Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Our chat room has proven to be a good place for us to meet and recruit new reviewers. Ed Wood here is an example of one of those guys who’s turning out to be a good bet, a solid regular reviewer. He’s located in England, and he’s got a distinct point of view of what’s going on in the local scene. Check it out...
EdWood reviews Dog Eat Dog
Here’s the news. British cinema is stuck in a rut. It has been for quite some time. For every Trainspotting there’s been a Love, Honour and Obey. These are sad, trying times. Sure, there are exceptions to the rule; the derivative but fun Dog Soldiers, Peter Greengrasses compelling and provocative Bloody Sunday, recent Nick Hornby adaptation About A Boy. But these are but three diamonds amidst an ever-swelling pool of shit. Who are we to blame? Guy Richie? Possibly. His vastly over-rated “Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels’ led British film into a horrifically dull season of mockney gangster flicks so appalling and tedious that even the once mighty Ray Winstone failed to emerge unscathed.
And so, it is during this season in hell that the once respectable Film Four bring us Moody Shoaibi’s depressingly pointless Dog Eat Dog. DED manages to do what was once unthinkable, manage to make us forget The Wicker Man, Trainspotting and Withnail & I, and be so frustratingly appalling that only the very brave, or very stupid, would dare to praise British cinema in it’s wake.
The plot, for what there is of it, centres on a typically wacky ensemble of gormless layabouts, the sort who regularly populate that mythical landscape that is London on-screen. To bring this atrociously outdated mess into the present, our heroes are struggling DJ’s, desperately trying to get a break in the London scene. A series of petty crime scenarios rumble past in scarcely amusing fashion, ranging from pornography dealing to kidnapping canines (oh, my aching sides). Eventually the gang of soap-opera fodder cross the path of local crime lord Jesus, played by hanger on Gary Kemp, brother of Martin, both from nightmarish eighties terrors Spandau Ballet, and both shameless self-promoters willing to put their already tarnished names to any tacky debacle that will offer them a credit.
Ultimately, the whole fiasco is nothing but disappointing. Disappointment that a once vital industry allows itself to be whored to the world, creating predictable, sleazy mush fit for nothing but late night Channel 5. And it’s not just recent British cinema that DED plunders listlessly, but also the worst of American cinema is scraped from the bottom of the celluloid scrapheap, resulting in an uneasy hybrid of Tom Green style gross out humour and a particularly juvenile Eastenders. But this has none of the quirky innocence of American Pie or its charming sequel, this is just an exercise in bandwagon jumping, and the wagon has thankfully pissed off long ago.
Moody Shoaibi should hang his head in shame, for rather than creating a snapshot of a desirable cosmopolitan society, which he no doubt intended, he instead presents to us a lazy, predictable dirge, which, amazingly, acts as a tribute to the bloody Farrelly brothers, of all people!!!! Wake up British cinema, wake up and take a look around you at the mouldering abortions you have created, because a day of cinematic judgement is coming, and Moody Shoaibi and Guy Richie are going to be fanning the flames of hell while dross like Dog Eat Dog burns on the satanic shit pile.
Ummmmm... okay, I didn’t remember Ed as being quite so angry last time. Sounds like he had a strong reaction, and now I’m curious... anyone else see this film and feel this degree of irritation? Or... quesas... you saw it and like it? Either way... let me know.
"Moriarty" out.
