Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
See what I mean? Monstrously huge columns. Tons of comic reading for you guys. An embarrassment of riches, as it were...
Heya, Comic Geeks. Cormorant here, and since we’ve got a pretty hefty column this week, including a guest Casting Couch with some extensive thoughts on a potential Superman movie, I’m gonna keep the opening blah-blah short and cut straight to the chase. And speaking of Superman, it turns out the latest issue MAN OF STEEL is pretty durn keen according to our man, Village Idiot…
MAN OF STEEL #129
Chuck Austen – Guest Writer
Pascal Alexe – Guest Artist
Tanya and Richard Horie – Colorist
Published by DC Comics
Reviewed by Village Idiot
Superman stories are like papayas: it’s tough sometimes to get a good one, but when you do get a good one, brother, there’s nothing like a good papaya. MAN OF STEEL #129 was a really good papaya. But before I get into why, I have a little story first, and forgive me if you’re heard it before.
So I’m at the San Diego Comic Con, standing at the DC display area. Pairs of comic creators were seated at tables on either side me, probably very famous comic creators, talking to fans, signing things, drawing pictures in sketch books. Directly in front of me, where the two signing tables came together, was a plastic rack with the black and white previews for DC’s August issues. And to tell you the truth, at that moment, that’s all I really cared about. Comic book store employees are probably yawning their heads off right now: to them, B & W previews are no big deal. But I’m just a fan, and reading what seemed like new secret stuff felt really cool. I almost felt like I was getting away with something. Alan Moore could have been signing autographs at one of those tables, but all I really wanted to do was read those comics.
So I picked up the Superman previews and started reading. The first one, Geoff John’s SUPERMAN #185 was pretty good. (Read Ambush Bug’s fine review from a couple of weeks ago for more details.) The next one, ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN #607...well, that one wasn’t so hot. And then, like Goldilocks getting the porridge right, I read MAN OF STEEL #129. And standing there in the middle of the Comicon, amid all the noise, the fans, the creators, the barbarian warriors, the Stormtroopers, the Lara Crofts and the Batman cartoons playing overhead, I made a connection with this comic book.
Weeks have passed, and the regular version of MAN OF STEEL #129 is out, and I’m happy to tell you that the connection is still there. MAN OF STEEL #129 is a wonderful comic book, and a wonderful story in its own right, and I urge you to check it out. Now let me tell you why.
The plot of MAN OF STEEL #129 is simple: Superman befriends a cop, and they talk and stuff. That’s it. In some respects, this could be a problem: Superman has had his share of “down time” stories lately; stories that focus on character; stories that don’t directly involve fighting giant robots. Many people I’ve talked to have told me they’re getting tired of the low-key Superman stories, tired of what seems like every other issue feeling like a “mission statement.” And I would suggest that not only have the Superman titles seemed a little too sensitive lately, they haven’t been sensitive very well. Case in point, the ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN #607 that I mentioned above. It’s heart was in the right place, but its lack of subtlety made it feel like an ABC Afterschool Special. Earlier in the year, ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN featured an exceedingly dry issue where Superman befriends a Russian submarine captain, and, well, they talk about stuff. None of these stories are horrible, and some are even pretty good, but few of them are truly satisfying.
MAN OF STEEL #129 is another of those low-key stories; however I would argue that it’s one of the best of the bunch. Where others may miss the mark emotionally, this one hits home. And ideally, the timing of the release of the issue shouldn’t be held against it. Good is good. (And in some respects, the story could be dropped into continuity anywhere, pre or post crisis.) And yes, there is a bit of that mission statement feel to MAN OF STEEL #129, as the story is simple and seems to deal very basic aspects of Superman’s character. But it’s also spiked along the way with a variety of other elements, including: the morality of due process, the tricky relationship of superheroes to ordinary people in the DCU, costumes, the burden of celebrity, the duty of celebrity, guilt, the relative value of human life, and most of all, friendship. Chuck Austen manages to fit all these elements into this single comic book.
Wit, the policeman, lives in a world very different than ours. Superhumans have had their effect on that society, and this effect is reflected through Wit. When the story begins, he is a bit in awe of Superman, maybe even a little distrusting of superheroes in general, like some of the other characters in the story. But as Wit gets to know Superman, and while the awe begins to diminish, it’s replaced by genuine affection. He admires Superman less for who he is as an icon, and more for who he is as a colleague and as a human being. And by the end of the story, it is Superman who seems a little in awe of Wit; at least taking his moral cues from him.
Again, this is a tight story that nevertheless feels more well-rounded than many of the other comics you’re liable to pick up today. Austen manages to weave the story together through dialog and journal entries in a way that conveys a sense of scope. You get to know Wit, you get to see the friendship develop, and you get the sense that the relationship is real. You feel like you’ve been somewhere. Of course, the art by Pascal Alexe also gives you the feeling that you’ve been somewhere; somewhere new, but still familiar. His renderings are styled in a way that’s hard to describe. At times the comic feels more illustrated than drawn. The images are loosely expressive, but moments feel real; definitely not what you’d call classic, but there’s something about them that evokes a slight nostalgia. Perhaps that is because his Superman looks more like George Reeves more than in any other Superman comic I can recall. The coloring by SUPERMAN regulars Tanya and Richard Horie added to the nostalgic twinge with muted, misty colors. Nice work.
MAN OF STEEL #129 is not perfect. Parts of the issue verge on sentimentality, and amidst the fugue of themes throughout the issues, the denouement doesn’t appear as clear as it otherwise might. However, this is one of those comics that improves on repeated readings, and sentimentality and vagueness seem to fade, or at least become more forgivable.
Still though, not everyone will love MAN OF STEEL #129, not only for the fact that it’s another Superman character story amongst many, but for the fact that some comic readers simply prefer stories with giant robots. And not everybody loves papayas, no matter how good they taste. But for those of us who can appreciate a well-told, resonant character drama, MAN OF STEEL #129 is a great comic. Your grocer should be so lucky.
THE HOOD #4
Writer: Brian K. Vaughan
Artist: Kyle Hotz
Published by Marvel Comics
Reviewed by Cormorant
There’s a fringe benefit to doing all these reviews for the Talkback League of @$$holes, and I’m not just talking about being called a ‘dipshit’ for not liking THE ULTIMATES. No, friends, what I’m talking about is the cross-pollination of tastes and ideas that comes from conferring with my fellow @$$holes, thus leading to the occasional discovery of a kick-ass new comic -- in this case, THE HOOD.
