Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
I didn’t have my reviews ready for this week’s column by the TalkBack League, but that’s okay. Looks like they’ve added a new member this week, and there’s a ton of great reviews here for you to wade through. I’m going to hurry up and get my reviews ready so that I can be part of the League next week. I’ve been promised an Evil Supervillain name, too. I can’t wait. It’s been so long since I’ve had a new pseudonym. Now, in the meantime, let’s get to it, eh?
Hey everybody, Village Idiot here, and welcome to A Very Special Episode of the TALKBACK LEAGUE OF @$$HOLES. No, no one’s getting married and no one’s having a baby, but we are welcoming a new member to the cast—but more on that in a moment. First: boy, do we have a great bunch of reviews for you this time around! THRILL to Jon Quixote’s gripping review of GREEN ARROW #14! CHILL to Ambush Bug’s harrowing account of CAPTAIN AMERICA #3! THRILL AGAIN to Buzz’s thoughts on PROMETHEA! You know, we @$$holes are always on the cutting edge of the latest comic reviewing technology, and you’ll find out why when you read what Buzz thought about ROUTE 666 and Jon about SPIDER-MAN: TANGLED WEB. The End is only the beginning as Bug fearlessly takes up the cause of Peter David when he talks about HULK: THE END. Vroom Socko once again shines the light of his brilliance into the dark and shadowy world of back issues with his illuminating TALES FROM THE CREVICE. Cormorant has an epileptic fit over EVERQUEST: TRANSFORMATION. Oh, and I try to talk you into reading THE FLASH again.
But what really makes this outing special is the introduction of our newest @$$hole, LIZZYBETH. Yes, that’s right, after years of long and protracted negotiations with her and her agent, we’ve finally managed to get her to come write for us. Many of you may remember Lizzybeth from her reviews for Ain’t-It-Cool-News a few months back - reviews of the independents that were so punchy and insightful that a superhero geek like me was inspired to be adventurous. Don’t believe me? Check out her review of the new LOVE AND ROCKETS later on in the column, or see what she’s got to say about J. Michael Straczynski’s MIDNIGHT NATION right now! She rocks! So without further ado, take it away Lizzybeth...
MIDNIGHT NATION #12
Top Cow (Image) Comics
J. Michael Straczynski, Gary Frank
Reviewed by Lizzybeth
J. Michael Straczynski is doing something that corporate giants, industry geniuses, years of gimmicks and 100 million dollar movies are constantly struggling to do. He has brought new readers to comic books.
Straczynski is one of a number of creators who have entered into comic books after founding wildly successful projects in other media. This is a great development, in my view. Comics desperately need new blood. But unlike, say, Joss Whedon, or Kevin Smith, Straczynski has brought to his comic projects a clearer understanding of the serial form and an adventurous energy that elevates what are honestly pretty stock comic book stories into a fresh new insight on the form. His years in television have served him well. After captaining the groundbreaking Babylon 5 through a 5-year plan of solid, intelligent storytelling, Straczynski has developed a real gift for characterization, dialogue, and (as you would expect after his meticulously detailed television series) long-range plotting. His comics are confident and thoughtful. This is no beginner – Straczynski is a potential master. And he’s winning over fans from both sides of the I-don’t-read-comics line.
His real-world-superhero project, Rising Stars, is the favorite of most people I’ve met, but I prefer his “other” project, Midnight Nation, which comes to an end with this month’s issue. It’s a quietly gripping, deeply felt story that defies categorization: part horror, part mystery, part “road movie”, dosed with more philosophy/religion than most comics allow for without becoming too heavy for the simple story it supports. David Grey (not the singer, try it metaphorically) has lost his soul, and sunken into an other-America populated by the people who have fallen through the cracks – the derelicts, the left-behinds, the lonely souls who were so invisible to the world at large that eventually they simply disappeared. His guide (Laurel, a being of some mystery and of course, striking beauty) has one year to take him across the deserted country to New York City, where The Other Man is holding his soul captive, before he loses his soul forever and transforms into one of the zombie-ish Walkers.
Like I said, pretty stock-and-trade fantasy story by today’s standards (could Neil Gaiman sue?) but the execution is so deftly skillful that it had me scouring the racks for new issues every week before I even realized I was hooked. It starts out slowly, taking its time on the long road to David’s destination, but hits its stride right around where David meets himself face-to-face in Issue #8, and REALLY hits it in the NYC sequences that begin in issue 9, where The Other Man (the devil himself, proving once again that Evil has a goatee) gives David his awfully-persuasive sales pitch and a choice between bad and much worse. This is the most fascinating aspect of the book and where Straczynski’s theme really comes through, because who wouldn’t want to buy into what the Other Guy is selling? Don’t we all want to be “free”? Absolved? To start over? To know what we are and what we’re supposed to do? He’s convincing, this devil, and not devious in the least because he absolutely believes what he says and even seems to care about what happens to David and more confusingly to Laurel. No one even tries to refute his arguments, not even Laurel who is so clearly sent from the other side. Perhaps her very existence is a refutation (in a Myth-of-Sisyphus sort of way). But it is left to the reader to decide if and why The Other Man is wrong, to actually (gasp!) think about it. Not that it will do anything to help our likely-doomed characters. The entire series, despite a few moments of levity, is tinged with sadness, hinting at impending tragedy. What eventually happens to David would seem obvious in retrospect, now that the series is finished, but it is powerful nonetheless.
The newly-released Issue 12 is sort of a coda to the series, and sort of a letdown in comparison to the last few issues. Whatever momentum the series had gained grinds down to a stop in this finale, and perhaps the series could have ended by simply adding a page to the previous issue. But I appreciate the loose ends tied here, and there is a clever tie-in to the events of an earlier issue that proves the book has played fair all along. The art is top-notch as usual, with Gary Frank’s skillfully new-traditional pencils and superior coloring from Avalon Studios, but the story is still the star here. Just how I like it.
Final word: Quality work from talent to watch. J. Michael Straczynski has signed an exclusive contract with Marvel that makes me want to tear my hair out but will be a boon to most people here, so enjoy him on the Spidey titles and don’t forget to give Midnight Nation (and Rising Stars) a try. The collected form will be out in September; issues 1-12 available in any half-decent comic shop. Babylon 5 fans just getting into comics through this title are to be shoved in the general direction of Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman, or for more morality-play action grab 100 Bullets: First Shot Last Call.
