Hey folks, Harry here... Father Geek is in San Antonio with Granny Geek, Sister Satan, Lobo and KublaKhan. I would be there too, but I had to have bones ripped from my skull in the form of a gigantic enormous TOOTH! An EVIL TOOTH I say, EVILLLLL!!! One can not put into words how evil this bastard of a tooth was, but I say it was EVIL! If thine tooth offends thee, then rip it out I say! Rip!!! I can't wait for the reports from Cannes from all you folks this year. Wish I was going, but I can't travel with a missing tooth. I have to collect my Tooth Fairie loot! Daddy, i want the ice cream now please!
Hi people. If latest week's column was dedicated in large part to Spider-Man, today we'got an Attack-of-the-Clones miscellania. First, our Ratbert did a very useful selection of reviews appeared in British newspapers. I've seen AOTC on friday and, although I wasn't very optimistic, I enjoyed it. It's without a doubt much better than The Phantom Menace and worthy of the original trilogy (even if I consider The Empire Strikes Back absolutely the best). Anyway, we have more great stuff for you. First, a - very negative - review of Brian De Palma's latest Femme Fatale. Moreover, a few news about Gwyneth Paltrow and more...
Enjoy!
Ratbert on Star Wars and more
Ho folks, Ratbert here in the good old U of K with this week's news. As it's Star Wars Episode II week, I've got a selection of press reviews from this side of the pond, which are pretty good. Most cinemas here have been selling tickets for weeks (no one here mad enough to queue in the cold for six months) and the first screenings are at midnight on the 16th. Also this week news on a new World War II film, an odd diversion on this year's rainy cricket pitches and finally the Godess Gwyneth's next project (drool, slobber).
London Evening Standard
George Lucas has recovered his Force. The new Star Wars Episode II is laser light years ahead of Episode I. It is intimate and spectacular, event-packed and technology-triumphant.
Yet it supplies all the missing links we need to discover how young junior Jedi Knight Annakin, played by new Nordic pin-up Hayden Christensen, is going to turn into Darth Vader - and how Ewan McGregor as young Obi Wan Kenobi will eventually become Alec Guinness.
The Times
The film is muddied by complex politics that detract from the drama of Good against Evil - perhaps a learned article by Michael Gove might clarify the workings of the Galactic Republic's senate, but I doubt even he'd be up to the task. The only thing for it is to wait for the senatorial gobbledegook to pass and hope for another fight or chase.
The Daily Telegraph
To judge by the website, cautious optimism might be the best approach. On the downside, the trailers reveal, once more, an over-reliance on CGI, and, without Ford and Fisher to keep banality at bay, the prospect of a George Lucas love story does not warm the cockles. And yet, Attack of the Clones seems grander and more exciting than its predecessor - and, if some of the more arresting shots echo not only The Empire Strikes Back but also Ridley Scott's Blade Runner, there are worse films to draw from.
The Daily Express
Where this film shines is in the special effects, with legions of clone armies, dramatic skyship chase sequences and the most garish, yet terrifying variety of horned, fanged, six-legged alien monsters ever to grace our screens.
The Daily Mail
It's the sheer scale of the storytelling that makes this PG-rated episode superior to its immediate predecessor, and then of course there's the look of the movie. The production design is superb, with a real sense of cinematic wonder.
The Sun
It is easily as good as the Empire Strikes Back and better than the original and Return of The Jedi. I don't even have to mention The Phantom Menace. It has been three hours since I saw Attack of the Clones and I want to see it again. Now.
London's Metro
The Force is strong with this one, really strong. After the disappointment of Episode I - The Phantom Menace, George Lucas has come back with a film to blast the senses and reignite those childhood dreams of being a Jedi. It's got the lot - fearsome armies, absurd aliens and lightsabre fights.
The stars of a new Second World War film will today meet the real-life pilots who took part in the spectacular flying sequences. Dark Blue World tells the story of two Czech pilots who escape Nazi-occupied Czechoslovakia, reach England and join the Royal Air Force. They then take part in the Battle of Britain.
The film's Charles Dance and Tara Fitzgerald will be at the Imperial War Museum at Duxford, Cambridgeshire, as part of a national promotional tour to publicise Dark Blue World.
Two Spitfires based at Duxford were used in the film.
Museum marketing manager Tracey Woods said: "We are very pleased to be welcoming Charles and Tara to Duxford and to be assisting with the promotion of the film.
"Duxford has a proud history, not just as a former Battle of Britain fighter station but also as the home of two Czech squadrons - numbers 310 and 312 - during World War Two and many of the buildings and hangars remain just as they were when Czech pilots were based here."
Dark Blue World, directed by Oscar-winning Czech director Jan Sverak, is out on general release on Friday.
Bollywood films could be screened at Test match cricket grounds this summer to lure soccer fans away from the World Cup.
Officials from the governing England and Wales Cricket Board are concerned audiences will drop for the two series against Sri Lanka and India as many sports fans will be glued to the World Cup instead.