Now when I first saw THE HOOD, I had exactly zero interest. Another Marvel MAX book staged in the Marvel Universe, but with the not-so-mature addition of gratuitous swearing and violence? I already had ALIAS for that, and similar efforts like FURY and U.S. WAR MACHINE had proven to be forgettable dreck. Plus, I flipped through the thing and the art looked like a cheap rip-off of Kelly Jones’ stuff, all shadows and hyper-wrinkled clothes. Luckily – and I shouldn’t admit this, because it’ll go straight to his already hydrocephalic head – fellow @$$hole Jon Quixote convinced me otherwise. Now Quixote’s wrong about 90% of the time (as with his championing of SPIDER-MAN/BLACK CAT: THE EVIL THAT MEN DO), but when he’s right (as with his evisceration of John Ney Reiber’s relaunched CAPTAIN AMERICA), the man is dead-on. With THE HOOD, it turns out he was dead-on.
This book is sleazy.
This book is funny.
This book has cool guest-appearances by low-level Marvel Universe villains.
And perhaps most importantly, this book is written by Brian K. Vaughan.
Over in DC’s Vertigo country, Vaughan is currently on the verge of stardom for writing a comic in which every man on the Earth dies suddenly, save for one. Trust me, if he can turn a hokey TWILIGHT ZONE premise like that into something brilliant (and that’s exactly what he’s doing), he can also work some magic on THE HOOD, the ongoing tale of a smalltime crook who finds a mystical hood that grants him low-level superpowers (so far, walking on air and the ability to turn invisible when he holds his breath).
The crook is one Parker Robbins – mid-20’s and hot-tempered – but just because he panicked and shot a cop in the throat in the previous issue, he’s not necessarily a bad guy! Err…well, I guess he is, but the gunshot thing was a genuine accident, and previous issues have shown that he honestly loves his pregnant girlfriend (even though he sees a hooker on the side), and caring for his institutionalized mother is at least part of the reason he’s taking stupid risks with his newfound powers. These justifications generate a certain amount of stock-sympathy for the character, but I’ll tell you when I really knew I liked him – In the first issue, he’s hanging out a bar, looking for criminal scores to take down alongside his personable cousin, when the pair are approached by a well-dressed Hydra agent. Hydra, for the non-Marvel-junkies out there, is a terrorist organization in the corny tradition of James Bond organizations like S.P.E.C.T.R.E., though they’re specifically associated with Nazi-types that Captain America used to whup-up on in World War II. So the Hydra agent senses two potential recruits, but when he takes them outside to discuss terms, they suddenly bring up the events of last September, and end up serving him up an ass-whipping beyond anything Captain America ever did. The scene called to mind Paul Sorvino’s line from THE ROCKETEER, where he played a gangster who ended up backing the good guys when the Nazis showed up. “I may not make an honest buck, but I’m a hunnert percent American!”
You gotta love it. Of course, I suspect Parker’s moment of violent, patriotic indulgence won’t go over so well, and I wouldn’t be surprised if we see some Hydra payback before the series is out.
As of the fourth issue, though, Parker and his cousin are already in plenty of trouble. In the previous issue, they botched an attempted diamond heist when they went up against three superpowered mercenaries (Jack-O-Lantern, The Shocker, and Constrictor) who’d been hired to protect the diamonds. It was one of the most energetic fight scenes I’d scene in years, with plenty of hilarious and R-rated villain banter, but things got serious at the end when Parker accidentally shot the cop. Now the hard-luck Parker is suddenly on the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted list, the cop is in a coma, and Parker’s cousin is being held in jail for questioning regarding the crime. As grim and hardboiled as all this sounds, one of the reasons I like THE HOOD, over, say, the mercenary cynicism of THE ULTIMATES, is that Vaughan actually creates empathy for everyone involved. Parker and his cousin are likeable thugs who just got in over their heads. The injured police officer is no faceless victim, and we see both his wife’s reaction to his coma as well as the reactions of his fellow officers (“We need to find this ‘Hood’ fruit and string him up…”). Even the crime boss who was importing the black market diamonds has his own charms – both his menacing sense of humor and a desire to increase his ranks of mutant agents, thus fighting discrimination in his own peculiar way.
And the artist, initially dismissed as a Kelly Jones-wannabe, has grown on me. His character designs are lanky, slightly cartoony, and have memorably expressive faces. His depiction of Parker’s cousin deserves special credit, as his face manages to suggest both his guile and his occasional utter stupidity. Seeing this would-be player twist in the wind during the cops’ interrogation was one of the issue’s highlights, and yet, as with all of the characters, you feel sympathy for him. And you have to wonder – will he rat Parker out before Parker can spring him? And can Parker spring him before two overzealous FBI agents track him down using technology taken from a raid on the villainous organization, A.I.M. (that’s Advanced Idea Mechanics to you and me – the evil super-scientists who wear the silly, yellow beekeeper-style suits)?
Final judgment: You’re probably like me – you don’t know you want this book, but if you were to read it, you’d realize it was pretty hot shit. Personally, I think anyone who likes ALIAS or Brian Michael Bendis’s other books would probably enjoy its vibe, and right now I’m actually enjoying it more than ALIAS. So check it out. Comic shops aren’t libraries, but considering that it only takes maybe ten minutes to read one of these things, I say, “Loiter and sample an issue!” If it looks good, nab all four issues, anxiously await the last two, and e-mail me to let me know I helped you discover something cool. If it’s not your thing…uhh…
…blame Jon Quixote.
DEADMAN #9
Story – Steve Vance
Art – Shawn McManus
Published by DC Comics
Reviewed by Village Idiot
From the NEW YORK TIMES obituary section, August 14, 2002:
DEADMAN, Fledgling Comic Series, Dead at Issue #9
DEADMAN, the DC Comics series based on the ghostly character popularized by Neal Adams and Bob Haney in the 1960s and 70s, died today at issue #9 in comic stores around the country.
First appearing in STRANGE ADVENTURES in 1967, “Deadman” told the story of Boston Brand, a wholly invisible ghost except when temporarily inhabiting the bodies of the living in the search for his own murderer. Although originally created by Arnold Drake and Carmine Infantino, the writer/artist team that became most associated with Deadman was that of Bob Haney and Neal Adams. Haney was able to stretch the Deadman story out through various twists and turns accompanied by Adam’s celebrated artwork until 1969.
Once his initial mission of finding his own killer was complete, Deadman was frequently used as a guest star and for back-up stories, even appearing in the occasional self titled mini-series and specials in the eighties and nineties. As recently as two years ago, Deadman appeared in a limited series called DEAD AGAIN that placed him at the scene of all of DC’s most notable character deaths. This short series, written by Steve Vance, eventually led to the recently deceased DEADMAN run which passed away Wednesday.
The premise of the new series was based on the idea that Deadman, with the help of a former circus midget/private investigator, would retrieve the evil fugitives who had escaped from a magical village. As he hunted down the fugitives, Deadman would often be thwarted by the villain known as “The Sensei” and his “League of Assassins,” an organization bent on uniting the fugitives in a bid for world domination.