Title: CAPTAIN AMERICA #3
Writer: John Ney Rieber
Penciler: John Cassaday
Publisher: Marvel
Reviewer: Ambush Bug
Jon Quixote is taking a break from CAPTAIN AMERICA, so guess who has to step up to the plate with this week’s helping of Raggin’ on Cap? You know, we wouldn’t be so hard on this title if we didn’t love Captain America so much. I had mixed feelings when I heard they were scrapping Cap’s old title to start the third new Cap title in less than ten years. I know Cap started out as a propaganda tool, but since then he has become one of the premiere heroes in Marvel’s stable. He has fought world threatening menaces, traveled the world on adventures, and battled the Red Skull on a bi-monthly basis. I understand the desire to try something new with Cap, but I believe Marvel is taking the character in the wrong direction.
You see, if you didn’t know this already, comic books are fictional. Good fiction takes real world events and tweaks it to fit into their world. I’m aware of this. But great fiction puts the veil of creativity over the facts. It tells a story that CAN be related to events going on in the real world, but doesn’t shove the real world events in your face, making it dated almost as soon as it is published. Sure this more subtle type of fiction requires you to think a bit while reading the book, but eventually the readers get it and enjoy it a lot better having figured it out themselves. A good example of this is one of my favorite Cap arcs from the early nineties. Cap realizes that his powers are basically spawned from a muscle enhancing drug, not unlike steroids, and decides to get that bad stuff out of his system. Although thinly veiled, this was a super hero who has a revelation about drugs and decides to do something proactive about it. It was a creative statement on drugs without having Captain America declare a war on drugs and jump into the streets to wipe out a bunch of street dealers.
Rieber is not being very creative. He’s taking real world situations and throwing Cap into them. That’s it. The thing is that if Cap did exist in the real world, the Towers could have been made of the indestructible metal that makes up his shield and the tragedy of 9/11 might have been avoided in the first place. Which is a ridiculous statement, but one that comes up when placing a fictional character like Cap into the real world. The melding of the Marvel Universe with our own is a Pandora’s Box that, when opened, can spell ruin for the fun and credibility of comics as a form of escapist fiction.
So let’s talk about this issue specifically. The rest of this review may be SPOILER heavy, so beware. Reiber has set up the events that occur in issue three for two issues now. After the slow-paced first issue and the redundant recap of issue two, we finally get to see some action, and it’s not all bad. We have Cap being forced to fight a bunch of mind-controlled kids. We have Cap finding and being forced to apparently kill the head terrorist. And then we have an act that has become so common of late in the Marvel Universe that I have to rant about it - Cap takes off his mask, live on camera and reveals his secret identity.
What the friggin’ holy hell is going on with Marvel? First the X-Men come out of the mutant closet, Aunt May finds out Peter is Spidey, Daredevil’s identity is leaked to the press, Iron Man unmasks at a news conference, and now Cap does the same. I can’t wait for the issue where Stilt Man takes off his mask and no one cares. Can’t a hero have some secrets anymore? And why so much, all at once? Did Jemas call a meeting and shout, “Release the identities!”, and it was so? Are any Marvel creators reading the work of any other Marvel creators?
I have to say that the unmasking of Cap is the only one that makes sense. Steve Rogers eats, sleeps, shits, and breathes Captain America right down to his red, white and blue Fruit of the Looms. He doesn’t really have a civilian life, so why keep it secret? But to have this occur on the heels of so many revealed identities this year is just bad editing and poor, copycat storytelling. Of course, Marvel President Bill Jemas is too busy writing smart-ass columns to be bothered with that type of comic book business.
If you turn off your brain and look at the pretty pictures, you will be pleased with this issue. Cassaday has a mean pencil and uses it well. From scenes of Cap diving, shield in hand, on top of the terrorists to posed shots of Cap uniformed in a battle-scarred costume, Cassaday makes Cap look realistic and iconic. Since realism is what the writer is going for, I guess it is a good match. That said, I would love to see Mike Deodato Jr. on this book. His rendition of Cap in the recent TIGRA mini-series was the best I’ve seen in years.
I don’t know where this title is going. In the first three issues, the only thing that happened was that Cap talked with Fury and jumped out of a plane, he ran into some kids and fought them, and took out a terrorist. So even at the most basic level, the writing on this book is stagnant and uninspired. Rieber took three issues to tell a tale that could have been summed up with a short story in an issue Marvel Knights Double Shot. The rest of the issues were filled with propaganda, recaps, and fluff.
During WWII, CAPTAIN AMERICA was created to inspire a nation that was far more naïve than the one we live in today. They believed that the government was infallible and that everything America did was right. Times have changed. America is smarter now. I know Cap’s understanding of the differences between beliefs of the past and those of present day is supposed to be the major conflict of this comic, but since the creators choose to fill his captions and word balloons with clichés, we never get a real feeling of this. Some of Marvel’s recent revamps have given life to characters who haven’t been interesting in years. Unfortunately, CAPTAIN AMERICA is not one of those titles.
EVERQUEST: TRANSFORMATION
Writer: Devin Grayson
Artist: Philip S. Tan
Publisher: Wildstorm Productions
Reviewed by Cormorant
A few years ago, I spent an embarrassing amount of time playing the online role-playing game, EVERQUEST. This game, a sort of virtual DUNGEONS & DRAGONS, was a time sink like nobody’s business. I remember stories appearing in newspapers about how the game would disrupt people’s jobs, relationships, and even marriages. From all the players I talked to back then, and even from my own experiences…I can affirm that this negative side does exist. At the same time, the social interaction inherent in the game would oftentimes amaze me, bringing, for the first time that I’d ever seen, real-life virtues like friendship, honor, and sacrifice to something as artificial as a video game.
