this movie as played by Matt Schulze (Chupa from BLADE 2) isn't shit. Likewise he isn't THE shit, but Schulze does a good job at playing the weirdo/yuppie-scum-sucker, he's just not given as much to work with as Statham was.
The action is top notch. The film reminds me a lot of Besson's previous co-writer/producer series TAXI. The car chases and stunts are unbelievable and get the adrenaline pumping. The fight scenes are dirty, cringe-inducing and never awkward or badly edited. It's a fun movie, pure and simple. Some of the events and plot points that pop up are a bit ridiculous, but never to the degree where they take you out of the fun. As much as I liked xXx every action scene in that movie was ridiculous. It was crazy fun to the point where it became more of a cartoon than a hard core action flick. Nothing wrong with that. I'm just saying that THE TRANSPORTER was much less of a cartoon, but no less fun.
It's a real drag that this film didn't come out this weekend. The powers that be decided to push it back to Oct. 11th, which has me conflicted on what to advise you folks to go see. Also opening on Oct. 11th is THE RULES OF ATTRACTION, which I haven't seen yet, but have read the script and seen some cool footage of. While THE TRANSPORTER is a helluva fun film, if RULES OF ATTRACTION lives up to the screenplay I'd have to support RULES. It's the more important film and it needs our money more than THE TRANSPORTER. I hope both are a success at the Box Office. I'll be seeing RULES OF ATTRACTION at the AICN/Cinematheque event at the Egyptian Theatre in a week's time, so I'll let you know how it fares. I expect genius, you hear that Avary? GENIUS!
At any rate, the business bullshit aside, I thought THE TRANSPORTER kicked a lot of ass and deserves to be seen. I don't know if it'll hold up on a second viewing as well as the classics of the genre (ie DIE HARD), but it was a helluva ride on the first viewing. If you want a kick-ass load of fun, then you must see THE TRANSPORTER... As I bid you squirts a fond farewell and adieu, I leave you with this question... Although I think he's doing a great job... When the hell is Besson going to stop writing and producing and fucking direct another movie? Not soon enough, that's for damn sure.
STEALING HARVARD
Ahoy squirts! Everybody's favorite crusty ol' seaman, Quint, here to give you folks a little look at the new Jason Lee/Tom Green/Bruce McCulloch flick, STEALING HARVARD.
For the record, I love Jason Lee. He's a great comedic actor and in Kevin Smith's hands he's near god-like. He's very much to Kevin Smith as Sam Jackson is to Quentin Tarantino. Smith can make just about anyone funny with his dialogue, but no one quite says it as perfect as Jason Lee, just as Tarantino can make just about anyone cool with his dialogue, but Sam Jackson makes it sound natural and poetic. So, I was very much going into this movie wanting to see Jason Lee be successful and cool.
Lee plays an average Joe... about to get married to the girl he loves (who everyone else besides her daddy think is a total bitch) and has saved up just enough money to put a down payment on a house. We find out that he made a promise to his niece when she was a child that he'd pay for college... It was an offhand statement made to a crying little girl to make her feel better, but unfortunately for him it was caught on video... and his niece gets accepted into Harvard. So, what's he gonna do? Kill his relationship with his woman by giving the house money to his niece or get the house and doom his niece into following the same path her mother did... the path that leads directly into a rusted out trailer.
His buddy, Duff (Green), comes up with some "brilliant" plans to steal the $30 grand he has to come up with so he can both get the house and send his niece to college... Of course the only thing to come of these plans are wacky shenanigans and cross dressing jokes. Nothing wrong with that, mind you.
The movie is funny and did make me laugh. It's not a great film... It's not a bad film. I've seen it once, that'll probably be it. It's ultimately forgettable. Green is his same insane self in the movie. If you're turned off by his humor (which I personally find both funny and retarded... don't know why that combo works for me, but I guess I'm just a weirdo) you're not going to "get it" this time. Lee is damn good in the movie, although he doesn't exude the same kind of confidence that he does in Kevin Smith's films. He's still searching for his break out performance. I'm confident he'll find it some day, but that day has not come yet.
Other standouts in the film are Dennis Farina, who's always a joy to watch, playing the over-protective father of Lee's fiancé. I think he's 100 times cooler in SNATCH, but he does a really good job with what he's given in this film. Also in top form are two great character actors who have been getting a lot of work recently: Richard Jenkins and John C. McGinley. You might not know their names, but I guarantee you'll know their faces. Jenkins was the Psychiatrist in THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY ("Highway rest areas are homosexual hang outs... They act as bath houses for many, MANY gay men...") and McGinley is probably best known as the tall "Bob" from OFFICE SPACE ("For my money it doesn't get any better then when he sings When A Man Loves A Woman..."). They're great to see up on the screen. McGinley doesn't get anywhere near the hilarity of the tall "Bob" from Office Space in this film, but he's given much, much less to work with. Jenkins has a little more to work with in this movie and he takes full advantage of his comedic talent.
So... Unlike FREDDY GOT FINGERED, this film is non-offensive, not bad, but not really good either. Harmless. Thus I'm willing to bet it'll be forgotten. While I don't want there to be another FREDDY GOT FINGERED, you have to hand it to Green in that film. Even though 99% of the population hated his guts for it, he got a definite reaction and it's a film that sticks in people's minds, whether they want it to or not.
Here's hoping Fletch Won gets off the ground soon. 'Til DREAMCATCHER this is the only Lee you'll get. I can't really recommend this film to everybody. If you're a Tom Green or Jason Lee fanatic, I'd recommend the film, but if you're a fanatic it wouldn't matter what I recommended anyway.
I'll be back soon, squirts, with a review of Paul Schrader's newest disgusting pile of uncomfortable brilliance and a big blitz of interviews, coverage and reviews of one of the most anticipated low budget flicks coming out this fall. 'Til then, this is Quint bidding you all a fond farewell and adieu.
-Quint
email: aicnquint@aol.com