Throughout the nine issue run, the quality of the books seemed to stay within a range where they were neither exceptionally good nor particularly bad, but always average or slightly above average. Internet comic book critic Village Idiot has been quoted as describing the DEADMAN series at different times as “consistently almost good,” “the most middling comic book I’ve ever read,” and “this series is to the world of comics what BECKER is to the world of sitcoms.”
Issue #9 ended on an appropriately “nearly good” note. The issue concluded the three part story where Deadman faced a young boy controlled by the League of Assassins who could also inhabit the bodies of others. By the end of the story, Deadman found himself trapped in an energy bubble and shot by a special ray that disintegrated his spirit.
Although the story did manage to build a fair amount of drama surrounding Deadman’s demise, the drama seemed muted by a peculiar lack of energy that marked the DEADMAN series from the beginning. Perhaps this lack of energy was a byproduct of the overall tone of the series: low-key paranormal crime-drama. Perhaps the low-energy could be attributed to the vaguely “underground comix” feel to the art that made the images appear a bit static. Nevertheless, the series ended on a relative high note of “pretty good,” instead of the normal “sorta good.”
When reached for comment regarding the final issue, Village Idiot responded: “I liked it. Kinda.”
DEADMAN is survived by DOOM PATROL, and inexplicably, AZRAEL: AGENT OF THE BAT.
THE PRO
written by Garth Ennis
art by Amanda Conner, Jimmy Palmiotti, Paul Mounts
published by Image
reviewed by Buzz “John” Maverik
Up front, I say legalize prostitution (and pot as well, while we're at it!). It can't be stopped, nor should it be. Legalize it and a lot of people will be kept safer and healthier and certain parts of our U.S. cities will become nicer places. Let's face it, if it was legalized a lot of guys would be able to get on with other aspects of their lives.
Like you don't already know, THE PRO is a one-shot comic by Garth Ennis, Amanda Conner and company about a nameless streetwalker who receives super powers from a Watcher-like being, the Voyeur...'scuse me, that's Viewer... who is out to prove that anyone can be a hero. Be warned, li'l geeks, this streetwalker isn't like that nice Julia Roberts in PRETTY WOMAN or even that sweet Elisabeth Shue in LEAVING LAS VEGAS. She's as close to the real thing as we've probably seen in media (except she doesn't appear to be on drugs). Not that I'd know what the real thing is like ...except for that one time in college...and that other time in college...and all those other times in college...and that time I drove through Nevada...and the trip to Mexico...let's see, there was my 23rd birthday, my 24th, 25th, 26th.... Ah, it's none of yer bidness anyway!
The Voyeur...Viewer! Viewer! enrolls the Pro in the Justice League of...oh, the League of Honor. She accepts when she learns that Batma--...the Knight, not Batman, pays a stipend to the members. In her secret identity, the Pro uses her new super-speed and strength to work hundreds of johns a night. She has a baby boy whom she loves, but in a very realistic, non-sentimental, in-character way. As a super-heroine, she continues to chain smoke, swear like a sailor and fight in a style that is beyond-dirty. It drives the League nuts. She also drives a character Who-Isn't-Superman wild in a scene you won't forget.
THE PRO is hilarious satire with excellent artwork. Ennis does go for easy jokes with his JLA spoofs, though. After seeing Saturday Night Live's AMBIGUOUSLY GAY DUO, do we really need those threads of Batman and Robin's relationship spoofed again? And yeah, Wonder Woman (a.k.a The Lady) comes from an all female society, and we've been hearing those implications since her creation.
The best thing about THE PRO is that it says some things about superheroes that need to be said right now. No matter what any creator says, no matter what they call their books, superheroes are not realistic. Realistic superhero is an oxymoron. Hopefully, some of the alter-egos are presented realistically, but any situation where a superhero is added becomes fantasy. I'm sorry. Accept it. Accept that you like fantasy! Bluntly, the Pro herself brings up September 11, asking the League where in the hell they were? The faux-Flash says that he thinks they were fighting the Ovulator.
I bought seven comic books and one really excellent graphic novel on Wednesday, August 23. But THE PRO was the best of the bunch.
Strangers in Paradise #52
w/a Terry Moore
Abstract Studios
reviewed by: Lizzybeth
This pains me, really it does.
Sometimes you follow a project, whether it’s a movie series or a band or a comic book like this one, for years and years, and it lets you down. Maybe it’s not a Phantom Menace, more like a slow-motion shipwreck kind of gradual letdown, that for some damn reason you can’t stop watching. I know a lot of us have been there. I see people doing this all the time with various works of entertainment and art, and usually I have to wonder what these folks get out of following something that causes them so much frustration. People all over the net hang around complaining about the new writing team, or how it hasn’t been the same since 1995, or 1979. Why would someone want to do this? Well, this time it’s me. I’ve followed this comic book for many years. When I went to college and dropped most of my regular reads, this is the comic I kept up with. I bought every single issue, after the miniseries, as it was released. After 10 or so years, 3 series, and 64 issues, of which I’ve collected every one, I am finally admitting that in the end I don’t think I have anything to show for it.
This isn’t because of some disastrous wrong turn, or because I’m a deluded freak who buys comics she doesn’t actually like. I really loved this series in the beginning. It had interesting characters, fabulous art, a touching story, and a whole lot of promise. It was unique, combining a well-written love triangle (two girls and a guy in various potential permutations) with elements of intrigue and genuine comedy. It seemed to be guided by a sure hand with the ambition to accomplish something very difficult in the comics industry: establish an long-running non-superhero indie comic that actually comes out on time, and doesn’t get abandoned for more glamorous projects. All these things were accomplished -- look at all the indie comics that were around in 1993, and count how many are still running in the same regular series today. It’s a very short list. No, it wasn’t a misstep on the part of writer/artist Terry Moore that has let me down, but pure and simple inertia.
It honestly seems like Moore is doing his level best not to change his book enough to potentially damage a successful formula. And it has been remarkably successful for an indie comic, lasting almost 10 years and selling in various languages worldwide. Still, for a fan of the book from nearly the beginning, it seems as though it has fallen into the same trap of many mainstream comics (hello, Marvel), becoming a perpetual pitch to new readers rather than throwing a bone or two to the longtime fans with actual investment in the story. After all, how long have we been waiting for a resolution to the Katchoo/Francine/David situation? SIP has been trading on the same essential conflict (he loves her, she loves someone else who doesn’t know what the hell she wants, etc.) with very little variation for far too long. Whenever a new conflict develops (often around that damned mafia plot that should have died years ago) there is absolutely no impact on the characters and the main storyline, and we are essentially reset to square one. The only real wrench thrown into the proceedings in the dragged-out third series is the brief flash-forward glimpses of a very different future in store – a future that Moore has mostly ignored for the last few years. There you have it, the only innovation in 50 issues, unused! Instead of allowing actual development of the three main characters, Katchoo and Francine and David have essentially jogged in place while we watch the scenery change and secondary characters be given the attention and progression the central characters deserve.