They are in talks with the British Film Institute to show Asian movies at grounds as part of the institute's Bollywood season, Imaginasia. Films are most likely to be shown the night before the start of a Test, or after each day's play, an ECB spokeswoman said.
She added: "The ticket sales, especially for the Sri Lanka series, have not sold as well as we would have liked.
"We are conscious that this is a World Cup year and we need to do some innovative work to encourage adults and children in to the grounds. "Nothing is confirmed yet, but we are all hopeful that it will happen and will be just one of the many moves we will be making to promote the Tests."
The three-match Sri Lanka series starts at Lord's on Thursday June 13. A four-Test series against India gets under way, also at Lord's, on July 25, and in between the two series, all three teams will compete in the NatWest one day competition.
The ECB spokeswoman said officials are also looking at the possibility of showing movies at the grounds of tour matches, where the visiting international side plays county clubs, and even drive-through facilities. The BFI Bollywood season started on April 25 and runs until November, involving about 50 different organisations.
Gwyneth Paltrow is to star in a film version of her West End play Proof. The actress will make her British stage debut at the Donmar Warehouse on Wednesday. She will begin filming the movie after the play has ended its run on June 15.
The play's director John Madden has also agreed to direct the movie.
Miramax boss Harvey Weinstein told The DaIly Mail: "I was so keen on this
project that I bought the film rights to the play for her and John to do as
soon as they have a window free after the London season is over."
David Auburn's Proof is the story of a young woman who inherits her late
father's mathematical genius - and mental illness.
More about Star Wars. This is very strange…
I've found something VERY interesting.
You may want to tell your readers that in these last few days before the big opening night of Attack of the Clones, anyone who has found out spoilers they wish they didn't know, but wishes to 'un-learn what they have learned' can try a form of sleep hypnosis created by someone specially for AOTC.
I downloaded the MP3 file from CLICK HERE and burnt it onto a CD, then just put it on repeat when I go to sleep. It's got a nice Star Wars-esque music track to soothe you to sleep, and a voice speaks to your unconscious directly (apparently) and tells it to forget anything that will spoil the film, and remember only how excited you are, not what you've seen or heard about it! I've copied this from the web site:
"If you feel the new Star Wars film has been spoilt for you, just copy this track to a CD, put your player on repeat, and go to sleep. The subconscious brain is like an absorbent sponge whilst asleep. This repeating message tells it to forget anything it has heard about the new Star Wars film. There are no guarantees it will work because everyone is different, but we are already getting great feedback after just 2 nights sleep. This is your best defence against spoilers, and to ensure you enjoy the new film as much as possible. Feel like a child again!"
Seems like the best option out there! I have tried it and it already feels like some of the spoilers I knew are feeling very 'clouded', even though they haven't totally gone, but it's like they are old memories from 3 years ago. This is definitely helping me! I recommend it.
Call me "E-woky".
Our great Grozilla has two reviews of Femme Fatale and Riders, but before two words about Spidey…
Ok, ok, I know, I promised you some stuff from Tobey Maguire & Kirsten Dunst on Spiderman. But not enough to be soooo disappointed by this film, the French press conference those two cute people gave has absolutely none interest. Yawning questions (guess I wasn’t the only one to get bored by the film), boring answers, let’s forget about it, would you…
Anyway, in order to clean my mind before the film-o-thon that is Cannes (which is opening on wednesday), I decided to go see two films I supposed to be dumb. For the first I was right. Femme Fatale is a real dumbfuck piece. Yes, it’s a Brian DePalma’s movie. But with all the love I ever had for the director of such of my favorites films of all time (Phantom of paradise, Obsession, Blow out), I can’t say at all his new effort is good. At least it’s fun to follow these idiotics adventures of a female crook . Who can believe this nonsense tale of redemption? All here shines fake. Even the climaxes, as the opening (a jewel heist during the Festival de Cannes) is very poorly made, soooooo far from the Snake Eyes or Carlitto’s Way masterpieces moment…
I even felt sad by seeing the very ugly work made on photography here… Anyway besides a very stupid script overhighlightened (the “déjà vue” poster showed again and again and again), the worst part of the movie is the acting : if Rebbeca Romjin-Stamos cant’ be blamed – how can she act well a so badly shaped and written part?-, get ready to boo every other actors here. From the French cast (Thierry Frémont, Eva Darlan) to the American one (Peter Coyote, Gregg Henry) all are very lousy, but way below Antonio Banderas who gave one of the crappiest performance ever seen… Some friends warned me: “weellll two options: one, Brian DePalma is very very tired. Two: he tried to make his own parody”. Sad to say they were right. In a nutshell Femme Fatale equals Raising Cain meets the ZAZ spirit…
RIDERS
Then I went to a pre-screening of Riders. Last year, I burst in laughs by seeing a huge ad in Cannes selling, under the title Heist, this new Gérard Pirès film: some very big epic with Stephen Dorff and Natasha Henstridge as the leader of a gang and a female cop. GERARD PIRES doing a multi-million dollars action pack with a hip and young cast! Unless you’re French, you can’t understand why this is so funny. Pirès did some underrated bittersweet comedies here in 70’s before being a director specialized in ads with car stunts. For the audience he was considered as an “has been” until the surprise success of Taxi, some years ago. Even then, there were many jokes on this guy: in fact he didn’t direct all Taxi. Gérard Krawczyk finished, uncredited, this film (that’s why this guy inherited from Luc Besson, producer of this film, the direction of second and third chapters). So learning that this old fashioned director was helming such a project became another legend joke. Anyway, as I told before, I was needed to see lousy films for cleanwash my mind before goin’on La Croisette. So I went see Riders tonight, assuming this was another no brain, no gain film. Uh-oh. My mistake… Riders is quite cool stuff. Maybe mainly because it has something always missing in any Besson’s production: ladies and gentlemen, introducing a script!