This brings us to EVERQUEST: TRANSFORMATION, the second EVERQUEST one-shot from Wildstorm productions. The first one was a forgettable mess. It had decent art by EVERQUEST-devotee Jim Lee, but the storyline felt like little more than a prologue to adventure, and there was nothing in the comic that spoke to what made the game unique. Devin Grayson, the writer behind EVERQUEST: TRANSFORMATION, knows what makes the game special. I can’t honestly say that this comic will be especially attractive to fans of the fantasy genre in general – the EVERQUEST world is very much a stock swords & sorcery setting -- but for anyone who’s enjoyed online role-playing games (including ULTIMA ONLINE, ASHERON’S CALL, and DARK AGE OF CAMELOT), I can guarantee you’ll get a kick out of a story that manages to be an entertaining tale of redemption in and of itself, but more importantly, accurately reflects the meta-experience of actually playing the game.
The story revolves around the experiences of a female dark elf warrior, a race and class that, of course, you can actually play in the game. If you’ve played the EVERQUEST, you already know that dark elf women are the blue-skinned babes sporting some of the cuter polygon designs in the game, but that’s not important right now. What’s important is that in EVERQUEST, dark elves are an evil race – eminently playable, and they can even team with “good” races like elves and dwarves and humans – but they worship evil gods, are killed on sight by the guards of noble cities, and if you’re actually trying to role-play one, you’re supposed to act nasty. And nasty is an accurate description of the dark elf, Kallimah, as the story opens. She’s brutal, uncaring, and nihilistic, just as the dark elf gods demand, and yet, as EQ players know, it’s damn near impossible to role-play evil 24-7 because the game demands cooperation with fellow players to rise in rank and skill. It demands that you form allegiances and friendships and loyalties. What Devin Grayson has cleverly done is spin the meta-gaming experience of coming to terms with these necessary compromises into a satisfying tale of a dark character growing out of her shell.
If that sounds a little touchy-feely, don’t worry – it all comes about through sword-fighting, drinking, and dodging rogue mountain giants with fellow adventurers, not through a series of group therapy sessions. Grayson’s not exactly breaking new ground with a story like this, but she’s not supposed to be. The point, I assume, is to accurately reflect one of the most satisfying elements of the game – making friends – while still telling a bit of kick-butt adventure.
There’s also much fun to be had for EQ players in seeing the game’s familiar places, monsters, and situations realized in the comic. Joe Average might not give a hoot about seeing Kallimah adventuring across the desert of Northern Ro, fighting giant scarab beetles as she goes, but having played the game, I got a big kick knowing that I’d actually been to those same places (virtually speaking, of course), fought those same monsters, and run from those same mountain giants. A geeky thrill? Sure, but why not. This is a niche comic, and it does a helluva job at targeting itself for its particular niche. And because EVERQUEST is a rare game that often provokes emotional reactions from its players (both positive and negative), Grayson’s seemingly simple reflections on Kallimah’s life (as told through a narrator) are likely to have a particular resonance with EQ players.
Grayson comes through with the characters, too, a motley crew of elves, dwarves, and ogres common to EVERQUEST adventuring parties. But where that first EQ comic dropped all sense of personality with its generic band of heroes, EVERQUEST: TRANSFORMATION goes for an idiosyncratic team that feels a lot more like the folks I used to go adventuring with. In fact, some of the wittier snippets of dialogue sound like they could’ve been lifted straight from game experiences, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they had. Grayson has clearly played the game, just as she had clearly played the text-based online RPG’s explored in her darker Vertigo miniseries, USER, and that personal involvement shows.
Visually, the book is pretty solid. The artist, Philip Tan, is a new name to me, with art influenced by a darker shade of manga style, and unless I miss my guess, influenced by the grittily-drawn fantasy comic, POISON ELVES, as well. His particular style I can take or leave, but he’s good with action and costumes, and most importantly, recreates the look of the game without being slavishly devoted to it. I wouldn’t hesitate to ask for him on follow-up EVERQUEST comics, of which I hope there will be more. The coloring is also exceptionally nice - vivid, as it should be in evoking EQ’s vibrant fantasy world, but muted too, nicely reflecting the story’s anti-hero lead.
Final judgment: If you’re just looking for a great fantasy comic, I must point you to THIEVES & KINGS, probably the best fantasy comic ever and one of the best comics in any genre, but if you have any interest at all in online role-playing games, or any EQ experience in particular, I think you’ll find EVERQUEST: TRANSFORMATIONS to pack a nostalgic thrill. The highest compliment I can pay it is that I feel an irresistible urge to re-install EVERQUEST on my PC and once again experience the game’s high highs and low lows.
ROUTE 666 # 1
written by Tony Bedard
art by Karl Moline, John Dell, Nick Bell
published by CrossGen
reviewed by Buzz Maverik
"(None Of My Picks Will Include) ROUTE 666 "
sung to the tune of "(Get Your Kicks) On Route 66"
-- with apologies to songwriter Bobby Troup, who later appeared on the T.V. show EMERGENCY with his wife Julie London, a singer who had a sultry voice and even sultrier album covers in the 1950s.
If you ever plan a murder fest,
escape my way, the way
you'll detest.
None of my picks
will include ROUTE 666.
It winds from Cape Fear to Sunnydale,
more than a billion miles straight through hell.
None of my picks
will include ROUTE 666.
Now, you go through Crystal Lake...
Salem, Massachusetts!
And Castle Rock, Maine
inflicts a lot of pain.
You'll see Arkham...
Roswell, New Mexico.
Desperation, Nevada,
survival is nada.
Dunwich... Innsmouth...
San Diablo.
Won't you...get hip
to this psycho tip,
when you make that hellbound trip?
None of my picks
will include ROUTE 666.
GREEN ARROW #14
Written by Kevin Smith
Penciled by Phil Hester; Inked by Ande Parks
Published by DC Comics
A Jon Quixote testament.
I am…impressed.
Ed Harris once told me – or, maybe he told Anne Heche, I get the two of us confused sometimes – that for the Catholic Church to consider canonization, the proposed Saint must be credited with three miracles. Based on Green Arrow #14, it would seem that Kevin Smith is more than halfway there.
MIRACLE #1. The sound and the fury.
If you’re a super-villain looking for a name, Onomatopoeia ranks somewhere between Coprophobia and The Merkin. Somewhere in the Marvel Universe, Typeface is laughing his head off. A bad guy who talks in sound effects: The very idea seems to reverse thirty years of political correctness, and descriptors like ‘Retarded’ and ‘Mongoloid’ flock to the concept like moths to an open flame.
