First of all,you know I'm not biased against action movies or Bay/Bruckheimer movies because I really liked The Rock. And you know I can put aside a movie's total disregard for science because I love all Star Trek and Star Wars movies. Now having said that, I can safely say that ARMAGEDDON IS THE DUMBEST MOVIE EVER MADE! I didn't say it is the worst movie ever made (though it is easily in the bottom 10 with room to spare), because I have seen Nothing But Trouble. It is certainly the worst movie of the decade though, beating out Lost in Space and even Wild Things. It is also the worst science fiction movie of all time. It makes Plan 9 From Outer Space seem like the most plausible, well put together movie ever.
Harry, when you talk to him on Monday, can you ask Michael Bay if he has shit for brains, if he just thinks we do? Intellectuals, environmentalists, astronauts, scientists, all non-Americans, and anyone that displays a shred of reason are presented as evil. We are expected to entrust the fate of humanity, every work of Shakespeare, work of art, every culture, or idea ever thought or to be thought, all future people and the amassed knowledge of the past - the fate of every living being is put in the hands of people you wouldn't even trust to walk your dog. But I guess we are expected to throw plausibility out the door since we are also treated to space shuttles that fly like the blue angels, an astroid that would have been spotted years away evading detection until it is a couple of weeks away, an asteroid that looks like a bad cg video game, and tons of other absurd situations I can't tell you about because I don't want to give anything away. I'm not going to even start on the scientific and space travel absurdities that even elementary school students will be laughing at, because this film fails on an even more basic level. It fails at every basic level. Every level you can imagine, actually. The acting sucks, the premise sucks, the characters who are cartoonish cardboard cutouts suck, the writing sucks, the editing sucks, and the music sucks. Even the sfx are spotty at best.
Harry you must save us! If there is any purpose for which your site was created, it was to save people from spending $7 or more and having two and a half hours of their lives sucked away,and valuable neural space wasted, by this atrocious worse-than-a-tv-movie turd.
Where I once had happy thoughts I have a scar in my brain put there by this waste of celluloid. The realization that this movie will beat out Contact at the box office has destroyed my faith in humanity. I'm finally realizing the fact that marketing and enough money can buy anything. Reason has no chance. People don't see science fiction as a real genre, only as an easy way to get away with low quality and still have people come to see it. I had started writing an intelligent science fiction script but I think I'll give up because I see that the real maket is in campy, flag waving, moronic, laughable movies.
Thanks for the pass. If you hadn't given it to me, I'd probably be in jail in a few weeks. Why you say? Because if I would have paid money to see that pile of festering dung called Armageddon I would have rioted in the streets. There would be one less cheerful mouse in the world. Mickey must pay for this crime against humanity. People have been put in jail for lesser crimes than the making of this movie.
The horror! The horror!
-Copernicus