Take Issue #52 in particular: finally we have an issue devoted entirely to Francine and Katchoo (but where’s David?) with no distractions - a real chance to explore their characters and allow some sort of development. I’ve enjoyed the secondary characters, who have become much more interesting than the leads, but let’s get on with it! Usual steps to conflict development: a problem develops, the problem is noticed, talk about the problem, DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE PROBLEM! Francine and Katchoo have been stuck in the talk-about-it stage, rehashing their frustrating attraction for each other for the last 50 issues, and here in #52 we have Francine… talking to a psychotherapist! Katchoo, talking to some woman in the bar! (Yes, SIP fans, I know the woman is tied into the mafia plot, I just don’t care.) The only character who’s taken any real action is David - by leaving! And that never actually resolves anything, especially because it’s been revealed that he will eventually be back to the same old situation of chasing Katchoo. And then there’s the art. Terry Moore is still a very talented artist. The covers are still striking, and more adventurous artistically than almost any other title. This issue’s cover is just lovely. And he still has some terrific facial expressions. But I start to wonder, when I see the same exact page repeated 3 times, another page repeated twice, and entire pages devoted to a song or some text, what exactly is keeping Moore from giving attention to his artwork. Certainly these effects are worked into the story (the page repetition works into a dream that a character is having), but that doesn’t change the fact that the number of drawings gets smaller and smaller, and those that are there are less carefully crafted than we have seen in the past. One issue would be one thing, but this is a trend. Whether this is time or inclination, I don’t know. If going bi-monthly would help, I’m sure the readers would be willing to wait. Frankly, the art is the glue holding the book together at this point, and if it continues to deteriorate, there’s not much left for me.
Strangers In Paradise is suffering from the number 2 biggest indie-book affliction after the Lateness Syndrome, and that is the equally-dreaded Lack of Direction. Everything about the last bundle of issues absolutely screams “STALL!!” Meanwhile, Terry Moore is working on a novelization of SIP, which rubs me even more the wrong way - rather than work out the plotlines for the comic book, he’s going to describe them even more thoroughly in a novel? Or is he going to resolve plotlines in the novel and leave the comic to twist in the wind? Maybe I’m a big sucker for waiting around this long. Now I understand why people do this. I was so attached to the early issues, seeing a little bit of myself in David, Francine, and Katchoo, that I’ve been waiting around in the hopes that this series will deliver on its initial promise. I’ve thought about quitting, but I still have to know what happens to them. Sometimes a work of art just speaks so strongly to you, expresses something you didn’t know you wanted to say, and you’re willing to wait however long it takes to connect with it again. But sometimes, it’s just too long to wait. For me, for now, I’m putting this comic down. If a plot actually develops, someone let me know.
(Still, I can’t end without mentioning my wholehearted endorsement of SIP collections I Dream of You, and It’s a Good Life, the early stuff. These books had real momentum, strong characterization, and human relationships as messy and painful as they often are in real life. Later, you can pick up the High School trade, a gimmick that actually paid off. If you go to the SIP website, you’ll find more details and story descriptions than I can offer in this space.)
THE THING: FREAKSHOW #3
Written by Geoff Johns
Pencils by Scott Kolins; Inks by Andy Lanning & Doug Hazlewood
Published by Marvel Comics
A Jon Quixote Time Capsule
The Year: 2052
Hey kids, Grampa Quixote here. Come sit on my lap. No, a little to the left…ahh, there. Relax, those are just Grampa’s keys digging into your hip. Now I know how much you kids love to hear my stories from back in the day, especially the ones about comic books. And I got a doozy for you today.
Comic books today are actually very different than what they were when I was a boy. Today, what you call comic books, we actually called trade paperbacks. Comic books used to be published in thin 22 page installments, and instead of telling the whole story all at once, the tales were serialized, so you’d get one chapter, and then have to wait a month for the next one. Longer, if you bought Image.
But around the turn of the century, a strange thing happened in the comic industry. The story arcs got longer and longer. Ironically, this meant that the writers put less and less into each comic issue, and it got to the point where the stories were so long that by the time you finished reading one, you forgot how it began. I remember a Daredevil storyline, something about his secret identity getting leaked to the press, that started in the year 2002, and only wrapped up last month. So people began saying ‘to hell with the serials’ and started abandoning monthly comics in favor of trade paperbacks – collected versions of these long stories. Eventually, so many people adopted this approach, that the publishers just started selling these paperbacks exclusively, and the old comic format faded away.
For a while I was all in favor of this new format…until something reminded me that there were benefits to the serial comic, strengths that could not be applied to the trade paperback. That something was Geoff Johns’s THING: FREAKSHOW mini-series, and that strength was the way Johns used the wait between installments to build anticipation and slowly have his story gather speed.
Why, it seems like just yesterday that I read issue #3 and started frothing at the mouth from hunger for the next chapter. What started out in issue #1 as a relaxing character study had turned into a frantic adventure story with massive cosmic implications and high-energy chaotic action sequences. Plot twists and supervillains and fight scenes all began popping up with greater and greater frequency until the tension reached a boiling point, everything began to come together, and just as the Thing was about to bust loose, the issue ended.
By God, it was a fun read. The hair on the back of my neck – this was back before full-body shaving became popular – stood straight up as I turned the final page of that comic. It reminded me that, in the hands of a master storyteller like Johns, the serialized format is nothing but an advantage. You kids today with your cybernetic video game implants and your Dixieland music…you’re missing out on the innocent joy of feverishly camping out at your comic book store, eagerly awaiting the next installment of your favorite comic.
Sure, you could run down to the Zimmerman Memorial Library and check out the trade paperback of THING: FREAKSHOW to read this wonderful story. But it wouldn’t be the same. The action wouldn’t build in the same way, and you wouldn’t have the level of fun that your feverish anticipation would bring to the page.
THE THING: FREAKSHOW #3 was easily the best comic I read that week. I enjoyed the hell out of it.
And it only cost a nickel!
