Harry here, got a call from Rav talking crazy talk about how hot Lilo's ass and lips are and how J-Lo can lift a Volkswagon Beetle and play records with her fingernail. It was a very strange phone call, but then... after they ripped the tooth out of my head and put me on Hydrocodone and Amoxicillin to make sure I not die of agonizing mouth decay jungle rot termites. Here's his look at the whole dealy...
Holas Harry,
God....I'm so jealous of that Jeff Mullen guy, he gets to see clones AND was smiled at by Natalie Portman......##! @##! @PADME! #@! MATHILDA! #@! @! @!!!!.....Damn I hate the local Fox reps.......I won't name any names or anything (*cough*moroch advertising and public relations*cough*cough*).
ENOUGH: The World is Not Enough pt. 2
Okay now that that is out of the way onto even more bitching and moaning., my specialty. Last night I took a look at Enough, I really didn't know a damn thing about the movie other than Michael Apted directed it, didn't even know Jennifer Lopez starred in it till I got to the theatre and saw the poster, which is basically just J-lo's face. It was probably the weirdest film experience I've had in quite some time. Michael Apted made The World is Not Enough a couple years ago, what I would say is probably the worst bond film ever....not even badass Robert Carlyle could save it from that piece of wood Denise Richards. Well Enough starts off with the word "Hey" white on black titles on the screen and continues for the next 45 minutes of the film, keeping the plot moving and setup so they can pretty much jump through all the boring stuff with a title card. It may not seem like it. But I really loved the title-cards and the beginning of the film, the cards gave it a weird sort of poetic feel lost in the last half of the film. Then suddenly somewhere along the way Jennifer Lopez hides inside one of the rubber suits Tom Cruise wore in Mission Impossible (*****transformation occurrs*****) and the film is kick-started into the Bond film Apted should have made, but in a very absurd setting. A rash suggestion on these test cards might have the MGM execs order a re-write of Die Another Day so that they can turn Bond into a social worker. I probably wouldn't complain and make fun of it so much if the transformation in tone was quite gradual a la audition or salryman kintaro......but it really isn't, suddenly a barrel of money comes from the father we didn't know she had until a minute ago and she's out training kickboxing to kick some MALE ASS. Is this some sort of fucked up revolutionary wake up call to women or something? They were cat-calling all throughout the screening "RIGHT-ON SISTER!"...will the women of the world suddenly become IMF spies now? Oh and I guess I should go out and label the "new graduate" from the Denise Richards university of drama.............*drum roll please*........Bill Campbell, it's kind of weird though because I loved him in the Rocketeer here he is running with a character that is so evil its funny.......for no reason at all he hits his wife, then goes on car chases after her...I guess it was just a good day for a car chase for him *knocks out J-lo, yet again*.
LILO AND STITCH REVIEW HERE
Review probably seems a tad light, I am trying to hold myself back from a few spoilers, even the names of some of the characters in this spoil the gag.
Okay done with that rant now, I did not really mean to get on it as the real purpose of this rambling mess is to review Disney's Lilo & Stitch, the most fun you will get out of an animated movie this summer. (Well Powerpuff Girls could be better, but Spirit sucks donkey balls) When I first walked out of the film I liked the film, but didn't exactly love it as much as the rest of the group that saw it, but now the more I think about this film...the more I LOVE this movie. As the trailers have been trying to show, this is not your normal Disney movie, with not your normal Disney characters.
Lilo is a very troubled girl, her parents died a few years back, which left her in the care of her just slightly older sister, Nani (voiced by Tia Carrere). Lilo is lonely and she is acting out in every way possible, just a little short of suicide attempts. One of Lilo's poorly timed stunts has left her sister in the crosshairs of the most menacing social worker alive COBRA, an ex-CIA agent turned social worker brilliantly voiced by Ving Rhames.....Nani has 3 days to clean up her act or she will lose custody of her sister. Stitch is an alien genetic creation programmed to find civilization and destroy everything in its path, but is quite vulnerable to water. En route to being exiled on a desert planet by order of the queen, stitch steals a police cruiser...."the red one,"and takes refuge on a primitive planet, earth. The Queen has now ordered a group of aliens including stitch's original creator to the planet to retrieve or destroy stitch without being seen. This is where Lilo comes in, while in a pet store to purchase a new puppy Lilo meets stitch who has now transformed himself to become a lovably cute puppy and take refuge with Lilo who loves her new puppy/rat/thing/it.
The film is set in Hawaii, which is a perfect plot devices for stitch with the water keeping him from getting to any major cities, but also a very beautiful culture setting. The first glimpse of the dance in Hawaii is absolutely breathtaking, it alone merits viewing the film. For a film to be this beautiful and feature the line "Oh its okay now, my dog found the chainsaw." PERFECT! There are so many things that work perfectly in the film Lilo & Stitch's friendship, perfect, lovably cuddly stitch, perfect, COBRA, LMAO very very perfect (I have been quoting Cobra for the past few days now).
I do have a few complaints about the film, all of the things are quite forgivable and necessary to the plot, but I did not seem to cast a liking to them. First of all Ohana, the Hawaiian word for family Ohana is a major point of the film, I found it a bit hokey...but maybe thats because the phrase "Ohana means family, family means never leave anyone behind, stick together" or something like that is repeated about 3,000 times during the end of the film...It's necessary, it works....but being the idiot I am I find it hokey. Nani's boyfriend, WOW oh WOW this guy is like a 2d-version of Jar Jar Binks, granted he does play a surfer, but does all surfers have to personify all that is stupid in the world, again its forgivable he becomes a loved character as the film plays out, I just found him a needle in my eye the first few times he appears in the film. These things are necessary, but they are really my only complaints with the film......well except for the A-Teen's and Wynona's covers of Elvis songs.....but thats a rant all to itself.
Everyone should run out and take a look at Lilo & Stitch next month when it is released, you might just be surprised at how much it delights all members of your family. It's a hell of a lot better than that damn spirit movie being released next week, GOD that thing's only watchable for 6 month old children with slowly developed brains...but at least it has pretty animation.
Until next time,
Rav
If you are an underage Hawaiian chick with a rabid purple chinchilla, then Click Here!