But, as impossible as it seems, the best adjective to describe Onomatopoeia is REALLY FUCKIN’ CREEPY! This character is responsible for three of the most disturbing murders I’ve ever read in a comic book. They’re so horrific, and brutal, and raw that the images build a nest in your brain, settle in and refuse to stop chirping. These streamlined minimalistic murders, carried out by this streamlined minimalistic character, will forever prevent me from looking at death in a comic book the same way again.
Green Arrow #14 has everything a comic book needs. It’s funny, it’s tense, it’s loaded with great characters, thick with melodrama, and surprising as hell. But the crowning achievement is that Kevin Smith turned a bad guy named Onomatopoeia into the most disturbing murderer I’ve seen since Jack Nicholson forgot Rule #73 of serial killing (When stalking your psychic son through a Colorado hedge maze in the middle of winter, bring a coat). Let’s see that Thomas Aquinas do that!
MIRACLE #2. The enlightenment of the masses.
From 1986-2001, D.C.’s marketing strategy for any character not named Superman or Batman seemed to be pretty uniform. Step 1. Kill him off. Step 2. Replace with a younger, hipper version. Step 3. Sit back, and watch the sales roll in. The Flash. Green Lantern. Hawkman. Green Arrow. Sometimes they didn’t even bother killing the poor guy off before they stripped away his pubic hair (poor, poor Atom). I think D.C. was about four months away from launching Zatanna: The Teenage Witch before Kevin Smith stepped in.
Now, the reason D.C. revamped their characters was the perception that nobody cared. In my case, it was pretty accurate; as I matured, I cared less and less about D.C. characters. And when they started killing them off, one by one, I still didn’t care. Hell, sometimes I didn’t even notice. I only learned of Ollie Queen’s demise when I picked up Grant Morrison’s JLA, and I only learned how he died when I bought the “Quiver” Hardcover (which, for the record, left me unimpressed). Yes, that’s right. I own the first 40 issues of Thunderbolts, every issue of the relaunched Alpha Flight, and four out of five Kevin Smith movies on DVD. I also really liked “Guardian Devil.” Yet, I couldn’t be bothered to pick up a Kevin Smith issue of Green Arrow when it first came out. That’s how apathetic I was.
I draw your attention to the use of the word ‘was.’
I care about Green Arrow. I think he’s a fascinating, atypical, wonderfully flawed character, with a wonderful supporting cast. I care about Connor. As great as Ollie’s character is, Connor is the shining star of this book. He may have emerged from a D.C. marketing formula, but he breaks all the rules of what a ‘younger, hipper’ version should be. I cannot believe the rage I will feel if they kill off Connor; I will never, ever be able to make H.E.A.T. jokes for as long as I live.
These last four issues of Green Arrow, a simple tale about a father, a son, and a sound-effects obsessed serial-killer who targets superheroes, have me hooked. Even though the next issue is Smith’s last – I never thought I’d say this, but Damn You Marvel and your Exclusive Contracts! – I will continue to buy this series. At least, until D.C. screws it up with crossovers, idiotic supporting casts, or by killing Connor. I am now a Green Arrow fan. And that, my friends, is a miracle.
Two down, Kevin. One to go.
Coprophobia is the fear of feces. A Merkin is a pubic wig. Word of the day toilet paper is worth every penny.
LOVE AND ROCKETS #4
Fantagraphics
Jaime, Gilbert, and Mario Hernandez
Reviewed by Lizzybeth
Los Bros Hernandez are damned unforgiving, is what they are. They reboot their groundbreaking indie title for the new millennium, in standard comic size instead of magazine-size at that, and already they’re roaring ahead with new storylines built on fifteen years of backstory. No reader-friendly introduction here, not really. Even the brand-new scenarios are taking off at full steam, and it’s misery and disaster all around for characters old and new. I wonder what new readers testing out the title while it’s still under-5 issues will make of this. Will they be impatient with the new characters, with the leisurely way Gilbert reveals their personalities as events unfold around them? Annoyed with the consistently inconsistent time frame, that has already revealed six-year-old Benjamin as an adult getting his limbs blown off in combat? On the other hand, will they realize that Isabel is referring to at least six separate past stories in her speech to Maggie in the car? Will they know to look not in the original Love and Rockets but in Jaime’s solo effort Penny Century to learn more about Ray’s unfortunate love life and infatuation with Vivian the stripper (a.k.a. Frogmouth in this issue’s tale)? I can only hope that new readers will have the patience to stick with the title through the initial disorientation and eventually become crazy for it, as I did.
The Hernandez brothers have indeed gone back to their original joint anthology format, taking turns presenting their black & white shorts, serials, and weird little whatevers. Love and Rockets has evolved quite a lot from the sci-fi-ish beginnings in the early 80’s, but it’s still a strongly character-based series, not incidentally featuring some of the coolest, funnest, most identifiable female characters you could find in comics. Jaime’s Locas are still front-and-center, albeit 10 years older (but not much wiser) than in their original crazy punker days – yes, characters actually age in this universe. Gilbert’s characters this time around are almost entirely new, aside from super-buxom sisters Fritz and Petra. Warning: If you’ve gotten used to revisiting Los Bros in trade form, getting 2-6 pages of story at a time will drive you batty at first. But rest assured Los Bros are still packing each issue with all the nudity, sex, violence, and unforgettable storytelling you’re not supposed to be seeing in comics.
Jaime and Gilbert have only gotten better through the years, especially Jaime. His time with Penny Century has really polished his storytelling to where each issue has an arc that’s complete and satisfying. His artwork is the same clean, exquisite style he’s been developing from day one, and is still the perfect compliment to Gilbert’s dirtier, heavier work. Neither has the drawing style that most comic readers have become accustomed to, preferring an evocative golden-age-meets-noir approach to some showier detail work. Many will find L&R cartoony in comparison. I’m no artist, but I have a feeling that what they do is much harder. Their writing, as I’ve been saying, is more uncompromising than most as well. I crave more Palomar stories from Gilbert, to see more of the Central American village he so stunningly portrayed through decades’ worth of family, love, and tragedy in the original series, but it looks like he’s moved on to other things. I often take awhile to get into his longer stories (can’t quite focus on the adventurous “Me For the Unknown,” so far) but as long as he includes pages like “Roy Presents Traditional Uses for a Corpse’s Hand” and heartbreaking stuff like Fritz and Petra’s “That High Soft Lisp”, I am a happy reader. And Jaime’s Maggie stories are as compelling as ever. He has an amazing way of revealing new things about old characters, allowing them to learn and grow, or to lose out and regress, that keeps things fresh.