SQUID GIRL
story & art by Mike Hoffman
published by Mike Hoffman
SPACEMAN
written by Mike Allred
art by Mike Allred, Lawrence Marvit, Laura Allred
published by Oni Press/ AAA Pop Comics
THE HOLY TERROR # 1
written by Jason Caskey
art by Phil Hester, Jim Woodyard, Colin Wales
published by Image
JLA : THE ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU
written by Roy Thomas
art by Steve Pugh and Patricia Mulvihill
published by DC
FUTURAMA/ SIMPSON: INFINITELY SECRET CROSSOVER CRISIS # 1 (of 2)
written by Ian Boothby
art by James Lloyd, Steve Steere Jr., Rick Reese, Art Villanueva
published by Bongo Comics Group
reviews by Buzz Evelynwood Maverik
Welcome to Buzz Maverik's Five Part Harmony. Feel free to make your own masturbation joke. Think of this as a drive-in quadruple feature followed by an animated sitcom. Don't worry, I'll be brief. I know people hate to read.
When I was 14 years old, the only adult I respected had Frank Frazetta's "Snow Giants" painted on the side of his van, sold pot to us kids, and was a devout SAVAGE SWORD OF CONAN reader. Marvel published a slew of black and white magazines that were generally more graphic and sold to an older audience than the four-colored fare, guys who would never read comics otherwise. Guys who, today, would have mullets. DEADLY HANDS OF KUNG FU, TALES OF THE ZOMBIE, SAVAGE TALES, UNKNOWN WORLDS OF SCIENCE FICTION - all designed to compete with Warren Publishing's EERIE, CREEPY and VAMPIRELLA. Mike Hoffman's SQUID GIRL would fit right in, with its airbrushed cover featuring a dominatrix stripper and Frazetta/Boris-like back cover. It's good stuff. Sure, in the writing, Hoffman may have heard the axiom "show, don't tell" but he shows and tells. One panel features a caption like: "Squid Girl speaks" and sure enough, she says something. He also calls the story "a modern tale of a cursed future". I thought any tale of the future was a futuristic tale. That aside, Hoffman is a superior artist.
I could not resist SPACEMAN, a character from Mike Allred's THE ATOMICS. Allred teams with animator Lawrence Marvit to place his characters of animation cel-like paintings. It's an interesting collaboration, with Allred writing a fun ADAM STRANGE/ MYSTERY IN SPACE type story, drawing Spaceman and doing the inking, while Marvit does the artwork on the backgrounds and all the other alien characters.
HOLY TERROR # 1 by Caskey and Hester is a wrestling/horror comic. To be honest, I read this bad boy yesterday and I couldn't tell you a thing about it without looking, and I don't think it's an alcoholic black out. This is the second comic book about a Mexican-style masked wrestler in less than a month, the other being BIG DADDY DANGER. An artist named Charles Burns did a far superior strip called EL BORBAH about a detective who dresses like a Mexican wrestler. It had mood and attitude and I guess it took the concept far enough for me.
I was intrigued by JLA: THE ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU because of Roy Thomas, who in his time has written just about every major comic book character and team for both Marvel and DC. I'm tiring of these steampunk, Victorian lit comics, but this way okay. Wonder Woman is a monkey. Martian Manhunter is a komodo dragon. The Flash is a cheetah. Hawkman is a cross between a hawk and wolf. Green Arrow is a cross between a bear and a porcupine. Aqua-Man is a dolphin and Green Lantern is a St. Bernard with a bunch of electric eels on his arms.
FROM HELL and GOTHAM BY GASLIGHT kind of finished me on Jack the Ripper stories but I got a kick out of Jack's identity, which is solved by the League. I groaned when Thomas quoted the first Conan the Barbarian movie, "...time enough for sleep in the grave...". Steve Pugh's art was great but I groaned when a character, who had no reason to be muscular, took off his shirt and turned out to be ripped like your average superhero. But otherwise, good story, good art.
Finally, fans have fantasized about the Simpsons meeting the Planet Express crew for several seasons now. It happens in FUTURAMA/SIMPSONS: INFINITELY SECRET CROSSOVER CRISIS. The great thing about the Bongo comics is that generally the humor and the writing is on par with the shows.
SPIDER-MAN / BLACK CAT: THE EVIL THAT MEN DO
Kevin Smith – Script
Terry Dodson – Pencils
Rachel Dodson – Inks
Published by Marvel Comics
Reviewed by Village Idiot
Smile, smile, cringe. Smile, smile, cringe. Smile, smile, cringe. Ad infinitum, or at least until the end of the issue.
That was my experience reading SPIDER-MAN AND THE BLACK CAT: THE EVIL THAT MEN DO #2: I’d be smiling at the art, smiling at the relationships, and then suddenly I’d find myself cringing at some of the jokes. But at a ratio of 2 to 1, the smiles win, and THE EVIL THAT MEN DO #2 goes down as a pretty fun comic book.
This is good news, especially in light of the fact that THE EVIL THAT MEN DO #1 had so much more to cringe at. The problem with #1 wasn’t just the jokes (none of which I can remember except for the aftertaste), but also the flat-out awkward moments, like Spider-Man pointlessly explaining in thought bubbles why he tells all those jokes. (That’s funny, I always thought Spider-Man was just a funny guy.) But the story itself seemed serviceable enough: Spider-Man tracks down the drug connection that killed one of his students; meanwhile unbeknownst to Spidey, his ex-girlfriend/superheroine Black Cat comes looking for the same connection involved with the death of one of her friends. The two heroes collide, literally, through a window and smack into the room of the person they’re tracking. But before they can get the information they need from their lead, he suddenly dies of a spontaneous drug overdose.
What gives THE EVIL THAT MEN DO #2 the edge over issue #1 is the fact that we now have the relationship between Spidey and Black Cat on center stage. As the issue begins, the dust has settled a bit, and Spidey and Black Cat are simply left with each other. Old wounds immediately resurface, and soon they’re sparring Kevin Smith-style, trying to exorcise the demons of their old relationship amid back and forth bon mots. And it seems as though they actually manage to do it, and then some: before long, they appear to be falling back in love. And really, who can blame them? Like Peter says, Felicia really is “gorgeous, smart, and funny.” And Peter? Well, he’s us. Like always, Peter is the reader’s proxy. The story is like some sort of wish-fulfillment fantasy for anyone who’s been dumped by their ex: not only does the ex come back, they’re hotter for us than ever; all they needed was the time and wisdom required to see how wonderful we really are. Smith manages to pull off this relationship between Spider-Man and Black Cat with more than just cheese and fluff, but charm and sweetness as well. And T & A.
All right, I admit it, I find the T & A shamelessly appealing. I love it. Visually, this story is about the Black Cat; her image seems to dominate every panel she’s in. With all the curves and suggestive poses, she really is gorgeous. She’s like ice cream. But even beyond that, Terry and Rachel Dodson manage to covey a considerable amount energy in their drawings. As Black Cat fights the prehensile-tailed menace of Scorpia, she seems alive with excitement; an excitement you can’t help but feel a little yourself. And did I mention she was hot? Whereas some comic books appeal to the kid inside, SPIDER-MAN AND THE BLACK CAT: THE EVIL THAT MEN DO #2 has plenty to appeal to the 14 year old.