So Dorff and his three fellows are aces of heists. Always using X sports to get out of the way. Rollerblades, bungee jumping, or… Apnea ! On once steal, they find some 20 millions in bearer bonds. Of course their owner wants’em back and send some hound dog on the trail. At the same time, a cop manipulates the gang by makin’em doing juiciers and juiciers robbing or arresting them. Entering the wise female cop, who got a crush on the leader of the pack.
Of course this kind of tale has been told many times, but here’s it done without fooling the audience. As anyone could guess who’s the mysterious blackmailer, no boring ending revelation: next scene, without any dull explanation, his identity is revealed and that’s all. No squeamish love story between the cop and the burglar, they’ll know very soon who’s who… The surprises are somewhere else, in this “point break” adrenalin feeling. You asked for some stunt show? A main part of Riders is an extravaganza non-stop stunts. Trucks falling aside on highways, cars crashing on a bus, free fall diving from a bridge, etc etc. And it’s all fun. Better than the acting sometimes on the loose (Dorff has been seen better, Bruce Payne is a little to grinning as the bad guy, but there’s some very enjoyable performances like Steven Berkoff’s as a hitmen/ priest with an Elvis look preaching the values of crime). I expected some bullshit à la Taxi, and I stand asking for more after 1 h 25. Yes, that’s short for an action film these days. But I don’t know if I had to regret the missing of a real big climax here. After all, what’s an heist movie without a big one? Of course we got many bank robbing and chasing but not the great one we all waited for… On the other hand, this could be felt as a smart move, following the main idea of not giving the audience all we usually see in blockbusters…
Anyway, If I quite enjoyed this film, this mood disturbed me. Riders is a strange example of french producing, french directing of a typical hollywoodian product. I don’t know if outside france someone ever heard of Canada Dry, some kind of ginger ale very famous here in the 70’s-80’s for its ads, with a tagline which can be translated as follows “It’s like alcohol, it has the taste of alcohol, but it’s not”. Same feeling on Riders, once again enjoyable film, -waayyyy better than ANY Besson’s production, who for now (I got some good buzz on The Transporter to be released here at the end of year) has never had any taste at all…
that’s why I bet my ass this should very soon appear in the Remake column with some names as Rob Cohen or Kathryn Bigelow associated on it… I’m sure Hollywood could make some devastating blockbuster with this stuff, if that was the case, that would be a shame to forgot its very sympathetic source.
Til next Cannes report...
Grozilla
James has a review of an irish movie called Puckoon
Puckoon
director Terence Ryan
Sean Hughes, Elliott Gould, Richard Attenborough, Milo O'Shea
The late great Spike Milligan keeps us laughing from beyond the great Goon Show In The Sky with this version of his book "Puckoon," pretty much the only film shot in Northern Ireland last year.
Puckoon is a wee Irish village that gets caught up in an argument about where the border separating Northern Ireland from Ireland should be. Keen to get the matter sorted before the pubs close, a random borderline is wrestled on the map of the Emerald Isle and Puckoon gets divided as well - literally.
As the barbed wire fences and Army checkpoints go up overnight, suddenly people cannot get to their outhouses or walk from one side of the street to the other.
It has some advantages - everyone squeezes into the tiniest corner of the pub because it is in Northern Ireland territory where the beer is cheaper, but worst of all is the church and it's graveyard. Now the newly deceased need a valid passport, renewable every year, if they want to be buried "across the border".
A plan is hatched to return the newly dead back to Ireland. At the same time, a plan is hatched to smuggle explosives in coffins to Northern Ireland with, as they say, hilarious results.
Puckoon is a very funny adaptation of Milligan's Book (written aeons ago) that pokes fun at the often - absurdity of the situation in Ireland. It is also a major deconstructionist film; characters address the audience and the director (Richard Attenborough in voiceover,) cartoon sound effects and funny noises rule the day and the music stops and starts at will.
It's all very Milligan, very Goonish and very funny. Sure, it has holes and some of the humour doesn't quite work, but as it haphazardly follows Madigan (Sean Hughes,) a lazy eejit who gets mixed up in this carry-on, Puckoon is a fitting epitaph to a man who influenced so much of the best British comedy of the last 50 years.
James Bartlett
That's all for today
See you next week
Robert Bernocchi