Final word: The original Love and Rockets was one of the best comic series ever. Ever. And this looks to be more of the same, so now is as good a time as will ever be to start. New issues arrive quasi-quarterly, ask your local retailer to please flog themselves if they don’t carry it. In trades, Tears From Heaven is the book I give out first, and my favorites are Chester Square from Jaime and X from Gilbert.
Title: HULK: THE END (AKA THE LAST TITAN)
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Dale Keown
Publisher: Marvel
Reviewer: Ambush Bug
I am a Peter David fan from way back. I became a serious comic book collector because of his 100+ issue run on THE INCREDIBLE HULK through the late eighties and nineties. David has moved on to other titles, but to me, his name will always be synonymous with The Hulk. His entire HULK run combined intense super hero action with psychologically poignant characterization and peppered in bits of humor to relieve the tension when the story got too thick. David attempts to do this in his current projects for Marvel and DC, but for one reason or another, his work falls short when it comes to the level of quality I relate to his HULK work. The cartoony art on YOUNG JUSTICE camps up any attempt at depth, while CAPTAIN MARVEL’s over the top comedy overshadows any desire to take the characters seriously (I exclude SPY BOY and SUPERGIRL because I don’t collect those books and know very little about them). To this day, I keep collecting those titles in hopes of finding the faintest glimmer of greatness I experienced while reading those old HULK tales, but they just fall short in comparison. I guess it takes a jaunt back (or forward, in the case of this story) with a familiar green face to remind us all why David is regarded as one of the greats.
In HULK: THE END, David asks and answers the question: What would happen if the Hulk got what he’s been screaming about for all these years? What if the Hulk was finally left alone with no one around to hunt him and nothing left to smash? The story takes place about two hundred years into the future. The only things left with a heartbeat are cockroaches and the Hulk. Mankind has destroyed itself and all of Marvel’s heroes have fallen. The Hulk is finally alone -- or is he? Because of the duality of his nature, the Hulk will never truly be alone. As long as the Hulk lives, so does Banner. And Hulk hates Banner most of all.
Peter David knows what makes the Hulk tick. This Hulk is not the comic relief retard from Busiek’s DEFENDERS (AKA THE ORDER, and don’t get me started on that mess, that’s a rant of a different color for another day). This is a Hulk we haven’t seen before. This is not Joe Fixit (the gruff, gray Hulk who worked as a Las Vegas bouncer in one of David’s more offbeat story arcs), or The Professor (Hulk’s body with Banner’s brain) or even The Maestro (the tyrannical future version of the Hulk from David’s FUTURE IMPERFECT mini-series). This Hulk is far beyond all of that. He may seem like the childish, dumb Hulk most of us remember, but there are subtle changes that suggest this Hulk, like the flying swarms of flesh-eating cockroaches that attack him from time to time, has evolved into a new incarnation. THE END’s Hulk is more articulate (but still talking in the third person). He’s angrier and more stubborn. He’s finally gotten what he always wanted and in his mind still won’t be left alone.
I don’t want to reveal too much of the actual story. You all should enjoy it yourselves. I do have to say that David introduces us to an ingenious work of symbolism called the Vidbot. Sent by the Recorder (a Rigellian robot who’s sole purpose is to record things), the Vidbot follows Bruce and the Hulk around wherever they go, recording the life of the last man on Earth. Bruce uses the Vidbot as a floating diary, bearing his soul to the floating orb. The Hulk, surprise surprise, sees the Vidbot as an enemy. The cool thing is that the Vidbot is programmed to fly ten feet away from its subject at all times and no matter how fast the Hulk moves, it is always out of reach. I can picture the hours and days and weeks the Hulk has wasted leaping after the Vidbot and growing ever angrier after every failed attempt at smashing it to bits. The symbolism here should not be overlooked. The Hulk’s desire for solitude will be forever out of reach since Banner will always be inside him. The Vidbot is just another constant reminder that the Hulk will never be alone.
David also tries to come full circle and explain the very essence of the Hulk. He attempts to assign meaning to the Hulk’s creation and the creation of the rest of Marvel’s heroes. I have to honestly say that this was my least favorite part of the book. We all know that The Hulk is the Atomic Age Jeckyll and Hyde, but to have it explained to us is unneeded. I know David was trying to tell the definitive, final Hulk tale, but I would have been fully satisfied had David come to the resolution that occurs between Banner and the Hulk without going into the relevance of the Hulk’s character to the Marvel Universe. But this is a minor complaint and it only slows down the story for a brief moment.
Dale Keown is a great artist. I haven’t followed his work since he left the HULK, but his penciling has vastly improved. His faces evoke emotion and pain. His Hulk is truly massive. He’s even got super eyelid muscles. Keown may not be considered as the quintessential HULK artist (that honor might go to Byrne, or Romita Jr., or Gary Frank, or even McFarlane), but he does a damn fine job filling the pages with action and emotional depth.
It is good to see Peter David redeem himself with his take on the Hulk again. To those who say that David has lost it: Give HULK: THE END a shot. It proves that, while his current crop of ongoing series may be tickling, but vacant at times, he still has what it takes to write good, solid comics.
TANGLED WEB #15
By Paul Pope
Published by Marvel Comics
A Jon Quixote lexicon.
Anticipate. (an tis’e pãt), v. To look forward to, esp. with pleasure. After hearing the premise – the daughter of a super-villain develops a crush on Spider-Man - the reviewer anticipated the release of TANGLED WEB #15.
Pope, Paul. (põp pôl). n. Alternative comic writer/artist, responsible for TANGLED WEB #15. His website says France has called him the “Jim Morrison of comics.”
France. (frans). n. 1. A country where Jerry Lewis is worshipped as a God, thereby rendering any praise given by the populace as dubious. 2. A suburb of Germany.
Whirring. (hwûr ing). v.i. The sound made by Jim Morrison, spinning in his grave.
Alternative. (ôl tur’ne tiv). n. 1. A choice limited to one of two or more possibilities. 2. Nontraditional or unconventional, as in ideas, methods, or, apparently, standards of quality. This comic could have been good, but the writer chose the alternative.