Unfortunately, the 31 year old inside me also read the book, and he had to cringe his way through Kevin Smith’s jokes. I say Smith’s jokes instead of Spidey’s or Black Cat’s because as I read these quips, I actually pictured Kevin Smith writing them. Now I like funny, and much of THE EVIL THAT MEN DO #2 actually was pretty witty. The banter between Black Cat and Spidey is cheeky and fun, like when Felicia berates Peter for being such a “Cautious Cathy,” or when Peter tries to talk “street.” On the other hand, there were more than a few groaners in there, the worst ones being the strange, creaky pop culture/entertainment industry jokes. For example, “[He’s] deader than WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE.” Oy vey. At one point, Spidey makes a FANTASIA 2000 joke. I’m inclined to day that Kevin may be spending too much time hanging out at THE TONIGHT SHOW, but I think even Jay would stop short of FANTASIA 2000. Some of the cheeky sex references felt a little forced too: “He’s just...the best man I’ve ever known. Especially in the Biblical sense.” Ugh. The problem with these lines is that they felt so awkward, so written, they were distracting. They tended to take me out of the story and remind me that I’m reading a story written by that guy, quipmeister Kevin Smith. I hate that.
But despite the misfired jokes, I had fun. I had no choice. The relationship between Spidey and Black Cat was sly and sweet. Moreover, I found myself invested in these characters and their situation. And the art was a sheer guilty pleasure. I had a good time. If you haven’t checked out SPIDER-MAN AND THE BLACK CAT: THE EVIL THAT MEN DO #2, give it a shot, and you may find that you have no choice but to have a good time too.
Y – THE LAST MAN #2
Writer: Brian K. Vaughan
Artist: Pia Guerra
Publisher: DC Comics/Vertigo
Reviewed by Cormorant
At any given time, there’s always one comic I’m more unabashedly enthused for than any other comic. It’s the title that I’m most plugged into, the title I want to push on everyone I see, and the title I’d juggle rabid chinchillas for if that would get me the next issue. A little over a year ago, that book was ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN (as it hit an early peak with the Kingpin story arc). As that book cooled off slightly, Bruce Jones’ reworking of THE INCREDIBLE HULK became the title to beat, and more recently, Bill Willingham’s imaginative and raunchy FABLES rose to the fore. But as good as all those books remain, there can be only one top dog funnybook at any given moment, and right now that book is, without a doubt, Y - THE LAST MAN.
Not too shabby for a title that’s only on its second issue.
What most appeals to me about Y – THE LAST MAN is that while it’s got a diverse cast of ensemble characters, humor that can be both dark and light, and an apocalyptic concept rife with possibilities…first and foremost, it just creeps me the hell out. As a horror fan who’s noted that it’s pretty hard to pull off genuinely unnerving moments in comics, I really appreciate this.
Quick recap: in the suspenseful first issue of Y, we met the book’s protagonist, a likeable, twenty-something escape artist named Yorick. He’d just bought a pet monkey and was on the verge of proposing to his girlfriend over the phone, when IT happened. IT being the central premise of the series. IT being the massive, worldwide death of every single mammal with a “Y” chromosome, suddenly and violently. Adios, guys -- the future is gonna be one big “ladies night” (but with hundreds of millions of male corpses kinda undercutting the atmosphere).
For reasons unknown, Yorick and his monkey are the only males to survive the mass extinction, and this is the last thing we knew prior to issue two, which has one of strongest opening sequences I’ve seen in a comic in years. It begins with a simple, yet ominous caption, “Washington, D.C., Two Months Later.” In the gloom of night, we see a person walking down an empty, unlighted street, a gasmask and hooded raincoat obscuring his features. This is Yorick, the last man on earth, and after he narrowly avoids being hit by a careening garbage truck, we find out exactly why he’s wise to protect his identity. The driver of the truck is an attractive woman who identifies herself as a former model, now taking on whatever work she can find, and realizing that garbage trucks don’t quite handle like her old Miata. In fact, it seems her minor crash jarred some of the truck’s contents out onto the road:
Male corpses. Lots of ‘em.
As she explains, “Turns out there’s still a ton of single guys rotting in their apartments and stinking up office buildings. Everyone’s worried about diseases and shit, so the CDC gives me a can of food for every corpse I bring in.”
Creepy as hell. As Yorick helps her “reload” the truck, he disguises his voice to sound like a woman and picks up more bits and pieces about the state of the world, including the dangers of a radical sect of women who think that God deliberately killed all the men, and who’ve taken to burning all the sperm banks as a result. Yorick’s petrified of running into them, and contrary to the fantasy of being the last man in a world of women, he’s just as terrified of being discovered and raped. Think this little horror story has something to say about gender politics and role reversals? You betcha, but this isn’t an “issue” book, and the topical elements come about naturally through the characters and the story – no pulpits to be seen.
The garbage truck incident makes up about a third of the story, and immediately sucked me into the book. It’s got some bone-chilling turns, but there are still moments of humor to be found (as when the model-turned-garbagewoman laments her recent waste of money on a three thousand dollar boob job – not so handy anymore…), and the little hints of what the world have become have me riveted. I’m a sucker for a good apocalyptic story – anything from THE STAND to the TERMINATOR movies to the FALLOUT series of computer games – and the apocalyptic world writer Brian Vaughan is slowly unveiling is as imaginative and darkly compelling as any I’ve seen. As wild as the almost-B-grade premise is, the details Vaughan pins down – from nationwide power outages to the search for America’s new political leader – give this series a downright eerie tone of realism. The artwork by Pia Guerra is clean and detailed, and while not exciting in and of itself, it’s a fine compliment to the book’s cinematic style.
Final judgment: At only two issues in, Y – THE LAST MAN can literally go in almost any direction imaginable at this point, and I already trust Brian Vaughan to make it a helluva ride. The book is dark and disturbing, but Vaughan, like Steven King at his best, knows that bringing a level of humanity to the characters is vital if the grim surroundings are to have meaning. In service to that, we have the instantly likeable Yorick and a small but memorable cast of women (including Yorick’s mother) that are likely to become regular supporting players. The second issue ends on a perfectly evil cliffhanger, and the highest compliment I can pay the book is that I’m chomping at the bit to know “what happens next.” You should be too.
PETER PARKER: SPIDER-MAN #47
Written by Alan Moore
Traced by Paul Jenkins
Cartoons by Humberto Ramos
Published by Marvel Comics
A Jon Quixote disciplinary hearing.
I've been meaning to review PETER PARKER: SPIDER-MAN ever since this Green Goblin story arc started. Basically the gist of my reviews would have been "Paul Jenkins is quietly crafting an interesting and deep story about a conflict between Peter Parker and Norman Osborne that has the makings of a classic. Or would, if it wasn't being so undermined by Humberto Ramos' goofy art."
