Shawn says that FEARDOTCOM is 'a wretched piece of crap!'

Harry,

Just got back from an awesome time at the Fangoria Weekend of Horrors Convention in Pasadena. When I got there, they were handing out free passes to a preview screening of Feardotcom up the street so I grabbed 3 of them - one for me, and two for my friend and his girl.

The short and sweet of it: we all thought it was a wretched piece of crap - the worst thing any of us had seen in ages BY FAR! One other guy who we were talking to didn't loathe it as much as we did and was generous enough to give it a 4 out of 10. Apparently, he enjoyed the sound and that is why he rated it as high as he did.

The plot? From what I could gather out of this pile of wreckage, there's a website called feardotcom that has been infected by the ghost of a victim who is seeking revenge against all those who would pay to see somebody get snuffed out on the web. The website is run by Stephen Rea in his worst ever performance who films himself kidnapping and torturing a woman apparently over the course of 2 or 3 days. Could have been shorter or longer - it's hard to tell. He spouts off a lot of retarted film school written dialogue all the while doing it - ostensibly forcing the poor victim to beg to be put out of her misery. Too bad he couldn't do the same for us the audience.

Anyway, Stephen Dorff, well on his way to obscurity after this and Deuces Wild plays a hardened detective who utters such memorable dialogue as: "Be careful. I'll see you later okay?" His co-star, the utterly dreadful Natascha McElhone says "Oh my God" a lot - damn near every scene in fact. Whoever wants to take credit for the quote unquote dialogue in this laugh-riot should never work in film AGAIN.

Nevertheless back to the "plot" (never has this term been so abused), thanks to McElhone's stunning detective work in the flick, she is able to dig up the body of the ghost/vengeful victim who was killed by Stephen Rea, and is able to find a swallowed tube of lipstick in her gut where the victim has written the address of where they can find Stephen Rea and save his latest victim. Funny, you'd think Rea would have found it himself since he happened to gut this woman out and then put her guts back in before dumping the body. Why would he do something like that? I don't know. Maybe because it's spoooooky. Oooh, such geniuses at work here.

Hey where was I? Oh ya, Dorff and McElhorne, rush to Rea's place to find Dorff's partner the horribly wasted Jeffrey Combs dead, and force Rea to view his own website, where the ghost infects and kills him in a laughably awful CG sequence that makes Scorpion King's CG look awe inspiring in comparison.

THE END.

Kinda strange how the ghost/virus/demon/whatever wouldn't have killed Rea a whole lot sooner since this is HIS website. I suppose there's an explanation I could have missed while I was counting the particles of dust in the light emitting from the projection room. Whatever the explanation is, I could care less.

I guess this mystery aka huge dumbfounding plot hole was supposed to be part of the appeal. I can imagine the dumb schmuck who thought this would make a good movie: "Oooh, let's make it look like a Marilyn Manson video and use tons of CGI. Screenplay? Who needs one? Let's just make it mysterious."

Call it Seven meets The Cell meets The Ring Zero meets Five Hours of Watching Paint Dry meets Painful Dental Surgery meets Jailhouse Gang Rape.

What an utter pity that George Romero cannot get a movie funded while utterly worthless shit like this is made. They should be ashamed. Everybody involved should retire. And they should give me money back even though this shit was free. I had to cut out on Bruce Campbell to see this abortion. Feardotcom is to be avoided at all costs. It gets no worse than this.

Call me Shawn cause that's my name.