Premise. (prem’is). n, v. 1. A proposition supporting or helping to support a conclusion or argument. 2. An idea or foundation for a story. Not to be confused with the Story itself.
Story. (stôr’ê). n. The plot of a literary or dramatic work. Not to be confused with Premise. This comic has no story to speak of, only a premise expanded to 22 pages.
Possibility. (pos’e bel itê). n. 1. That may or can exist, happen, be done, etc. 2. Things that are not explored in TANGLED WEB #15.
Ugly. (ug’lé). adj. 1. Unattractive in appearance. 2. Paul Pope’s art. Not an insult. Pope’s intentionally ugly art is ill-suited to a Spider-Man comic.
$2.99 (too nÃn té nÃn). 1.Two dollars and ninety-nine cents. 2. Money better spent on an extra copy of AMAZING SPIDER-MAN this month.
PROMETHEA # 21
Written by Alan Moore
Art by J.H. Williams III, Mick Gray, Jeremy Cox
Published by ABC/Wildstorm/DC
Reviewed by Buzz Maverik
As an embittered, failed filmmaker, I don't see many movies these days and I don't like most that I see. One that I did like very much was BEING JOHN MALKOVICH. My favorite scene involved the character John Malkovich , played by John Malkovich (one of the greatest actors working today and one of the few who deserves $20 million-plus per picture), discussing his girlfriend troubles with actor pal Charlie "Ma-Sheen" Sheen, ably played by the vastly underrated Charlie Sheen. When Malkovich says that his latest lady seems like she might be a lesbian, a witch and that she calls him "Lottie", Ma-Sheen is thrilled.
Sheen says something to the effect of, "A lesbian witch who calls you 'Lottie'? How can it get any better than that?"
Are you like Charlie Sheen? I sure am!
Alan Moore, the world's greatest comic book writer, is a serious occultist. He practices magic and that's "magick" with a "k" at the end, pronounced "mage-ick". This is the kind of stuff carried out early in the 20th century by Aleister Crowley, a great sorcerer. One of our so-far silent @$$holes always refers to Crowley as a Satanist to rile me, but in Crowley's beliefs, if there is a Satan, he has many names and any evil or malice he bears is what you bring to him.
PROMETHEA is an occult comic book. It almost transcends the term "comic book" in that it is such a beautiful work. It is probably Moore's most personal comic work and, I would guess, his favorite as evidenced by the fact that, of all the ABC books, it comes out on the most regular basis. The book concerns a college student named Sophie Bangs who write a term paper on a character called Promethea who, in the ABC Universe, has appeared in myths, pulp novels, comic strips, porn, and eventually comic books. It turns out that Promethea is the living embodiment of human creativity, especially female creativity. A woman who taps into this spirit, as Sophie does, becomes the goddess-like Promethea, guardian of humanity. If a man taps into the spirit, a woman close to him becomes Promethea, unless the man is gay, in which case he may become Promethea.
Sophie has had many adventures as Promethea so far. She's encountered a group of super heroes (science heroes in the ABC-verse, because these are comics in a world where SUPERMAN was never published) called The Five Swell Guys, a Joker-like maniac called The Painted Doll, and the bizarre Jellyhead. She has become a student of magick, and has met the most recent group of previous Prometheas, all of whom Moore has developed as distinct, interesting characters. When Sophie and the former-Prometheas failed to find Sophie's predecessor, Barbara, in the realm of the recent dead, Sophie embarked on a quest through the levels of the after-life to find her. Since humanity had to have a guardian while she was gone, Sophie asked her best friend, Stacia Vanderveer, to become an interim Promethea. Stacia, an artist, accepted the job and became a mohawked warrior-babe. You will like Stacia very much. As she says, "The nice Promethea is gone. I'm filling in." In fact, the dialogue between Stacia and Sophie is the best I've ever read in comics. It really is how real people talk. Moore, the father of a pair of college aged women, gets it right.
Sophie/Promethea soon finds Barbara, who is on a quest to find her late husband Steve, a comic book writer whose creativity turned her into Promethea. Here, we see Moore's deep connection to magick. We're talking the Kaballah, the Enochian language of angels. In the lands beyond life and death, Sophie and Barbara have already met Aleister Crowley, Dr. John Dee, and Austin Osmet Spare (an incredible artist whom you must check out and a REAL sorcerer; it has been recorded that Spare could actually summon rain).
Unfortunately, I'm a dumb, modern American and this is where the book lost me. The quest, so far, is endless, with level after level of spiritual insight taking place in issue after issue, relieved only by Stacia/Promethea kicking ass (and having her first lesbian experience with a former Promethea) back on Earth. I dropped the book an issue or two ago.
So why did I pick up issue # 21? It collided with some of my personal interests. On the incredibly gorgeous cover by J.H. Williams III (all the PROMETHEA covers are beyond perfection, beyond cleverness) we see a quote about the Whore of Babylon. Many of you know that in talkback after talkback, I have pitched myself as writer/director of a film about a real sorcerer/rocket scientist in the 1940s-1950s who sought to become the father of the Whore Of Babylon (Ben Affleck, you'd be perfect for the role! There are parts for Fairuza Balk, Anthony Hopkins, Ewen McGregor and Jamie Pressley too, but I am the fucking writer/director, understand!). I could not pass up this issue.
In this issue, Sophie and Barbara enter a Kabbalistic level , sacred to women. They are greeted by Dr. John Dee (I highly recommend the biography THE QUEEN'S CONJURER: THE SCIENCE & MAGIC OF DR. JOHN DEE, ADVISOR TO QUEEN ELIZABETH I by Benjamin Woolley). He introduces them to the Adepts who worship Babylon. Among them is Jack Parsons, whose biopic must only be directed by me, Buzz Maverik, and who vowed to worship Babylon and burn in ecstasy for eternity. (To all of you, I highly recommend the biography SEX & ROCKETS: THE OCCULT WORLD OF JACK PARSONS by John Carter) Dee's partner, Edward Kelly is there. Those of you who are into this kind of stuff will value Kelly (of whom Crowley believed himself to be a reincarnation).