But Jenkins does not have to worry about Ramos undermining the writing in this issue. Jenkins does a pretty good job of undermining himself.
It's not that it's a bad issue, it's just that I liked it better when it was called THE KILLING JOKE. Actually, that's not true. I didn't like THE KILLING JOKE. I thought the stupid ending completely destroyed all of the poignancy of the story, turning something dark and mature into something ridiculous that made me, in that moment, embarrassed to be a comic fan. Of course, the stupid ending is exactly the part of KILLING JOKE that Jenkins rips off for the conclusion to his "Death in the Family" story arc (another Batman reference. Nice job, Paul).
During my University days I was accused of plagiarizing a paper on Edgar Allen Poe. The professor thought my paper too closely resembled a paper written by a student of his the year before, a student who just happened to be my roommate, and whose paper I signed my name to and handed in, because he got an A, and I wanted one. At the ensuing disciplinary hearing, I tried to tell the board that it wasn't plagiarizing, but rather a homage to my roommate. It didn't work, and they expelled me, or would have, if I wasn't making up this anecdote.
The point is, a rip-off by any other name stinks like shit. I was enjoying Jenkins' work on this title up until this point, but there is no excuse for this sort of plagiarizing. Marvel Comics should be embarrassed. Fans should be angry. And Paul Jenkins should be expelled.
And Humberto Ramos should stick to stinking up his creator-owned crap with his goofy art.
SPECIAL EDITION CASTING COUCH (GUEST-HOSTED BY THE COMEDIAN!)
Hey Kids, Uncle Comedian here (guest-casting for Ambush Bug) with some fodder to fuel your fanboy fantasies. With all the recent bally-who & brew-ha-ha over this “Superman Vs. Batman” movie that will probably never happen, not to mention McG’s Superman or Aronofsky's Batman Year One (does anybody else hear crickets chirping), I was all set to do a World’s Finest Casting Couch but I realized how preposterous a “Superman Vs. Batman” movie would be when neither character is, as of yet, in a stable, established franchise of their own. Luckily Wolfgang Peterson realized that as well. So, I’ve decided to focus my attention on the franchise that’s in most need (of the two) of a Big Screen redux. SUPERMAN.
Over the past 15 years the Superman movie franchise has taken a backseat to such inspired small screen “offerings & interpretations” as Lois & Clark (A toothless, cardboard Moonlighting rip-off) and Smallville (Super-Dawson & the Krypto Kids). Sure we also got to enjoy the entertaining Dini & Timm animated series but most of us have had to reserve ourselves to watching Superman II when it plays on HBO every other month for our live-action Big Blue fix. So with a *possible* new Superman film somewhere on the horizon I figured I’d put together my own casting and rough story idea for the McG movie. Unless, Peter Jackson rises to the occasion (“SAVE US, KUALA-MAN!”) we’re stuck with him so I’m not even going to bother thinking up a fantasy directing choice. My idea for “Superman Lives” combines elements of the Christopher Reeve movies, the John Byrne comic run, and the recent animated series. So, here goes.
Clark Kent/Superman-Christian Bale:
So many TalkBackers keep throwing him out for Batman because of American Psycho. In my opinion that’s pretty shortsighted. Sure Patrick Bateman & Bruce Wayne are both wealthy urbanites with obsessive-compulsive disorders (and serious nightlife issues). But that’s where the similarities end. Bale would ultimately be a letdown as Batman because all you’d end up getting out of him is a watered-down good guy version of Patrick Bateman. The Dark Knight Detective deserves better than that. HOWEVER, Bale would be a great Superman because he’d be playing against type and the role would give him a lot more to work with as an actor. In an interview he once said that he played Patrick Bateman as “a Martian desperately pretending to be human but getting it all wrong.” So Bale’s Superman would be the opposite of that performance; an alien trying his hardest to be human and getting it all right, TOO RIGHT. Just imagine him venting the same idealistic enthusiasm that he had toward Huey Lewis & The News and “The Greatest Love of All” towards Truth Justice & The American Way. I know it sounds a little goofy but go with me on this one.
Lois Lane
Just casting any ingénue flavor of the month, “it-girl” to make goo-goo faces and scream “Superman Help!” every couple of scenes won’t cut it. Lois has got to be the triple-type-A career girl who’s so blinded by her uber-bitch ambition that she can’t see past a stupid pair of glasses. At the same time she’s got to be likable enough that we see why Clark would go through all the trouble. That’s why my choice is last year’s “it-girl” (who right now CAN’T GET ARRESTED!),
Amanda Peete
.
I totally see her as a cynical “cigarettes & fresh squeezed orange juice” Lois Lane just like Margot Kidder. She and Christian can bond and develop their chemistry while they’re getting their raven dye jobs in the hair and make up trailer.
Lex Luthor
My Luthor is Byrne’s Luthor. At least 20 years older than Clark. He’s an untouchable, self-made billionaire with a Kryptonite ring and “enough skeletons in his closet to fill Arlington National Cemetery”. Of course people can say that this Luthor is more or less a rip off of the Kingpin but actually when you think of the scale of Luthor’s ambition and the things he’s gotten away with, Wilson Fisk is nothing but a coffee-fetching intern by comparison. Still, Luthor should be played by someone who can put up a front of nobility to the point where the general public could never possibly suspect what a controlling, maniacal sociopath he really is. Someone you’d watch on the news and think “That Lex Luthor is such a saint. He’s everything that’s right about America.” Not merely the cartoon Billy Zane of the Dini/Timm series. That’s why my choice is …
Liam Neeson
and yes, he’s bald.
Brainiac
Yup, I’ve fallen for the Luthor/Brainiac team up bit that’s been the constant of just about every draft done so far on this script. My Brainiac is a program Luthor creates using bits and pieces of Kryptonian technology from “the rocket” (which he’s stolen and has a team of scientist working on in some underground lab.) Luthor’s team of hired geeks create a military defense system that Luthor of course sells to the Government (he’s their leading defense contractor). In his endless narcissism, Luthor creates a holographic interface (green tinted holo-light) IN HIS OWN IMAGE that only he can access. The program eventually gains its own sentience and consciousness and becomes Brainiac. Thus, my choice to play Brainiac is also…
Liam Neeson
.
Perry White & Jimmy Olsen
More or less the comic relief of the movie but with a more subtle truthful humor. Perry and Jimmy are perfect comic foils for one another. The Cliché spouting war-horse and the wet behind the ears, doe-eyed photo geek. Oil & Water.
Jon Voight & DJ Qualls
.
Miss Tessmacher
More a live action version of the “Mercy” character from the comics and the animated series than the character in the Salkind movies. I just love hearing Lex Luthor yell “Miss Tessmacher!” She’d be his drop-dead, smokin’ hot personal assistant by day and his dirty, cut-throat, henchwoman by night. The perfect piece of arm candy and an obedient assassin all rolled in one. The kind of girl you’d cynically expect on the arm of a billionaire mogul/zeitgeist. Someone who does all these things for Luthor not because he “helped her out of skid row” or some sentimental fluff like that but simply because he’s one of the richest men in the world and he buys her REALLY COOL STUFF. My Miss Tessmacher would be a shallow sociopath in her own right. The best casting would be a Supermodel looking to make the cross over into acting who actually has the chops to pull of this dark comedic role. So, in my favorite bit of stunt casting I’d go with the sexiest woman in the world…
Heidi Klum
.
The Plot:
We start off in the first act with the established Superman norm. Lois and Clark work at the Daily Planet. Lois ignores Clark and fawns over Superman. Perry busts Jimmy’s balls all the time. Lois and Clark compete for the byline. Luthor is everyone’s favorite philanthropist and every time Superman thinks he’s nailed him he slips out from his grasp.
Everyone and their mother knows these characters and their traditional motivations, so there’s no need to do it brand spanking new and reintroduce them all in an origin style story. So this story would essentially be about all these Superman conventions coming to a head. Luthor is sick of Superman ruining his machinations, and Superman is tired of not being able to nail him on anything. He’s questioning his relevance since no matter how hard he tries he can never rid the world of its greatest evil (both literally and metaphorically). Lois Lane is coming to terms with the fact that she will never be able to have a real relationship with Superman because he belongs to the world. Thus all three character’s conflicts are set in place.
Act II starts when Luthor and Miss Tessmacher find “The Rocket” which they’ve been searching for since forever. Luthor has a team of hired geeks try to access and analyze its alien technology. They don’t completely crack Kryptonian tech but they do find enough compatible components to blend some of it with Earth technology.
Luthor uses this hybrid tech to create Brainiac, a military defenses initiative not unlike the SDI, which he sells to the Government since “We can’t always depend on some Alien to protects us.” He simultaneously uses his media outlets to undermine Superman in the eyes of the general public. At the same time Superman is becoming more and more frustrated with the fact that Luthor is always slipping from his grasp. His doubt is becoming stronger still now that Luthor is subtly manipulating the public into distrusting him as well. In the meantime Lois is starting to “settle” for Clark Kent. But comically enough she still can’t see past the glasses because she convinces herself that she’s getting over Superman and trying her hardest to forget about him and “block his face from her memory”.
Meanwhile, while all this is happening, Brainiac is gaining more sentience. Brainiac is basically the perfect amalgam of Lex Luthor & Superman. He’s in Luthor’s image but since he was created from Kryptonian technology he realizes that he far surpasses his “father”. By Act III Lex uses Brainiac to destroy Superman but ends up feeling the wrath of his creation as Brainiac takes over LexCorp’s systems. Brainiac has bigger plans than just destroying Superman. Brainiac wants to blow up all the major centers of power and simultaneously override all the computer systems in the world. So Superman has to destroy Brainiac’s missile systems (in space) and then his mainframe on Earth at LexCorp headquarters. Lois is of course there (because she realizes that, shit be damned, she loves the guy in the red cape), going toe to toe with Miss Tessmacher who’s betrayed Luthor for Brainiac since “Power is power. Lex may have bought me got me a condo in San Tropez but Brainiac’s giving me Australia.” Of course Superman defeats Brainiac and finally nails Luthor since Brainiac takes over all the air waves during the attack to announce his bold new world, and everyone thinks he’s Luthor. The Public watches Superman save the world on TV and re-realizes how lucky they are to have him. The film ends with Lois and Clark sitting around the Daily Planet newsroom working late eating take-out food. This is the moment that she’s decided to tell Clark that she can’t see him anymore because it wouldn’t be fair to him, what with her being in love with Superman and all. Clark shrugs it off and laughs to himself.
Well that’s the Superman movie in my head. Hope you enjoyed it. And don’t even think of stealing it, McG! I know Jon Peters’ wife! (Well actually I just fetched coffee for her once on a set… BUT YOU’LL STILL BE SORRY!!) Of course there’s the age old question of “How do you make Superman cool?” Well, I don’t have the answers because to me Superman’s always been cool. But a quick-fix way to get any hipster doofus to like Superman is simple. Get them really stoned, pop in the DVD of Superman the Movie and play the scene at the end with the dam, the earthquake, Lois’ “death”, and the reversing of the Earth’s access to rewind time. Then press mute and blast Cake’s “The Distance.” It’s “Wizard of OZ/Dark Side of the Moon” cool.
TALES FROM THE CREVICE: BOOKS THAT FELL THROUGH THE CRACK
By Vroom Socko
This week, I’m giving you a look at an epic. THE epic, in fact; a story that’s influenced everything from The Lord of the Rings to Star Wars to Xena: Warrior Princess. It’s Richard Wagner’s monumental opera The Ring of the Nibelung, and as adapted by P. Craig Russell it’s the best comic to ever originate out of Dark Horse.
Now I’m not that big an opera buff, so I’ve never actually heard the entire Ring cycle performed. Since there’s nothing worse than an uninformed opinion, and I’ve voiced way too may of those online already, I figured that I’d find a CD to listen to while I read. This meant talking to the one person I know who appreciates opera - my father, Biff Socko.
Venturing into his office, I found my father sitting at his computer, utilizing it for it’s greatest purpose, playing FreeCell. I explained to him what I was doing, and asked him what, if any, Wagner he had on CD. Grumbling about how I was interrupting his streak, he started rummaging through his shelves, handing me whatever was in his way. Finally, after tossing aside three different versions of Puccini’s Tosca, Prokofiev’s Romeo & Juliet, and the libretto to Faust, he came up with a disk labeled The Ring: Highlights. “You don’t have the whole thing?” I asked. He glared at me in a way that usually meant that I’d said something he considered stupid.
“Don’t be stupid,” he said. “The whole thing is three days long. I’ve got Siegfried, but it’s by the Chicago Symphony. This highlight disk is by the Berlin Philharmonic. If you’re going to be listening to Wagner for the first time, it damn well better be performed by Germans.” My father, ladies and gentlemen.
So I headed off to my own little hovel to reread the sections covered on the disk. Now, you don’t HAVE to have heard the opera to become engrossed in this story. The saga of the theft of the Rhinegold, it’s transformation into a ring of power, and the curse that haunts all who come to possess it can stand on its own two feet. The use of Nordic myth coupled with a morality tale about the dangers of power for its own sake is awe-inspiring. Also, the fact that Wagner’s music was a favorite of the Nazi party is one of the greatest ironies o