Then, Sophie and Barbara encounter Babylon. Remember how you first felt about your mother when you realized that she had to have sex with your father to produce you? Remember how you felt about that girl in high school with the bad reputation? Now, remember how much you love your mother! Remember how sweet that girl in high school really was! That is the Babylon Moore gives us.
The format for these reviews usually involves commentary on the writing, followed by commentary on the art. J.H. Williams III transcends comic book art. This is NOT a comic book. This is far greater. Williams takes us into the realm of the spirit. His wife, or girlfriend, or whatever, better watch out because SHE could turn into Promethea. You will not see better or more innovative art in comics, particularly in the covers. Few artists could be a match for Moore on this subject matter, but Williams III actually makes Moore, the best of the best, better.
Me, I probably would not have rejoined this quest if this comic hadn't touched on people and topics that I badly, passionately want to make a film about, but now that I'm back, I cannot leave. I have to see where Sophie and Barbara and Alan Moore and Williams III are going.
THE FLASH #187
Geoff Johns – Writer
Scott Kolins – Pencils
Hazlewood and Panosian – Inkers
James Sinclair – Colorist
Published by DC Comics
Reviewed by Village Idiot
I loved THE FLASH #187 so much that immediately after reading it, I hopped on the computer and wrote the following e-mail to my fellow @$$holes:
“Subject: Sweet Christ, didja read FLASH?
Message: HOLY COW! That's some good stuff, I'm telling you guys. If you like superhero aesthetic, hell if you like superhero anesthetic, if you like superheroes, you've got to at least check out this book.
In this comic: You get to see inside Wally's brain! You get to see Wally lose a brain cell, without alcohol! You get to see Cyborg disassembled in a most disturbing manner! You get to see Mirror Master create freaky Flashes! You get to see Flash stick up for the weltanschauung (worldview) of western civilization! You get to see Magenta pine for a love that might have been! You get to see a Edward Scissorhands-like knife wielding maniac lay into a cop! You get to see Girder hold Flash's head like a cantaloupe! And villains, villains, villains! Scott Kolins Art! Brian Bolland cover! Cornuts ad on the back!
Do yourself a favor: Check it out!”
Clocking in with no fewer than 13 exclamation points, this should give you an indication of the enthusiasm I have for this issue. In fact, I’d almost be happy to let this stand as my review, but I’m afraid you might still need some convincing.
THE FLASH #187 is part four of the five part “Crossfire” story arc, where Wally West, aka The Flash, seems to be perpetually caught in the fray between the fiendish cyber-villain known as The Thinker on one side, and the evil band of supervillains known as The Rogues on the other. Earlier in the story arc, The Rogues were able to take control of Keystone City (Flash’s turf) with a wild rampage; however The Thinker seemed to have the edge, using his electric tendrils to infiltrate the brains of everyone in Central City (Flash’s other turf), including The Flash. In #181, Wally was able to get free of The Thinker thanks to ex-girlfriend/psychotic Rogue, Magenta. (I ask you, would your psychotic ex-girlfriend remove cyber-tendrils from your head if you needed her to? We’d all like to think the answer would be yes, but come on). THE FLASH #187 begins with the electric tendrils of The Thinker once again plugged into the Flash’s head; only this time, The Flash is ready to make the most of the connection. And that’s all I’m telling you. Things move so fast in this issue that to say any more would give away too much of the story. Suffice to say that everything that I described in the e-mail above happens, and then some.
THE FLASH #187 is a truly wonderful comic book, but I think it’s important that I don’t misrepresent the way it’s wonderful: THE FLASH #187 will NOT change the way you look at the world, at least not too deeply. THE FLASH is not MAUS or WATCHMEN. But it will entertain you from cover to cover, and considering how hard it is for the majority of the comics I read to do that, this book is miles ahead. Once again, credit has to go to writer Geoff Johns. As “Crossfire” gets closer to it’s ultimate climax, Johns cranks up the pace – and the surprises. No sooner does it seem that one fire is put out, than another pops up that’s even more dangerous. Characterization for this outing was light, but sharp: there was too much action for Eugene O’Neill-type introspection, but then again, we find out a little more about these people, and why they do what they do. And of course, the story is peppered with one neat little facet after another, whether it be The Trickster’s tricks, The Mirror Masters mirrors, and The Weather Wizards weather. (Yes, we get all three!)
And the art! The art! I have the book alongside me as I’m writing this, and I’m looking at page 10. The giant metal supervillain Girder is crashing down on top of everybody, and once again, you can feel the carnage and falling rubble. The picture almost seems like it’s moving. On page 12 is a brilliant panel where the Rogues are ready to hunt Flash down, and the Mirror Master appears 3 times as mirrored images of himself. Really neat. Page 13, Flash is RUNNING STRAIGHT AT YOU with such a fierce look of determination, you almost want to get out of the way. And on pages 18-19 there is a splash page of trouble. Nothing but trouble. Scott Kolins, and his inkers Hazlewood and Panosian, rule. It’s as simple as that.
But I also want to take some special time with this review to give credit to the coloring of James Sinclair. The muted coloring adds much to the distinctive feel of FLASH comics right now. I had been trying to put my finger on what is so evocative about the coloring, and then it hit me: they’re like watercolors. THE FLASH seems as though it were a watercolored comic book. It’s beautiful in a more quiet way. In most comics these day, the colors shoot out at you,, smacking you around with hot reds and heavy blacks. THE FLASH, on the other hand, the colors draw you in, pulling you into the story with a blush of red and misty grays. It’s wonderful stuff, especially when mixed with an element that you don’t normally get from watercolor: Scott Kolins textural detail.
THE FLASH #187 is one of the best books on the shelf right now. If you haven’t looked it over yet, I strongly encourage you to CHECK OUT THIS COMIC. I’m talking to YOU, Psynapse, and YOU rev_skarekroe. I’m talking to YOU, CHEET, BadAssUncleFucka, and holidil. Listen up, Drcool975, I’m talking to YOU too. I’m also talking to YOU Moriarty (put down that script, and pick up this comic!) and YOU Andrew from GrayHaven (although I’m sure you’ve already been turned on to it). Even YOU gimp in my pants (the poster that is; I’m not actually talking to the gimp that is in my pants). I’m talking to ALL OF YOU: even if you thought this review was utter crap, hate me but get this book!
And of course, if by some chance you don’t like it, feel free to tell me how full of crap I am in the Talkbacks.
Howdy folks, Cormorant here with a quick interruption before we cut to Vroom’s senses-shattering Tales From the Crevice! Seems that I goofed a few days back when I sent in our Roundtable reviews of SPIDER-MAN/BLACK CAT, and failed to include the thoughts of two of my fellow @$$holes – our behind-the-scenes hitman, Sleazy G, and our most recent recruit, Lizzybeth. In both cases, it would’ve been their first official reviews for the League, so I apologize profusely and offer each of ‘em one hardy kick to my kidneys with steel-toed boots. I can take it! And now, their lost reviews…
SLEAZY G:
Hey, folks, Sleazy G here. This is my first review with the @$$holes—I’ve been behind the scenes so far—but it won’t be the last. Luckily, I got an easy first assignment: THE EVIL THAT MEN DO. I gotta say, I’m really disappointed in Kevin Smith and Marvel’s editorial staff. Kevin himself has joked in the past that his parents never want to see his movies because they’re so vulgar. I’m a fan of each of his movies, but Ma and Pa Smith have a point. Without actually divulging any of the plot, here’s what’s in the story: pointless T&A, a reference to bisexuality, heroin use, pedophilia, and a poorly-disguised use of the word “fuck” using a technique he clearly stole from Garth Ennis’ Arseface. Perhaps most egregiously, though, he A.) misspells Rosco P. Coltrane’s first name “Roscoe” and his last name “Coltraine” (a fact it took me 30 seconds on a dial-up to confirm at IMDB), and does this all B.) in the service of a “Dukes of Hazzard” joke…MADE ABOUT SOMEBODY DRIVING THE CAR FROM “STARSKY AND HUTCH”. Jackass.
Seriously, though: Spider-Man has always been a character that kids could read. This book isn’t under the MAX line, or even MARVEL KNIGHTS, but if my 10-year-old bought this and I read it, I’d be hellapissed. I’m sorry, but it’s not appropriate for the character or his audience. Spidey’s always been a safe title for kids, and now it’s not; it’s like dropping this stuff into a SUPERMAN title. It’s way outta line. I’m sure the sniggering smartasses at Kevin’s comic book store think it’s a riot, and I bet those guys at moviepoopshoot.com are pleased, but I expected better. Of course, I don’t know why after Kevin introduced child molestation and Satanic ritualistic murder into the also-all-aged revamp of GREEN ARROW earlier this year. These two books come off as simultaneously too adult and too juvenile for anyone under the age of 17, and we don’t need an R-rated SPIDER-MAN title.
The children, Kevin…I’m beggin’ ya. Think of the children.
LIZZYBETH:
In honor of my joining up with the Talkback League of @$$holes, I thought I'd start off with a superhero title. Unfortunately, it looks like I picked the wrong one. I mean, what can you say about this? Hey look, it's.. 24 pages long! Spider-Man swings around on a web! Black Cat has cleavage all over the place! Look, when a superhero book is good, it's exciting and fun. This is just... bland.
Sure, putting Kevin Smith on a Spider-Man book is a good idea in theory. He's a funny guy, Peter Parker's a wiseass, it should be a good mix. So what went wrong? I dunno, maybe some people will like it. There are some decent one-liners. There's one good page on why Spider-Man insists on the corny wisecracks while fighting crime. But mostly, it's a paper-doll book. Take a boy paper doll and put a red-and-blue costume on him, and it's Spider-Man! Or you could put a green and black costume on, and he's the Green Lantern! The Flash! Take the exact same set of boobs and put a leather costume on it, and it's Catwoman…excuse me, the Black Cat. Not to pick on the artist, the art would be perfectly passable if the story gave anyone any personality at all. It's too wrapped up in exploiting this Marvel PG idea like a 5-year-old learning to swear (that is, clumsily and ineffectively) to bother getting me interested in anything that happens.
And when has anyone on earth ever referred to heroin as "'ron"? *snicker*
Skip this one.
Tales From the Crevice: Books That Fell Through the Crack
By Vroom Socko
All right, it’s time to get silly. I’m not talking pie-in-your-face silly, I’m talking spray-of-acid-in-someone-else’s-face silly. Levels of silliness that make Milk & Cheese look like Meet the Press. The sort of silliness… you get the idea. This sill-err, this tomfoolery is all the fault of this week’s pick: JOE PSYCHO & MOO FROG.
Set in the lovely town of Spleen, Oregon, this book tells the tale of Joe Psycho, a stick figure with a white smiley-face shaped head. Joe’s main hobbies include drinking antifreeze, chasing cockroaches with a sledgehammer, and annoying his roommate, Moo Frog. As his name implies, Moo Frog is half frog, half cow. He claims to be the result of a military experiment, but in actuality… well, you’ve seen the South Park episode where a pig and an elephant get down, right?
This is a gag book, pure and simple, and a lowbrow gag book at that. The good news is that creator Jason Raines knows how and when to use a joke. There are fart jokes, but not many, and they’re fairly original. Same for the crotch shot joke, it’s used, but not overused. The book has an economic style to its vulgarity, unlike other humor books that shall remain nameless.
There is an economy to story length as well. Tales range from a three-panel joke about Joe playing golf with a hamster (as opposed to playing golf with a golf ball), to an entire issue involving Joe growing to a height of 537 feet. And just when Joe’s inherent stupidity begins to get annoying, we get some Moo Frog action. Froggo is essentially a straight man to Joe’s stupidity, a role he despises with all his being. Most of the Frog’s better moments are in his dreams, where he becomes an action-fantasy hero that gets to kill Joe on a regular basis.
If this book is about anything other than humor, it’s about the id of its writer. Raines taps into something… I don’t want to say primal, but I can’t think of another word for it. Joe is a reactionary force, acting out against preconceived notions and pop culture inanity. If you or I were to cut our finger, we’d put it in our mouth and look for a bandage. Joe shrieks out “Blood has been spilt. The Innocent must be punished,” then starts riding across his front yard on a tricycle covered in burning gasoline. Raines has a sense of humor that understands the psyche of comic readers. That, or he’s on some serious hallucinogens. Either way, I get a kick out of these characters.
Question For Discussion
What comic book makes you wonder, “What are the people behind this smoking?”
